Whenever it was Father Mark’s day in the confessional, the line of girls stretched around the corner and into the vestibule. Most of them would wait all day to see him if they had to, and Emily thought it was amusing that Father Mark probably didn’t know he was the one many of the girls were talking about when they confessed to “lustful thoughts.”
Emily knew she just as guilty, and she would have to admit her thoughts in the confessional on Saturday, but she unable to stop herself, even when he was wearing his cassock and collar. Emily wondered if Jenny, her disgruntled roommate sitting rigidly beside her, was having the same problem. The two of them sat across from Eve and Alexis, Father Mark closing their semi-circle. Alexis was crying, and she wouldn’t look at anyone, even her own roommate, Eve, sitting on her right.
“Sometimes things that cause us heartbreak at first are really blessings in disguise.” Father Mark handed Alexis a Kleenex and looked at Emily. She felt her heart lurch in her chest when she met his dark green eyes and he smiled at her bemused look. “How are you feeling about all of this, Emily?”
“Oh… uh…” She stammered, looking around at the girls’ faces, now all focused on her. “To tell you the truth? I don’t mind so much.” She glanced over at the blonde sitting beside her, the girl who had made fun of her since the beginning of the year, from the very first day Emily had put her “unfashionable” bedspread on her bed, the one her grandmother had crocheted. From the start, Emily had been judged and labeled too awkward and a little too chubby to keep up with her tall, athletic roommate.
She couldn’t prove it, of course, but she suspected that it was her roommate who had been pestering her since the beginning of the year, resetting her alarm clock so she was late for classes, gluing her bottle of shampoo closed, putting baby powder in her blow dryer, and replacing her toothpaste with Orajel. Her mouth had been numb all morning from that little stunt. The truth was, the news that Jenny wanted a new roommate hadn’t been a shock-it had been a welcome surprise.
“See, Alexis,” Eve piped up. She was a leggy blonde as well-she and Jenny could have been born twins-and she liked to show it off, her uniform skirts always looking far shorter on her long, slender legs, especially when she crossed them, like she was doing now. “Emily doesn’t mind. I don’t see what you’re crying about.”
Emily spoke up, talking to Alexis, but she looked directly at Eve. “Just because someone doesn’t want to hang out with you, doesn’t make you a bad person. I think it says more about them than it does about you, to be honest.”
“Eve and I just get along better, that’s all.” Jenny snorted and rolled her eyes as Alexis burst into new sobs, covering her face with her hands. “We have way more in common, you know? We’re just more the same type of girl. It’s that simple.”
“Yes, you are.” Emily agreed, and Eve sighed, shaking her head and making a face at Jenny. Father Mark caught the look, frowning, but didn’t say anything. Emily traced the lines on her plaid uniform skirt. “I think you guys would make perfect roommates.”
“That’s very generous of you, Emily.” Father Mark reached for another Kleenex and handed it to Alexis, who hid her ruddy cheeks and nose behind it. They were almost as red as her frizzy, crimson hair. “And it’s okay to be sad about it, Alexis. Change can be difficult.”
“Honestly, I think…” Emily took a deep breath and just said it. “I think it could be fun.”
“Fun?” Alexis looked up from her tissue, surprised. “Rejection is fun for you?”
“Well, no.” Emily wasn’t about to tell her how used to rejection she’d become since starting her freshman year of college. “But why would I hang around where I’m not wanted? And from what I know of you, I think you’re pretty awesome. I’d be happy to be your roommate.”
“Really?” Alexis sniffed, pushing a frizzy mass of auburn hair out of her eyes. She offered Emily a tentative smile.
“Yeah, really.” Emily smiled back, and she knew in that moment that they were going to be roommates.
It took another twenty minutes of talking and “processing” for Alexis to come to the same conclusion, but in the end, that’s exactly what they decided. In fact, Jenny and Eve left looking kind of let down and confused by the way Emily and Alexis smiled and talked about moving all of Emily’s stuff into Alexis’s room. Eve would be moving into the room Emily had miserably shared with Jenny since the beginning of the year.
“Oh, Emily, can I talk to you for a minute?” Father Mark touched her shoulder and she looked back at him, her heart instantly threatening to stop. Jenny and Eve exchanged looks, whispering together as they took off down the hall.
Emily waved a reluctant Alexis on, back toward the dorms. “I’ll meet you at your room!”
“
“Have a seat.” Father Mark closed the door of his office behind him, nodding at the chair Emily had just vacated.
“Am I in trouble?” She sank slowly down, looking at him across his desk with big eyes as he settled into his chair.
He smiled, shaking his head, and Emily visibly relaxed. “No, I just wanted to catch up.”
She and Father Mark had semi-weekly talks. She’d started going to him after the pranks began-he was the school psychologist-but she’d refused to tell him her suspicions about Jenny being the culprit, and their conversations had eventually turned to other things. She enjoyed them immensely, and she had a feeling he did too.
“But I did want to tell you that your mother called me. Again.”
“What now?” She sighed. Her mother had come to him with one concern after another all year long, even though Emily had stopped telling her about all the mean tricks the girls had continued to pull. Emily suspected her mother just liked chatting up Father Mark. Not that she could blame her.
“She’s just concerned about you.” He leaned forward, looking concerned himself. “I know what it’s like to have an overbearing parent, trust me.”
“Your mom too?”
“My dad.” He leaned back in his chair, putting his feet up on his desk. It had been strange at first, seeing him so casual in his cassock and collar, but she was used to it now. “Some day you’ll look back and realize your mom just loves you and wants the best for you.”
“So you and your dad get along now?”
Father Mark hesitated. “Unfortunately, I haven’t talked to him in years.”
“Well, gee, Father, that was some pep talk.” Emily snorted laughter.
He shrugged. “We had a falling out. We’re both very stubborn people.”
“But he’s your dad!” she protested. “Whatever it was, you should call him. Talk to him. Even if my mom is a pest, I can’t imagine cutting her out of my life.”
“It was the other way around.”
“Oh.”
He smiled and dropped her a wink. “But see, now you feel better about your mother don’t you?”
She did. “Sneaky.” She stuck her tongue out at him.
He laughed. “So… be honest. Have there been any more incidents?”
Of course, she lied. “No.”
She wasn’t about to tell him about last week’s prank-someone had put her name and number on the bathroom wall at St. Luke’s offering free blowjobs to all interested parties, apparently, because her cell phone hadn’t stopped ringing since, asking for service. She’d let the battery die and hadn’t recharged it, realizing at that moment that she’d probably missed her mother’s weekly calls. But she wasn’t going to tell her, or Father Mark, anymore. She’d learned to keep her mouth closed, because no one could do anything about it. Telling people-from their dorm mother, Sister Francine, to Father Mark, who told her he’d talked about it with Bishop Avery, who ran the school-hadn’t stopped the pranks. In fact, they’d gotten worse. So she had just decided to ignore them as much as she could and hope it would go away.
“I have a feeling, now that you’re switching roommates, that there won’t be any more issues.” He gave her a pointed look and she flushed. She wouldn’t confess her suspicions about her roommate, but he seemed to know anyway.
“Maybe.” Emily shared the same hope, and although she hadn’t been the one who initiated the roommate change, she was grateful. She and Alexis had a world religions class together and although they didn’t sit next to each other, they got along well enough. Maybe she was finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
“How are you doing otherwise? How are classes?”
“Good. I’m loving my art classes, as usual.” She smiled at his interest. Father Mark was always so kind. She had wanted to go to the College for Creative Studies, and had been accepted, but her mother decided that a catholic college would be better for her than art school. Emily hadn’t had much of a choice, since her mother was paying for it all. “Thanks for loaning me that book on catholic saints, by the way. It was just what I was looking for.”
“So are you going to tell me which saint you were researching?” He tented his fingers and looked at her. Sometimes when he looked at her, she felt almost naked, like he was seeing not just through her clothes, but fully into her somehow.
“Oh, it wasn’t for a class.” She flushed. “It was just for me.”
He cocked his head at her. “Which one called to you?”
“Saint Lucy.” There was no point not telling him. She knew he’d get it out of her eventually. He had a way of making her want to confess things, even when she wasn’t in the confessional. He nodded, just waiting, somehow knowing she was going to continue, and she did. “She’s the patron saint of the blind. I had a dream I was going blind.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Scary?”
“No, actually. I dreamed I was going blind, but I could see everything. I was just seeing it…from inside.” She glanced at him, seeing the quizzical look on his face. “It’s hard to explain.”
“I think I understand.” He leaned forward, putting his feet on the floor, elbows on his desk. She could see the dark hairs covering his forearm. “Do you know how Lucy lost her sight?”
“Yes. She plucked out her own eyes and sent them to the man who was in love with her.”
“Why, do you think?”
Emily shrugged. “Well, the book said it was because she wanted to give her heart to God, not to a mortal man. So when her admirer said she had beautiful eyes, she plucked them out to prove that her beauty wasn’t external, and she was devoted only to God.”
“Why do
“I think…” Emily looked up, meeting his eyes fully. “I think she was afraid.”
“Afraid? Of what?” Father Mark looked surprised. “Doesn’t it take a great deal of courage to pluck out your own eyes?”
“I think it was cowardice.” She bit her lip, watching his reaction. “I think she was afraid of love.”
Father Mark stood, pacing for a moment, contemplative, then coming around to the other side of the desk to lean against it in front of her. “But Lucy loved God.”
“Yes,” Emily agreed, looking up, up, into his handsome face. “But she was afraid of men. Of the way they looked at her. Admired her. I think she wanted to make herself ugly, so no one would notice her.”
He seemed to contemplate this, and she noted the way his gaze fell to her hemline, where she was playing with the edge of her uniform skirt.
“But God restored her sight,” he reminded her.
“Yes, and made her eyes more beautiful than ever.”
“Proving that no matter what you do, you can’t hide inner beauty.” He smiled, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re a very beautiful girl, Emily. There’s just no hiding it.”
Emily’s heart swelled in her chest, even though she knew she shouldn’t be feeling what she was. He was so close she could smell him, a clean scent, like soap, and something else, masculine and heady. She was intoxicated by his dark green gaze, fixed in her chair, all of their long conversations constellated in that moment, hours spent in this office talking about everything from school and her scholarship to one of the most prestigious Catholic girls’ colleges in the country, to her overprotective mother and her long-dead father whose image glowed like an angel in the distance of her memory.
“I don’t try to hide it with you.” She turned her face so his palm was cupping her cheek, relishing the touch of his skin against hers. Was this really happening? “You make me feel beautiful.”
“You are. You really are,” he whispered hoarsely, his thumb moving along the line of her jaw, sending little shivers through her.
“I love you, Father.” Emily turned and kissed his palm, eyes closed, breathing in his scent, her confession bubbling up without thought. “I love you.”
The silence stretched between them and she didn’t need to open her eyes to feel his shock; she could see it clearly enough with her eyes closed. But he didn’t move his hand from her cheek, didn’t withdraw. Instead, his hand moved down to her shoulder, his finger moving along the sensitive area of skin over her collarbone, tracing it under the open V of her blouse. She held her breath, waiting, hoping, praying, not daring to move.
“Emily…” He whispered her name and the sound was heaven. “Oh God, help me…”
He kissed her and the sensation carried her skyward. She wrapped her arms around his neck, standing to meet him, reveling in the hot press of his lips, the way he gathered her to him, pressing his hands to the small of her back so her hips met his under his robe. There was no mistaking the hard steel of him pressed against her pelvis.
And then he was letting her go, gasping, apologizing, waving away her attempts to reengage him. She couldn’t believe what had just happened-and clearly he couldn’t either.
“Please,” he begged, turning toward the window. She saw his hand trembling as he lifted it to his pale face, covering his eyes. “Please you have to… you have to go.”
She did as he asked, her heart still pounding, her mouth warm from his kiss. She floated back to the dorms, unmindful of the cutting October wind and the fact that she wasn’t wearing a coat. Jenny and Eve had already thrown her stuff into boxes and left them outside the door. Even that didn’t dishearten her. Nothing could, not anymore. She had seen the truth in his eyes before he turned away. He loved her too. She was sure of it. She just didn’t know what it meant, what they were going do about it.
Emily dragged her boxes of stuff down the hall and knocked tentatively on her new roommate’s door. Alexis, still red-nosed and red-eyed, stood there blinking at her for a moment before offering a smile and swinging the door wide. She had changed out of her uniform and was wearing a pair of pink flannel pajamas.
“Hey.” Emily smiled back, tugging one of the boxes into the room. She was trying hard to forget what had happened in Father Mark’s office, and moving all her stuff into her new room seemed like a good distraction. “You ready for a new roomie?”
Alexis sniffed, grabbing the lip of another box and dragging it in. “Jenny is such a bitch.”
“Yeah, well, they deserve each other.” Emily eyed the stripped twin bed in the corner, butted up to an empty desk.
“I guess you’re right. But I think Eve was just influenced by Jenny’s evil. It’s like she’s crossed over to the dark side or something.” Alexis sat on her bed, watching as Emily started making her bed. “Do you like American Idol?”
“Is that on tonight?” Emily spread her rainbow crocheted blanket out over the sheets. “I usually go down to the common room to watch.”
“We don’t have to.” Alexis rolled over her bed with a grin and lifted a box off of something in the corner. “We’ve got our own TV.”
Emily blinked in amazement. “But… that’s against the rules.”
Alexis held her finger to her lips. “Shhhhh.”
“Won’t Eve tell on you?”
“She threatened to, if I didn’t agree to switch roommates.” Alexis snorted as she flipped channels. “But I told her I’d tell Father Mark about her vibrator collection.”
“Her…what?” Emily sank down onto her own bed, wide-eyed.
“Why do you think she and Jenny wanted a room together?”
Emily blinked at her new roommate. “What are you saying?”
“Don’t be naive.” Alexis rolled her eyed. “They’re lesbians. They’re a ‘couple’ now.”
“They are?” Emily asked, although suddenly things made so much more sense. “Are you sure?”
“Trust me.” Alexis smirked. “It takes one to know one.”
“Oh.” Emily blinked at her roommate, surprised by this new information. “Wait… were you and Eve…?”
“For a while.” Alexis shrugged. “Then Jenny came along and got her to join the axis of evil.”
“Oh wow.” Emily was just now beginning to understand the scope of what had really happened in the roommate switch. “I’m so sorry.”
“I’m over it.” Alexis settled on a re-run of TMZ, clearly not over it at all. “You really didn’t know Jenny was gay?”
“No.” Emily grabbed the edge of one of the boxes and pulled it nearer, starting to pile books onto her desk. “But she never talked to me much. She didn’t like me. I think she was the one pulling all those pranks.”
Alexis nodded knowingly. “Oh it was definitely Jenny and Eve.”
“How do you know?”
“Julia told me that Ellie told her that she overheard Eve and Jenny talking about it in Spanish class.”
“I guess that shouldn’t surprise me.” Emily sighed, lining her books up in the shelf built into the side of the desk. She found a pack of Twizzlers in the box and held them up, grinning. “Score! Want one?”
Alexis took the offered strand of licorice, chewing thoughtfully, her eyes narrowing. “We could plan a little revenge, you know. We still have the keys to your old room, and all Eve and Jenny’s stuff is in there.”
“Nah.” Emily shrugged. “The best revenge will be you and me being the best of friends, I think.”
Alexis smiled. “Want some help?”
Together they finished unpacking and then settled in on Alexis’s bed to watch American Idol, and when Jenny and Eve came to switch keys, they were surprised to find the two of them singing bad karaoke into a hairbrush and laughing hysterically.
* * * *
St. Mary Margaret’s went all out every year for the Halloween carnival, and this year was no exception. Emily had volunteered to work the face painting booth because she had a flair for it, and she preferred to do something where everyone walked away smiling, instead of watching kids toss a ping-pong ball at a goldfish bowl all day and rarely, if ever, win.
Unfortunately, she was right across from the kissing booth, where Jenny and Eve were flirting shamefully, teasing all the boys from St. Luke’s. The good news was that her new roommate had joined her at the last minute, so she didn’t have to deal with the long line of waiting kids all by herself. Although Alexis, she noticed, wasn’t as artistic as she was, but she could handle the easy things like hearts, balloons and pumpkins, and leave the dragons and birds and more difficult things to Emily.
“Look!” Alexis nudged her, taking a little boy’s ticket-each of them cost a dollar, and they could use them at any of the booths or on the ferris wheel or teacup ride or the blow-up house the church had rented. All the proceeds went to the children’s charity at St. Mary Margaret’s. “It’s Father Mark over by the kissing booth!”
Emily’s head came up sharply and she saw Jenny laughing and waggling her fingers, calling out, but at first she didn’t see him-then she realized why. He was wearing jeans and a soft blue, denim button-down shirt, so casual that Emily did a double-take to make sure it really was him-but yes, there were those green eyes, the long lashes, the dark hair. And that smile. That smile was definitely Father Mark’s.
“But it’s for charity!” Jenny squealed laughter at the way Father Mark’s cheeks reddened, even as he laughed along good naturedly. He said something to both Eve and Jenny and both girls looked at each other, a little shame-faced. Good for him, Emily thought, watching Alexis painting a crooked batman symbol on the little freckled boy’s face.
Emily couldn’t take her eyes off Father Mark, couldn’t forget the feeling of his mouth on hers just a few days before. She flushed as he turned toward their booth, lifting his hand in a wave. Sure he was just going to keep walking, Emily ducked her head, pretending to bend down to tie her shoe. She wanted to see him, desperately, wanted him to come over and talk to her, even if they never mentioned or acknowledged the kiss.
But that wasn’t quite true. She did want to talk about the kiss. She wanted to do more than talk about it. Her whole body buzzed with the knowledge of his presence and she willed herself not to look up, to let him pass without a word, let him go.
“Hey Emily.” His voice lifted her head and her heart.
“Hi.” She smiled up at him, standing there in his blue jeans. He was even wearing tennis shoes. Let him go? How could she let him go?
“Hey Father Mark.” Alexis waved her paint brush at him.
Father Mark smiled at them both. “How’s it going, girls? Enjoying the new roommate situation?”
“She’s my new best friend!” Alexis winked at him, glancing over at Eve and Jenny and sticking her tongue out in their direction.
“It’s like a whole new world,” Emily told him, trying to keep her heart from beating out of her chest, standing so close to him.
“I’m glad.” His smile reached right down to her toes. She couldn’t help but remember how he’d kissed her, how he’d bridged the gap between them. Was he thinking about it too?
“Hi Father Mark.” A little voice interrupted and both of them startled. A little blonde girl, about the age of five, stood peeking out from behind him.
He glanced around, smiling down at her. “Hi there Samantha! Are you having fun?”
She nodded shyly, holding up a clear bag with a small wide-eyed goldfish swimming around in it. “My brother won this for me.”
“Awesome! And where’s he?” Father Mark asked, glancing around the crowd.
“Over there.” Samantha pointed to the booth next to Jenny and Eve’s, where kids were lined up to throw very dull darts at underinflated balloons. They both saw the teenager standing at the front of the line, his head shaved, a tattoo scrolling around his neck, who occasionally glanced back to make sure Sam was where he had sent her. “He’s going to win me that big stuffed moose! He told me to come get my face painted.”
“Well hop on up.” Emily patted the stool, reaching for her white board. She’d spent most of the night painting all the possible designs for the kids to choose from. “Which do you want?”
Samantha hesitated, kicking her feet in the grass, not getting up on the stool.
“Can’t decide?” Father Mark prompted, smiling at Emily, the heat in his look warming her belly.
“I’m afraid,” Samantha admitted, tracing her little finger over each design. “Does it hurt? My sister got a tattoo on her ankle and she said it hurt like a bitch.”
Emily’s eyes widened and she covered her laugh with her hand. She saw Father Mark’s lips twitch at the little girl’s phrasing, but he didn’t miss a beat.
“It doesn’t hurt, Sam, I promise.” Father Mark patted the stool. “Emily will be very gentle.”
“Does it wash off?” The little girl’s eyes widened as she looked between the two of them. “My sister’s tattoo doesn’t wash off, even in the shower!”
Emily smiled. “It’s not permanent.”
“Not like a permanent marker? That doesn’t wash off very good. I colored with permanent marker on my sister’s iPhone and she was real mad at me.” Samantha cocked her head at them, clearly aware that they were both trying not to laugh out loud and seemed confused by their mirth. “Are you going to get one, Father Mark? Is that why you’re at the face painting booth?”
“Me?” Father Mark blinked, meeting Emily’s smiling eyes. What other possible explanation was there? “Ummm…”
Samantha slipped her little hand into his. “If you get one, I won’t be so scared to get one…”
He opened his mouth, probably to protest, but he clearly relented the moment his eyes met Samantha’s. “Sure I am. Which one are you getting, Sam?”
She turned back to the chart, contemplating. “The hearts.”
“I can do hearts!” Alexis called over as the little boy with the deformed Batman symbol on his cheek hopped off her stool. “Come on over, Samantha. I’ll do you and Emily can do Father Mark.”
Her phrasing made Emily blush and she glanced up at Father Mark to see his cheeks were red too, but Alexis didn’t notice. She was too busy washing her brush.
“So…” Emily picked up her own brush, watching him slide up onto her stool, making him almost too tall for her to comfortably reach his cheek. “Do you want hearts, Father Mark?”
“How about… the cross?” He cleared his throat, looking at her design board. “That seems more appropriate.”
“Sure you don’t want the Batman symbol?” She smirked, picking up her gold paint. Father Mark’s cheek was warm to the touch and tinged slightly pink as she began to slowly stroke her brush against it. She thought she felt him shiver when she leaned in, her mouth close to his ear, her voice low. “I think you may secretly be Batman.”
“I wish.” He laughed, soft and low, teasing her. “You could be Wonder Woman and we could fight crime together.”
“I’d like that.” Emily continued to paint his cheek, as slowly as she could, making it last. She loved being so close to him, feeling the press of his leg against her hip. The tip of her brush kept trembling, forcing her to go even more slowly.
“What would your superpower be?” he asked.
“I already have it.”
“Oh?” His eyebrows went up. “What?”
“Invisibility.”
“You’re not invisible, Emily.” He turned to face her, meeting her eyes. “I see you.”
“There. Done.” Emily tried to hide her blush as she lifted the hand mirror so he could see what she’d painted.
He smiled. “You’re quite artistic.”
“Thanks.”
“Father Mark! Look at my hearts!” Samantha jumped down from her stool, skipping over to them and turning her cheek proudly so he could see. She was still fisting the bag with her goldfish in it.
“Beautiful, Sam!” He smiled, turning his cheek too. “Do you like mine?”
“Well, I like it okay.” Samantha cocked her head, frowning. “But maybe next time you should get Batman.”
Emily met his eyes and they both broke out laughing.
“Brandon! You won!” Samantha exclaimed, her attention distracted by her tattooed brother carrying a huge stuffed moose in their direction. She ran at him, squealing, throwing herself into his arms and he caught her without missing a beat, swinging her up onto his hip, the goldfish in her hand sloshing in its bag.
“Look at you, wearing your heart right there on your cheek.” He kissed her other cheek and she giggled, putting her arms around his neck.
“Bye Sam!” Emily called and the little girl turned to look over her brother’s shoulder and wave as they made their way through the crowd. She looked over at Father Mark, smiling. “What a sweetie.”
“Her mother committed suicide two years ago.” Father Mark waved back at the little girl. “Her brother has custody. He works three jobs.”
Emily blinked at him. “How awful.”
“Priests and doctors.” He shrugged, putting his hands into his pockets, still looking after them. “I guess we kind of know everything about everyone in a little town like this.”
“Have you ever regretted becoming a priest?” She asked the question without thinking, and wished she could take it back almost immediately, but when she looked up and met his eyes, she saw something there that made her knees weak.
“Not until recently.” His voice trembled. Then he cleared his throat, looking over at Alexis, who was washing red paint out her brush, and said more loudly, “Hey, I want to show you something. Do you get a break?”
“Ummmm.” Emily looked over at her roommate.
“Go ahead!” Alexis called, waving them away with her pink-tipped brush. “It’s almost closing time anyway. I’m fine here by myself.”
Emily looked at her watch, seeing that Alexis was right. It was almost five. Their line had dwindled as most of the kids crowded the booths where they could take one last shot at winning something before they went home, dazed with sugar, to pass out for the night.
“Where are we going?” Emily asked as they began to walk down the cement path. There was a park right next to the school owned by the church-named, not very originally, St. Mary’s Park-where they held all their larger events. There was even a bandstand where Christian music groups played in the summer.
“Do you like surprises?” he asked as they turned the corner into a more wooded area of the park. The cement path faded off into more of a trail here, but someone had obviously cleared it and put down mulch. The leaves crunched under their feet, creating a multicolored carpet.
“Depends on the surprise I guess.” She followed him as he made a sharp left turn, off the beaten path now. The woods were deeper here, and while she could still hear the throng of people behind them somewhere, the sound was faded, muffled. Father Mark caught her hand as she stepped over a fallen log. There was a path here, too, of sorts, but it hadn’t been used regularly in a long time, she gathered.
“Watch your step.” He helped her over the log and they went on, Father Mark still holding her hand. He didn’t let go as they made their way through the underbrush and he gallantly held branches out of her way as they walked
“It’s so beautiful.” Emily felt him squeeze her hand, as if reminding her he hadn’t forgotten he was holding it.
“I love autumn.” He smiled back at her, still leading the way. “Did you know that the leaves of deciduous trees aren’t really green? That’s just the color of the chlorophyll. As the weather gets cooler, the green fades, and the true colors of the leaves come out.”
“I suppose everyone’s true colors reveal themselves eventually, huh?” Emily looked around in wonder as he stopped walking, the path opening into a sudden clearing. “Oh! Look!”
But of course he already knew. This is what he had brought her here to see. The old stone chapel stood in the center of the clearing, its multi-colored stones giving it a cobbled look. The roof was dark, the steeple too, rising upward and ending at an iron cross. The pathway to it was worn and the grass mowed. Clearly it was taken care of. There were benches nearby, and in the distance, she could see the blue haze of Lake Michigan.
“It was built in 1866. They held church here on Sundays, and children attended school during the week.” Father Mark reached into his jeans pocket, pulling out a very old looking key. “The church keeps it locked to keep out vandals.”
“I didn’t know this was back here.”
“Most people don’t.” He led her around to the side of the chapel. “It’s tradition that you should only enter a chapel from the side door.”
She followed him inside, expecting it to be musty and dank, but instead the mahogany pews gleamed and the stained glass windows near the ceiling reflected multi-colored patterns on the wood floor.
“It’s beautiful,” she murmured.
“My great-great-great grandfather held services in this church.” Father Mark pocketed the key, gently closing the door behind them. “When it was built, the whole community hauled field stones from their farms, and stone masons worked all summer to finish it.”
“Your great-great-great grandfather was a priest?”
“He was a preacher. And he wasn’t Catholic-he was Baptist.” He dipped his fingers in the holy water in the vestibule and made the sign of the cross.
Emily followed his example. “Baptist preachers can marry, can’t they?”
“Yes.”
“Why can’t Catholic priests?”
He hesitated as they entered the chapel, the stained glass windows throwing rainbows across his uplifted face and Emily thought she’d never seen anything more beautiful in her life.
“It’s Canon law,” he said finally. “Since the twelfth century, all priests have been celibate. Some say Pope Calixtus the second created the law because he was afraid of the heirs of priests looking to inherit church money or property.”
Emily snorted and rolled her eyes. “It’s always about the money.”
He quoted, “‘An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided…’ That’s from Corinthians.”
“Is that true?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
He looked so different in street clothes, so much more accessible to her. She wanted to reach out and touch him, to be bold, to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him, but she didn’t dare.
“Do you think it was because Jesus was celibate?”
He shook his head and sighed. “Do you want to know something scandalous?”
“What?” She felt his hand slip into hers and thrilled at his touch, letting him lead her toward the front of the church as he spoke. “I don’t believe Jesus was celibate. I believe he loved Mary Magdalene. I think he loved her deeply, and I think he loved her openly. As much as I love you.”
She was too stunned to speak, stopping and blinking up at him, heart soaring, belly burning. Her mouth was dry, her hands, even the one holding his, trembling.
“And he wasn’t bound by any of man’s laws.” His voice was soft, his eyes too, as he gazed down into hers. “He loved her without restraint.”
His kiss burned her lips, fire scorching its way down her throat, into her belly, through her limbs as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She was lost, too buoyed by his words to stop, to let herself think about anything but how he felt pressed against her, his hands moving to her lower back to press her closer.
“Oh Emily,” he whispered, finally breaking the kiss, his face buried in her hair. She whimpered in his arms. “Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I can’t help it. I want you so much.”
“I want you too,” she confessed, letting her bare thigh slide between his. She wasn’t wearing tights under her uniform skirt-just knees socks.
“We can’t,” he croaked, holding her out at arm’s length.
“Oh Father, please…” She couldn’t stop, not now, knowing he wanted her, just as much as she did him. He’d professed not just lust, which was a sin, but love for her, and she believed him. It had been there a long time between them, unspoken, forbidden. But it was here now, burst forth, and nothing could stop it.
Emily wrapped herself around him, arms and legs and everything, her hungry mouth searching for his. He groaned in protest, trying to peel her off, but she stuck fast, knocking them both off balance, and he stumbled back against one of the pews.
“Oh no…” he managed, sitting with Emily in his arms, straddling him now, her plaid skirt riding up, the crotch of her panties rubbing against his zipper as they rocked together. “Oh God, please, I’m begging you. Don’t do this. Don’t…”
“But you want to. I can tell,” she whispered, feathering hot kisses over his neck, where no collar kept them at bay. His erection was a swollen heat between them.
“Just because we want to… doesn’t mean we should,” he gasped, grabbing onto her hips to try and still her.
“So you do want to.” Emily smiled. “You really think I’m pretty?”
“Oh Emily, yes.” He lowered his forehead to her breasts, breathing deep and giving a tortured sigh. “Yes, yes, you’re beautiful. Exquisite.”
She couldn’t believe her own daring, knowing full well where they were, but her uniform blouse came undone easily.
“Do you like my breasts?” she asked, cupping them in her bra like an offering. The light in the chapel was hazy and a slat of sunlight fell across her chest, blinding them both.
“Oh God.” He stared, dazed, on perfect eye-level. “Yes, sweetheart. Yes.”
“My nipples get hard when you play with them. Like this.” She rubbed her thumbs over them through her bra, shivering at the sensation. He moaned, shaking his head in denial, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off what she was doing.
“They’re pink,” she confessed. “But they get redder and redder the more you play with them. Want to see?”
He gasped as she reached around to unfasten her bra. “No… oh no…”
“Are you sure?” She unhooked it easily, sliding the straps down her shoulders. Her breasts were heavy and rounded, the skin around her nipples puckered, making them stand at attention.
“Oh my God, they’re beautiful,” he breathed, and she felt his grip tighten on her hips, as if they had wandering minds of their own and he was fighting the force of it.
“Do you want to touch them?” She arched, pressing closer, her left nipple just inches from his lips.
“Yes.” He groaned, shaking his head, turning it aside as if he could deny her. “No, no…”
But it was no use. His palms slid up over her ribcage to cup one in each hand.
“Oh yes… squeeze them together like that… ohhhhh…” Emily moaned, arching her back.
“This is so wrong…” He whispered his words against the soft press of her breasts, showering kisses over her cleavage.
“Suck them, Father,” she begged. “Suck my nipples.”
He buried his face in her breasts like a drowning man diving into a pool of fresh water, drinking her in with every gasping breath as Emily wiggled in his lap. His tongue bathed each nipple in turn, making her hips buck up against his in response.
“Yes! Oh yes! Oh that makes me so hot!” she gasped, reaching for and finding one of his hands. “Feel it. I’m on fire.”
He groaned, shaking his head between her ample cleavage, but she moved his hand to cup her mound under her skirt, feeling how damp her white cotton panties had grown.
“You’re so hard, Father Mark,” she whispered, rocking herself against his crotch. “Have you ever…?”
“No…” he croaked.
“Can you imagine what it feels like?” She pulled her panties aside, her brown-fur-covered mound pulsing with heat. “Put your finger in.”
He groaned. “No, Emily, I can’t…”
“Just your finger,” she pleaded. “That can’t be too bad of a sin, can it?”
Curling her hips forward, she felt his finger slip inside her sheath. He moaned and his cock jumped against her in response.
“See? So soft and wet and slick…” she murmured, rolling her hips. “What must it feel like to slide inside, do you think?”
“Please. I’m begging you.” He was fighting hard to catch his breath. “I’m a weak man, Emily. You make me so weak.”
“Me?” Smiling, she traced the outline of his lips with her index finger. “I do that?”
“Yes, sweetheart. Yes, you do that.”
Oh his fingers were moving, slowly in and out of her wetness, exploring. She closed her eyes, his thumb rubbing occasionally over that sweet spot she had learned as a child to rub up against anything and everything, until that very first time, on the top of a wooden fence post of all things, she had experienced her first climax, the thrust and shudder of which nearly toppled her eight feet to the ground.
She’d done it a lot more after that, finding new and better ways to stimulate that spot. Her favorite was a teddy bear she’d had since she was six. He was old and faded, balding in several spots, but he had a hard, wide plastic nose that was just perfect to rub against. Her mother thought she was being sentimental in keeping him, but Emily’s motivation was far more calculated than that.
“Father Mark, please,” she whispered against his ear, daring to reach between them, oh god, the heat and length of his cock against her hand! It jumped like a snake under his zipper. “Make love to me. Right here, right now. I want you. Please. I love you so much.”
He didn’t respond, but his hand didn’t stop moving, working furiously between her legs, faster and faster, taking the sensation even higher. She moaned and cried out, her thighs quivering as she straddled him, her nimble fingers stroking his length through the denim of his jeans. They kissed, softly at first, then growing deeper, tongues twining, soft moans echoing off the pews, rising up to the steepled ceiling above.
“Father Mark!” Emily gasped, squirming, riding faster, oh she never wanted it to end! Her cheeks were flushed with heat, the sloppy, wet plunge of his fingers making glorious music between her legs. “Oh! Ohhhh! I’m… ohhhhh!”
“Yes, sweetheart,” he murmured, his other hand moving to cup her neck, bringing her head down to his shoulder as she shook with her climax in his lap. “Oh sweet, sweet Emily, that’s it. Let it all go. Beautiful. So beautiful.”
She whimpered, her orgasmic contractions pulling deeply at his probing fingers, sucking at them with every delicious spasm. Father Mark slid his hand from between her thighs and she cried out at the loss of him, wanting more, but he pulled her sideways on his lap, cradling her like a baby in his arms, raining kisses over her cheeks and forehead as they rocked.
“God help me,” he whispered into her hair. “I can’t help myself. What am I going to do with you?
“Everything,” she murmured, tilting her head back to meet his smoky, green gaze. His eyes were dark with lust. “Anything.”
He groaned again. “You are far too much temptation for me.”
“Is that a yes?” she asked eagerly, wiggling in his lap. He was still fully erect, throbbing.
“Emily…” He gave a deep sigh, closing his eyes, and when he opened them, her heart thrilled at his response. “Can you sneak out of your dorm late tonight?”
“Yes!” She had no idea how she would do it, but she knew she would meet him anywhere.
“Here at the chapel?” He kissed her mouth, soft. “Midnight?”
“Yes, yes.” She nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Do we have to wait?”
“The carnival…” He reminded her of reality, sliding her slowly, reluctantly from his lap, putting her on the pew beside him. “Too many people around.”
She whimpered in protest, but she let him clothe her, bra and blouse, giving her a little kiss at the fastening of each button, and then he pulled her to standing.
“I don’t want to go,” she confessed, feeling him squeeze her hand. They had both just managed to catch their breath. “I can’t wait until tonight.”
He nodded, leading her to the front of the chapel. Up on the podium there were two prominent statues, one of Mary holding a baby Jesus, the other of Jesus on the cross. There were a few other minor statues as well, and one on the left that caught Emily’s eye particularly.
“Yes.” Father Mark smiled as she let go of his hand, wandering over to the statue, tall and graceful, a beautiful woman even though her eyes were painted black and two trails, like dark tears, flowed down her cheeks. “This is what I came here to show you.”
“Poor Lucy.” Emily touched the statue’s grey cheek, tracing the saint’s lovely tears.
“She can see, even though she’s blind.” Father Mark spoke in hushed tones. “God has given her special sight. She can see things others can’t. Her name means light, you know.”
“Does it?” She felt his hands on her shoulders, massaging gently, and she trembled at his touch.
“I don’t ever want you to hide your light under a basket, Emily.” His kiss fell on the top of her head, along her hairline. “Let it shine. Like St. Lucy.”
She sighed, leaning back against him. “You make me feel so good.”
“The feeling is very mutual.” His arms went around her waist and they stood there like that in the multicolored patterned late afternoon light coming in through the stained glass windows above, neither of them wanting to break the hushed spell. It was the sound of the carnival that reached them-the faint clang of a bell and the roar of people. Someone had clearly won the strongman game and the crowd approved.
“I’d better get you back.” Father Mark took her hand and led her down the podium steps.
Emily walked slowly, not wanting their time together to end. “Your great-great-great grandfather really helped build this place?”
“My great-great grandfather was also a preacher. But my grandfather was a rebel. He split from his family, and the Baptists, and converted to Catholicism. He left his family to become a priest.”
Emily stared at him. “He left his family?”
“Yes. My father was a baby at the time.” Father Mark ran his hand along the back of one of the polished pews as they hesitated at the back of the chapel. “He grew up hating the church. He’s an atheist still. We don’t speak.”
“He didn’t want you to become a priest?” Emily was beginning to understand his earlier comments about his father.
“No.”
“Why did you?”
“Honestly?” Father Mark led her out the same door they’d come in through, turning to lock it behind him. “Someone broke my heart a long time ago, and I thought I could never love anyone else. The priesthood seemed like a good idea at the time. Besides, becoming a priest was a direct rebellion against my father.”
She watched him pocket the key, feeling slightly jealous of that long, lost love. “Do you think Catholic priests will ever be allowed to marry?”
“Technically, it’s possible. It’s Canon Law, not dogma, so the law could be changed. Some day. But I don’t think so, Emily. Not in my lifetime. Not in our lifetime.”
He turned toward her, taking her into his arms. It was so easy, and felt so right. If this was a sin, she decided, than she would burn in hell.
“Do you really love me?” She lifted her face to his, searching his eyes for the truth, and finding it. She traced the cross she had placed on his cheek, like a brand.
“I do.” His lips were warm, his words mumbled. “God help me, I do.”
“What are we going to do?” She put her head on his chest.
“I don’t know.” His sigh was felt more than heard, his hand moving softly through her hair. “What do you want to do?”
“I want to love you.” Her arms tightened around him. “Even God can’t stop love.”
He lifted her chin, his gaze falling to her mouth. “I don’t think he wants to.”
They kissed, hungry for each other, sealing the promise of their love under a fading, dusky apricot sky, far too distracted to really notice the movement and flash at the edge of the woods, the giggling of two girls bent on making trouble wherever they went. Emily caught something out of the corner of her eye as they parted and remarked on it, and Father Mark scanned the woods as they walked, but there was nothing except the wind in the trees and the distant sound of the carnival to keep them company as they made their way back.
* * * *
“Someone slipped that under the door for you.” Alexis pointed to Emily’s desk as she came into the room. Alexis was stretched out on her bed, reading something on her Kindle, and she turned her attention back to it almost immediately.
Emily eyed the envelope, her stomach sinking to her knees. She recognized the handwriting. It was her ex-roommate Jenny’s. She slipped a fingernail under the edge, slowly prying it open. It was just a plain envelope, a plain piece of lined notebook paper, but the words written on it would ruin not only her life, but Father Mark’s as well.
“So what is it?” Alexis interrupted Emily’s fatalistic thoughts.
Emily crumpled the letter, shoving it into her jeans pocket. “Nothing.”
“Liar.” Alexis sat up, tossing her Kindle beside her on the bed. “I saw Eve hanging around at this end of the hall. Is it from them? Is it another prank?”
“Maybe.” Emily reluctantly handed the note over to her friend, hanging her head, letting her thick, brown hair fall and cover her face as her roommate read it.
“Oh my god!” Alexis exclaimed. “They’re going to get in so much trouble! Accusing Father Mark of something like this? It’s like… blackmail! You should take this to Bishop Avery!”
Emily covered her face with her hands-her hair wasn’t doing a good enough job-her voice muffled. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
She dropped her hands, looking at her roommate and new friend, red-faced. “Because it’s true.”
“You and… you and Father Mark?” Alexis whispered. Her jaw dropped.
“I love him,” Emily said quickly, defiantly. Adding, “And he loves me.”
“Oh my God.” Alexis crossed herself without even thinking, like any good catholic girl, even as she took the Lord’s name in vain.
Emily burst into tears. She couldn’t help it.
“Oh no, Emily, no, don’t cry!” Alexis went over to Emily’s bed, sitting and putting an arm around her shoulders. “Listen, I don’t care. If they want my stupid TV, they can have it. That’s all they’re asking for, right? So we give it to them. No big deal.”
Emily sobbed harder, really giving into it, letting go of the tension, the secrets she’d been keeping, from Jenny and Eve’s horrible pranks to her love for Father Mark.
“You don’t understand.” Emily accepted Alexis’s offered Kleenex, loudly blowing her nose. “They just want to torment me. That’s all they’ve ever wanted. So we give them your TV. What are they going to ask for next? They’re not just going to stop.”
Alexis sighed, giving her friend another Kleenex. “I talked to Eve last night in the commons.”
“You did?”
“She was drunk. She said she’d been fighting with Jenny. I don’t think it’s Eve who keeps doing this to you. Or, at least, I think she’s really being influenced by Jenny. Do you know what she said?”
“What?”
“She said she wished she’d never traded rooms.”
Emily met her new friend’s eyes, realization dawning. “She wants you back.”
Alexis nodded. “But now she feels stuck.”
“Poor Eve.” Emily chewed her knuckle, thinking. She turned to her roommate, clutching her arm. “Alexis, I have an idea that may fix everything.”
“Everything?”
“Well maybe not hunger and world peace. But at least everything for us.”
Alexis sat forward, cross-legged and eager. “Tell me.”
She did.
* * * *
She worried all night about how she was going to manage it-they had a midnight curfew but she slipped out without incident, leaving Alexis snoring face down on her bed, and her entire dorm sleeping in the still October night. The air was cold enough to make her gasp. She felt safe, in spite of the darkness and the fact she was making the walk alone. All of the church property was gated, including the school, the church where they went to mass on Sundays, and the park.
Besides, all she could think about was Father Mark, waiting for her in the chapel. She used her iPhone-now fully charged, all the offensive messages erased-to light her way down the path, through the woods, being careful not to trip over logs. A twisted ankle now would be horrible timing. It seemed to take her forever to get the clearing, but then there it was, the black steeple rising up to touch the silvery orb of the moon overhead.
The side door was open, as he’d promised, and she slipped inside, breathless and shivering, from both cold and excitement. There were no lights on, but instead the warm glow of candles everywhere she looked, all over the podium, up the stairs, on the pews. Emily gasped at the effect, each point of light turning the little chapel into something even more holy and sacred.
“Father Mark?” she whispered, sure he was here somewhere.
“I think you can call me Mark now.” He stepped out of the vestibule, wearing jeans still, but his shirt was white now, the buttons unfastened almost to his navel, and he was barefoot. He had a blanket and a pillow in his arms. “You made it okay?”
Her only answer was to throw her arms around his neck, fastening her mouth to his. He caught her easily, the pillow and blanket forgotten in the heat of their kiss, hands and mouths exploring to depths neither of them could fathom, already. She trembled in his arms, and he carried her like that, arms around his neck, legs wrapped around his waist, past the pews and up to the dais. Behind the podium, there was a makeshift bed, with more blankets and pillows spread out on the floor in full view of all the religious statues.
“Isn’t this sacrilege?” she whispered as he went to his knees, settling her with one of the pillows beneath her head.
His lips caressed her ear. “It’s heaven.”
And it was.
They couldn’t have stopped it if they tried. Their lust was like a freight train bearing down at them, full speed. Father Mark tried to slow things down, kissing her long and passionately, caressing every inch of her body through her clothes, but it was all too much of a barrier for Emily. She had his shirt all the way off in an instant, her hands roaming over the hard muscles of his back and belly and chest, delighting in seeing him unclothed in the candlelight, but he denied her when she tried to unzip his jeans.
“Oh please,” she whispered, letting him unfasten her blouse and kiss his way down its V. She’d slipped her uniform clothes on before she left, too afraid to get caught outside of the dorm in her pajamas, and he was taking his slow, sweet time undressing her.
“Easy,” he murmured over the top of her generous cleavage, spilling over the cups of her bra.
But she was too impatient, unhooking her own bra, giving him her flesh. He groaned at the sight of her, taking both of her breasts in his hands, his tongue exploring, bathing her in his saliva. He captured her nipples between his lips, first one, then the other, sucking deep, moaning softly and shifting his hips away from her groping hands.
“I want to taste you,” he whispered, kissing his way down her belly, his tongue dipping briefly into her navel. “I’ve been dreaming about this for…”
“For how long?” she teased. He had her skirt pulled up and her panties halfway down to her knees.
“Since the moment I saw you,” he confessed, his cheeks pink as he had her lift her hips so he could unzip her skirt fully.
“Me too,” she admitted, wiggling her hips, letting him slide off her skirt and her panties so that she was completely nude, the candlelight throwing soft shadows over her belly as he settled himself between her legs.
“Oh Emily, you’re so soft.” He kissed the insides of her pale, trembling thighs, his cheek brushing the curly hair between her legs. “This must be what angels feel like.”
She just moaned as his tongue traced the bend of her leg, over the top of that triangle of hair, and then straight down the middle, parting her cleft. The sensation was too intense for words, and what he lacked in skill, he made up for in great enthusiasm. She wasn’t sure which of them was enjoying it more, because the sounds he made between her legs as he drank her in rivaled her own cries of pleasure.
“Here,” she begged him, parting her lips with wet fingers and showing him that sweet, sensitive spot. “Oh please, lick me here. Right here.”
He nudged her fingers out of the way with his tongue, focusing on that tiny bud of flesh, circling it, then flicking back and forth. Emily bucked her hips up, meeting his mouth, her whole body trembling with wanting. She was so close, so very close. His tongue made its rounds with no mercy, first hard and pointed, then flat and soft, driving her mad.
“Ohhhh now!” she cried, grabbing a fistful of his hair as she began to climax, her belly clenching, her spasms rocking them both.
“Oh Emily, you taste like heaven.” He lifted his head slowly, his face wet with her juices, giving her a dreamy look.
She smiled, reaching for him, and welcomed the weight of his body on hers and the bite of his zipper against her flesh as they kissed. He groaned when she sucked at his tongue and lips, licking the taste of her off his mouth. This time he didn’t stop her fumbling and she managed to get his zipper down and her hand inside his jeans.
“Oh my,” she murmured, eyes widening when she felt him in her hand, hot and hard.
He groaned as she fisted him. “You did that.”
“Well then I should finish it.” She giggled, rolling him onto his back.
He let her take his jeans off and his boxers too, so they were now both nude, just as God had made them, tangled together in a heap of blankets and pillows, the points of a hundred candles reflected in their eyes. Emily reached hungrily for him, like steel in her hand, but he wouldn’t let her focus her attention solely on him. His hands roamed over her body, not letting her go, forcing her to turn and wiggle so she could get her mouth over the head of his cock.
“Oh Emily!” He moaned as she began to suck him, shallow and unsure at first, then deeper and longer as he gave her more verbal encouragement. She’d done this with a few boys before, and had even had sex with one last year, so she wasn’t completely inexperienced. But somehow, now, it felt completely new, as if they were both completely innocent, like Adam and Eve, discovering this for this first time.
“Oh!” She gasped as he grabbed her hips, pulling them over so she was straddling his face, and he buried it between her thighs again. “Oh! Oh yes!”
His tongue found its mark, and she found herself grinding her hips against him, almost forgetting about the tower of flesh throbbing against her flushed cheek. She stroked it erratically, occasionally putting her mouth over the head, hearing his soft moan when she did. That would encourage her to do it for a few moments more until the sensation of his lapping tongue caught up with her and she lost herself in it, wriggling and writhing on top of him.
“I’m so close!” she gasped, her hands planted on his thighs, her back arching as she rolled her hips against his plunging tongue. “Oh now! Ohhh please now now!”
He wrapped his arms around her hips and she gave herself to him completely, her body like a livewire in his arms, each delicious contraction of her climax forcing her to buck on top of him, her cries of pleasure loud and echoing against the high ceilings. Even when she collapsed on him, a trembling, sweaty mess, he wouldn’t let her go, his tongue lapping between her legs, as if he could drink up every last bit of her sweetness.
Finally he let her turn around and come to him, and he cradled her in his arms, their breath still tight and shallow in their chests, both of them so excited it was hard to breathe. The feel of him, still achingly hard against her thigh, made her crazy with lust. He moaned when she groped for and found him, squeezing the length of him in her fist, pulling, guiding him.
“I have to feel you,” she whispered. “Please, please. I have to feel you inside of me.”
He pushed her to her back, his mouth covering hers, slanting sideways as they kissed, and she parted her legs for him in an instant. She felt him hesitate, even though she had her hand between them, aiming him, rocking her hips up, urging him onward.
“Emily, are you a virgin?” he asked, brushing her hair out of her face.
She shook her head, flushing at the admission. “No. One boy. One time.”
He nodded, kissing her forehead, her cheek, then whispering in her ear, “I’ve never…”
“I know,” she whispered back, clutching his hips between her knees. “It’s okay.”
He shifted forward and she felt his glorious length sliding into her for the first time, both of them moaning and shuddering at the sensation. When he was fully inside her, their eyes met, and she thought she’d never seen anything more beautiful in her life as the expression of wonder on his face.
“Nice?” she asked, using her muscles to gently squeeze him, making his eyes widen and his cock jump.
“Nice?” he echoed, breathless. He shook his head, burying his face against her neck. “It’s bliss. Beyond words. Oh Emily, you feel so good…”
She wrapped her arms around him as he began to move inside of her, each thrust bringing a cry from his throat that was caught halfway between pain and pleasure, hell and heaven. Her knees fell open and she took more of him, deeper, harder, his hips driving against hers, the sound of their flesh coming together filling the little chapel.
“Oh yes,” she whispered, rocking her pelvis up, feeling him so far inside of her it almost hurt, and still she wanted more of him. “Do it hard! Oh please! Fill me up!”
He groaned at her words, plunging deep, his cries rising to a fever pitch, thrusting furiously, as if he was being chased by demons, or perhaps trying to drive them out. She clung, wrapping arms and legs about him, every sweet moment bringing her even closer to bliss, not sure if she would quite make it there before him, and not really caring. Every fiber of her being was open to him, receiving him, being completely and utterly filled, and she’d never felt more whole or complete.
“Emily!” he cried, giving one last painfully hard thrust. “Ohhhhh God! Emily! God! Emily! GodEmilyGodEmily!”
Her name and their Lord’s melted in his mouth as he climaxed, and she cried out and met him, the soft pull of her orgasm making him writhe and hiss on top of her as if he was being burned. The intensity of the sensation took them both by surprise, and they clutched at each other in the dimness, clinging for their lives, as if their souls might hang in the balance between their quivering bodies.
“See what you’ve been missing all these years?” she teased, softly kissing his temple.
He rolled to his back, taking her with him, gathering the covers to pull over their perspiring bodies. She snuggled up close, so sated she thought if she died at that very moment, there would be nothing, nothing in her entire life she would regret.
“The world is so beautiful.” He whispered his words against the top of her head. “You remind me how much I love the world, and everything in it.”
“Even the sad things?” she mused, her fingers playing over the hair on his chest. “Like little Samantha losing her mother? Or your father not talking to you?”
“Pain just reminds us how sweet love really is.” His arms tightened around her. “I think heaven in right here, Angel. Right here on Earth. In your arms. And I think God wants us to know that.”
She closed her eyes and listened to the strong beat of his heart against her ear, still not quite believing that all of this was real. The thought of it ending, of waking from this dream, made her tremble with fear. Her pranksters were going to do everything they could to cause her pain, and ruining Father Mark and their love would be the ultimate hurt.
“I have to tell you something,” she whispered, not quite sure how to proceed. Should she warn him of Jenny and Eve’s plans?
“Hmm?”
She glanced up at St. Lucy, her sightless eyes dark, blood like tears on her cheeks, watching over them both. They said justice was blind, and she thought maybe the church was blind too-blind to love, wherever and however it showed up in the world, whether it was between a woman and a man of the cloth, or between two women or two men, for that matter. She had to believe that God wasn’t as blind as His followers, and decided in that moment to trust Him. Whatever was meant to be, in the end, would happen. This felt so good, so right, it couldn’t possibly be wrong. And if God felt it was, well… maybe he would punish them after all. But until then…
“I love you,” she murmured, kissing his neck, feeling the reassurance of his answering squeeze and hearing his soft, affectionate whisper, before they both drifted off together.
* * * *
“How are we going to get it to my room without the General seeing us?” Jenny whispered as Emily led her down the hallway. The General was Sister Francine, their “dorm mother.” She had a room down at Jenny and Eve’s end of the hall, across from them, and was known as “the General” because she ran the place like a military outfit. Of course, that was when she was awake. Sister Francine slept like the dead. She’d missed waking up for all three of the fire drills they’d had so far that year, and had thankfully also slept through Emily sneaking out to meet Father Mark.
“It’s in a box.” Emily stopped at her dorm room door, getting out her key and trying to hide the fact that her hands were trembling as she fumbled to put it into the lock. It was late, almost midnight, and thankfully the General was fast asleep, as were most of the girls. There were no open dorm room doors around them. “Now you swear, you won’t say anything to anyone if we give you this right? It’s over after this?”
Jenny smirked. “Of course.”
Emily knew better, but she didn’t say anything as she turned the knob, knowing exactly what she was going to find on the other side of the door. But it was far worse than anything she and Alexis had talked about, or even that she had imagined.
“Eve!?” Jenny called out her roommate and lover’s name, as if she didn’t quite recognize her, but there was no mistaking her long, tawny limbs and the blonde, tumbled mass of hair in Alexis’s bed. She was draped over Alexis’s sleeping form, and both girls were stark naked, belly to belly. Emily saw two empty vodka bottles on her desk, but she could already tell from the smell that they were very drunk.
“Hmmm?” Eve lifted her head, rolling groggily to the side, giving them a full view of their bodies, Eve’s long and slender torso and tiny breasts, Alexis’s more full and voluptuous form. Eve blinked, not registering where she was or what she’d been doing for a moment, clearly still in an alcohol haze. Emily saw her realization happen, like a light bulb had gone off over Eve’s head. “Oh. Ohhh god. Jenny. Oh. I…”
“Eve, what are you doing!?” Jenny screeched. “What in the fuck are you doing with her?!”
Alexis groaned softly, opening her eyes. She gave Emily a dreamy half-smile, and then looked at Jenny. Alexis’s words were slurred, but her message was clear. “Sorry, Jenny, but Eve doesn’t want to be your roommate anymore.”
“That’s fine with me, you stupid cow!” Jenny hissed, narrowing her eyes at all of them. She snarled at Eve and Alexis. “You’re both disgusting perverts. You deserve each other.”
Alexis had pulled the blanket up around them and Eve huddled with her underneath it as they hid from Jenny’s seething anger.
Then Jenny turned her attention to Emily, standing at the doorway, just a foot or so away. “You are going to pay for this. I’m telling everyone your little secret now, believe me. The whole school is going to know what you did.”
“You can’t tell,” Alexis piped up. “Because then we’ll tell them about you.”
“What about me?” Jenny sneered, turning to go.
“That you like girls.”
That stopped her, and she turned, surveying them coldly. “Who’s going to believe you? What proof do you have?”
“Well… what proof do you have about Emily and… and…?” Alexis couldn’t even say his name.
“Camera, hello!” Jenny pulled out her iPhone, waving it around. Then she did something none of them had expected. She snapped a photo of Eve and Jenny wrapped in each other’s arms. “There. Now I have proof that you’re both disgusting perverts. Wait until Bishop Avery sees this!”
“Get the phone!” Eve cried and Emily lunged for it, but she missed. Jenny side-stepped her easily and skipped out the door. “Go! Get it! Get it!”
Emily tried, but Jenny’s years of soccer gave her a distinct advantage, and she was in her room, with the door locked, before Emily had made it halfway down the hall. Back in her room, Eve and Alexis were up and getting dressed, pulling on panties and t-shirts.
“She’s got pictures,” Emily said miserably, sinking down onto her own bed. Eve had warned her, of course, but she hadn’t quite believed it was true until she’d glimpsed a picture on Jenny’s iPhone-a heated embrace she remembered quite well in front of the chapel. “She’s going to tell.”
“Maybe she won’t.” Eve sat on Alexis’s bed, pulling a sheet over her bare legs. “She’s pretty afraid of her mom and dad finding out she’s gay.”
“I feel kind of bad for her.” Alexis sat next to Eve, who nudged her angrily with her hip. “I said kind of!”
“Think they’ll let us all stay in this room for the year?” Alexis slid back under the covers, putting her head down on her pillow.
“Don’t worry, you two will make great roommates.” Emily sighed. “I won’t be here much longer to be roommates with anybody. They’re going to expel me.”
“Don’t be so fatalistic.” Eve yawned, slipping back into bed with Alexis. “I still have a key to Jenny’s room, remember?”
Emily had a brief, fleeting moment of hope as she watched Alexis and Eve fall back asleep. They were both obviously still pretty intoxicated, and they were probably going to regret their high level of alcohol consumption in the morning. Although, looking at the way they twined together, she doubted they would regret whatever else had happened tonight.
She got dressed for bed and turned out the light, listening for Jenny, sure she would come storming back down the hall with Sister Francine, ready to take names and start expelling students, but the dorm remained eerily quiet. Maybe it’s an omen, she told herself, as she started to drift off to sleep.
Maybe there was a small chance it would be okay after all.
* * * *
“Wow, deja vu.” Emily squeezed Father Mark’s hand as they stepped into the chapel’s side door.
“I want to show you something.”
“Again?” she teased as he led her toward the front of the church. “I don’t think I can handle any more surprises this week. Did you hear that Jenny left school? Her parents came to pick her up yesterday.”
“I heard.”
“Poor Eve. She’s all by herself now.” Emily didn’t mention how often Eve had slept in her room this week, in Alexis’s bed. Who was she to squash a budding love affair? She was glad they were happy. Someone should be.
“Eve will be fine.” He led her to the front of the chapel, so different now in the light of day. He’d cleaned up the pillows and blankets and all the candles-and the wax drip, she imagined. There was no evidence they’d been there, right here, making love all night long. The thought made Emily blush, but it didn’t keep her knees from getting weak at the memory, and it definitely didn’t stop the ache between her legs when she glanced at him, reaching into his jacket pocket.
“She and Alexis will be rooming together before long, I’m sure,” he said, and she watched, puzzled, as he pulled something from his pocket.
“But Alexis is my roommate…” She frowned at him as he sank down to one knee before her. “What are you doing?”
He smiled. “What does it look like I’m doing?”
“Whatever you’re doing, don’t.” She nudged his shoulder with her knee. He was wearing jeans and a regular shirt again, and it was far easier to think naughty thoughts about him when he wasn’t in his priest’s uniform. “Get up. It looks like you’re proposing.”
Father Mark unpalmed a blue velvet box. “That’s exactly what I’m doing.”
“What?” Now her knees felt truly weak.
“Emily, will you marry me?” He opened the box to reveal a white gold band containing a single diamond. It wasn’t big and fancy, but it was beautiful.
She tried to catch her breath. “But… but priests can’t get married.”
“I’m not a priest anymore.” His hand found hers, squeezing gently.
“You’re… not?” His words hadn’t really sunk in.
“I’m yours, Emily. If you’ll have me.”
“But you can’t not be a priest!” she protested, her voice hoarse, barely above a whisper. “What are you going to do if you’re not a priest?”
“Besides, hopefully, marrying you?” He grinned. “Well, my grandfather was a Baptist preacher. Maybe I’ll start my own church. And you, if you say yes… you’re going to art school, like you always wanted.”
She blinked at him, trying to force the words past her ears, into her actual brain. “What?”
“We’ll be fine, Emily.” He cupped her palm against his cheek, turning to kiss it softly as he spoke. “I’ll take care of you. I promise. I’ll find my way, whatever path I need to travel. Honestly, I don’t think God will care what I’m doing as long as I’m still talking to him.”
“Speaking of talking to your father…” Emily smiled, rubbing her thumb over his cheek, at the very spot she’d painted a cross. Had that been just a week and a half ago? It felt like a lifetime.
“Stop trying to change the subject!” He laughed. “But if you must know, I already did. I’ve done a lot of talking this week. My father, Jenny’s mother, Bishop Avery. It’s been a week full of confession.”
“Did Jenny tell?” Emily asked, eyes wide. She hadn’t seen him much this week at all, had been afraid the night they’d spent together was just a dream. He’d promised he would talk to her, would meet her here today, that he had something he wanted to talk about, and she was sure this was it, that he was going to end things between them, and had steeled herself for it.
This-Father Mark on his knees in front of her with an engagement ring-was the last thing she’d expected.
He nodded in agreement. “Jenny did tell.”
“But she didn’t have any proof.” Emily smirked. Eve had managed to get her hands on Jenny’s cell phone and had deleted the offending photographs.
He shrugged. “It didn’t matter. I’d already made my decision.”
“So then why did Jenny go home?”
“If you must know, someone told her mother she was a lesbian.” He sighed. “Apparently, they emailed her parents some incriminating photographs.”
Emily thought of Eve stealing Jenny’s camera. What else had been on there, she wondered?
“So Jenny decided to go home?”
Father Mark shook his head. “No, her mother withdrew her from school. She just couldn’t accept her daughter’s sexual orientation.”
“Isn’t it a sin, according to the church?”
“I suppose,” he agreed slowly. “But why should anyone be punished because of who they love?”
She blinked away the tears coming to her eyes. “They shouldn’t.”
“It was just another reason that made my decision to leave the church easier,” he confessed. “And then there’s the matter of my being in love with you.”
“Oh Father Mark…”
“It’s just Mark, Emily. Just Mark.” He smiled, pinning her with that green-eyed gaze of his. “I’m just a man-a man who is completely, desperately in love with you. And if you didn’t notice, I’m still down here on my knees, asking you to marry me.”
“Oh Mark…” she whispered.
“Will you?”
“Yes!”
She threw her arms around his neck, tumbling them both to the floor. The ring box snapped shut and went flying as she kissed him and they rolled, laughing, around on the floor in front of the saints and Jesus and his mother, Mary, and she knew it was probably a sin, but she didn’t care. And she was pretty sure God didn’t either. She couldn’t stop kissing him, she couldn’t help loving him, and repeating the answer that had always been hidden in her heart, over and over and over again, punctuated by kisses.
“Yes! Yes! Yesyesyesyesyes!”