ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
THE EDITOR WOULD like to thank Kim Newman, David Barraclough, Ellen Datlow, Gordon Van Gelder, Robert Morgan, Rosemary Pardoe, R.B. Russell, Amanda Foubister, Andrew I. Porter, Johnny Mains, Mandy Slater, Jason V. Brock, Andy Richards, Shawn Garrett (Pseudopod), Andy Cox, Michael Kelly, David Longhorn and, especially, Peter and Nicky Crowther, Michael Smith, Marie O’Regan and Michael Marshall Smith for all their help and support. Special thanks are also due to Locus, Ansible, Classic Images, Entertainment Weekly and all the other sources that were used for reference in the Introduction and the Necrology.
INTRODUCTION: HORROR IN 2014 copyright © Stephen Jones 2015.
SECONDHAND MAGIC copyright © Helen Marshall 2014. Originally published in Gifts for the One Who Comes After. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE CULVERT copyright © Dale Bailey 2014. Originally published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, September/October 2014. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE PATTER OF TINY FEET copyright © Richard Gavin 2014. Originally published in Searchers After Horror: New Tales of the Weird and Fantastic. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE FOUR STRENGTHS OF SHADOW copyright © Ron Weighell 2014. Originally published in Summonings. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE NIGHT RUN copyright © Simon Kurt Unsworth 2014. Originally published as ‘The Private Ambulance’ in Noir. Reprinted by permission of the author.
HOME AND HEARTH copyright © Angela Slatter 2014. Originally published in Home and Hearth. Reprinted by permission of the author.
DUST copyright © Rebecca Lloyd 2014. Originally published in Mercy and Other Stories. Reprinted by permission of the author.
SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN copyright © Robert Shearman 2014. Originally published in Fearful Symmetries. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE NIGHT DOCTOR copyright © Steve Rasnic Tem 2014. Originally published in The Spectral Book of Horror Stories. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE DESECRATOR copyright © Derek John 2014. Originally published in The Ghosts & Scholars Book of Shadows Volume 2. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE WALK copyright © Dennis Etchison 2014. Originally published on Tor.com. Reprinted by permission of the author.
DIRT ON VICKY copyright © Clint Smith 2014. Originally published in Ghouljaw and Other Stories. Reprinted by permission of the author.
SKULLPOCKET copyright © Nathan Ballingrud 2014. Originally published in Nightmare Carnival. Reprinted by permission of the author.
TESTIMONY OF SAMUEL FROBISHER REGARDING EVENTS UPON HIS MAJESTY’S SHIP CONFIDENCE, 14-22 JUNE 1818, WITH DIAGRAMS copyright © Ian Tregillis 2014. Originally published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction, July/August 2014. Reprinted by permission of the author.
AT LORN HALL copyright © Ramsey Campbell 2014. Originally published in Searchers After Horror: New Tales of the Weird and Fantastic. Reprinted by permission of the author.
SELFIES copyright © Lavie Tidhar 2014. Originally published on Tor.com, September 2014. Reprinted by permission of the author.
MATILDA OF THE NIGHT copyright © Stephen Volk 2014. Originally published in Terror Tales of Wales. Reprinted by permission of the author.
THE COLLECTED SHORT STORIES OF FREDDIE PROTHERO, INTRODUCTION BY TORLESS MAGNUSSEN, PH.D. copyright © Peter Straub 2014. Originally published in Turn Down the Lights and Conjunctions: 62 Exile, Spring 2014. Reprinted by permission of the author.
BURNT BLACK SUNS copyright © Simon Strantzas 2014. Originally published in Burnt Black Suns: A Collection of Weird Tales. Reprinted by permission of the author.
NECROLOGY: 2014 copyright © Stephen Jones and Kim Newman 2015.
USEFUL ADDRESSES copyright © Stephen Jones 2015.
INTRODUCTION. HORROR IN 2014
A NEW SURVEY by Nielsen Books & Consumer found that 67% of books sold in America were in print format, with just 23% reading e-books. Audiobooks accounted for 3% and the remaining 7% consisted of mysterious “other formats”. Of those figures, 42% of books sold were published in paperback and 25% in hardcover.
Nielsen also reported that sales of print books increased 2.4% over 2013. Unfortunately, this was mostly driven by sales of children’s literature and adult non-fiction, whereas adult fiction actually declined by 7.9%—the only publishing category that did not show an increase.
Meanwhile, book industry research company Bowker released the results of a six-year overview that revealed that the growth of self-publishing was slowing down on a year-on-year basis in both the print and e-book markets. However, the survey did not include self-published works available on Amazon without an ISBN.
In January, almost exactly five months after the death of founder and publisher Nick Robinson, UK imprint Constable & Robinson was sold to Little, Brown Book Group, part of Hachette UK Ltd. That same month independent publisher Quercus, which includes genre imprint Jo Fletcher Books, was put up for sale following a “significant trading loss” for 2013.
Three months later, Quercus was sold as an independent division to Hodder & Stoughton, which is yet another Hachette subsidiary. However, Hachette’s planned purchase of the Perseus Book Group (which includes Running Press) was cancelled in July, after the parties could not reach agreement.
The Denmark-owned Egmont Publishing Group decided to sell its Egmont USA division, which publishes YA and children’s books, while Osprey Publishing Group’s SF imprint Angry Robot cancelled its young adult genre imprint, Strange Chemistry, letting editor Amanda Rutter go. Osprey then subsequently sold the Angry Robot imprint to American entrepreneur Etan Ilfeld, before itself being sold to Bloomsbury.
Stephen King’s novel
Meanwhile, King’s 2009 novel
Thirty-eight years after she made her debut with
In Jeffery Deaver’s
John Connolly’s
Neil Gaiman promoted the single-volume reprinting of his short fantasy/ horror story
Meanwhile, Gaiman’s Newbery Medal-winning
In a shock revelation posted on an online blog, author Marion Zimmer Bradley’s daughter Moira Greyland accused her late mother of molesting her as a child, along with her father, Walter Breen, a convicted long-time molester who died in prison.
Charlaine Harris’
A Detroit policewoman was on the trail of a ritualistic serial killer in
A troop of boy scouts encountered a bio-engineered horror in the Canadian wilderness in
Keith Donohue’s
Valerie Martin’s historical novel
Set in Victorian times, the worlds of two Yorkshire orphans and London’s mysterious Aegolius Club collided in
Twin sisters had to quieten the souls of the damned in the Forest of the Dead in
Kim Newman’s long-awaited haunted house novel,
Steve Rasnic Tem’s Southern Gothic
In Christopher Fowler’s
A woman rented a room in a house of horrors in
Children started disappearing from a quiet suburb in the early 1990s in
A restored Southern plantation mansion was beset by evil forces in
Something blew into the town of Coventry during a mammoth blizzard that left its victims frozen in
A former convict forced to steal a mysterious object was pursued by a group of deadly assassins in Mark Morris’
Three child survivors of the simultaneous crashing of four planes may have heralded the apocalypse in
The owner of Poe’s Tooth Books was haunted by a bird in
A scientist attempted to communicate with plants on a remote island in
Inspired by the works of H.P. Lovecraft, Pete Rawlik’s
Daniel Levine’s
In
Children all over the world came back from the dead hungry for blood in Craig DiLouie’s
Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, helped a werewolf sort out his relationship problems in
An ancient vampire believed that a werewolf was the reincarnation of his lost love in
Creator Stephen Jones spun his
Joseph Nassise’s
A virus turned people into flesh-eating zombies in
Dana Fredsti’s
D.J. Molles’ series
John Ringo’s
Peter Clines’
Three Bayou siblings with unworldly powers teamed up to track down the monstrous serial killer that murdered their father in
Girls were disappearing along a Canadian highway in Adrianne Harun’s debut
Martin Rose’s debut mystery novel,
A girl discovered her new boarding school held dark secrets in
A troubled boy discovered the titular creature in the attic that was hungry for stories in Simon P. Clark’s young adult debut novel
In June, the 7th Circuit US Court of Appeals ruled that the thirty pre-1923 Sherlock Holmes stories by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle were in the public domain, despite attempts by the author’s estate to have copyright protection extended backwards from the remaining ten stories written between 1923-27.
Edited with a Foreword and Notes by Leslie S. Klinger,
Published in limited editions of 500 copies as part of the “Centipede Press Library of Weird Fiction”,
Published by California’s Stark House,
From the same publisher,
Translated from the original French by Brian Stableford and published in three hefty print-on-demand volumes by Black Coat Press,
From the same imprint and also translated by Stableford,
The same PoD imprint also published
The first volume in the “Weird Tales of Arthur J. Burks” series was
The second volume in the “Selected Stories of Russell Gray” series,
Editor John Pelan also supplied Introductions for reprints of Edmund Snell’s rare Borneo-set novels
Also from Ramble House,
Editors John Pelan and D.H. Olson supplied the Introduction for
To celebrate the centenary of Robert Aickman’s birth, Faber & Faber reissued the author’s collections
A 40th Anniversary edition of James Herbert’s
Robinson reprinted two classic supernatural novels by “Jonathan Aycliffe” (Denis MacEoin),
Dziemianowicz also contributed an Introduction to
When teenagers performed an exorcism on a girl at school, there were unforeseen consequences in
A group of girls began convulsing and foaming at the mouth in Megan Abbott’s
Teenagers found themselves trapped in a reality based on a dead author’s work in Ilsa J. Bick’s
An ouija board connected a group of teenagers to a malevolent spirit in
A pair of Irish orphans found themselves working on a creepy Victorian estate in Jonathan Auxier’s
Madeleine Roux’s
Somebody was killing small town girls in
Something was forcing animals to attack humans in Robert Lettrick’s
Jessica Verday’s
A shape-shifter was raised by vampires in
Rachel Neumeier’s
A girl investigating her mother’s disappearance was helped by a strange young man in the zombie novel
Canadian artist Emily Carroll illustrated her own five tales of twisted sibling relationships in
Jean Thompson re-imagined Grimms’ fairy tales in a contemporary setting in her collection
The always-busy Ellen Datlow edited
The third and concluding volume in editor Stephen Jones’ “mosaic novel” trilogy,
Edited by John Joseph Adams,
Although most of the fiction would have been equally at home in
Edited with an Introduction by Jonathan Oliver,
Harris was also the sole editor of
Editor Stephen Jones’
Editor Ellen Datlow’s
Salt Publishing launched yet another “Year’s Best” anthology series with
Datlow and Jones overlapped with just a single story by Simon Strantzas, along with authors Neil Gaiman, Lynda E. Rucker, Kim Newman and Robert Shearman. Datlow and Guran included the same contributions from Nathan Ballingrud and K.J. Kabza, and both featured different stories by Dale Bailey, Laird Barron, Neil Gaiman and Priya Sharma. The contents of the Jones and Guran books didn’t overlap at all, although they shared authors Neil Gaiman, Tanith Lee and Angela Slatter.
The Jones and Mains volumes shared three stories (by Tanith Lee, Thana Niveau and Reggie Oliver) along with authors Ramsey Campbell, Joel Lane, Robert Shearman, Michael Marshall Smith and Stephen Volk. Datlow and Mains only shared a story by Robert Shearman, and there was no overlap of either fiction or authors between the Guran and Mains volumes.
In May Amazon.com stopped accepting pre-orders for all Hachette Book Group imprints over an ongoing dispute about how much the online book retailer took from e-book sales. Amazon was also accused of delaying delivery of some Hachette books, running banner ads for deeply discounted rival titles on authors’ pages and even removing pre-order buttons for print and Kindle editions of many Hachette titles.
Heavy-hitters such as James Patterson and Jeffery Deaver came out against Amazon, and Douglas Preston circulated a series of open letters signed by a number of authors and editors. Stephen King publicly accused the bookseller of “strong-arm tactics”.
Meanwhile, writers in Austria, Germany and Switzerland also accused Amazon of using similar tactics to put pressure on Swedish publisher Bonnier Group during negotiations.
Hachette and Amazon finally announced in November that they had come to a “new, multi-year agreement for e-book and print sales in the US”. The settlement allowed Hachette to set the prices of its e-books, known as the “Agency model”, while maintaining the same royalty revenue for authors.
It was also estimated that Amazon paid around $5-10 million for the new Internet domain “.book” and $4.6 million for “.buy”.
In July, Amazon launched a new subscription service, Kindle Unlimited that, for a $9.99/£7.99 monthly subscription, gave Kindle owners unlimited access to some e-books and audiobooks on offer from Amazon, up to ten titles at a time. The majority of the 600,000 titles available were self-published and their creators, unlike traditionally published authors, shared a monthly pool of cash determined by Amazon instead of a standard royalty payment.
Tor Books announced a new imprint, Tor.com, to publish novellas, short novels and serialisations as e-books, print-on-demand and audiobooks. Authors were offered a choice of a traditional advance against net earnings, or no advance against a higher royalty rate.
Doing just what it said in the title,
John Joseph Adams’ monthly online
The e-book editions of
The Winter edition of the excellent
Amber Benson and Robert Picardo starred in
The wonderfully titled
Edited by S.T. Joshi, the first issue of
Valancourt books reissued Basil Copper’s Gothic mystery
Also from Valancourt, a welcome reissue of the late Michael McDowell’s 1981 Southern Gothic
Joe Morey’s Dark Renaissance Books continued to put out attractive PoD paperbacks and deluxe signed and numbered hardcovers, including Daniel Mills’ collection of fourteen stories (two original),
From Chris Morey’s Dark Regions Press, Jeffrey Thomas’
Chaz Brenchley’s novella
From Shadow Publishing,
Rick Hautala’s novella
A massive monster destroyed Tucson, Arizona, in Matt Dinniman’s
Once again “Produced, Directed and Edited by Eric Miller” for California’s Big Time Books imprint, the PoD anthology
From Canada’s PoD imprint Innsmouth Free Press,
The fifteenth issue of the paperback
Paul Finch once again edited two impressive anthologies in his ongoing
Published in paperback by Bibliofear,
Edited with a Foreword by the conjoined team of Maynard Sims for Hersham Horror Books,
From British PoD imprint Crowded Quarantine Publications,
The fifth volume in JournalStone’s “DoubleDown” series contained the short novels
From Wildside Press,
From the same PoD imprint,
David Botham discovered his past catching up with him as he became involved in a series of brutal murders in Liverpool in Ramsey Campbell’s latest novel from PS Publishing,
Mark Morris’ seaside serial killer novel
Kate Farrell’s
Alison Littlewood’s second novel,
A handsome Deluxe 40th Anniversary Edition of
Taking its title from a C.L. Moore story, Lavie Tidhar’s
Also “borrowing” its title—this time from a classic Arkham House volume—
Fans of Ian Watson’s writing could get
Robert Guffey’s
Edited by Nate Pedersen,
Joshi also edited and introduced
PS Publishing’s paperback imprint Drugstore Indian Press (DIP) put out attractive trade paperback editions with flaps of Brian W. Aldiss’ 1976 novel
From PS’ Stanza Press imprint,
A new imprint from PS Publishing was The Pulps Library, which began reprinting classic stories by H.P. Lovecraft illustrated in psychedelic colours by Pete Von Sholly with Introductions by S.T. Joshi. The first three titles in the “Lovecraft Illustrated” series were
To celebrate the 25th Anniversary of
Chizmar also compiled CD’s impressive-looking but ultimately disappointing anthology
Originally published in 1997,
Also from Subterranean,
For fans of Thomas Ligotti,
Subterranean reprinted Neil Gaiman’s 1998 collection
Robert McCammon’s 1981 novel
As usual edited by Rosalie Parker,
From the same imprint,
The second collaborative volume of the year from author Slatter and artist Jennings was
From Robert Morgan’s Sarob Press,
Edited and Introduced by Rosemary Pardoe for the same publisher,
Published by NonStop Press,
San Francisco’s Tachyon imprint published two mostly reprint anthologies edited by Ellen Datlow. Nicely illustrated by John Coulthart,
Also from Tachyon, Daryl Gregory’s novel
Edited by S.T. Joshi for Fedogan & Bremer,
From the same imprint,
Edited and introduced by Tony Earnshaw with a Foreword by Mark Gatiss, the Spectral Press softcover edition of
Edited by Steve Berman for Prime Books,
The annual Halloween treat from Paul Miller’s Earthling Publishers was
From The Alchemy Press,
Dean M. Drinkel edited the anthology
Intended as a homage to the pulp magazine
Borderlands Press continued its series of “Little Books” with
Chaosium Inc.’s Kickstarter-funded anthology
Edited by Chuck Palahniuk, Richard Thomas and Dennis Widmyer,
Fifteen stories (three original) by Steve Rasnic Tem were published in
From Canada’s ChiZine Publications, Helen Marshall’s second collection,
From the same imprint,
Editor Ellen Datlow’s Kickstarter-funded anthology
ChiZine teamed up with Undertow Publications to produce
Laird Barron guest-edited
Adrian Cole’s novel
Number nine in “The Exile Book of Anthology Series”,
Angela Slatter’s psychological horror story
The converse narrative of a woman who was surrounded by murder and madness was revealed in the novella
Tim Waggoner’s
From Rainfall Books,
The previously unpublished fantasy story
Entering its 66th year of publication, Gordon Van Gelder’s
There were the usual book and film review columns by Charles De Lint, Elizabeth Hand, Michelle West, James Sallis, Chris Moriarty, David J. Skal, Alan Dean Foster, Kathi Maio and others, and Lawrence Forbes, David Langford, Bud Webster, Paul Di Filippo and Graham Andrews contributed to the always fascinating ‘Curiosities’ column. The July/August issue of
The non-fiction in Andy Cox’s
Cox’s companion SF and fantasy magazine
Edited by Richard T. Chizmar,
Canada’s glossy Rondo Award-winning
The seventh issue of the British
In April,
The two issues of Hildy Silverman’s small press magazine
David Longhorn’s
With issue #27, Aaron J. French took over as editor-in-chief of
Rosemary Pardoe’s usual two issues of her always fascinating
Tim Paxton (with help from co-editor Steve Fenton) revived his movie magazine
During a turbulent year that saw the resignation of two of its quartet of editors, the four paperback issues of the British Fantasy Society’s
There were articles about sexism in the genre, writing a television guide, Jonathan Carroll’s
It is perhaps debatable whether the world really needed yet another biography of the Gentleman from Providence, but Paul Roland’s
Boasting a delightfully perverse cover by Gahan Wilson, Bobby Derie explored the aberrant sex found in the work of Lovecraft and others in
Edited by the busy Joshi for PS Publishing,
Brian Gibson’s
Edited by Massimo Berruti, S.T. Joshi and Sam Gafford,
Edited by Patrick McAleer and Michael A. Perry for McFarland,
The third book in Phil and Sarah Stokes’ monumental project
Paul Meehan’s
From The Alchemy Press,
Jason V. Brock’s
In
Michael Howarth’s
Edited by Laurie Lamson,
Compiled by Robert Weinberg, Douglas Ellis and Robert T. Garcia,
Containing more than 200 pages of never-before-seen and newly scanned images,
Presented by Roy Thomas, the fourth volume in PS Art Books’ reprints of Dick Briefer’s 1940s
Neil Gaiman had fun re-inventing the expected fairy tale tropes in his story
Written by Kim Newman and Maura McHugh and illustrated by Tyler Crook,
From the same imprint, Timothy Truman, Tomás Giorello and José Villarrubia’s
Written by Jonathan Maberry and illustrated by Tyler Crook, Dark Horse Comics’ five-part
Dark Horse’s eighteenth issue of the revived
IDW’s
Founded by writer/editor-in-chief Debbie Lynn Smith to promote creative women in comics, Kymera Press was launched with the supernatural thriller
Stately Wayne Manor was turned into a home for the criminally insane in Gerry Duggan’s Batman spin-off series,
George A. Romero’s
Jeff Lindsay continued the exploits of his sympathetic serial killer in Marvel’s five-issue mini-series
Writer Charles Soule and artist Steve McNiven apparently killed off the most popular X-Man in Marvel’s four-issue mini-series
As part of a special Halloween ComicFest promotion, Batman and Robin joined the Scooby gang to track down Man-Bat in DC Comics’
Viz Media participated in the Halloween promotion with a “sneak peek” issue of
It wasn’t a good year for Riverdale’s perennial teenager Archie Andrews. In the penultimate issue of
The big movie tie-ins of the year included
Credited to director Greg McLean and Australian horror writers Aaron Sterns and Brett McBean, respectively,
Nancy Holder’s
Titan Books’ hardcover “Penny Dreadful Collection” reprinted Mary Shelley’s
David J. Williams and Mark S. Williams’
Gitty Daneshvari’s
To tie in with the British Film Institute’s “Sci-Fi: Days of Fear and Wonder” season, Kim Newman’s in-depth study of Hammer’s
Film historian Gregory William Mank explored obscure horror history in
Tom Weaver, David Schecter and Steve Kronenberg did just what the title of McFarland’s
William Schoell wasn’t quite sure about his theme in
Also from McFarland, Alexandra Heller-Nichols explored the subculture of
From BearManor Media, Joseph Maddrey’s
From the same imprint, Joe Jordan’s biography
It might still not have been the film that the fans wanted, but at least Gareth Edwards’ 3-D
Universal’s origin story,
Poor old Ben Affleck’s Nick Dunne was suspected of murdering his missing wife Amy (Rosamund Pike) in David Fincher’s twisty psychological thriller
Despite starring Daniel Radcliffe and Juno Temple and being based on the novel by Joe Hill, Alexandre Aja’s delayed supernatural thriller
Susan Sarandon’s small town detective investigated a series of gruesome sacrificial killings in
January became the new Halloween, as American distributors opened their low budget fright-fests for a post-holidays audience.
A trio of high school graduates investigated the death of a witchy neighbour in Christopher Landon’s improved fourth sequel
A young boy’s obsession with a creepy pop-up storybook featuring the eponymous child-eater was the basis for Jennifer Kent’s Australian-made chiller
Set forty years after the superior 2012 film, Hammer’s sequel
A young woman (Karen Gillan) had to convince her brother (Brenton Thwaites) that they should destroy the haunted mirror that killed their parents in Mike Flanagan’s effective low budget chiller
Loosely based on an uncredited H.P. Lovecraft’s story ‘From Beyond’, Blair Erickson’s
A group of friends attempted to discover why one of their number committed suicide after playing with an occult board in
Jim Sturgess’ new doctor arrived at a remote madhouse run by a creepy Ben Kingsley in Brad Anderson’s Bulgaria-shot
A slumming Aaron Eckhart played the immortal Creature who teamed up with a race of Gargoyles to battle an army of evil demons led by Bill Nighy in Stuart Beattie’s pulpy
In the British-made
A couple of New York police officers (Eric Bana and comedian Joel McHale) teamed up with an unorthodox priest (Édgar Ramírez) to combat a series of demonic possessions in Scott Derrickson’s
Rob Zombie wisely pulled out from reportedly directing
John Jarratt’s outback psycho pig-hunter returned to butcher more backpackers in
A newlywed couple (Rose Leslie and Harry Treadaway) discovered something nasty lurking in the woods in Leigh Janiak’s
Tilda Swinton’s 3,000-year-old vampire found herself in a languid
Parents John C. Reilly and Molly Shannon were worried about their walking-dead daughter (Aubrey Plaza) in the zombie rom-com
Proving that there was still some creativity left in the “found footage” concept, Elliot Goldner’s directorial debut
The helmet cameras worn by a team of explorers revealed the juddery horrors that awaited them in the catacombs beneath Paris in John Erick Dowdle’s “mock documentary”
A honeymoon couple (Zach Gilford and Allison Miller) found themselves dealing with an unexpected Satanic pregnancy in
In
Actor/comedian Bobcat Goldthwait directed the zero-budget “found-footage” backwoods thriller
Vic Armstrong’s
Family secrets were revealed by a torrential rainstorm in Jim Mickle’s low budget
Adam Wingard followed up his acclaimed home-invasion chiller
Jesse Eisenberg’s government clerk found his life being usurped by a devious doppelgänger in
Vegar Hoel’s survivor from the enjoyable 2009 film returned to battle Nazi and Russian zombies in the even better Norwegian sequel
In Kevin Smith’s horror comedy
Minnie Driver and Meat Loaf starred in the musical/comedy/slasher film
Set ten years after the previous entry, Matt Reeves’ epic 3-D
Oldman was also one of the stars of Brazilian director José Padilha’s stylish reboot of
Mark Wahlberg’s eccentric inventor and his hot daughter (Nicola Peltz) found themselves embroiled in yet another galactic war in Michael Bay’s overlong third sequel
Antonio Banderas’ insurance investigator discovered that robots in a dystopian future were illegally altering themselves in
Toby Stephens’ morally conflicted scientist created a self-aware cyborg (Caity Lotz) that was turned into a killing machine by the British government in Caradog W. James’ low budget
Joaquin Phoenix’s divorced loner fell in love with his phone’s artificial intelligence (voiced by Scarlett Johansson) in Spike Jonze’s
A synthetic drug allowed the titular heroine (the excellent Johansson again) to use the full potential of her mind, giving her god-like powers in Luc Besson’s bonkers action thriller
Matthew McConaughey and Anne Hathaway’s astronauts set out to save mankind by discovering a new planet in Christopher Nolan’s overly emotional
Tom Cruise’s cowardly propagandist found himself in a time-loop, dying over and over again alongside Emily Blunt’s seasoned soldier in a war against alien invaders in Doug Liman’s surprisingly inventive 3-D
Actor and director Noel Clarke’s latest low budget British SF movie
Having apparently never read
Set on the titular train circling the globe in a frozen future, Boon Joon Ho’s
Three friends driving to California tracked down a mysterious signal and ended up in a secret high-tec facility run by Laurence Fishburne in
In Mike Cahill’s thoughtful low budget
Patrick Wilson, Liv Tyler, Jerry O’Connell and Keir Dullea starred in Jack Plotnick’s 1970s retro sc-fi spoof,
Frank Pavich’s superb documentary
Jennifer Lawrence’s personality-free Katniss Everdeen became a symbol of the revolution against the totalitarian government of President Snow (Donald Sutherland) in Francis Lawrence’s overblown second sequel
Neil Burger’s
Mankind’s past memories were downloaded into the memory of a boy (newcomer Brenton Thwaites) in Phillip Noyce’s
Two friends (Zoey Deutch and Lucy Fry) were returned to a secret boarding school for teenage bloodsuckers in the box-office flop
Peter Jackson finally brought his overblown trilogy to a satisfying conclusion in the action-packed
Based on Mark Helprin’s 1983 romantic reincarnation novel,
Directed by Renny Harlin, who had an estimated budget of $70 million at his disposal, the truly awful
The same could also be said of the other two films about the character released in 2014. Based on a graphic novel and released in 3-D, Brett Ratner’s
At least Paul W.S. Anderson’s
Angelina Jolie starred in Disney’s
Set in London’s British Museum,
Meryl Streep wore another fright-wig as the blue-haired witch in Rob Marshall’s lively adaptation of Stephen Sondheim’s 1987 revisionist fairy tale musical
Chris Evans returned as Marvel Comics’ super-soldier in the superior sequel
Meanwhile, James Gunn’s
In a crossover between the two earlier movie series, Bryan Singer’s convoluted
Director Singer was forced to pull out of doing publicity for the film following a false teen sex abuse lawsuit filed against him in April.
Having successfully re-booted the Marvel franchise in 2012 with the likeable Andrew Garfield in the title role, Marc Webb’s
Nobody really needed (or wanted) a $125 million Michael Bay-produced 3-D reboot of
Three unlikely companions (Michael C. Hall, Sam Shepard and Don Johnson) stumbled across a snuff film operation in Jim Mickle’s atmospheric Texas Gothic
A trio of Nevada teenagers helped an alien go home in
If you were eight years old, you
At least
The live-action
Good children’s cartoon movies during the year included the 3-D
Despite respectable earners like
In the UK, box-office receipts fell by 2.9%, the most significant drop since 1991, and it was widely considered that if it wasn’t for the end-of-year release of
The 86th Academy Awards were presented on March 2 in Hollywood. Alfonso Cuarón won the Best Director Oscar for his SF movie
The British Film Institute’s three-month “Sci-Fi: Days of Fear and Wonder” season previewed the new series of the BBC’s
Delayed by legal disputes for nearly a year before finally turning up on video,
Directors Jen and Sylvia Soska followed up their cult favourite
Sean Astin and his party friends attempted to survive a flesh-eating virus on a Carribbean island in
A group of friends visiting a forgotten mountain resort met a nasty end in the shot-in-Bulgaria
When Eric Roberts’ washed-up movie director attempted to revive his 1980s “slasher” trilogy as a reality TV show, the bodies soon started piling up in
A couple documented the appearance of the titular mystery man in a wood full of totems and scarecrows in Karl Mueller’s backwoods horror
A busy Kevin Sorbo starred in the direct-to-DVD
Vinnie Jones’ local police detective and Christian Slater’s priest battled a demonic killer in
A group of live-action role-players accidentally conjured up a demon from Hell in the direct-to-DVD comedy
H.P. Lovecraft’s
Earthquakes destroyed the West Coast in
Ignoring the comedy sequel that preceded it, Jaume Balagueró’s
Jesse Metcalfe and Virginia Madsen were amongst the inhabitants of a town infested by zombies in
The French-made horror comedy
Following an online campaign to build a potential audience, the independent Canadian movie
Who would ever have guessed a town called Lupine Ridge would be inhabited by werewolves? That turned out to be the case in actor/screenwriter David Hayter’s
Filmed in Wales, the embarrassingly awful
Kino Classics released a new version of the creaky murder mystery
Long before there was Stephen King’s
The four-disc Blu-ray boxset
Odeon Entertainment’s welcome digitally remastered release of Michael Reeves’
Guillermo del Toro’s interview with star Paul Williams was just one of the extras on the Collectors’ Edition of Brian De Palma’s classic
From Scream Factory,
The Blu-ray of
The British Film Institute and the BBC teamed up to release several classic DVDs just in time for Christmas, including the seven-disc set of
Also from the BFI,
Two years after his apparent dive off the roof of St. Bart’s Hospital, Holmes (Benedict Cumberbatch) finally resurfaced in London, much to the surprise of a still-grieving John Watson (Martin Freeman). Although the first two feature-length episodes of the third season of the BBC’s contemporary
‘His Last Vow’ featured Lars Mikkelsen as master blackmailer Charles Augustus Magnussen, along with a surprising secret about Watson’s new wife Mary (the wonderful Amanda Abbington), before the cliff-hanger revelation that Moriarty was back.
In the UK, 8.8 million tuned into the final instalment and, in a nice touch, Holmes’ parents were played by Cumberbatch’s real-life parents, Wanda Ventham and Timothy Carlton.
When all three seasons of
The long-awaited fifth season of
Vanessa Redgrave starred as a reclusive author being interviewed by Olivia Colman’s damaged journalist in the BBC-TV movie
Predictably, British TV and radio did almost nothing to celebrate Hallowe’en in 2014. However, the following month the BBC showed Ashley Pearce’s
Nick Willing’s
After the destruction of Air Force One, Linda Hamilton was an unlikely Admiral searching for the President of the United States (John Savage) in the Bermuda Triangle in Syfy’s awful
Antonio Fargas was a Louisiana bayou local dealing with a sharp-toothed fish curse in
The best thing that could be said about Anthony C. Ferrante’s
The concept behind Syfy’s
Zoe Saldana co-produced and starred as the hysterical mother of the Anti-christ in NBC’s pointless two-part remake of
Heather Graham and Ellen Burstyn headed the cast of the Lifetime movie of V.C. Andrews’
Laura Allen’s wife and mother had to deal with a psycho babysitter (India Eisley) in the Lifetime movie
Sean Patrick Thomas’ New York doctor relocated his family to a small rural town that turned out to be controlled by creatures in the nearby forest in Chiller Network’s
Also on Chiller, a group of friends were trapped in an isolated cabin by a bloodthirsty predator in the monster movie
Produced by Ridley Scott and pieced together from a five-part mini-series on Xbox One, the mostly incomprehensible
John Hamm, Rafe Spall and Oona Chaplin starred in
In a reversal of the 1985 movie
Probably the best genre show on television in 2014, and arguably the best for years, was HBO’s eight-part slice of Southern Gothic,
Two contrasting Louisiana detectives (impeccably played by casting heavyweights Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson) were forced to revisit a case they thought they had closed in the mid-1990s, involving a cult of ritualistic serial killers whose mythology was linked with that of Robert W. Chambers’ 1895 collection
Although the show ultimately pulled back from its inevitable cosmic horror climax, other sources directly or indirectly cited included the fiction of Thomas Ligotti and Karl Edward Wagner.
Now the most expensive and most-watched TV show on the planet, the fourth season of HBO’s multi-layered
In July, scripts and two rough-cut episodes of the BBC’s eighth new series of
In the show, Peter Capaldi replaced Matt Smith as a more adult Time Lord to excellent effect. Unfortunately, the stories he was stuck in (mostly co-written by Steven Moffat) weren’t up to the exuberance the actor brought to the role.
The newly regenerated twelfth Doctor and his increasingly annoying companion Clara (Jenna Coleman)—occasionally accompanied by her mopey new boyfriend (Samuel Anderson)—encountered a dinosaur in Victorian London, found themselves trapped inside a Dalek, joined forces with a robot Robin Hood (Tom Riley), battled alien spiders on the Moon and an alien mummy on an interstellar Orient Express, and confronted the Cybermen (yet again). The latter episode featured a nice tribute to the late Nicholas Courtney’s character “Brigadier Lethbridge Stewart”.
At least an old foe of the Doctor was revealed in an unexpected new guise, and Victorian detectives Vastra, Jenny and Strax showed up again (they really should have their own series). However, the BBC was criticised by gay rights campaigners when it cut a “lesbian kiss” between Vastra and Jenny when the episode was shown in Asia.
The now-obligatory holiday special, ‘Last Christmas’, found the Doctor and Clara teaming up with Nick Frost’s Santa Claus in a cut-price version of
Creator John Logan plundered classic literature and Hollywood “B” movies for Sky/Showtime’s handsome-looking mash-up series
Meanwhile, Reeve Carney’s Dorian Gray hung around looking pretty, Frankenstein’s homicidal Creature (Rory Kinnear) demanded a mate, and David Warner turned up as an ill-fated Professor Abraham Van Helsing.
David Bradley played another vampire-hunter named Abraham, trying to warn the citizens of New York that the plague spreading through their city was caused by the nosferatu-like Master smuggled into the country, in the FX Network’s refreshingly adult horror series
To tie-in with the premiere of the show in the UK, veteran author and paranormal researcher Lionel Fanthorpe was commissioned to discover the country’s “Horror Hotspots”. Compiling the findings from archives, police reports and eye-witness accounts over the past 100 years, he uncovered more than 200 reported vampire sightings in Britain—compared to just eight in Transylvania—and the county of Yorkshire came out top with 615 unexplained encounters.
Replace vampires with zombies, NYC with a secret Arctic research station, add a touch of
Another group who had no idea where they were going were the meandering survivors of season five of AMC’s interminable
Made on a fraction of
The second, six-part season of the BBC’s thoughtful
As always, the best thing about The CW’s
As the war between the angels dragged on, Dean (Jensen Ackles) was cursed with the Mark of Cain, and by the beginning of the tenth season was transformed into a devil-may-care demon himself as the series passed its 200th episode with a fun meta-episode based around a fan fiction-inspired high school show.
Clearly inspired by Tod Browning’s
Now set in 1952 Florida and based around a travelling carnival run by former cabaret star Elsa Mars (series regular Jessica Lange, camping it up with a Marlene Dietrich accent), it featured Sarah Paulson as a pair of conjoined twins (a remarkable optical effect), Kathy Bates as a bearded lady, and Michael Chiklis as a strongman with a temper, while John Carroll Lynch played a truly terrifying homicidal clown.
After the first season of the same network’s
Meanwhile, Ichabod and detective Abbie Mills (Nicole Beharie) found themselves dealing with, amongst other things, Benjamin Franklin’s Frankenstein-like monster, a Pied Piper creature, the Weeping Lady, a succubus and a vengeful Headless Horseman.
Somewhat less fun was NBC’s
With the vampires and humans of Bon Temps finally working together to survive, the talky seventh and final season of HBO’s
Robert Rodriguez remade his 1996 movie
Bisexual succubus Bo (Anna Silk) descended to Valhalla to save Kenzi (Ksenia Solo) in the fourth season of Syfy’s loopy
Based on Kelley Armstrong’s “Women of the Otherworld” books, Syfy’s
Syfy’s entertaining
Despite the occasional participation of executive producer Noah Wyle as Flynn Carsen, TNT’s ten-part series
Created by Brannon Braga and Adam Simon, WGN’s
Hulu’s half-hour comedy
Comedians Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim wrote, directed and starred in a series of seven eleven-minute horror stories on Adult Swim entitled
The inhabitants of Arcadia, Missouri, were concerned when the dead began returning with no memory of their demise in the ABC-TV series
Meanwhile, in a transposition of that plot, the residents of the small town of Mapleton overreacted to the Rapture-like disappearance of 2% of the world’s population in HBO’s
The BBC’s action-packed
Season 2 of Starz’s
A young soldier (Christopher Egan) discovered that he was the “chosen one”, destined to lead mankind in a war against the angels in Syfy’s South African-made
Claire Randall played a married battlefield nurse in 1945 who was mysteriously transported back to 18th-century Scotland in Starz’s
The two-hour finale of Season 3 of ABC’s increasingly convoluted
Nobody really needed yet another version of the story, let alone
When he wasn’t working on
Also executive produced by the busy Mr Spielberg, Halle Berry’s astronaut returned to Earth after a thirteen-month solo space mission to discover tat she was pregnant in CBS-TV’s
The second season of the same network’s
In a near-future dystopian world facing extinction, 100 embryos were successfully fertilised and put up for surrogacy in Lifetime’s ten-part series
Eric Dane commanded the crew of naval destroyer
Troubled detective John Kennex (Karl Urban) and his android partner (Michael Ealy) ended their futuristic investigations after just thirteen episodes when the Fox Network cancelled Abrams’ other series, derivative
New York City was destroyed in the second season of Syfy’s post-apocalyptic Western-with-aliens
Norman Bates (Freddie Highmore) finally recalled killing his high school teacher, but his dysfunctional mother (Vera Farmiga) wouldn’t believe him in the soporific Season 2 of the A&E Network’s
Troubled FBI agent Ryan Hardy (Kevin Bacon) discovered that Joe Carroll (James Purefoy) was still alive and controlling another cult of serial killers in the second season of Fox’s
Confusingly credited to “Michael Marshall Smith”, BBC America’s bleak eight-episode
Having had to consult with Moriarty (the wonderful Natalie Dormer), deal with the inflated ego of Gareth Lestrade (Sean Pertwee) and prove his brother Mycroft (Rhys Ifans) innocent of treason, the second season of CBS-TV’s entertaining
In yet another twist on the TV detective genre, charming Welsh actor Ioan Gruffud played immortal medical examiner Henry Morgan, who teamed up with glamorous NYPD Detective Jo Martinez (Alana De La Garza) to solve crimes with his Holmesian deductions in ABC’s cosy
A Texas death row escapee (Jake McLaughlin) found himself protecting a 10-year-old girl with paranormal powers (the oddly named Johnny Sequoyah) from Kyle MacLachlan’s sinister billionaire scientist in NBC-TV’s
Josh Holloway’s high-tec operative had a super-computer microchip imbedded in his brain in CBS-TV’s by-the-numbers spy drama,
Having started out on shaky ground, ABC’s
Unfortunately, Season 2 quickly lost its way again as the rogue agents investigated a subterranean alien city and uncovered the annoying Skye’s (Chloe Bennet) hidden past.
As female crime-fighter The Canary (Caity Lotz) was murdered by a mysterious assassin, The CW’s increasingly grim and flashback-laden
Fox Network’s
Also based on a DC Comics character,
For the all-important young adult demographic, the networks continued to churn out insipid series based on well-established genre concepts: Stefan (Paul Wesley) and Elena (the usually glum Nina Dobrev) got to experience an inevitable
Meanwhile, tensions continued between the New Orleans vampires, were-wolves and witches in the second season of companion series
Having exhausted Brian McGreevy’s 2012 source novel in the first season, a new show-runner was brought in for Season 2 of
Based on the YA novel by Kass Morgan, a spacecraft containing mankind’s last survivors dumped 100 annoying juvenile delinquents back on a post-apocalyptic Earth, with predictable results, in The CW’s
Another misfire from the same network was its ill-judged reboot of the UK SF series
The best young adult show on TV continued to be MTV’s
The Clone Club (Tatiana Maslany in a variety of roles) found out more about their past and the sinister Dyad Group in the second season of the BBC America/Space series
Teenager Emma Alonso (Paolo Andino) moved to Miami, Florida, and discovered she was the “Chosen One” in Nickelodeon’s
The third series of BBC’s
In Series 5 of BBC Wales’
The thirteen unaired episodes of Cartoon Network’s
Meanwhile, Disney XD’s fourteen-part animated
Created by Patrick McHale and featuring the voices of Elijah Wood and Collin Dean,
Inspired by
Season 25 of Fox Network’s
The Cartoon Network/Adult Swim’s unusually dark animated series
ABC-TV/Pixar’s half-hour Christmas special,
During the shortened eighth and final season of the USA Networks’ hugely entertaining
Season 6 of ABC-TV’s
The Halloween episode of CBS-TV’s latest spin-off,
The second series of the BBC’s
The third series of
The seventh season episode of
Written by, and featuring Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith,
Sky Arts’ half-hour short film series
As part of the same series, Richard Wilson and Simon Callow’s elderly space explorers found themselves at the mercy of their ship’s computer (silkily voiced by Robert Vaughn) when their mission turned out to be no longer relevant in Lawrence Gough’s
Despite featuring on-screen interviews with Christopher Lee, Douglas Wilmer, Nicholas Meyer, Benedict Cumberbatch, the ubiquitous Mark Gatiss and others, BBC 4’s hour-long
The independently produced
Emily Vancamp hosted ABC-TV’s
Produced for the BBC by Oxford Scientific and narrated by Claire Foy,
Smugly presented by historian Dominic Sandbrook, the BBC’s four-part series
During the lead-up to Hallowe’en, historian Andrew Graham-Dixon led viewers through the BBC’s three-part series
TCM premiered the documentaries
In February, BBC Radio 4 broadcast Robert Forrest’s two-part adaptation of William Peter Blatty’s
Sebastian Baczkiewicz’s cursed immortal wanderer (Paul Hilton) helped an old friend who was being haunted by a malevolent spirit in the four-part
In Baczkiewicz’s ‘Ghosts of Heathrow’, broadcast in the same slot, Paul McGann’s businessman encountered various phantoms at the busy London airport. The forty-five minute drama was interspersed with interviews with real Heathrow workers. A young woman (Indira Varma) discovered that there were legal consequences to using pixie blood for her tattoos in Ed Harris’ fifteen-minute
In Sean O’Connor’s re-imagining of
BBC Radio 4 also presented a five-part serialisation of Peter O’Donnell’s
Having appeared in the 1969 movie version, actress Joanna Lumley was back as the lethal henchwoman to Alfred Molina’s Blofeld in Martin Jarvis’ ninety-minute production of
Meanwhile, an episode of
Brian Sibley dramatised an epic six-part retelling of T.H. White’s
James Purefoy starred as bounty hunter “Rick Deckard”, alongside Jessica Rain and Nicky Henson, in Jonathan Holloway’s two-part adaptation of Philip K. Dick’s
As part of the same thematic stream, Brian Sibley dramatised Ray Bradbury’s
The “Dangerous Visions” season continued in
Robert Powell played Ebenezer Scrooge in
Film expert Matthew Sweet investigated the creative rivalry between British film studios Hammer and Amicus during the 1960s and ‘70s in the half-hour Radio 4 documentary
In November, BBC Radio 4 Extra presented a welcome repeat of Robert Holmes’ creepy six-part drama
A month later, the same broadcaster presented a rare repeat of the 1981 production of Gregory Evans’
The free weekly horror fiction podcast Pseudopod marked its 400th episode with a classic story by James Tiptree, Jr. and partnered with John Joseph Adams’
On May 27, film legend Sir Christopher Lee celebrated his 92nd birthday by releasing a heavy metal album.
Veteran British-born actress Angela Lansbury returned to the London stage after thirty-nine years to portray muddled medium Madame Arcati in Michael Blakemore’s impressive revival of Noël Coward’s supernatural comedy
Acting scion Jack Fox starred as the eponymous immoral immortal in Linnie Reedman’s reworking of Oscar Wilde’s
Risteárd Cooper, Brian Cox, Dervla Kirwan, Peter McDonald and Ardal O’Hanlon starred as five men telling ghost stories to each other in a remote Irish pub in Josie Rourke’s revival of Conor McPerson’s 1997 play
Robert Icke and Duncan MacMillan’s new adaptation of George Orwell’s
Mark Hollimann and Greg Kotis’
Natascha McElhone, Mark Bazeley and Kristin Davis starred in Trevor Nunn’s production of
In July, Benjamin Britten’s opera
The Theatre Royal Plymouth’s production
The live-action musical production
Detective Sebastian Castellanos investigated mass murders at a mental hospital and found himself battling nightmarish monsters known as “The Haunted” in
Following its successful origin reboot in 2013,
With the franchise getting its second reboot since 2009,
A companion to the big PS3 horror game of 2013,
Filling the gap before the release of
Sigourney Weaver reprised her role as “Ripley”, along with original stars Tom Skerritt, Veronica Cartwright, Harry Dean Stanton and Yaphet Kotto in
Set between
In November, a boxed copy of Atari’s
As part of its Pop! Movies series of cute vinyl figurines, Funko released big-eyed versions of Dracula, Frankenstein, The Bride of Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, The Mummy, Creature from the Black Lagoon, Metaluna Mutant and The Phantom of the Opera, which were also available in “metallic” painted variations.
Funko’s series of moveable ReAction Figures also included licensed Universal Studios Monsters versions of all the above, except for the Metaluna Mutant, which was replaced by The Invisible Man.
A nicely sculpted figure of Boris Karloff’s Frankenstein’s Monster was issued as part of Hallmark’s 2014 series of Keepsake Christmas tree ornaments.
LEGO’s
On October 30th, a life-size bronze bust of Edgar Allan Poe, created by Bryan Moore, was unveiled at the Boston Public Library. It was funded by a Kickstarter campaign, with Guillermo del Toro as the project’s largest financial supporter.
The British Museum’s “Terror and Wonder: The Gothic Imagination” exhibition ran in London from early October until January 2015. It featured more than 200 rare objects—including posters, books, films and even a vampire-slaying kit—tracing 250 years of the Gothic tradition. Amongst the highlights were hand-written drafts of Mary Shelley’s
In July, one of only four known one-sheet posters of a specific design for
At the same auction, a 1931 German poster for Fritz Lang’s
Four months later, the only known version of a stone litho American one-sheet for the lost Lon Chaney movie
The same sale also saw a French four panel
In August, one of only 100 known copies of
Earlier in the year, Fred Guardineer’s original cover art for
In April, Pan Macmillan and the Serendip Foundation announced that they were creating the James Herbert Award for Horror Writing, in memory of the late author. Open to horror novels written in English and published in the UK in 2014, the winner received a £2,000 prize and commemorative statuette. The judging panel, chaired by Tom Hunter, consisted of Herbert’s eldest daughter Kerry, authors Ramsey Campbell and Sarah Pinborough,
The 24th Annual World Horror Convention was held in Portland, Oregon, over May 8-11. Author Guests of Honor were Nancy Holder, Jack Ketchum and Norman Partridge, Artist Guest of Honor was Greg Staples and Editor Guest of Honor was Paula Guran. Special Guests were John LaFleur, John Shirley and Victoria Price (Vincent Price’s daughter), Edward Gorey was Ghost of Honor, and artist Alan M. Clark made an excellent Toastmaster in light of a convention committee who were barely around.
Brian Keene was the previously announced recipient of the convention’s Grandmaster Award, and the Horror Writers Association presented its 27th Annual Bram Stoker Awards at a buffet meal on the Saturday night, hosted by Jeff Strand.
Stephen King’s
Long Fiction went to ‘The Great Pity’ by Gary Braunbeck and Short Fiction to ‘Night Train to Paris’ by David Gerrold. Eric J. Guignard’s
The Poetry award went to
Gray Friar Press won the Specialty Press Award, The Silver Hammer Award for outstanding service to HWA went to Norman Rubenstein, while J.G. Faherty won The President’s Richard Laymon Service Award.
Horror Writers Association Life Achievement Awards had been announced previously for R.L. Stine and Stephen Jones.
The British Fantasy Convention was held in a nicely old-fashioned railway hotel in the city of York over September 5-7. The Guests of Honour were authors Charlaine Harris and Kate Elliott, scriptwriter Toby Whithouse and digital artist Larry Rostant (even though there actually wasn’t an Art Show).
The British Fantasy Awards were presented at a banquet on the Sunday afternoon. The Best Fantasy Novel (Robert Holdstock Award) went to
Sarah Pinborough’s
Peter Coleborn’s The Alchemy Press received the Best Small Press award,
Joey Hi-Fi was voted Best Artist, and
World Fantasy Convention 2014 celebrated the gathering’s 40th Anniversary in Arlington, Virginia, over November 6-9 with Guests of Honor Guy Gavriel Kay, Les Edwards, Stuart David Schiff, Lail Finlay and Mary Robinette Kowal as Toastmaster.
Unfortunately, for such a prestigious event, the souvenir book was incompetently edited, with features apparently inserted randomly into the publication and typographical styles changing between each contribution. Attendees also received
As usual, the World Fantasy Awards were presented at a banquet on the Sunday afternoon.
Sofia Samatar’s
Special Award—Professional was a tie between Irene Gallo for art direction at Tor.com and William K. Schafer for Subterranean Press, while Kate Baker, Neil Clarke and Sean Wallace won Special Award—Non-Professional for
The previously announced recipients of the Lifetime Achievement Awards were editor Ellen Datlow and author Chelsea Quinn Yarbro.
As a writer and editor, I have always preferred to work with smaller, independent publishers…not only does this allow me greater creative freedom with the projects I want to undertake, but it also usually allows me more input on such things as cover design and jacket copy.
However, the world of publishing is changing rapidly, and these days smaller imprints are either being squeezed out of the market altogether or being assimilated into larger conglomerates. In just the past few years, three individual publishing houses that I work with have been swallowed up by the same publishing group.
Whereas I can see how this might make good business sense, it is possibly the worst thing that could happen to the authors who are published by those separate imprints. Not only have we already seen a “streamlining” of such departments as design, publicity, sales—which in real terms translates into good people being made redundant—but for such niche genres as horror, fantasy and science fiction, it means that—even when those imprints are supposedly still “independent” of each other—in real terms it will be more difficult for authors to sell a book to what is, basically, now the same company. It will also be harder for commissioning editors to get their projects passed through acquisition meetings.
None of this will of course affect those working at the top of the food-chain—the blockbuster novels, the celebrity biographies, the self-help guides—but for the mid-list fiction titles (and, let’s face it, that is where much of our genre in published), things have already got worse. Lists are being trimmed, print-runs are being cut back, and advances are being reduced. Add to this the virtual stagnation of the e-book market and the squeeze being put on publishers’ prices by Amazon, and you have the recipe for a perfect storm.
It’s obvious—if publishers can’t pay authors a living wage for their books (and remember, it can take anything from eight months to a year for a writer to produce a decent novel), then those authors are going to have to find other ways of earning money elsewhere. Which means that they can’t be full-time writers. Which means that the number of books being published will decrease, to say nothing of the quality of those books. Which means that, ultimately, there will be less choice for the readers, and genres such as mainstream horror fiction will get even smaller than they already are now.
Of course, many would argue that this is a good thing—that too many books are being published anyway, or that the small presses, print-on-demand or self-publishing can step in and pick up the slack. Unfortunately, except in very rare instances, none of these outlets are likely to produce enough money for any author to seriously consider giving up their day job.
Unless publishers start
Ted Ball
Eric Caidin
Brian Clemens
Jack Gold
Sir Christopher Lee
Tanith Lee
Chuck Miller
Tom Piccirilli
Sir Terry Pratchett
and Melanie Tem
Helen Marshall
SECONDHAND MAGIC
HELEN MARSHALL is a critically acclaimed Canadian author, editor, and medievalist. Her debut collection of short stories,
“Practical magic has always been a fascination of mine,” she explains. “Magic in the real world is the art of illusion, of making something extraordinary
“With ‘Secondhand Magic’ I wanted to write a story about the loss of innocence, the quest for the miraculous, and the huge gap there is between the world as we want it to be, the world of splendour and awe, and the world as it actually is with its reversals, its disappointments, its tiny moments of grace and its inevitable tragedies.”
A BAD THING is going to happen at the end of this story. This is a story about bad things happening, but I won’t tell you what the bad thing is until you get there. Don’t flip ahead to the end of the story. Stories like this only work if you don’t know what the bad thing is until you get there. Wait for it to happen, don’t try to look ahead, don’t try to stop it from happening. Because you know how magic works? When you try to cheat it, it just gets worse and worse and worse. That’s the way of it. So, please. Just wait for it. I’ll ask nothing else from you. Cross my heart.
Sayer Sandifer had very few of the ingredients necessary to be a true magician. His patter? Weak and forced on account of a childhood stutter he got when he turned four. His fingers? Short, stumpy things that couldn’t make a silver dollar disappear no matter how long he practised. His sense of timing? Awful. And worse yet—crime of all crimes!—he had no assistant. The fact of the matter is that lacking any of these things might not have been enough to sink him, but all of them? What chance did the poor boy have? And at twelve years old he was just learning the first and only real lesson of being grown-up: that wanting a thing so bad it hurt didn’t mean getting a thing, not by a long shot.
The only thing Sayer
“Missus S-S-Sabatelli,” he would stutter. Or if he was having a particularly bad day then he might not get that far, you might see him swallowing the word like a stone and searching out a new one. The first name instead, “Marianne,” he might say and bless him for being so formal. “I require your attendance this afternoon at the house of my mother and father. Please bring gingersnaps.”
And maybe you’d fall in love with him just a little bit right then, the way you could tell just by looking that he knew he didn’t have the right stuff in him yet for magic, but he wanted it, oh, he wanted it. He’d chase it even if it meant looking a fool in front of all his mother’s friends. He’d stand there, trembling, waiting for you to deliberate. Waiting for you to make some sort of pronouncement upon him. And you’d know how badly you could hurt him, that was the thing, you’d know you could crush him right there if you were of a mind to do so.
“Whatever for?” you might ask, hoping to surprise him, hoping to give him a moment to deliver a staggering statement of pomp and circumstance of the kind you knew he ought to have rattling around inside his head, because,
What Sayer didn’t know was that magic was never at the heart of being a magician. There was supposed to be something else. Something kinder.
But, as I said, what Sayer did have—what made you say “Yes, sir, gingersnaps it is!”—were those wide baby blues of his. Eyes a kind of blue I never saw before, blue like a buried vein. His father’s eyes.
Joe Sandifer had all the things that Sayer lacked: clean and polished patter; his fingers long and grateful like he’d filched them off a piano man; a near perfect sense of when to come and when to go; and you can bet your bottom dollar that he was never without a partner. Us girls, married though we were, still resented Lillian Sandifer a little for managing to grab hold of good old Joe. Handsome Joe. Joe who could lie like it was easy and beautiful.
Sayer might have had the beginnings of what Joe had, and would surely have discovered more as he passed the five-foot mark, but for now he was too much of a kiddie. A little lamb. All he had was his dignity, which he tugged as tight about him as that star-spattered cloak. And that dignity was the one thing that we in the Hollow were scared to death to take away from him.
Thus, we dreaded that Tuesday morning knock.
Thus, we dreaded that chimney-pot hat.
We dreaded the hungry eyes of Sayer the Magnificent.
Maybe it seems cruel to you that I’m talking like this about a poor runt of a kid with his heart stitched onto the red-and-black satin handkerchief he tugged out of his sleeve—courtesy, again, of that
You want to know I’m not cruel? Shall I prove it to you? Let’s make him a Milo. Milo’s a good name for a kid his age. Milo Sandifer. Easier with that “M”. At least for a little while. Until he grows out of it. We can do that much for the little guy, can’t we? The poor duckling?
When the time came, and we all knew it without really having to look, we went over as late as we possibly could. We being the women of the Hollow, me with my plate of gingersnaps. Just as the boy asked.
Lillian had set up the backyard with lawn chairs. An old red-striped beach umbrella in the northeast corner, just past the rhododendrons. Card tables covered with plastic cups and lemonade for the parents. Nothing is quite so apologetic as home-made lemonade in these circumstances.
“Thanks for coming, Minnie,” Lillian whispered as I laid down a plateful of gingersnaps like the boy asked.
“It’s nothing worth mentioning,” I told her. “I need me some magic today, you hear? Must be he’s got a sense for these kind of things after all.” I let her smile at that. “It’s a good day for it too.”
“Some kind of good day,” Cheryl Felder muttered. She scowled at the top of her chimney-pot hat poking out from behind the stage and curtains that Joe constructed special. Poor Milo. He never quite figured out that of all the women in the Hollow, Cheryl was the one you didn’t want to mess with. Most kids know this sort of thing; they can sense a real witch with a bee in her bonnet if you catch my drift. Or maybe he was just bolder than we gave him credit for.
The other women were coming in then. They laid out liquorice strands and tuna fish sandwiches with trimmed corners, whatever the boy asked for. Lillian didn’t meet our eyes at first, but then she all of a moment did and, you know what?—give her credit, her eyes were just blazing with pride for little Milo. That buttered us up some. You could see it changing people. Missus Felder’s face, well, her face was the kind of face you might associate with sucking lemons, but even it got a little bit of sugar into it.
And the rest of us? Well, I’d always liked the boy. He had a proper kind of respect and reverence, and if there’s two things a magician ought to fluff his hat with, it’s respect and reverence, magic being no easy business, magic being a thing that ought to be done carefully. Not that I ever suspected poor Milo could mend a cut rope or pull the secret card, but there you have it. He would try, and we, the ladies of the Hollow, we kept company mostly by Hoovers and the Watchtower babble and crap society; we would smile those husband-stealing smiles of ours come Hell or high water.
And so the show began.
“And now for the Lost Suh-suh-suh…”
Milo’s face screwed up with concentration so hard you could see a flush of red on his neck. Lillian was saying the word alongside him in the audience, but he wouldn’t look at her. Missus Felder shifted in her chair.
“And now for the…”
His hands palsied and twitched as he shuffled the oversized Bicycle deck, patterned blue flashing in front of our eyes. But no one was watching the cards. We were all watching his mouth. We were all clenching the edges of the Sandifers’ lawn chairs.
“For the Lost Suh–s–s…”
He paused again. That moment stretched on and on like putty. Just when we thought it was about to snap. Just when we thought
“Beg pardon, ladies,” he murmured ruefully, but it was out and the words were solid. “And now for the Lost…Sisters.”
The applause was bigger than it had been for any of the other tricks. Milo took it as his due.
“For this I need a volunteer. Anyone?”
No one budged. We couldn’t, not yet. We weren’t ready for it.
“Anyone? Ladies, please. Ah, good. You there. The…missus is the blue dress.”
It was Ellie Hawley from across the street in the blue cotton frock with the raglan sleeves her husband brought back from Boston. We were all a bit thankful. She was a good sort. The type who knew to bring liquorice strands to a boy’s magic show.
“I’m hard of hearing, boy,” Missus Felder said. “Which was that?”
God, we were thinking together, do not make him say it again.
It was no good though. She was smiling. Her words were sweetness and light, and she was smiling like she was some sort of old biddy about to offer him tea and biscuits. You couldn’t trust a smile like that. Oh, boy, not ever.
“I, uh, suh-suh–s–sorry, folks.” The hat tilted forward again. Milo pushed it up, and licked his lips. “I meant…” He paused. Why was he pausing? Don’t pause here, boy, we were thinking. Stick with Ellie Hawley. She’s already getting up. She’s halfway to the stage now, boy. Stick with her.
But we could see the look coming over his face. It was a proud look…and something else, something I couldn’t quite tell yet. A look older than he was. He knew that Ellie was the easy choice. He knew it the same way we knew it. He knew this was a trap, but there was something in him that wouldn’t let it go. We were watching. We were waiting. Milo was fighting with this thing, and we let him do it.
“…You there, in the front. Missus Felder. Puh-puh-please. Come on up here. Ma’am.”
No, we were thinking together, do not ask for her. Do not do it, boy. Do not call on her, boy. Can’t you see the Devil has come to your garden party? Can’t you see the Devil has gotten into Missus Felder, and there ain’t no way to cheat the Devil if you let her up on stage with you?
Missus Felder, she just smiled.
She took her time getting there, walked almost like an old woman even though she didn’t look forty yet. Passed Ellie Hawley along the way, just swished past her blue dress with the raglan sleeves.
“Well, boy,” said Missus Felder.
“Thank you, Missus Felder,” Milo said like he meant it. He shuffled the cards again, each of those big, blue Bicycles. Missus Felder watched primly, patiently, hips swaying slightly as she shifted her weight from side to side. As he was shuffling, you could see Milo starting to look for the words, starting to line them up in his mind like bowling pins so they’d fall down easily once he got going.
Just as he opened his mouth to start the patter, Missus Felder piped up:
“Aren’t you going to ask me my name?”
Milo paused at this, chewed back those words he had all lined up for the show. “Nuh-no, Missus Felder. They all nuh-know it already.”
She nodded at this, like it was what she had been expecting all along. We all breathed a sigh of relief, but half of us were saying something pretty foul with that breath, let me tell you. Milo smiled a little wobbly smile and got with the shuffling again until he was all good and ready.
This time he got three words into the patter—three perfect words, three flawless, ordinary, magical words—
Then: “Aren’t you going to ask me where I’m from?”
Milo shook his head, and his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. His hands missed the cards and three of them went flying out: an eight of spades, a red jack, and the two of diamonds. Milo tried snatching them out of the air, but he missed with those little hands of his and they fluttered like white doves to the grass.
He placed the deck down steadily on the card table, and all the while Missus Felder was watching him with a look as wide and innocent as his own. There was a hush. We all knew something was coming. The kid knew something was coming. The kid was the kind of kid born with enough sense to know when something was coming but not enough to figure how to get out of the way. We could see the poor kid’s hands were trembling. He stooped to grab the cards, and as he was stooping, off slid that the black magician’s hat.
Missus Felder was faster than a rattler. Like lightning striking or tragedy.
The hat was in her hand then. She was holding it up to the audience. She was squinting at the inside of the brim of it.
“My boy,” she said, squinting away, “my boy, it seems as if you’ve dropped this.”
Milo straightened up right away with only the red jack in his hands. He was staring at the hat. He was staring at Missus Felder.
“Aww, c’mon,” someone whispered in the audience; we didn’t know who, but we loved that person.
“Come now, Milo, we can’t have the magician without his hat, can we?”
Milo didn’t move. No one moved. No one dared to. Only the breeze tickling at the edges of his star-spattered cape.
“Come here, boy. Now.” Her voice cracked like a whip. Milo couldn’t ignore it. None of us could ignore it, our feet itched to stand. Ellie Hawley went so far as taking that first step forward before she caught hold of herself and paused.
Milo, though, he was too young to know better. He had been trained to obey voices like Missus Felder’s. He was stepping forward, he was stepping forward, and there—he was forward, he was just in front of her, and she was putting down the hat, she was resting it gently on his head, and she was tugging just so at the brim to set it straight.
And she was tugging at it.
And she was tugging at it.
And down came the hat an inch farther.
And down came the hat another inch.
She was still tugging at it, still smiling like she was doing a favour for Milo, but none of us could see his face anymore. The hat was past his nose. The hat was past his mouth. The hat was past his chin, but Missus Felder just kept tugging it down and down and down. Now his shoulders were gone, and it was taking the boy up into it, Milo, he was just disappearing into the hat, disappearing to his knees and his shin and his ankles until the hat was resting on the ground.
Missus Felder blinked as if she was confused. She blinked as if she didn’t understand what had happened. Then she picked up the hat. Quizzical. She held it out to the audience, showed us all the inside and it was empty. Perfectly empty.
“Well,” she said, almost apologetically. “I guess that’s that, then.”
And she stepped off the stage.
The thing about magic is it only works when you let it. It only works when you believe in it entirely, when you give yourself over to it entirely. Magic can only give you a thing you want that badly, that desperately. No one can work magic over you. You can only work magic over yourself.
Cheryl Felder knew something about magic.
There were stories about Cheryl Felder, stories that poor Sandifer kid ought to have known the way that all kids know whose trees not to filch apples from and which backyards shouldn’t be ventured into for Frisbees and baseballs. Some might say that these sorts of stories were nonsense and spoke only to the curmudgeonly tendencies of the grumbles who reside in any town block.
But those people would be dead wrong.
After Sayer disappeared not a single soul spoke, not a bird twittered, not a skirt fluttered in the breeze. You could see those faces, each of them white as snow, white as a snow-woman caught in a melt.
Lillian trembled, but she said nothing.
She watched Missus Felder pluck a crustless tuna fish sandwich off the platter and vanish it with three remorseless bites.
“Could use some cayenne,” she said with a sprung smile, “but all around, fine work, Lillian. Thanks for the show.”
Cheryl Felder knew something about magic, and the biggest trick she knew was that people don’t like messing with it. Messing with magic was like sticking your hand down a blind hole, you never knew if there might be treasure at the bottom or if it might be some rattler’s hole. And all those women, they had something to lose, they had sons of their own, they had husbands, they had pretty hair or blue cotton frocks—something they didn’t want vanished. So after a while each of them stood up and collected leftover plates still piled high with uneaten liquorice strands or oatmeal-raisin cookies and then each of them filed silently past Lillian Sandifer with neither a glance nor a touch nor a whisper of comfort.
Don’t be too hard on them.
They had loved that boy. We had all loved that boy.
They tried to make up for it over the next couple of months, knowing as we all did what a bad time Lillian would be having with that empty room at the top of the stairs, the room filled with arithmetic workbooks and bottle rockets and adventure paperbacks. They dropped off casseroles. Their sons took over the raking of the lawn and the watering of the flowerbeds. Ellie Hawley brought over a fresh-baked apple pie every Sunday. But it was never spoken of, why this neighbourly hospitality was due.
And Missus Felder, she did the same as she had always done. She shopped at the grocery store, squeezing peaches and plums to be sure they were ripe. She got her hair done once a week at the salon at the corner of Broad and Vine.
The missuses of the neighbourhood never spoke to her of it. None could manage it. I wanted to. I did. That little boy had a way of being loved that seemed a brand of magic all his own, but if there was one thing I knew it was that I couldn’t meddle in this.
Once I saw Lillian try, but only once.
This was about three weeks after it had happened. Poor Lillian was looking wasted and fat at the same time, her cheekbones sharp as fishhooks but her chin sagging like a net. Joe had gone on one of his business trips out of town, leaving her by her lonesome for the big old holiday weekend. All the ladies of the Hollow were bringing out bowls of punch and wobbling gelatine towers filled with fruit and marshmallows, while the children lit up Burning Schoolhouses and Big Bertha firecrackers. There was a fizzy feeling to the air on those kinds of days, as it exploded with pops and whistles and sparks and the smell of hamburger sizzling on the grill.
Missus Felder, she came out too for the block party and she brought with her a bowl of plump, red strawberries. She set them up at the end of her driveway on a little wooden table with a lace cloth thrown over, and she handed them out to kiddies as they whizzed by.
Now she was trimming the hats off them, one by one.
And there was Lillian standing in front of her, trembling, thin-boned, in a yellow print dress that made her skin seem old as last year’s newspaper.
“Please,” Lillian said. Just that. Just that word.
“Careful,” said Missus Felder, never looking up, her fingers dusted white to the knuckle as she pinched strawberries out and laid on the confectionery sugar. “You’ll spoil your make-up if you keep up with that. You’ve too pretty a face for tears and if I’m not wrong there’s others around here that’d be willing to hook that husband of yours. A nice man, Joe. A handsome man. He deserves a pretty wife.”
Lillian didn’t say anything. Her lips trembled. They were chapped and unrouged, and maybe she was wondering why she hadn’t put a touch of red on them. Missus Felder plucked up another strawberry and she looked at it carefully.
“You’re a beautiful woman, Lillian, and children wear you out. They trample the roses of youth, leave a woman like some tattered thing hanging out on the clothesline. Let the boy go. He was ungrateful, selfish. Have another one if it’s in your heart to do so, but let that one go.”
“But he’s my son, Cheryl. Please.”
“Son or no son.” Now Missus Felder sighed a worn-out, old sigh as if the weather had gotten into her bones and really, she was just an old woman, why was she being troubled with this? “Do as you like, Lillian. But I’ll tell you for nothing that some children are best let go.”
And that was that.
The last flickers of September’s heat burned out in the flood of a ravenous, wet November that shuttered the windows and played havoc with the shingles; by the time December whispered in, we were all thankful for it. All of us except for Lillian Sandifer.
There were some women who could take a loss and find their own way through, but Lillian, bless her, had had an easy life. Joe was everything you ought to have in a husband. He treated her gently. He brought her back fine cotton sheets from Boston, dresses and trinkets, a music box, a tiny wind-up carousel. Lillian loved all beautiful things. She had come as close to a life without loss as one can. But when December blew in—an easy December, full of light snows and bright silver days—it was like she took all the harshness, the cold, the cutting, fractured freeze into herself, and she let it break her.
And then we all saw the snowman in Missus Felder’s yard.
The snows had been light, as I said, barely enough for a footprint, really, but there it was: round as a turnip at the bottom; a thin, tapering carrot for a nose; two silver dollars for eyes; and a fresh knitted scarf in green and gold hung beneath its hawkish, polar jowls. It was a king snowman, the kind of snowman that children dream about making before their arms give out from pushing the ball around the yard, the kind of snowman that wouldn’t melt until halfway through May.
And on its head was a black chimney-pot hat, creased somewhat at the brim with a red silk ribbon drawn around it to set off its colouring.
A beauty, that hat; gorgeous to the eyes of a child and pure pain to his mother.
I could never do a big thing with magic, and that has always been both a blessing and a curse to me. Oh, there are ways and there are ways, and I know this is true, but the ways have never worked for me. It’s an easy thing to change a boy’s name. It’s a little thing, particularly if it is a thing done kindly, if it is a thing that might be wanted. Then the change comes easily. But I cannot get blood from a stone, nor flesh from bread, nor make healthy a woman who wishes she were sick.
That is the province of my sister. And if it is none of mine to meddle with that greater magic, then it is at least something of mine to meddle with her.
It was a month into the hard end of winter I finally broke my silence.
“You must let the boy go,” I told Cheryl, stepping in out of the cold, stamping my boots off to shed them of the slush that had begun to freeze around the edges. Winter always followed the two of us, winter and spring, summer and autumn, they had their own way about us whether we willed it or no.
“I will not, Minnie…” She paused like the name was bitter to her. “Minnie, they call you. Ha. They have a way with names, don’t they? Marianne. No, Marianne, I cannot.” She closed the door quickly. She hated the cold, kept a thin blanket wrapped around her in the winter. I could see her curved fingers clutching at the edges. Winter turned her into an old woman as surely as summer made her a young one.
I gave her a look. It was not the dark and hooked scowl that came so easily to
“It’s time. It is long past time.”
“Too skinny, and what has that husband of yours got you doing with your hair? I could never abide him, you know.” Her mouth twisted as she looked me up and down
“I know. You could never abide any of them.”
“I abided my own well enough,” she said. “The poor duckling. The little lamb. Let me fetch you some cake.” She did. Tea, as well, the heat of it warming through the bone china cup. Her movements were quick and sharp as a bird’s.
She settled us at the kitchen table. I remembered this house, I knew the ins and outs of it. The gold December light filtered softly through the window, touching a lace cloth, a badly polished silver candle-holder. She never had an eye for the details, no, and this was what came of it.
“Where is the boy, Cheryl?”
She touched her tongue to her lip, scowled something fierce. “You know as well as I do.”
“Let him out.”
“No.”
“They will come to hate us.” I knew she knew this. I could see it in her eyes, in the way she twisted at the lace cloth, but she could be a stubborn old biddy sometimes. “He was a good boy, and it was a small thing,” I said.
“It was not a small thing!” she cried so harshly it took me by surprise, that her voice could go so ugly. So sad. I looked at my sister, and I saw then the thing that they all saw. That missus of nightmares and twisted stories, the hooked woman, the crone; she who devoured baseballs and Frisbees and footballs; she who stole the bright heart of summer and cursed the strawberries to wither on the vine; the son-stealer, the child-killer.
“It was,” I said gently. “You know as well as I do that it was, and it is only spite and pride that keeps you from letting him go.”
“You are a meddler too, Marianne, so mind your tongue,” she muttered but the words stung nonetheless. “No,” Cheryl whispered, chin curved down, and she was retreating, drawing in upon herself. “I know it as well. It was a mistake, all of it, nothing more than that.” She cupped the bone china in her hand and blew on the tea to cool it. “I did not mean for it to happen, you know I did not, I would not do such a thing to a child. To his mother.” She paused, took a sip, eyes hooded, lips twisting. “I know that the woman is dying. I know she will not live through the winter, but I cannot touch her, don’t you see that? Don’t you see, sister? I cannot heal the mother, I cannot summon the child. I cannot force a thing that is not wanted, and the boy
I could see the truth of it written on her face.
She was not a monster, she had never been a monster, and how I wished I could take her in my arms, her frail bones sharp and splintering as a porcupine; how I wished I could whisper the words of comfort to her. But she did not wish to be comforted. Her spine was made of sprung steel. She would not break herself upon this, for she knew what loss was and what mistakes were and the hardness of carrying on anyway. My sister knew this. She had buried a husband she loved. She had cried tears for her own lost boy, and knitted a scarf for him in green and gold, and hung it upon the cold reminder of his body in the yard.
Her fingers twitched, knuckling the bone china cup. I wanted to take her hand, but I knew something of her pride, the pride and the grief and the love of all of us missuses of the Hollow.
“Let us do something,” I say. “Even if it is a small thing.”
It is an easy thing to take a handful of snow and fashion it into a boy, easier than most anyone would believe. Snow longs to be something else. Bread does not wish to be flesh, water does not wish to be wine, stones do not wish to bleed—but snow, snow wishes always to be the thing that is not, a thing that might survive the spring thaw and live out its days whole and untouched. And a boy, a boy who is loved, well, what finer shape is there?
And so we two fashioned it into a shape, and we set the silver dollars for its eyes and we wrote its name upon its forehead. Then, of course, it was not a thing of snow any longer but a thing of flesh: a thing with Milo Sandifer’s bright blue eyes, barely nudging five-feet, and still as tongue-tied as any boy ever was.
“Missus Suh-s-sabatelli,” he whispered, trying out that fresh new mouth of his.
“Yes, boy,” I allowed with a sigh. “That I am. Now get you home to your mother, she’s been calling after you, and don’t you bother her with what you’ve been getting up to. Just give her a kiss, you hear?”
“Right,” the boy said, “Yes, of course. I’ll do that. Thank you, ma’am.”
Already his tongue was working better than poor Milo’s ever did. But it wouldn’t matter none, I reckoned. Missus Felder unwound the scarf from around the king snowman’s neck. The hole in its chest where we had dug out the boy yawned like a chasm. Like Adam’s unknit ribcage.
“Here,” she said, and she wrapped the scarf around Milo. “You ought to keep warm now. Little boys catch cold so easily.”
He blinked at her as if trying to remember something, but then he shrugged the way that little boys do. Then he was off, scampering across lawns and driveways, home to his mother. I looked on after him, staring at the places where his feet had touched the ground, barely making a dent in the dusting of white over the grass.
“What do you reckon?” I asked Cheryl. She’d gone to patting away at her snowman and sealing him up again, eyeless, blinded, a naked thing without that scarf, only the hat on him now, only that gorgeous silk thing to make him a man and not just a lump.
“He’ll last as long as he lasts,” she said with a sniff. “Snow is snow. Even if it wants to be a boy.”
“And Lillian?”
She didn’t speak for a time, and I had to rub at my arms for warmth. For me it had already gone February and the little snowflakes that landed upon my cheeks were crueller things than the ones the other missuses would be feeling as they took their sons and daughters to church.
“Maybe it’s a kindness you’ve done here, and maybe it isn’t.” She wasn’t looking at me. Cheryl couldn’t ever look at you when she was speaking truths. She smoothed the freeze over the place where she drew out the boy, and her fingers were like twigs, black and brittle, against the white of it. “You can’t ever know the thing a person truly wants, but you keep on trying, don’t you? I hope your husband is a happy man, I hope you give him children of your own one day.”
“Well,” I said, but I didn’t know what more to add to that.
She was right, of course, she always was about such things: maybe it was a blessing and maybe it wasn’t, but the boy came home to find his mother curled up in his bed surrounded by arithmetic workbooks and bottle rockets and adventure paperbacks. And he kissed her gently on the forehead, and she looked at him and smiled, her heart giving out, just like that, at the joy of seeing him once again. But the boy had been made good and sweet, and so he wrapped himself in her arms, and he lay next to her until the heat of her had faded away entirely.
That heat.
Poor thing didn’t know any better. But snow is snow, even when it is flesh. A thing always remembers what it was first. When Joe Sandifer came home it was to find his wife had passed on, and from the dampness of the sheets he knew she must have been crying an ocean.
Joe was a good man and a strong man; his fingers were long and graceful. He pulled up the sheet around his wife, and he kissed her gently, and he buried her the following Tuesday. Perhaps it was hard for him for a time; it must have been, for he had loved his wife dearly, and he had lived only to see her smile, but the spring came and went, and then a year, and then another year, and he was not the kind of man who needed wait long for a partner. It was Ellie Hawley in the end, childlike and sweet, whose husband had brought her the blue dress with the raglan sleeves, whose husband had left her behind when he found a Boston widow with a dress that didn’t make it past the knees and legs that went all the way to the floor. Ellie was the one who managed to bring a smile to Joe’s face and to teach him that there were still beautiful things left in the world for a man who had lost both wife and son.
And so it goes.
And it goes and it goes and it goes.
Until one day Milo came back.
“Missus Sabatelli,” he said when I opened the door to him, that bright June Tuesday with the scent of fresh-mown grass drifting through the neighbourhood, nine in the morning, just like he used to.
He was a grown man then, the height of his father, with his father’s good looks and easy smile. A handsome man. The kind of man you’d fall in love with, easy, but the kind of man you’d never know if he loved you back.
“Milo,” I said, and I had to hold on to the doorframe. I was half expecting him to be wearing that star-spattered cloak of his, to chew on his words as if they were gristle in his mouth. But he didn’t.
“Thank you for that kindness,” he said, “but I’m not Milo any longer. I’ve learned a thing or two since then.” I saw then that he was right. Whoever he was, he wasn’t little Milo Sandifer.
“You’ve come back,” I said. I shivered. For him it was June, but for me the wind was already blowing crisp and cool, carrying the smoky scent of September with it. Time was running faster and faster ahead of me.
“Yes,” Sayer said, lingering on that “s” with a lazy smile as if to show me he could do it now and easily at that. “I’ve come home again. Would you mind if I stepped inside, Marianne? I’m not one to gab on porches, and if it’s not too impertinent I could use a cup of coffee something fierce.”
“Of course, boy.”
He chuckled, and the sound was rich and deep and expansive. I stepped aside, and he took off his hat as he came in. Not
I was nervous. It had been some time since there had been a man in my house.
“You found your way then?” I asked him.
“I did, ma’am. I surely did.”
“And you know about your mother?”
He smiled, but this time there was something else to the smile. “I do,” he said. “Missus Felder told me of all that, and I’m sorry for it, I suppose. She whispered it to me while I was gone. She cajoled, she begged, and she pleaded. She has a tongue on her could scald boiling water, Missus Felder does, could strip paint off a fence.”
His eyes were bright blue, and surprisingly clear. I wondered if he was lying to me. I could see he had learned how to lie. Like lying was easy and beautiful.
“You didn’t come back for her,” I said.
“I did not.” He paused, and breathed in deep, like he never smelled coffee before and found it the finest thing in the world. “I could say that I was unable.” He glanced at me underneath a fan of handsome eyelashes, quick as a bird. “But you know that’s not true, you know that’s not how magic works, don’t you? I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay, and it didn’t matter. What Missus Felder did—your sister, yes, I know about that—what she did was cruel in its own way, sure, but not in the way you’d think—”
“No, boy,” I cut him off. He looked surprised at that, like he was not used to people cutting him off. I wondered who this new boy was, this boy that Cheryl and I had made. “We figured it out, of course, though it was too late for anything to be done. You were always a boy who was looking for magic, even then, even then you were, and we knew it, Cheryl and I both knew it, but we had hoped it might be a different sort of magic. A kinder sort.”
“But it wasn’t,” he said.
“No, it wasn’t. You found something in there, didn’t you?”
“I did.”
“And you stayed for it.”
“I did.”
“And now?”
“Now I have taken what I need from it,” he said, and he flexed his fingers, long and graceful. They were not the fingers he had when he was a boy, those poor stubby things that couldn’t palm a quarter or pull off a faro shuffle. These were magician’s fingers.
“So I see you have, my boy. Has it done ill for you or aught?”
At this he paused. I could see he wanted to get into his patter now, and it was not the same kind of pause as when he was young, when he knew the word but still it tripped him up; this was a different beast.
“I don’t know,” he said at last. “I want you to tell me. That’s why I’m here, I suppose, Marianne.”
“No one can tell you that, Sayer.”
He took to studying his fingernails. Maybe he learned that trick from Cheryl, not looking at a person. “I think you can. I think you are afraid to tell me.”
A shiver ran down my spine like ice melting. I tried to shake the feeling though.
“No, boy.” He looked up at that word. “Your sense of timing was always characteristically awful. You never learned how to wait for a thing. Don’t you know that? When you try to cheat magic, it just gets worse and worse and worse. What you found in that hat—some sort of secondhand magic I’m reckoning, that piece of truth you were looking for all that time—it’s yours now. It ain’t your daddy’s magic. It ain’t Lillian’s either. Poor, sweet Lillian. You’ve suffered for it, and you’ve caused suffering for it, so it’s yours to own, yours to do with as you will.”
“There is a bad thing coming at the end of this,” Sayer told me. He reached out that long-fingered hand of his, and he touched me on the wrist.
“I know, boy,” I said. “We always know these things. Time’s always racing on for us; even if most other folk can’t see it properly, you can. But, God, the thing we never learned right, Cheryl and I, is that magic is about waiting, it’s about letting the bad things happen. It’s about letting the children pass on into adults, and the mothers grieve, and the fathers lose their way, or find it, and the sons come home again when they are ready to come home. That is the thing you will not have learned in that place you went to, because that is only a thing you can learn out here. What are you going to be, Sayer Sandifer? Why, whatever it is you choose to be. You saw what was coming that day when you invited her up on the stage with you. Boy, there were twenty people out in the audience who loved you, who would have waited with you, who would have helped you get there on your own, but you wanted what she had and so you took it.”
The words were hard stones in my own mouth, but I had chewed them over so long that I had made them round and smooth and true.
“Where is my sister?” I asked him.
“She’s gone now,” Sayer told me, and this time I could tell that he wasn’t lying. I didn’t know what kind of a thing he was, this man drinking his coffee in front of me, this man who had taken power into himself but not knowledge, not wisdom, not the patience of a boy who learns to speak for himself.
“Well,” I said, and the word hung between us.
I felt old. I felt the weight of every summer and winter hanging upon me.
I knew it would only happen if I let it. I knew it would only happen if I wanted it to happen. I knew this just as my sister knew it.
Then Sayer laid down his grey Trilby on the table, and, lo and behold, it was the thing I’d been looking for after all. The hat, the chimney-pot hat. That little piece of secondhand magic. He turned it over so that I could see that yawning chasm inside—the pure blackness of it, deep and terrifying. The place he disappeared to. The place he found his way out of.
“You could marry me,” he said. “You always loved me, and I can see there’s no man about now. Living like that can be awful lonely.”
The words pulled at something inside me. He was right. I was lonely. This life of mine felt old, misshapen, stretched out by the years. But I did not want him. I did not want that stranger. “No,” I said.
He sighed and shook his head like it was my tragedy. My funeral.
“I’m not cruel,” he said to me in that handsome, grown-up voice of his. And he looked at me with eyes wide as two silver dollars, but flat-edged and dull as if the shine had been worn off them by residence in too many dirty pockets. “I swear I’m not trying to be cruel. It’s the world that’s wild and woolly.”
And I knew that magic only worked if you let it. I knew that magic only worked on a thing that wanted it. But I was tired, and I was tired, and I had lost my husband, and I had lost my sister, and I had lost that little boy I loved.
Sayer pushed the hat toward me.
I took it up carefully, studied the dilapidated brim, fingered the soft black silk of it.
And Sayer smiled. Just once.
And then the bad thing happened.
Dale Bailey
THE CULVERT
DALE BAILEY recently published a new collection,
His work has been a finalist for the Nebula Award, the Shirley Jackson Award, and the Horror Writers Association Bram Stoker Award. The author’s International Horror Guild Award-winning novelette ‘Death and Suffrage’ was adapted for the Showtime Network’s
“As is usually the case,” reveals Bailey, “I have no clear idea where the concept for this story came from. I only knew that I wanted to play with the theme of identity.
“I set myself a technical challenge: since I usually write ‘long’ (novelette or novella length), I wanted to compress the narrative as much as possible, while still maintaining emotional resonance—thus the brief telegraphic bursts which I hoped would communicate the speaker’s inability to face his own sense of grief and loss.
“I can only hope it worked.”
MY BROTHER NEVER had a grave. No funeral service. Not even a real obituary. Just a handful of articles I scissored from the front page of the city’s newspaper when I was thirteen years old. I have them still. I can fan them out like a hand of poker, yellow as old ivory, fragile as pressed flowers: LOCAL BOY GOES MISSING, STILL NO SIGN OF MISSING CHILD, PARENTS CLEARED IN MISSING CHILD CASE.
Soon after the authorities gave up on finding Danny, we moved to a town three hundred miles away. My father retired from a lucrative profession to take a job at a fencing company, wrestling coils of wire. I spent my adolescence there, friendless as a leper. So I learned the shape of loss, its scope and its dimensions.
Danny was exactly two minutes and thirty-two seconds older than I was. Even our mother could not tell us apart.
Grizzled men that smelled of cologne and cigarettes interviewed me in the days after Danny disappeared. Over ice cream. In the park. They seemed impossibly old to me, though I suppose they couldn’t have been much older than I am now. As the years slip by, old age perpetually recedes before you. In our hearts we never change.
Sometimes I dream of the tunnels.
We lay each alike in our twin beds, watching the closet door, ajar like a fissure into the night, our hands crossed atop our chests like dead men, and drew in the same breath and blew it out into the blackness in accidental harmony and whispered to one another almost below the threshold of sound. Sometimes now I wonder if we really spoke at all, if we didn’t have access to one another’s thoughts themselves, if we didn’t share the same geographies of boyish desire.
I’ve drifted from job to job all my life. I suppose it was inevitable that I’d drift back to the city sooner or later. But this barren apartment over an empty storefront doesn’t feel like home.
That was the worst thing of all, losing my best friend and my brother in a single blow.
I used to ride my bike to Deet’s Grocery, on the corner of Main and Hickory, to exchange a handful of grubby coins for a hoard of green-apple Jolly Ranchers or Double-Bubble bubble gum, with the riddle inside the wrapper—but it wasn’t the same without Danny. After that I’d hike up to the highway and stare at the cars zipping by, aching to be somewhere, anywhere, else.
We’d stolen flashlights from our father’s toolbox. They felt heavy and reassuring in our hands.
Everything is dead here.
I remember the day we discovered the culvert. Icy rain needled our slickers. Mountains shouldered up around the highway, dun-hued mud squelched underfoot, dank trees turned their leaves to clouds the colour of soured milk. Yellow headlights smeared the mist, the blur of cars rocketing past. The culvert beckoned like a dark eye, cloacal and alluring.
When we were seven years old, we stood naked in front of our bedroom mirror and gazed at the mystery of ourselves, twins twinned. I occasionally find myself before one of those three-panelled department-store mirrors and stare at myself replicated to infinity, wondering which, if any of them, is me.
We fascinated our classmates. Sometimes they ran cool fingers across our face.
Inside the culvert, a flood gushed around our feet, sweeping before it a wrack of clotted leaves and sticks. At the near end, rain hammered the culvert’s concrete apron; at the far, an ashen circle of light disclosed an arm of deeply forested mountain. As our eyes adjusted to the silky darkness in between, a rift of more tenebrous gloom summoned itself into being: a cleft just wide enough to slide through sidewise. We felt its clammy breath upon our face. The dark seemed suddenly ominous and strange.
I haven’t thought of them in years, those bikes. After Danny disappeared, his leaned untouched on its kickstand in the garage for months. Then we moved, and I never saw it again.
I remember the sky, a soulless arc bleached the colour of bone by the heat.
In the glare of the flashlights, the culvert unveiled itself: moss grown and functional, without beauty. Half an inch of coffee-black water stood in its leaf-choked channel, emitting a rich, peaty stench. Shadows fled before us like flights of bats. Traffic thundered overhead. The dread of underground places, the burden of the planet bearing down upon us.
That was the summer of our thirteenth birthday.
The cleft was choking, claustrophobic. Four or five feet of sliding sideways, sucking in your belly, your head wrenched to one side. It narrowed until we thought we could neither pass nor return. Panicked, we strained forward. Abruptly, the walls fell back. Darkness cradled and embraced us.
My parents fell silent in the months after Danny disappeared. I think his loss broke something inside them. They had a way of looking past me, like they were looking for the part of me that wasn’t there.
The sweep of our flashlight beams revealed a perfectly arched atrium a dozen feet in circumference. A dry, level floor. Twin archways that opened into intersecting corridors. We shone our flashlight into each of them. Black and unrelenting, they gave nothing to the light.
I’ve been divorced three times.
I remember my father’s work-thickened knuckles, nicked and scarred with the dozens of tiny wounds inflicted by coils of wire.
We chose the left-hand way.
The tunnel spiralled deep into the earth. Cold pimpled our skin and frosted our breath. The air smelled of stone and time. Our sneakers scuffed the floor, unleashing choruses of whispers. The gravity of the tunnels drew us inexorably downward. The enchantment of the secret and the subterranean.
Deet’s Grocery is gone. There is little commerce here anymore, just blocks of abandoned storefronts, windows soaped over, sun-faded FOR LEASE signs taped up outside. Traffic swishes by in the mountains above the valley. Few cars renounce the highway to descend into these empty streets. I will leave this city soon. There is nothing for me here.
Still the passage spiralled down, deeper, deeper, until at last, impossibly, it deposited us through the neighbouring tunnel into the arched atrium where we had begun.
We celebrated our thirteenth birthday at a restaurant that catered to children. I can’t remember how many of our schoolmates attended, but I still recall the red bunting our parents draped around the room where dinner was to be served. A clown ushered us screaming into a towering maze of plastic ducts where we chased one another breathless. Afterward, our father distributed tokens for skee-ball and video games. We measured our winnings in tongues of extruded tickets, and traded them for plastic trinkets at a counter manned by bored teenagers. We ate two slices of pizza at dinner and shared a single chocolate-glazed cake with thirteen candles. We blew them out together, as though we had not lived twenty-six full years between us.
We chose the right-hand path. It spiralled ever upward. Surely it must soon pass beyond the asphalt surface of the highway into the daylit world beyond. Yet it did not. It spilled us into the atrium instead. This time we emerged from the left-hand tunnel. We turned back to follow it a hundred yards or so, and found that it descended as far as we could see.
Like all children, we had our secret lives. We orbited a star of our own, as isolate and self-sufficient. Secrets were our watchword, lies our sigil of conspiracy.
We rarely spoke of the tunnels. But at night in our dark bedroom, with the closet door ajar like a portal into a labyrinth, we shared the same uneasy dreams.
The tunnels were utterly silent.
At the party, my mother knelt to hug me. Tears glinted in her eyes. When she drew me close to whisper in my ear, her voice broke.
Time did not pass there. No matter how long we spent exploring the maze of corridors, when we emerged once again from that fissure in the concrete, the world was unchanged. The sun shot its rays at the same angle into the culvert’s mouth. Stepping out into the air, we saw the same clouds hanging unmoved in the same blue and depthless sky.
We used to test our mother.
One morning we squeezed through the cleft to discover an even dozen arch-ways radiating from the atrium. By then we’d procured supplies for exploring the corridors: sweatshirts against the cold, knapsacks to carry spare batteries, a snack, a thermos of our mother’s tea. And though we’d grown confident that all paths circled back to the atrium by some mechanism we could not understand, we did not that day care to venture the dark.
After that, we used red spray paint to blaze the walls with arrows, like Hansel and Gretel scattering breadcrumbs to mark their way.
I parked in the gravel turnout where Danny and I had once stashed our bikes and climbed toward the highway. I heard it before I saw it: the rumble of behemoth trucks downshifting on the long grade out of the mountains, the tyre-hiss of cars darting among them, nimble as pilot fish. I scrambled up the final slope, digging for purchase, and stood at the guard-rail, watching the traffic slip eternally past.
Our mother insisted that we dress identically. Even afterward, she shopped in duplicates.
We were too old for that kind of party.
I had trouble finding the culvert. I had to work my way through dense brush before I stumbled upon the drainage ditch that paralleled the highway. I walked alongside it for fifteen minutes, studying the embankment. Even then I almost missed it. A thicket of weeds and junk trees had sprung up in the stony breakwater below its concrete apron, obscuring the culvert’s black and abiding eye.
The last time we pushed through the crevice, there was but a single archway in the atrium. The tunnel beyond was broader than any we’d yet taken. As we walked, it broadened still, so that we could no longer touch the walls with our outstretched hands. After a long time, it steered us into an immense square. An elaborate fountain—angels with trumpets, long dry—stood in the centre, Italianate buildings and arcades to either side. Winding streets branched off here and there, lined with vacant shops. If there was a ceiling, our flashlight beams could not reach it.
That was the day after our thirteenth birthday.
We crossed the square and took a narrow street. At each intersection we marked our way. Meandering alleys delivered us into lavish piazzas, endless colonnades, stately domes and galleries: the city of our dreams.
I stood at the mouth of the culvert, knuckles nicked and scarred from the climb. Ducking my head, I stepped inside. Nothing had changed. The same half-inch of stagnant water, the ruin of rotting leaves.
We walked the cobbled streets and after a time they became the same streets, crowded and narrow, with the same turnings of the way and the same buildings leaning over them and the same fathomless sky between. Time and again we found ourselves in the same square with the same ornate fountain at the centre. No matter how many forking paths we took away from that place, they always led us back.
When I took my first college girlfriend home to meet my parents, she studied the photos of my brother and me that my mother had propped in their dozens around the house.
How long we wandered that labyrinthine city, I cannot say. We ate the last of our snacks on a balcony overlooking that central plaza, we drank the last of our tea. Exhaustion took us. We slept curled together in the anteroom of an opulent palace, and woke unrested, to terror and despair.
I remember a time my father took my mother in his arms.
I must have slipped ahead of Danny—a few steps, half-a-dozen yards or so, no more, that is all I can know or surmise. But when I turned to find him, a maze of branching streets intersected where before there had been but a single way. My brother was gone. The red arrows had evaporated. Jackdaws had eaten our crumbs.
I have studied the blueprints for the city’s drainage system. The highway sweeps out of the mountains far above. There are no tunnels there.
They are there. They are.
No photos of me without Danny adorn my parents’ house.
How long I sought my brother among those shifting streets, I do not know. I called for him until I grew hoarse. But the city’s acoustics betrayed me: my voice boomed back at me down empty avenues and across abandoned courtyards. His name sounded like any other name.
Sometimes I think of all the things Danny never got to do.
She was a pretty girl, lithe and blonde. I can’t remember her name.
The way narrowed, the city fell behind me. I descended a cramped defile, the arched ceiling close above me. It wound finally back to the atrium. Twin tunnels converged there. The fissure cleaved the stone on the other side.
Perhaps he was waiting for me on the other side, I recall thinking as I squeezed through the crevice, but he was not there. When I turned to look behind me, the fissure was gone.
Three times I walked the culvert end to end. Two dozen times I have walked it since. The walls are smooth and uninterrupted. If there is a crevice in its concrete length, I cannot find or see it.
I will never leave this city.
I wish I’d never had a brother. Sometimes I think I never did.
Two of us went in. Only one of us came out. And dear God, I don’t know if it was me.
Richard Gavin
THE PATTER OF TINY FEET
RICHARD GAVIN has authored four volumes of supernatural fiction—
In 2015 he co-edited (with Daniel A. Schulke and Patricia Cram)
“I have always been something of a searcher after horror,” explains the author. “Wayfaring through neglected locales is one of my greatest pleasures. One summer evening, some twenty years ago now, I was enjoying an off-trail hike with a friend when we happened upon an abandoned house. It was so decrepit it seemed ancient. There was no door in the doorframe, no glass in the window apertures.
“Much like my protagonist, my companion and I let our enchantment get the better of us and we brazenly (perhaps foolishly) explored the house inside and out. Fortunately our discoveries were far less dramatic than those in my story. Nevertheless, I vividly recall how unworldly the house seemed, with the smears of dried mud and curled leaves carpeting its floorboards, and the morose patches of floral wallpaper that tenaciously clung to the water-damaged walls.
“What struck me most indelibly was how incongruous the house appeared, standing there surrounded by untamed wilderness. Though the landscape had undoubtedly changed in the decades since the house had served as someone’s home, I couldn’t shake the notion of an utterly isolated abode being deliberately built where there were no roads, footpaths, or farming fields in sight.
“This concept remained with me until it finally shone through my writer’s lens as ‘The Patter of Tiny Feet’.”
AGAINST HIS BETTER judgement Sam stopped the car and allowed his smart phone to connect with Andrea’s. The ear-piece purled enough times to allow him to envision Andrea sitting smugly cross-armed, eyeing her vibrating phone, ignoring his extension of the olive branch. Choking back the indignation he still believed was truly righteous, Sam obeyed the recorded instructions and waited for the tone.
“Hi, it’s me,” he began, trying not to be distracted by the escarpment’s belittling sprawl of glacial rock and ancient forests. “Look, I’m sorry I stormed out like that. It was childish of me, I admit. I’m happy about your promotion, I truly am, it’s just…well…I suppose I was a little shocked by how much your new position alters our plans.” He was lecturing again. Andrea had accused him of it often enough. Was he also being high-handed, as she liked to claim?
“Anyhow, I really do have some scouting to do, that wasn’t a lie. But I wanted to call you before I got too far out and lost the signal. I’ve got my equipment in the car with me. I’m going to snap a few locations just to get Dennis off my back. I should be back in a few hours, so hopefully we can talk more then. Don’t worry, I’m not going to try and get you to change your mind about anything. I…I guess I just need to know that a family’s not completely off the table for us. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, but at some point in the not too distant future I’d…”
He could feel himself babbling. Already his first few statements had grown hazy; he winced at their possible fawning stupidity.
“I’ll see you when I get home. Love you lots.”
The jeep that was scaling the mountain behind him gave Sam an unpleasant start when he spotted its swelling reflection in his rear-view mirror. The deafening beat of its stereo, no doubt worth more than the vehicle itself, caused the poorly folded maps on Sam’s dashboard to hum and vibrate as though they were maimed birds attempting to flap their crumpled wings. The jeep rumbled past and the girl in its passenger seat was whooping and laughing a shrill musical laugh that Sam half believed was directed at him. He started his engine and cautiously veered back onto Appleby Line to resume his half-hearted search for a paragon of terror.
He’d not been lying about the mounting pressure from Dennis, a director who possessed the eccentricities and ego of many legendary
Although Sam’s experience in movie-making allowed him to see the idiocy of Dennis’s delusions, being a freelancer required Sam to accept any jobs that came his way during leaner times. Location Manager was an impressive title on paper, but with anorexic productions such as
But now it seemed there would be no need to furnish their guest bedroom with a crib and rocking chair and a chiming mobile on the ceiling. Instead there would only be Andrea’s customary seven-day workweeks, her quarterly bonuses spent on ever-sleeker gadgets and more luxurious clothing. Sam’s wants were simple: to know the pleasures of progeny, fatherhood, to watch someone born of love and blessed with love growing up and sequentially awakening to all the wonders of life. His grandfather had advised Sam years ago that there comes a time in every man’s life when all he wants is to hear the patter of tiny feet.
Now thirty-eight, Sam had come to appreciate the wisdom of the cliché, and also the cold sorrow of realising that this natural desire might shrivel up unfulfilled. What then? Sunday afternoon cocktails with Andrea’s fellow brokers, with him chasing an endless string of movie gigs until, perhaps, he could found a company of his own?
Only when the car began to chug and lurch in an attempt to scale the road’s sudden incline did Sam realise he’d allowed his foot to ease off the gas pedal. He stomped down on it, and the asthmatic sounds the engine released made him wince. This far up the escarpment, well past the Rattlesnake Point Conservation Area, the road hosted surprise hairpin turns that required a driver’s full alertness. Sam shook the cobwebs from his head and willed his focus on the narrow road before him.
Had he not been so determined to exceed Dennis’ expectations, Sam might have let the peripheral image pass by unexplored. But his determination to prove his worth, now not only to Dennis but also to Andrea (maybe even to himself as well), inspired Sam to edge his car onto the nearest thing the narrow lane had to a shoulder. He gathered his hip-bag and exited the vehicle. With eyes fixated on the alluring quirk in the landscape, he began to climb the rocky wall that fed off the laneway.
The stiff pitch of a shingled roof was what had commanded his attention after a rather long and uneventful drive around the escarpment. It jutted up, all tar shingles and snugly carpentered beams, amidst the leafless knotty tree-line. As he climbed upward and then began to wriggle across the inhospitable terrain, Sam questioned the housetop’s reality. Had his anxious state conspired with his imagination to impress a structure where one could not be?
A few more cautious footsteps were all that was required to confirm the substance of his glimpse.
It was a wooden-frame house whose two storeys might have sprouted stiffly from the overgrown rockery that ringed its base. Blatantly abandoned, Sam couldn’t help but note how the house’s battered walls, punctured roof, and boarded windows did not convey the usual faint melancholy or eeriness that most neglected homes do. Instead, there was an air of what might be called power. Sam wondered if the house had drawn strength from its solitude, become self-perpetuating, self-sufficient, like the mythical serpent that sustains itself by devouring its own tail.
The site was so tailored to his wishes that for a moment Sam almost believed in providence. Lugging the film crew’s equipment up and along this incline would be arduous, but he was confident that it would be worth the extra effort. Given the anorexic budget for
The place was almost fiendishly apt. They would have to bring generators here to power the equipment, and a survey of the house would be required to gauge its safety hazards, but it could work. More than work; it could shine.
As he entered the clearing where the farmhouse stood, Sam lifted his hands to frame his view in a crude approximation of a camera lens. Yet this simple gesture was enough to transform his roaming of the derelict grounds into a long and elaborate establishing shot. One by one he took in the set-pieces that may well have been left there just for him: the crumbling stone steps that led up to the empty doorframe, the rust-mangled shell of a tractor that slumped uselessly at the head of the gravel clearing, the wind-plucked barn whose arches resembled the fossilised wings of a prehistoric bird of prey. It was glorious, perfect.
Sam wished he had someone there to share it with. But surely Andrea would not draw as much pleasure from this as he did. Her interest in movies extended only as far as attending the local premieres of any productions Sam had worked on. Beyond that, Andrea’s world revolved around crunching numbers for her clients.
For a cold moment Sam imagined one day teaching his son or daughter the thrill of seeking out the special nooks of the world. For Sam, movies were secondary. Their presentation invariably paled against the sparkling wonder of discovering the richly atmospheric settings that often hide out from the rambling parade of progress: art deco bars, grand old theatres, rural churches, and countless other places like this very farm.
He fought back the wring of depression by freeing the camera from his hip-bag and beginning to snap photos of the potential set. Moving around to the rear of the house chilled Sam, even though the April sun was still pouring modest warmth on the terrain. Perhaps the sight of the high shuttered room unnerved him. Regardless, it would make an excellent shot in
A wooden well sat at the edge of the property, mere inches from the untamed forest. Sam approached it, struck by just how crude it was. The surface had not even been sanded. It still bore the mossy flaking bark of the tree from which it had been hewn. Sam might have mistaken it for the stump of a great evergreen had the mouth of the stout barrel not been secured with a large granite slab that was held in place by ancient-looking ropes. Or were they vines?
Regardless, the well or cistern could have been part of the topography, for it did not look fashioned in any way, merely capped. It was as if a massive log had been shoved down into the mud. Its base was overgrown with weeds so sun-bleached they resembled nerves.
Sam frowned at the thought of how its water might taste.
The house had no back door, so Sam hastened his way to the open door-frame that faced the incline, excited by the prospect of the house’s interior.
The forest had shared its debris with the main hall. The oiled floorboards were carpeted with broken boughs and leaves and dirt. Sam clicked several shots of the living room with its lone furnishing of a broken armchair, of the pantry that was lined with dusty preserves, of the kitchen with its dented wood stove.
To his mind he’d already collected more than ample proof that this location would suit the film, but just to cross every “T”: a few quick shots of the second storey. After that he would go back home. He had a strange and sudden need to snuggle up to Andrea, in a well-lit room, with the world held at bay beyond locked doors.
Something in the way the main stairs creaked underfoot gave Sam pause. He came to question whether the house was truly abandoned after all. It must have been the echo of the groaning wood, but the sound managed to plant the idea that the upper floor was occupied.
“Hello?” he called, only scarcely aware of the fact that his hand had begun fishing one of the contracts for location use out of his hip-bag. Drawing some absurd sense of security from the legal papers in his fist, Sam scaled the steps, listening all the while for noises that never managed to overpower his own.
An investigation of the first two rooms revealed precious little beyond more dust, greater decay. Sam’s discovery of a dismantled crib in the front bedroom did summon a lump in his throat. Why should he be so moved by so banal an image—slatted wood stacked in a corner? No doubt because he and Andrea would likely never have to do the same in their home.
His emotions were running unbridled, a delayed response to his argument with Andrea. One last room and then home to see if his own desire for a family could be rescued or simply left to erode until his heart became as rotted and hollow as this house.
The final room sat behind a door that was either locked or merely stuck in a moisture-warped jamb. Amidst the gouges on its surface was a carving of a humanoid figure dancing upon what Sam assumed was intended to be a tomb. In place of a head the figure bore an insect with thin legs represented by jagged slashes in the door wood. Beneath this glyph the word SEPA had been scratched.
Sam wriggled the iron doorknob until frustration and mounting curiosity impelled him to wrench it, slamming his weight against the door itself.
If the owner had secured the door with a lock, it had snapped under Sam’s moderate force. Still, Sam allowed a quick pang of guilt to pass through and punish him for the damage he’d wrought. But really, who would ever discover it?
The window in the room was half-covered by planks, but poor workmanship did not allow the wood to block out the light or protect the grimy glass. A cursory glance led Sam to believe that this room has been used for storage, for there were more items here than in all the other rooms combined: a long table, a wall-mounted shelf upon which books and what looked to be little wooden toys or figurines had been set, even a thin cot mattress carpeting the far corner. Bulging black trash bags were heaped along the wall. Sam daringly peeked into one of the open hems, discovering a bundle of old clothing, men’s and women’s both, wadded up in a gender-bending tangle.
All the items in the room suddenly quilted themselves together in Sam’s mind, forming a larger picture that suggested the house was someone’s home. He felt his bones go as cold and stiff as pipes in midwinter. Fear had bolted him to the spot. He listened, cursing himself for lumbering through the house so brazenly, so noisily.
Ribbons of sunlight poured in between the askew planks. Sam’s gaze followed them as they seemed to spotlight the coating of dust that covered the mattress, the rodent droppings that littered the brownish pillow. The table reposed under streamers of cobweb and the titles on the book spines were occluded by dirt. A bedroom or squatter’s den it might have been, but no longer. Sam exhaled loudly with relief.
After three or four shots of the room he indulged himself by stealing a few pictures of the neglected items: first the grubby bed, then the desk, and finally the items that lined the bowing shelf.
He regretted blowing on the row of books once the dust mushroomed up, flinging grit into his eyes and choking him. When the cloud settled Sam squinted his runny eyes at the spines:
Photographs that looked to have been torn from entomology textbooks were sloppily pasted next to Egyptian papyri that, if the ugly hand-written footnotes were to be trusted, all dealt with an Egyptian funerary god named Sepa. There were also sepia-toned photographs of tiny churchyards. Some of the graves appeared upset. Repeated misspelled notes praised the Guardian of the Larvae of the Dead. Upon one of the pages was a poem in faded pencil scrawling:
Sam closed the cover and wiped his fingers on his jacket. His attempt to return the scrapbook to its perch was made sloppy by his unsteady hand. Something fell from the shelf and landed on the table with a
Holding the jar up to the light, Sam saw enough to suggest that what it held was indeed a wad of centipedes preserved in some sludgy liquid. His stomach turned, and he quickly returned the jar to the shelf. Next to it Sam noticed what looked to be a wooden phallus. But this sexual aid was spiked with a number of toothpick legs. He did not bother to count them.
Shock was the only force that retarded Sam. Had his brain not registered the sight of the closet door opening, had his eyes not caught the suggestion of the shape in the darkened alcove, he would have run wildly, been out of this house, been racing through the sunlit woods, his car keys in his fist.
But the image of the seated cadaver was strange enough,
What an awful way to be interred, Sam thought. He marvelled at how the mind almost short-circuits when its limitations are exposed.
When the figure suddenly rose and bounded into the room it was clear it had not been left to rot in some locked farmhouse room. It had been waiting in the closet, like an ascetic in a confessional. Its face was shaded by what looked to be a flowing habit of fringed brown leather that crackled as the figure advanced, sounding like something dry, something moulted.
Sam wondered if he had stumbled into one of the improved scenes he’d been imagining.
But in the movies the dead do not move this quickly.
In a swift and seamless motion the monkish figure reached into one of the piled trash bags, causing it to tip. The bones it held clattered out onto the dusty floor like queerly shaped dice. The skulls stared with grinning indifference as the figure clutched Sam with one hand, while the other raised the chunky femur and brought it down like a primitive club. Sam never even had time to scream.
The pain in the back of his skull woke Sam and also played havoc with his perceptions. What else could explain the presence of the moon or the fact that everything else around him had been swallowed by darkness?
He pressed his hands down on the cushiony surface beneath him and slowly, achingly, pushed himself upright before slumping right back down again. The air was frigid and damp. He could see his breath forming ghosts on the blackness. Confusion over where he was gave way to a sharp panic as memories of the farmhouse shuffled their way back into Sam’s consciousness like cards being dealt: the tomes and the symbols and the grey attacker…
With an unsteady hand Sam prodded his trouser pockets, pleading silently that his smart phone was still there. It was, though its screen was cracked. He mashed at it with bloodless fingers, trying to connect with the world by any means possible. But the device’s only use was as a source of weak glowing light. Its graphics were but a smear of colour.
Sam waved the phone about like a torch. What it illuminated was an upright tunnel of textured wood. Grubs and clumped soil dangled here and there. The atmosphere was uncomfortably moist.
Craning his aching head, Sam watched as clouds scuttled across the moon’s face and he wondered how long he had been down here. The light on his phone began to flicker like a guttering candle.
Another shadow suddenly blocked the moon. This one did not pass but instead stretched across the crude mouth of the well.
The figure that was bent over the rim then made a gesture.
Only after Sam had screamed out “Help me! Please!” did he conclude that this shadowy visitor must be the man who’d attacked him.
Words came down the chute, ricocheting off the wooden walls. They were indecipherable, guttural, almost inhuman. Whether there was meaning to them or whether it was merely the vibration of the alien voice, the ground began to shift in response to the stimuli. And soon Sam felt himself being flung as the cushioned base upon which he’d been lying began to rise and scale the side of its den.
It was immense. Sam foolishly wondered how long it must have taken his attacker to find a log large enough to shelter such a creature. By the moon’s pallor-glow Sam could just see the man raising his arms to imitate the flailing mandibles of the great scuttling thing that bucked its head in mirror-perfect mimicry of these gestures. The barbarous words were now being bellowed in a euphoric tone. Their rhythm matched the clacking of the thick stingers that parted and shut on the insect’s rump.
Horror and irony besieged Sam in a great steely wave. He could only listen to the sound he’d so longed to hear: the patter of tiny feet. Only this time they were multiplied a hundredfold. Sam almost laughed, and a second later his light went out.
Ron Weighell
THE FOUR STRENGTHS OF SHADOW
RON WEIGHELL lives in Horndean, Hampshire, with his wife Fran. Published story collections include
A novella, ‘The Chapel of Infernal Devotion’, was recently been published in the Sarob Press anthology
“‘The Four Strengths of Shadow’ reflects an interest in Cabinets of Curiosities, macabre holy relics and Venetian Renaissance books,” Weighell reveals. “It is informed by many hours seeking out the secret gardens, hidden water gates and old libraries of Venetian
THE STORM, WHICH had been prowling the lagoon all morning, fell with a roar upon Venice just as Summers alighted at the
Skirting an ancient well head, they climbed a winding marble stair into the
Having been told that Ca’ Mortensa was unoccupied, he was surprised when a door opened and a woman every bit as round as Bramanti, but resplendent in a flowing gown, and what looked like a fright wig of bright red hair, began to shout in a dialect too thick for Summers to follow. Two pairs of short, fat arms waved madly in the air as Bramanti shouted back. At length the woman withdrew with a parting curse. Bramanti shook his head.
“I must apologise,
Summers nodded. He was all too familiar with the myth of that last descendant of a noble line, withdrawn into a single room of the
“Well you can inform her that I am here only to research the life of Sigismondo Mortensa. The Contessa, or any other past occupant of the house, is of no interest to me. By the way, no one recognised the name of this place when I gave it to the taxi men. I got here by describing the location, but they kept calling it something else.”
“Ca’ Maledetto—accursed, damned.” Bramanti flushed and examined the floor. “It is a local name—no doubt because the fortunes of the Mortensa family have fallen so low.” He led the way into a shuttered space haunted by melancholy, contemplative ghosts of marble and bronze. The walls were decorated with panels cut from ancient Roman sarcophagi, reinforcing the sepulchral atmosphere.
Bramanti seemed to read Summer’s thoughts. “I will of course have the rooms aired and a heater brought for you. No fires, I am afraid. We must be strict about such things. And I must ask you please to be most careful about turning it off before you leave each day.” A distressing thought seemed to strike him. “You were of course informed that it is not possible to sleep here?”
“Oh please don’t worry about that, I have lodgings arranged, I am well aware how privileged I am to get access at all!”
This seemed to please Bramanti. He nodded and allowed himself a tight smile. “Now, I think you will want to see the library!”
The room was very dark. Bramanti began to throw open shutters, revealing a glorious, if rain-lashed, view of the Church of San Bartolomeo. Summers realised that his hero, Sigismondo Mortensa, must have stood where he was now standing, looking proudly every day upon the Baroque structure that was the architect’s greatest work.
The library was even more beautiful than he had imagined. The ceiling and walls were covered with frescoes faded to the colour of autumn fruits, except where immense bookcases in Palladian architectural form climbed, by Corinthian columns and wrought-iron walkways, to the painted heavens, their shelves a treasure-trove of vellum and calf.
The most remarkable object in the room was a clock over ten feet high, a kind of miniature
“Do you think it would be possible to get this going?” Summers asked.
“I could try to locate the key,” Bramanti replied doubtfully. “If I can, I will have it left here for you.”
When Bramanti was gone, Summers pulled off a few covers, releasing clouds of dust into the slanting shafts of light that fell through the tall Serlian window. A gigantic desk, big enough for six people, was revealed, along with some very beautiful and surprisingly comfortable chairs and couches. With some form of heating he would be quite at home.
This was one of his favourite moments, before the hard work began, when he could give himself up to the pleasures of his surroundings. This was doubly true in Venice. He was as susceptible as anyone to what Henry James had called “the sweet bribery of association and recollection”. Crossing to the window, he took in the mellow golden splendour of the church façade, a late Baroque extravaganza of columns, scrolls and statues, with rain pouring in cascades from every slanting surface. Behind the glassy sheets of water, the shadows gathered under the entablatures and arches which seemed cavernous, looming spaces in which the carved figures of stone seemed to move uneasily.
“
Turning to the nearest bookshelf, he took down a volume at random. The complete works of Angelo Ambrogini Poliziano, tutor to the son of Lorenzo de Medici, the first edition in its original binding! Again a book at random; a treasure from the Press of Aldus Manutius, a Greek bible of 1518. More, a copy of the Aldine
A beam of sunlight broke through the storm clouds and penetrated the chamber, turning the dancing motes of dust to gold. Summers smiled contentedly to himself.
“Ca’ Maledetto! Accursed, damned! If so, then let me be accursed and damned forever!”
In the days that followed, Summers settled into a pleasing routine. A bracing walk from his lodgings to
On examination, Summers concluded that the scene was the flaying of Marsyas. On the left-hand side stood Apollo playing his lyre; on the right the
Every morning he researched among the Mortensa books and papers, had lunch at a local
Rain swept in waves over the roofs and cupolas of Venice, but lost in his work, Summers hardly noticed. On days of particularly foul weather he took to bringing his lunch with him and not leaving the
The library was a delight. Once he approached a door alongside the great clock and only realised as he reached out to open it that it was a staggering piece of
Perhaps the explanation for this last mystery lay in an annotation in one of the other works:
Had that rumour offended the devout Mortensa’s Christian spirit so much that he would not allow a copy in his library?
Every day something memorable occurred. Once he took down a set of matching “volumes” with no labels and found they were false books full of mounted cameos and intaglios, each set enriched at the centre with a gold Tiberius. Most exciting of all, when he examined the section of the shelves devoted to architecture, he found that the copies of Vitruvius, Alberti, Palladio and the anonymous Sepulchres of Etruria, were all annotated by Mortensa himself!
At least they were in part so annotated. Summers found two similar but distinguishable hands, and realised with a flutter of excitement, that here before him was the first record of a relationship mentioned by Vasari.
For surely the second hand must belong to Antonio Borsini, Mortensa’s
On first reading Vasari’s account, Summers had been humbled by Mortensa’s Christian forbearance. Such a blow might have justified a bitter denunciation from the great architect, but this was a man who habitually dressed in skull-cap and cassock, and donated many holy relics to the churches he built. All that he had allowed himself was a gentle statement of disappointment and a heartfelt offer of forgiveness and support, if only the young man would return.
The two hands were similar, but Summers thought he could discern which was which by the tone of the annotations. This surely was Mortensa, writing of
Perhaps Mortensa had been too kindly and naïve to recognise the dangerous drift of such comments.
Summers came upon another troubling example of Borsini’s influence on the Mortensa Library during these first days, a huge canvas-bound folio among the architectural volumes. As he turned the pages he found a fabulous scrapbook of carefully tipped-in drawings, on
What did shock Summers slightly was the subject matter. There must have been twenty or more studies of the Centaur Nessus raping the nymph Dejanira, and a very large number depicting what he could only describe as families of satyrs eating, dancing, making sacrifice to their gods and even making love.
Now this would not be surprising in the library of almost any other architect of that era—all of whom were in some way products of the classical tradition—but Mortensa had been such a devout man, all but saintly in his embodiment of the Christian virtues.
The clue lay in the annotations that accompanied certain drawings, quotations from Pomponius Mela on the subject of satyrs, and extensive references to the
A single bell began to toll mournfully from the tower of San Bartholomeo. The clouds had parted and the sun was beating on the rooftops of Venice. He would get some fresh air, and perhaps visit Mortensa’s church at last, before a bite of lunch.
Crossing the canal by the nearest bridge, Summers navigated a tangle of
If Mortensa had been aiming for
There was a particularly gruesome martyrdom of Saint Bartholomew after Tiepolo (a good deal further “after” than the drawings in the library), and Summers’ eye was also caught by an oblong of murky light that turned out to be a case full of sacred relics. These included some implements of torture, a few leathery rags of skin stretched over ornate frames, and some shrivelled, unidentifiable body parts including a delicately beautiful human head, all mummified by time.
Kneeling there, he tried to see them devoutly as holy objects, but found that he could not banish from his mind the guilty idea of condemned meat in some nightmarish butcher’s window.
There was a danger that this would spoil his lunch. In any case, a cleric in a cassock was approaching, no doubt with some prepared lecture he did not want; he left swiftly.
On his way to the trattoria, Summers thought the cleric had followed him as far as the bridge, but the dazzle of the low sun was playing tricks, for the shivery reflection in the waters below showed a bridge but no figure.
A good meal and a half carafe of red wine later, Summers made his way happily back to the
In the murky light within, the Venetian mirrors distorted shapes, so that a bronze Antinous or Furietti centaur of red marble glimpsed in their mottled depths seemed to shift and gesture as he passed. In the library he was troubled to find that his books and papers on the desk had been disturbed. At once the idea came to him that the mad acolyte had been snooping, and had acted out her show of welcome merely to throw him off the scent. If so he was at a loss to know what the faintly reddish mess was that dappled the papers and books. Could it be henna, rouge or lipstick? A volume of classical verse lay open, and a smudgy stain lay like a clumsy underlining on the page.
A veiled threat? Or was she mad enough to see anyone who threatened her shrine as a murderer? He would make sure he locked the door from now on.
And so he did. The papers and books were undisturbed next day. Pleased with himself for having thwarted her, he worked well all morning, lunched contentedly and returned to the library rubbing his hands in anticipation. While all of Venice lay under a spell of sleep, he would select some choice volume and browse away an hour or two. Almost he was tempted to take down the folio of mythological drawings, but after a few drinks the subject matter might turn his thoughts in unwonted directions, so instead he chose a treasure of Venetian printing that was hardly conducive to lascivious thoughts:
Summers had heard of this charming ritual enacted yearly, when a wedding ring was cast by the Doge into the waters to ensure the favours of the ocean, so necessary for a sea-faring empire. That indeed was how the account began, but when the Doge set off in the ceremonial splendour of his
Summers considered his Italian better than adequate, but the strange archaic mixture of Italian, Venetian dialect and Latin in which the book was written confused him. Which of the two Doges was the real one? What did Phytonteo mean? Did the rite culminate in the Doge sacrificing a victim to the waters, or was it the Doge himself who died in monstrous butchery? The tone and subject matter of the book brought to his mind some words of Lawrence on Venice with which Summers had felt no empathy until now
The day was beginning to fade down the long reaches of the library. He should really turn on a lamp, but his surroundings were more than usually beautiful at this time, disclosed and concealed in perfect measure, and even one lamp might spoil a light so richly insufficient. Letting the book slip into his lap, he dozed.
The chiming of the great clock awoke him. He was looking downwards at a shiny expanse of frozen swirls and eruptions of faded colour, fired to life by a strange, tawny light. Faint, reflected images hung inverted just below the smooth surface, but he knew he was not looking at liquid. He was slumped forward in his chair, looking down at the
There was a sound of movement across the floor in his direction. He remained still, in the posture he had assumed in sleep. If it was the Contessa’s acolyte, she was in for a big surprise.
He could recognise the sound now, bare feet slapping wetly on the cold, marble floor in an uneven, shambling step that seemed too light for one of such rotund form. He became aware of a smell, like stagnant well water; a reflection swam over the undulating surface, into the range of his downcast eyes, and he knew with a horrible certainty that it was not her. The outline he saw was much taller, and much, much thinner, with a head hairless enough to form a bony outline, and gnarly limbs trailing ragged shreds that the figure was attempting to gather around itself with weak, ineffectual movements. It shook and shivered as it moved, and Summers heard a low moan of pain or despair. He was unable to move, or raise his eyes to look fully on what approached him in a wave of ever colder, ever more foul air. As it drew closer, he closed his eyes and clenched himself, still unable to move or breath.
Nothing happened. He risked opening his eyes.
The shape was passing to one side of his seat, towards the nearest book-shelves. By peering out of the corner of his eye, he saw the dimly reflected figure reach towards the books, touch one, and resolve itself into the veins and swirls of colour in the stone. Forcing himself to look up, he confirmed that the figure was gone.
It was just possible that he had confused sleeping and waking, and what he had just seen had not really happened. The test of that theory could hardly be avoided. Crossing to the spot where the reflection had last been, he examined the books before him and found—let him admit it at least to himself, with no real surprise—a familiar dapple of reddish dampness on one of the vellum spines.
Summers drew it out and looked at the title page. It was a volume of Herodotus published by Gregorio de Gregoriis. Returning a little shakily to his seat, he examined it.
There were no annotations or apparent insertions, but the book would not close properly, springing open at a page with no obvious significance. The cause was a piece of paper slipped into a split in the vellum at the head of the spine. It was written in a hand that Summers now recognised, but was a rough draft for a letter, and therefore difficult to decipher. The writer could no longer tolerate the blasphemous and cruel actions in which he had been forced to participate, and unless they ceased, he would have no choice but to denounce the perpetrator, destroying his high renown.
The choice of words was a little convoluted, and the writing scarcely decipherable, so perhaps his translation was faulty. What he had found must be a last attempt by Mortensa to warn Borsini of the consequences of his actions. Yes, that was surely what it must be. In any case, it was high time he got away from this place for a while. With some relief he returned to his lodgings.
That night sleep did not come easily to him. The events of the day replayed themselves in his head. Frightened as he had been by the moment of its appearance, Summers felt that the apparition had done nothing to suggest that it meant him any harm. On the contrary, the whole effort of the poor creature had been to draw his attention to the letter. Was it then Mortensa who had returned? But if so, why had he ever hidden the rough draft, and why was it so important that Summers be shown its hiding place?
The water taxi was late, and he had an urgent letter to post. To make things worse, the water level was rising, lapping the steps of the
The people leaning over the
Was it, he wondered, really necessary to travel by such a convoluted route just to post a letter? It had not occurred to him before, but the canals of Venice were nothing more or less than a gigantic aquatic labyrinth with Mystery at its heart. Was it the sunset which turned the sky blazing red, or those fires, which he now saw lined the canal, licking over ruinous buildings, silhouetting figures who teemed around vast engines that turned and swung in the glare. They were clearly devices of torture, hoisting bodies by the neck or stretching them cruelly between chains. And what he had taken for ruined houses were gigantic sarcophagi towering to the sky, mausolea raised by giants, burial chambers of the gods, all lit by the glare of funeral pyres.
Bodies were being broken upon wheels, torn apart, flayed alive. Fortunately, the gondola had become a funeral barge that carried him swiftly, nearer and nearer to the massive bridge, hung with gargantuan chains, that was his destination. Yes, there it was, the keystone carved into the form of a great face swathed in shroud like folds of cloth gathered on top of the head, its mouth the slit into which he must post his message.
Just as he was wondering how to reach the slot, the whole face began to grow, to fill the space under the bridge. Now he wondered how they could navigate the slit of a mouth. When he turned to ask, he saw that the gondolier had been replaced by something whose outline, so black against the glare, he did not wish to see. In any case, the problem was no more, for the stone head on the bridge, which now resembled Sigisomondo Mortensa, had grown snaky hair, and the mouth was gaping wide. Blood rained down from the machinery of death on either side as they swept on, into the gaping maw of darkness.
Summers awoke gasping and running with sweat. Even at that moment he confronted the truth he had not wished to admit to himself, and knew what he must do about it. Why would a successful architect write a letter to his apprentice threatening his high reputation? The answer was that he had not. The apprentice had threatened the Master. And if that was so, then the hand, and the dark utterances, he had taken for Borsini were those of Sigismondo Mortensa.
The implications were inescapable. Vasari had been wrong, or intentionally misleading. The darker annotations had come from the hand of the supposedly saintly paragon. Borsini’s threat of denunciation—the first draft of which he had concealed—had been forestalled by counter denunciation and “disappearance”. Mortensa, it seemed, had not even risked leaving Borsini to the judgement of the Council of Ten, for fear of what might emerge. And now the mills of a very different kind of Venetian justice were grinding on, while lawyers droned like blowflies in courts and offices, and the hand of decay spread a grey benediction of dust over the furniture and statuary of the
The next day he returned to Ca’ Mortensa and worked all morning as usual. At noon he ate and drank nothing. Then he waited. He would make himself available for any further communication the apparition wished to reveal about its fate. And he would change the book on which he had been working from the naïve hagiography he had intended to an exposé of the true nature of Mortensa and his heritage.
To pass the time, he read more of what he now knew to be Mortensa’s annotations in the works of architecture:
It had not escaped him that the previous event had occurred at the striking of the Great Clock. As the same hour approached, Summers tried to keep calm, repeating inwardly to himself,
The silence of the library was eventually broken by the striking of the clock, and Summers was afraid. If he was approached again, would he be able to raise his eyes? What would he see? He waited breathlessly, but there were no slapping steps, no stagnant smell, and above all, no swimming, rippling form pouring horribly across the marble floor. He felt a mixture of disappointment and relief. Perhaps the message had been delivered, and the need for visitation ended?
He rose from the chair, turned, and there it was, there at the other end of the library, as though looking at him. It turned stiffly and moved through the shadows with slow, agonised steps. Passing the shelves with no effort to touch them, it walked deliberately up to the
He examined the door more closely this time. The rippling canal light played over medallions and swags of muted purple and brown, over the old reddened gold of the door, scalloped and guarded by garland bearing cherubs, for all the world like marble. The panels were studded with metal bosses so real that he had to touch one to be sure they were illusions of paint.
He noticed something else too. The painted keyhole was formed by the mouth of a little gorgon head, and the effect of shadow in the hole was remarkably real, even by the door’s stupendous standards. He put his finger to the place and found a real keyhole.
At once he remembered the two keys on the string Bramanti had left, one of them with a gorgon head decoration. It was still connected to the one in the clock. He retrieved it, and unlocked the panel painted with a fake door that pretended to be real in order to conceal the fact that that was just what it was. The fleeting question of whether a Venetian painter could be correctly described as Machiavellian rose in his mind and was brushed aside.
The pressure it took to open the panel suggested a spring or counterbalance closing mechanism. No light switches met his fumbling hand so he concluded that the room had been unknown when electricity was being installed in the 20th century. His heart pounded with the thought that no one had entered the door for so many years, and of what might be there. Lighting a lamp, he stepped into the space. The door swung closed behind him on a counter balance. Stopping it before it closed fully, he satisfied himself that there was a handle on the inside and that it would open the latch. Only then did he let the door close, tried it once more for peace of mind, and gave his attention to the room.
The first sweep of lamplight revealed a kaleidoscopic rush of strange objects to his sight. He knew at once it was a
There were foetuses, human and animal, mandrakes and baby dragons, dry withered mermaids and other unrecognisable monsters. Summers was horrified to see sections of human bodies and internal organs, but realised that they were far too highly coloured and solid, too sharply, glitteringly fresh to be anything but perfect wax models. It was a treasure-trove, even for a building such as this.
He glanced over the titles of the books.
The next book was a once-sumptuous elephant folio of Andreas Vesalius’
The contents were quite unlike any copy of Vesalius that Summers had ever seen. The known work is unforgettable enough, a haunting combination of beauty and horror produced by those images of flayed, dissected bodies strung up on cruel systems of pulleys, twisted into elegant contortions on ropes, or just gracefully walking, muscle and sinew hanging in shreds from delicately poised limbs, a dead parody of graceful sentience. But those plates seemed to have been intended to serve a noble purpose, to unlock the mysteries of human life. This black, occult Vesalius, stamped on its title page with a head of Tiberius, depicted its frayed, skeletal bodies in parodies of The Stations of the Cross, and delineated tortures devised for one purpose only—the infliction of insufferable pain. The text was equally grotesque. One chapter, entitled ‘De Monstris’, was devoted to the creation of monsters, and told how demons assumed the form of their tortured offerings. An architectural sketch in the margin showed a body laying below the foundations of a church accompanied by the words
The illustrations gradually descended into madness, depicting anatomical specimens slaughtering and butchering each other, skeletal figures locked in cannibalistic embraces, a world in which the tortured and the torturer had become indistinguishable.
Summers put down the book and wiped his hands along his sides. His first instinct was to leave that oppressive, foul-smelling place, but something had caught his eye. A small doorway stood in the wall opposite the entrance. So there was more. The door concealed a cramped stair that coiled down into darkness. Cautiously descending the slimy steps, he came into a chamber constructed of huge stone blocks.
The walls were disfigured with a lacteal canker of mineral damp. Slippery mosses flourished on the floor, forming a spongy, saturated carpet under foot. What he could see of the roof was covered with dripping stalactites and tumorous green humps. At intervals around the walls were gruesome variations of the Karyatid, marble figures of Marsyas suspended by his wrists and flayed, the torn raw condition of the body depicted with repulsive skill by the choice of red and white porphyry.
Between the figures the walls were hung with mirrors, but not the Venetian glasses of the cabinet. These were huge, irregular, dully tarnished as sheets of old corroded steel, but still throwing back contorted reflections of strange tools or weapons that hung from the walls or lay in heaps. In the middle of the chamber stood a Roman altar, once finely carved with Tritons and Nereids, now worn until its figures looked deformed or maimed, its darkly-stained top rounded off and scarred by countless cuts that made it resemble the butcher’s block it undoubtedly had been. Setting down the lamp, he peered around him.
Now he could make out some of the protuberances jutting from the ceiling, corroded metal rings that still held fragments of chains and pulleys.
From the moment he had entered the chamber it had been strangely familiar to him. He knew it from something he had read recently. Then it came back to him. The book of the secret ritual of the Doge.
As he stood wondering over the purpose to which those rusty tools had once been put, a wave of chill, stagnant air swept over him, and a cold hand clamped around his wrist. He cried out and struggled to pull away, but the grip was at once sinewy and slick, five bands of clammy steel around his arm, radiating a chill that flooded through him like an evil injection. A redly-glittering, venous head came thrusting towards him, its thin lips working as they whispered something unintelligible. Reaching the other sinewy claw to the surface of the altar, as though drawing strength from contact with the place of its last pain and ruination, that which had once been Borsini seemed to burgeon for a second into human likeness, so that Summers found himself looking into the face of a young man still full of hope and belief. Something very like a human mouth opened, and a single word issued like sirocco through parched grass.
“
The hand fell from the altar, and humanity dropped away from the figure as quickly as it had come. Summers last vestige of nerve broke then and, pulling free, he fled. By the light of the lamp—which he was leaving behind at every step—he just about made the foot of the stairs, and buffeted his way up through a narrow, slippery spiral of darkness.
The cabinet was, of course, pitch-black, and he scrambled blindly through that cluttered space, his hands falling upon objects whose yielding or bony contours felt more horrible for being indefinable. A glass jar toppled with a deafening crash, spilling its contents in a wave of unutterably nauseating odour. Slithering through the spilled mess, he overturned a stack of books and fell against a panel with a handle on it, which he turned.
The panel would not open. He threw himself against it, but it would not give. As he struggled a voice close to his ear whispered, “
In desperation he tried pulling instead of pushing and was released into light and space. The panel slammed behind him as he fled from the
It was as if the fate the world had long dreaded had come to pass, and Venice was already fathoms deep in stagnant water. The city was engulfed in a fog that swirled around a crumbling well head and a saturated line of clothes strung across a
After some minutes of searching he came upon a wall of yellow plaster crumbling away to reveal ancient brickwork, in the centre of which was a great face of stone grimacing out of the fog at him. Carved folds of fabric swathed the head and were gathered at the top like a shroud. Below, familiar words were carved.
He was standing before the
With an overwhelming sadness he thought of that wretched spectre walking the dusty shelves of the library through how many years, clutching his own ragged shreds of skin around him like the mantle of some acolyte in agonised devotion to the cruel god who had torn him from himself. Summers found some comfort in the thought that he at least had the power to set the record straight.
Perhaps, he reflected, the Contessa’s companion might not be as mad as she seemed. Had there not been a desperate tone of warning in those weirdly expressed effusions? She had been speaking of something horrible, monstrous, an intruder, but she had not meant him. Something other than eccentricity had driven the women to the cramped confines of one barricaded room. They had seen what he had seen.
Finding the way around Venice was hard enough on a clear day. In the fog it was impossible. He stumbled upon a café and sat for a while, warming his chilled hands around a cup of coffee. The fog began to clear. Armed with detailed directions back to the
A bell began to toll very close by, and he recognised it: San Bartholomeo must be directly in front of him. At that moment the mist parted to reveal the pale façade of Mortensa’s creation. So he could be no more than a turning or two from the
The tolling of the bell was subtly hypnotic, bringing to mind the movement of weed in ocean swell. The mist was dispersing swiftly and the great façade was becoming clearer. In the growing light the shadows on its surface shifted like expressions on a vast, pallid face. What had Mortensa written about the power of shadows? They certainly made the church façade look deep and hollow as a cave, an infinite distance out of which a familiar cassock-clad figure emerged, gesturing rhythmically to the tolling of the bells.
And Summers saw then who—or what—was approaching him with those hypnotic passes of the hands, and realised too late how naïve he had been to think that so formidable a being, capable of raising a temple to the ancient gods under the very noses of the Council of Ten, would allow him to destroy a reputation so cunningly created, and so ruthlessly preserved.
Summers felt compelled to look down and saw on the slimy stone between his feet a symbol or hieroglyph deeply carved. He peered at it, the bell booming through his head, as the symbol filled his vision. It was as if the very stones of Venice were speaking through the cold metal tongue of the bell, telling him to come down and learn what only the stones could know, what they kept hidden from the eyes of man.
He was dully aware that he was toppling into water, was sinking. Despite the bell and the hieroglyph that filled his mind, his desire for life was strong. Gulping in foul water through nose and mouth, he kicked desperately, felt himself sucked down, kicked again and felt his face, a mask of green slime, rise into the air. He took a mouthful, half water, and went down again, his limbs working madly. But something in him could not deny the cruel knowledge of the bell and the symbol. Even as his body struggled, he continued to sink, deeper, it seemed, than a canal could possibly be, down past hieroglyphic-carven walls and shattered columns and vast, impassive faces of stone. The cold arms of the sea embraced him, and still he seemed to sink, married forever, like the Doges of old, to the dark green waters.
Simon Kurt Unsworth
THE NIGHT RUN
SIMON KURT UNSWORTH was born in Manchester in 1972 and is beginning to despair of ever finding proof that the world was awash with mysterious signs and portents that night. He lives in an old farmhouse miles from anywhere in the Lake District with his wife, the writer Rosie Seymour, and assorted children and dogs, where his neighbours are mostly sheep and his office is an old cheese store in which he writes horror fiction (for which pursuit he was nominated for a World Fantasy Award for Best Short Story in 2008).
PS Publishing released
He has a further set of stories due out in an as-yet-unnamed collection that will launch Spectral Press’ Spectral Signature Editions imprint. His debut novel,
“‘The Night Run’ is one of those stories that came from a single image nestling in my head, and simply unfurled from there,” recalls the author. “I kept seeing a woman driving a private ambulance along a lonely midnight road, hearing the beating of wings, and turning to see something terrible in the seat next to her.
“When it came time to write it, I started to think about journeys—about the prices we pay for them sometimes and the debts incurred—and this story is the end result of those thoughts. It’s short but, I think, one I can be proud of.
“The paramedic’s line about the brain looking like a snail, by the way? That’s genuine, and is written here pretty much verbatim from how it was told to me.”
ELISE DROVE A private ambulance. Unlike most ambulances, this one was dressed in a monotone, sombre grey, had no sirens or flashing lights, and the patients it carried were beyond treatment or help or hope of recovery. There was no need for rush, no pressure on Elise to arrive at her destination quickly, there was simply smooth movement of the world rolling past the windows and the knowledge that in the vehicle’s chill rear, her passengers rode in silence. She never turned the radio on when she drove, despite the fact that the ambulance’s cab was separate from the back section, feeling somehow that it would be disrespectful during these final journeys. Elise gave the dead serenity and grace wherever she could, quietness after life’s noise.
These night-time rides were the ones that she enjoyed the most; there was little traffic, especially out here where the buildings had given way to farmland and the ground rose to hills, and she could drive without effort or concentration, letting her mind reach out into the sky and land around her and find shapes and scents and sounds that, she thought, few other people ever felt or smelled or heard.
Old man Tunstall’s funeral parlour was out in one of the villages, serving the isolated communities scattered throughout the farmlands. Actually, they maybe weren’t isolated communities, Elise thought, but one huge community stretched thin and laid across the hills and valleys and fields like a net, hundreds of individual strands twisting around each other in links that stretched from farmhouse to terraced street to barn and back to farmhouse. Few people escaped the area, once arrived, not for any length of time. Tunstall had once told her that most of his business was what he called “in-house”, people from the area dying at home and being buried in the land that had sustained them. It was only occasionally that Elise was called on to take a body from the hospital in the city to Tunstall’s, and the runs were always at night.
Outside, the ground was dusted with frost and occasional banks of snow. It had been bitterly cold these last few weeks, the earth hardening, becoming frigid, and Elise drove slowly, letting the vehicle’s weight give it grip on the iced surface. The roads glistened in the dying moonlight and, around her, the fields drowsed under a caul of ice and the journey was all that mattered, this last journey between the places of life and the places of death.
Elise carried only one traveller that night. “He killed himself,” the morgue attendant had told her in a voice somewhere between glee and horrified awe, “and we don’t know who he is!” The man had apparently walked to the banks of the river that wound down from the hills, passing through the town on its way to the sea, stripped, knelt down on the ridged and furled mud at the bitter water’s edge and frozen to death. His clothes were in a bag next to Elise now, neatly folded, the top of the bag rolled and held down with tape.
“He was frozen solid,” the morgue attendant had said, “and we had to defrost him like a piece of chicken!” Elise had met people like the attendant before, people for whom the mechanics of death were the most fascinating part of the journey, for whom the biology of things was the most important. There had been the paramedic who had told her, voice rich with undisguised fascination, about the suicide who had jumped from a tall building and landed on the ground at an odd angle. Their head, said the paramedic, had connected hard with a kerbstone and cracked open and their brain had burst free and slithered, almost intact, across the road “like a big pink snail”.
He had asked her out for a drink after telling her this. She had refused, politely, and taken the suicide’s body into her private ambulance to begin its next stage of the procession into the ground. For Elise, death wasn’t a moment; rather, it was a string of moments, a set of markers that led from life to burial or cremation, to earth or fire, and she saw herself as a companion and guide to these, the most significant of journeys.
The rear of the ambulance shifted slightly as she went around a corner, the wheels slipping over ice, and she slowed.
The dead man was being delivered to Tunstall’s Funeral Home simply because Tunstall had a council contract to deal with the unidentified dead; there were spaces in the graveyards out here. In the cities, space for the departed was rapidly being filled and the real estate of passing on carried heavy costs that councils couldn’t pay, so people like Elise’s passenger were sent out, to where populations were lower and the grounds cheaper.
The rear of the vehicle shifted again. There was a noise as it shifted, a gentle knocking.
Elise slowed again, dropping smoothly through the gears, letting the engine quieten. There was another thud from behind her, and a slight shiver ran through the vehicle. Had she run over something in the road? A rock or branch, maybe an animal? She glanced in her wing mirror but the road behind her, painted in fragile moonlight, was clear. She let her speed creep back up, happy that all was well. Elise took the dead man on.
Another thud, another slight shiver. Movement. In the rear of the vehicle.
Elise’s first thought was that something had come loose back there, one of the straps holding the man’s coffin possibly, that it was flapping, but no—the thud had been too loud and the shiver too heavy to be caused by a simple loose strap. Perhaps the coffin itself was moving, slipping on its base and banging against the vehicle’s wall when she went around corners?
Another corner, slower now, but no accompanying shift or thud, the road straightening, letting the ambulance speed up and then a definite
The glass was dark, throwing back a reflection of her face, eyes inked pools below her pale forehead.
She turned back to the road, lifting her foot from the accelerator and taking the vehicle gently left, in towards the roadside. When it came to a halt, she put the ambulance in neutral and unclipped her seatbelt, turning properly to the observation slit. Cupping her hands around her eyes, she peered into the blackness that travelled at her back. It was almost absolute, a gloom that was broken only vaguely by pale edges and shapes.
Something moved loosely in the dark and then the engine of the ambulance abruptly cut out.
Elise jerked back from the glass. What had that been? She twisted back around and turned the key, starting the vehicle again. The engine sputtered for a moment, caught and slipped, caught again and grumbled to full life. She opened the driver’s side door and stepped out, leaving it open so that the cab lights fell across the road. There were no other lights out here, no street lamps, no cars or trucks barrelling along the road, just the stars above her and the moon dipping low as the night came to its end.
She made her way to the rear of the ambulance, reached out and took hold of the handles, felt the cold bite of chill metal against her fingers and palms, felt rather than heard something bump behind the doors, and then swung them open.
Everything was in its place. The coffin and its inhabitant were still on the lower ledge off on the right side, where she had placed them, and the straps around the wooden box were still tight and fastened. She climbed in, crouching and pulling on the padded nylon cables; there was no give in them. She looked around, seeing nothing that shouldn’t be there, nothing loose that would have explained the movement or the sounds. Experimentally, she placed her hands on the end of the coffin and pushed, wondering if the noises had been caused by it moving up and down rather than swinging sideways, but the casket remained still. Something inside it, then? No, she had watched as the dead man had been placed inside, the padding arranged around him to prevent precisely the kind of movement she was wondering about.
There was nothing on the other ledges, three of them, which could have moved. The rear of Elise’s ambulance was, as ever, neat and clean and a fitting cradle for the dead on these, the last of their courses.
The engine, then, or something mechanical underneath the vehicle. She would simply have to drive carefully and hope she made it to Tunstall’s, then make a judgement there about whether it was safe to drive back. She returned to the front of the ambulance and climbed in, shivering in the warmth. With the door shut and the belt back across her chest and securely clipped she pulled away, keeping her speed low.
The road was rising now, curling around one of the fells. It would fall and rise several more times before she reached Tunstall’s, she knew, and wondered if the ambulance would make it. She dug her phone from her pocket and checked it; a good charge but not much signal.
Another curve in the road and this time something
Before Elise could do anything else there was another bump, this time even harder, jolting the vehicle and making the wheel twitch in her hands, along with a long, drawn-out noise like something dragging across metal from somewhere behind her.
The dead man’s bag of belongings slithered across the footwell, the top pulling open and spilling the contents out. There were jeans and a dirty brown coat, pieces of paper covered in writing, and feathers. They must have been in the pockets of the jacket, dozens and dozens of them,
Another bang, another moment where the ambulance belonged not to Elise but to itself, another correction and control regained and still they were travelling on, Elise wanting to get to Tunstall’s now, to get out of the ambulance and into light and company.
Feathers drifted around the cab, dancing and spinning, as she pressed down on the accelerator, urging the vehicle to gather up the road and loose it out behind them, now sure that the problem wasn’t the ambulance or its engine but whoever was in the ambulance’s rear,
She risked a glimpse behind her. As she turned, there was a long cracking noise and the unmistakeable sound of wood splintering and something falling, the vibration of it rattling through the floor, heavy against her feet. There was a dash of pale movement in the slit, a pallid shape that rose behind the pane and then fell again, not a hand or a face but something indefinable, as though it was wrapped in linen or muslin.
The engine cut out as Elise jerked back from the glass, reaching out to turn the key even though she was still coasting forward, gears in neutral and nothing, nothing, no reaction from the ambulance except to slow and slow, inertia and the slope bringing it to a halt soon, too soon.
The internal lights clicked off with a sound like a gunshot, the dashboard’s glimmer suddenly extinguished. She put the handbrake on, ignoring the increasingly loud, repeating sound of flapping behind her, not looking at the glass, not looking at whatever might be peering through at her, turning the key again and again trying to start the vehicle.
And then the thing with the head like a dog seated next to her turned and drew back lips from teeth that were huge and which were the colour of old, tarnished ivory. She shrieked and jerked back from it, fumbling for the handle and opening the door and falling out into the road a single frenzied jumble of flail and cry. Her shoulder struck the gritted concrete and an off-colour bolt of pain leapt through her upper body and she cried out again, helpless.
A series of taps and shudders ran through the vehicle, tiny vibrations that she could hardly see, visible only as a shiver against the distant night. Feathers, more feathers than she had ever seen before, more than could have possibly been in the bag, drifted out after her, curling and circling in thick clouds, floating upwards instead of down, rising on breezes Elise could not feel.
There was another bang, this from the centre of the ambulance, as though something had struck the partition between the space of the dead and the space of the living, then the long drawn-out groan of something opening and the unmistakeable sound of coins falling into a dish or cup.
For a moment Elise had the terrible sense of having offended something vast and old and she screamed, a wordless apology wrenching out of her. In the now-dark cab of the ambulance, the dog-headed thing shook its head and grinned and held its arms out, and from all around her she heard the sound of beating wings.
Angela Slatter
HOME AND HEARTH
ANGELA SLATTER is an author who specialises in dark fantasy and horror. She has won five Aurealis Awards, been a finalist for the World Fantasy Award, and is the first Australian to win a British Fantasy Award.
She’s the author of, amongst other collections,
“‘Home and Hearth’ originally appeared from Spectral Press,” she explains, “as part of their chapbook series. The story came about when publisher Simon Marshall-Jones asked me if I’d write him a ghost story. I’ve always wondered about parents whose children kill—those who go to any lengths to protect their little monster, and those who decide they’re responsible for protecting the world.
“I wondered what it must do to you, to think that this is your baby—they come from you and yet they’ve done something dreadful that you’d never dream of doing…what does it to do your sense of self? I wondered about such parents, how they cope, and what their lives become. Thus ‘Home and Hearth’ was born.”
CAROLINE HELD THE door open, listening to the keys make that gentle
Then again, maybe it was her, but she couldn’t remember the air leaving her lungs.
Then again it might have been the heating system as it puffed out warmth.
“Coke?” she asked, following him down the long hallway. “Or hot chocolate? Crisps? Marshmallows? I baked your favourite biscuits. They’re not hot but I can warm them in the microwave. There’s a cake, too. Banana. Or—or—what would you like?”
She knew she was overcompensating, had schooled herself not to during the weeks and months, but he was back in the house not five minutes and already she was failing. She reached out and touched his face.
It was a mistake. The feeling against her palm, the slight sweatiness, the burgeoning pimples beneath the skin, combined to make her shudder. She hoped he didn’t notice.
“It’s fine, Mum. I’m going to my room.”
Simon hadn’t called her that in months, not since the trial started. Not since Geoffrey had his heart attack and told her as she sat by his hospital bed that he didn’t think he could continue with, well, everything. Turning up at the court every day, dodging and weaving reporters and cameras, listening to their son’s legal reps talk and excuse and obfuscate. It was all lies, he’d said. They both knew it.
She could have the house. And the money.
(
He had to go, he’d said. For his
Then she had to tell their son what his father had decided—that he was
Ask
Caroline thought her eyes should probably be misty, a little heated with some kind of emotional response, but there was nothing. Oh well. Perhaps it would come later, when they got used to each other once more.
“Okay,” she said belatedly. He was already gone, disappeared up the stairs, closing the door. She walked into the sitting room, which was directly beneath his room and listened.
A few steps as he walked from one wall to the next, stopped at the desk, the bookshelves, the wardrobe (she heard the creak of its hinges), then to his bed. She’d left his presents on the duvet, neatly stacked—he’d missed his thirteenth birthday in all the chaos. There was the
She stood beneath him for a while, then turned to one of the front windows and tweaked back the edge of the long cream-coloured curtains. Through the wrought bars of the fence she couldn’t see anything but cars parked in the street, the houses opposite, each like hers, tidy, fenced, tall, manicured gardens, quietly comfortable. No one. No reporters. No yelling at the house, no trying to get into the yard, no knocking at the door, no flashbulbs blinding Caroline before she learned not to open it for them. In a deep, damned part of her soul she was grateful for the bombings that had made her son old news.
She took a deep breath and headed towards the kitchen.
The frozen foods aisle seemed colder than usual. Or maybe it was the collection of eyes boring into her back that were giving Caroline the chills. She reached into the freezer and pulled out ice cream (vanilla), a chicken (medium), then packets of peas, beans, carrots and chips. They all made a metallic sound as they hit the bottom of the trolley.
She’d left Simon sleeping; a note on the table gave him strict instructions not to leave the house and not to open the door to anyone. But she’d had to go out, had to stock up—two days home and he’d eaten most everything she had. That was what he did now: eat and play computer games in his room. Soon she would have to talk to him about school. He’d have to return to the world, but that was fraught with complications. They would have to move, she thought. A new house, a new town, a new life. Maybe she’d dye his hair, have it cut so he didn’t look like the boy on the news reports. Mind you, if he kept eating this way, it wouldn’t be an issue. Her son would disappear beneath layers of fat and be cleverly camouflaged by his own body.
She couldn’t think about all those details now, so she did what she could, which was to reach out and load up on cheeses, yoghurt, custard and milk. As she turned, fighting the trolley’s recalcitrant wheels, she looked up and saw them. The herd.
Twelve housewives, nearly identical: corduroy trousers in greens and browns, sharply pressed collared shirts under V-neck sweaters in various hues, with barely-worn Barbour jackets and scarves hanging loose around necks that showed signs of wrinkling. Caroline knew them—she’d been one of them herself, once.
It wasn’t hatred, precisely, that they were staring at her, nothing so strong, nothing so
Now, people stared at them and associated them with
She made her way to the junk food aisle and began to stack brightly packaged carbohydrates and preservatives into the trolley. The more she bought now, she reasoned, the less often she’d have to come back.
At the checkout, the spotty teen ignored her for a while, grabbing items in a podgy hand with chewed nails and chipped pink polish and dragging them over the scanner, then tossing them behind where an equally spotty boy jammed the items into bags. Eggs beneath tins of ham and tomatoes, bread beneath frozen things. When the girl finally looked up to mumble the total, Caroline could almost see the cogs in the brain wake and haltingly turn themselves; could almost hear the grinding. She watched as the blood-shot eyes widened and the lips trembled, the bottom one dropping open like a drawbridge on a slow timer. The girl stammered; she fumbled with Caroline’s credit card; dropped the docket; stared and stared and stared.
The bag boy didn’t look up.
As Caroline packed the food into the back of the Land Rover, she felt as if she was being watched. Expecting one of the mums brigade, she straightened and looked around.
A dishevelled figure stood motionless in the corner of the parking lot. Scuffed boots, thick trousers; bulked up by a couple of men’s coats and a disreputable sweater, the figure removed its bright pink beanie only when it met Caroline’s eyes.
It was the woman. The other mother.
Caroline didn’t—couldn’t—budge. She and the Traveller watched each other forever until the woman shoved her hat back over the dark tangled hair and shuffled off. The spell broken, Caroline could shift again, but her joints ached. It seemed every move she made hurt, every bag she heaved was filled with wet sand.
It was a long time before her hands stopped shaking enough for her put the keys in the ignition. She was dripping with sweat in the cold, cold car.
“Mum? Mum!”
Simon’s voice in Caroline’s ear and his hands on her shoulder shocked her awake. She’d been dreaming somewhere dark, somewhere the blackness was deathly-thick.
“Mum!
Caroline recoiled, trying not to do so, managing to shuffle herself across the sheets without actually seeming to move. Her head felt full of cement. Only the sheer terror of having Simon’s fingers anywhere near her had the power to shock her awake as surely as an icy bath.
She cursed herself for having taken a sleeping tablet—what was she thinking making herself vulnerable?—but there were so many in the bathroom, hers, Geoffrey’s, all the enthusiastically doled-out tranquillisers the doctor had heaped upon them early in the piece. And she hadn’t slept properly in…
She so needed to sleep.
And now her son had crept into her room and gotten close enough to touch her with hands that had—
“Mum, there’s someone downstairs.”
“What’s the time?” She struggled into a sitting position and squinted at the shining digital face on her bedside table. She could hear someone battering at the front door. It was 2:00 a.m. Surely not reporters. Surely not at this hour. Nor the police—double jeopardy and all, and he hadn’t been out of the house since he’d been given back to her. He couldn’t have done anything else, not yet.
Simon’s face was white, his eyes huge.
Caroline felt a deep stab of shame. He needed his mum. She wrapped a thick chenille dressing gown around herself and tied it tight.
She crept along the hallway, past the grandfather clock with its regular rhythmic
The door was shuddering and shaking under the force of the blows—she thought she could see periodic slivers of the world outside as the wood warped inwards with each hit. She wondered if the leadlight panels would break, but they seemed to bend and curve like rubber. She opened the hall cupboard and pulled out a cricket bat—Simon’s when he was eight. It wasn’t huge but it was hefty and she’d get in a good swing, by God. Caroline pushed her son away so she could have space. As she took the last two steps forward there was one final
She flicked on the porch light, wrenching on the door-handle and pulling at the same time.
Nothing. A pool of yellow light trickled down into the garden like something spilled, and beyond its reach there was the moonlight, giving everything a strange blue tint. The front yard was empty as was the street beyond and there was nowhere for anyone to hide. There weren’t even any desperate reporters staked out in battered Vauxhalls, snoring or smoking or main-lining bad coffee from the all-night service station fifteen minutes away. The cars sparkled with the night’s frost as if someone had scattered diamond chips over them.
Caroline stepped out, her feet cold. A few more paces and something stuck to the sole of her left foot. She bent down and picked it up, glanced briefly at the piece of faded photographic paper.
“What is it?” Simon’s voice quavered from well back in the hallway and she couldn’t help, was devastated by, the wave of contempt that washed over her.
“Nothing. Just some rubbish.” She pocketed the photo before she turned and went inside. “Hot chocolate?”
He surprised her by nodding, by choosing her company instead of retreating to his cave yet again. Instead of making her feel that she was alone in the house despite his presence.
The kitchen was bright and warm and for a while she could pretend everything was normal.
The ground was hard-frosted and the grass crunched and crackled like broken glass beneath her boots. Far behind her were the house and its rear garden backing onto the common, the drunken fence and the squeaky gate that led out.
White mist hung in front of her face and she struggled to breathe in the cold air. Sweat ran its way down her spine. Caroline chided herself: she hadn’t been to the gym in months; her thighs felt like jelly and she couldn’t even manage a brisk walk without puffing. As she reached the top of the incline, she stopped, trying not to gasp for breath, and surveyed the land below.
A curious combination of painted wagons, battered four-wheel drives and camper vans were scattered in a loose configuration someone might mistake for a circle. In what passed for the centre was a fire pit, with smoke still rising from last night’s embers. There was a bustle of activity: the Travellers were preparing to move on. This was probably the longest they’d stayed in any one place, she thought, then tried to un-think the reason why.
She took a deep gulp of icy air that made her lungs burn in protest, and started down the slope.
It took them a while to notice her as they packed up like efficient little ants, but she stood at the edge of their campsite and eventually someone spotted her. Looked closer. Recognised her features. Nudged the person next to them. And so on.
Eventually they all gathered around, so many of them, but kept a few metres between her and them, as if she might be contaminated and
The men looked at her hard, although some seemed to pity her, but the women…the women
Caroline opened her mouth but no words came. Instead she stood there for the longest time, lips parted, tongue wetly visible but mute. Then the other nodded and turned, gliding through the press of bodies. Caroline followed and the Travellers shifted, maintaining the safe corridor as she passed between them.
Without the layers of clothes, she was tall and thin. Her hair, pulled into a black plait, hung down below the waist of a long green skirt. As she walked, Caroline could hear bells and she remembered from all the days of the trial that the Traveller was weighted down with jewellery: bracelets, earrings, necklaces, anklets; her fingers were swollen with rings, silver, gold, with stones of every colour. She led Caroline to one of the painted wagons, up the wooden steps of faded red and into a warm, dark, musty space. The door closed behind them without either of them drawing it shut.
The space stretched forward but seemed smaller than it should have, a dim tunnel stuffed with boxes and books and stray items of clothing. The built-in bed was piled high with blankets and newspapers. An unlikely
Caroline glanced away.
A pot of tea sat in the centre of a small table, neatly placed within the edges of an embroidered circle of birds and horses. Two cups. Like the teapot they were once fine porcelain, now crackle-glazed, their floral pattern faded. Caroline thought her grandmother might have had the same set once upon a time. Her
Finding her throat closed, she put a hand in her coat pocket and pulled out the photo, laying it on the cloth between them.
Aishe ignored it, instead pouring tea. The liquorice aroma was strong, the liquid deepest black. Only when she had pushed the cup across the cloth to Caroline’s side of the table did the woman let her eyes stray to the small, sad square of paper.
A little boy smiled up at them. He had black eyes and coal-scuttle curls; his skin was olive and he wore a patched red sweater, worn cord trousers too large for him and boots. He held the reins of a shaggy-looking pony and his joy was like a bolt of sunshine. Aishe’s hand hovered over the snapshot, one finger lowered tantalisingly close to the boy’s face, but at the last minute not touching it. She sat back, resigned, weary, and looked expectantly at her guest. Still she did not speak.
Caroline, never good with silence, scootched forward. She pushed the edges of the photo with the tips of her nails, as if to draw the woman’s attention to it—to make her consider it more seriously.
“Yours,” she pushed out of her mouth. “This is yours.”
Aishe shook her head, lids dropping heavily.
“Yes, it’s
“No.” The word, when it rumbled out, showcased how deep her voice was. Caroline sat back; she couldn’t recall ever hearing her speak, not during the whole of the trial. But surely…surely she must have. The no-longer-mother had given evidence, hadn’t she?
“No?” she asked.
“No,” repeated Aishe. “Not mine. Not anymore.”
Caroline shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry for your son, but this photograph is yours. Please, please don’t bother us again.”
“Drink. It will help.”
Against her will, Caroline did, sipping at the black brew.
“
“You think he’s possessed?” Caroline scoffed. She’d been brought up in a home where religion was politely ignored except at Easter and Christmas, and she’d raised Simon the same way. Geoffrey was an atheist.
“So are all who do such things. The thing inside makes them so.” Aishe wrapped her hands around her own cup, ignoring its handle and drinking deeply.
“So…so you say it’s not Simon’s fault?” As Caroline wondered at this offer of absolution, the other woman laughed.
“We still have a choice—free will. We always have the power to say yes or no. Your son has something inside him, yes; but he chose to give in to it.”
Caroline felt the words like a slap. She put the teacup down, her shaking hands clattered it on the saucer. She stood.
“I am sorry. Sorry about your son.” She made her way to the door, fumbled with the handle until it gave and let the cold sunlight in. She had her feet on the top step before she heard Aishe’s last words.
“He’s not
Caroline stumbled but kept her balance. She tried to leave the rapidly shrinking laager with dignity, but the weight of eyes returning to her and the ringing of the woman’s voice in her ears was a goad. In the end she ran. Ran out of the camp, up the hill and then started down the other side, losing her footing and slipping and sliding on her arse to the bottom. She was up again in a second, running with a limp this time, tears freezing on her cheeks as she hurried towards the rickety gate and the drunken fence and what seemed like safety only in the vaguest of ways.
“Hello, Caroline.”
She’d made it to the entry to the back garden but found she couldn’t go in. Found her hand wouldn’t move to push the gate open, that her feet refused to turn. So, she’d kept going, wandered a while, tried to lose herself in the woods. Stumbling through a stream that sluggishly dribbled along its wintery path, she’d fallen, torn the left knee of her trousers and the skin beneath. Eventually, she’d come out near the local shop and made her limping way home until her front door loomed large. Just as she pushed the wrought iron front gate (unlike the back gate the one in the front yard was respectable—it could be seen), that voice called softly from a car she hadn’t recognised.
“Hello, Caroline,” he said again as he unfolded himself from the driver’s seat.
Geoffrey was still tall, but he’d become very thin. And not been-to-the-gym-got-himself-in-shape-thin either. Skeletal thin; not eating thin; heartsick thin and it was almost enough to give her a little thrill of pleasure, to see he was still suffering.
“What the hell do you want?” She felt suddenly focused. The pain in her knee, which had been dull at best, burst into vibrant throbbing life. Anger flowed through her veins like molten silver. She was very much alert, alive and she owed it all to the rage Geoffrey conjured in her.
He seemed to realise it and his steps faltered. “I…I came to see you. And Simon.”
“I’m surprised you haven’t let yourself in, made yourself at home,” she snarled, gloved hands clutching at the gate.
“You took my key away.”
She’d forgotten that. It had been the same day she’d taken his name off the joint accounts, and cut up his credit card. The same day she’d watched him stuff as many clothes as he could into a big bag on wheels and listened to it thump down the stairs. The same day he’d come home from the hospital and spent a grand total of forty-five minutes packing up the bits of his fifteen-year marriage he wanted to keep. He took no photos, no keepsakes; just his thirty-two pairs of argyle socks and his collection of cotton boxers, his jeans, sneakers and sweaters and polo shirts. He’d left his suits and his business shirts and the three pairs of leather shoes, which had given off a stench when Caroline burned them all in the back yard later that afternoon, watching the flames flare and glare and crackle and burst.
Now he was back with a “Hello, Caroline” as if they were meeting for coffee.
“And anyway, I knocked. I knocked a lot. I could hear music and someone moving around inside—is it Simon? It must be Simon—I kept up with the coverage, so I know he’s home—but no one answered the door. So I thought I’d wait.”
“Simon doesn’t answer the door. He doesn’t go out anymore, Geoffrey,” she said in a tone that told him these were important things to know. “Our son doesn’t have a life anymore.”
She bit her tongue and stopped herself from adding:
“I thought…I thought I’d like to see him.”
“You thought? You
“Caroline, I’m sorry—I know I did the wrong thing. It was just so hard—”
“Yes, it fucking was! It was very fucking hard—for me! You just gave up. You just
“Now there’s no need for that sort of language…”
“You fuck! Fuck you! You leave me to clean up this mess and you’re telling me to mind my language? What? Do you think I’ll be a bad influence on Simon?” She let the gate go and turned to fully face him, taking deliberate steps towards him as he backed away.
He paled and she knew he was terrified of her, of this strange new woman who was walking about in her skin. She wondered what he saw in her that made him know she was something different now. She idly wondered if it was the same thing that showed in Simon’s face when he—
“I’m sorry, Caroline, this was a bad idea.” She could barely hear him over the sound his keys made as he tried to get them into the car door. She noticed that his vehicle was
He got the door open and put it between them as if it might keep him safe. But he didn’t get into the car, he seemed to be about to say something else, and that was his mistake.
Caroline gathered herself, drew upon all the saliva she could muster and spat in his face.
“Don’t come back, Geoffrey.”
“What’s that?”
Simon dropped the item in question, startled by his mother’s sudden appearance. Caroline caught sight of herself in the mirror above his desk. She looked wild, angry and sick. She stalked into the room. He hunched down and swept the thing up, trying to hide it.
“Nothing,” he grunted. It was the same tone he had used for the last year and she’d thought herself inured to it, but this time she snapped. She swooped on him, shrieking, pushing her face into his until he was almost flat on his mattress as she screamed.
He threw it on the floor and she stepped back, his movement breaking her tirade. It was a knife. A pocket knife. The one Geoffrey had given him the Christmas before in spite of her objections. The one the police had been unable to find. The one that still had thin brown stains where the blade met the casing.
Time seemed to freeze around them as they stared down at the thing on the blue carpet.
Caroline had steadfastly lied for her son. Yes, he was home that afternoon. No, he had not left his room. They’d had hot chocolate at precisely three o’clock and they had watched cartoons together. No amount of nit-picking or white-anting by the Prosecution had shifted or shaken her, and she’d taken a kind of perverse pride in that.
In truth, Caroline didn’t really know why she’d lied.
To protect her child, yes, but she didn’t understand why she did it when she knew deep down he was guilty. She’d had hope, of course, all mothers have hope beyond hope, a deep abiding belief that a miracle will occur and their child will be proven innocent—because when the guilt is beyond doubt, is known, the world changes irrevocably.
And here it was. Undeniable proof of what he’d done.
Caroline felt something somewhere in her chest give way, cave-in and leave a pile of rubble in its wake. Inside, an already hobbling part of her died.
But it didn’t matter. They couldn’t charge him again, couldn’t retry him. He was out and he’d got away with it. And he was in her house. He’d come
Slowly she bent down, the cut in her knee re-opening, and picked up the knife. Her knuckles turned bone-white around it and she could feel the metal
Caroline lifted her fist and shook it at Simon. Red spattered across his shirt, face and the blue duvet. Behind his eyes she saw something stir; something that wasn’t afraid of her. Not yet.
She moved towards him and the thing inside him began to shift, to squirm. Ah! At last.
Then the window shattered, showering them both with glass, and the spell was broken. Time stumbled forward again. She became aware of the clock in the upstairs hallway, ticking and tocking, reliable as ever. On the bed lay half a brick. Tied to it with a piece of twine was a familiar crumpled square of off-white.
Simon didn’t even twitch, still paralysed. Still frozen. Only his eyes swept around, as if looking for escape. Caroline collected the brick, and untied the twine. Resignedly, she pulled the photo away from the rough surface of the concrete carrier pigeon and put it into the pocket of her Barbour. She felt the blood from her hand oozing across the surface smoothly melting away the emulsion. Caroline straightened, cleared her throat.
“Lunch in ten minutes. If you want food you’ll come downstairs like a human being. No more skulking up here. I’m not a zoo-keeper to keep bringing meals to your door.”
She turned to leave.
“It wasn’t anyone important!”
His voice, his words, made her nauseous. She felt hot waves of sick rising, lapping at the back of her throat. She swallowed it down. He wouldn’t see—couldn’t see—any weakness. Caroline kept moving, towards the door, was almost into the hallway.
“Just a filthy little Rom. Filthy Traveller. Who’d miss him? Mum? Who’d miss him?”
She locked the door of her bedroom that night; thought about pushing a set of drawers in front of it, then decided she was being silly. The rage-invigorated woman who had so scared her husband and son seemed to have disappeared. She couldn’t, she supposed, burn that brightly for too long. She went to sleep quickly, though, as if all her energy had evaporated. She didn’t even take a tablet.
Something woke her in the dark watches.
At first she thought it was Simon and cried out, then remembered he couldn’t get in. Anyway, what woke her was a weeping, a whimpering Simon had never made, not even when he was small.
Her heart clenched when she saw the figure standing solidly black silhouetted on the pale curtains, back-lit by the streetlights.
But she realised the shape, the shadow, was too small.
Caroline sat up slowly and squinted hard into the dimness. Slowly details made themselves known: a patched red sweater, coal-scuttle curls, the dirty marks on his face cut by lines of clean where tears had fallen. She didn’t turn on the bedside lamp for fear he would disappear. She didn’t speak for the same reason.
She offered her hand and held her breath.
He settled beside her under the sheets, beneath the blankets, snuggling into the curve of her as if he belonged there. His skin was so cold she shivered. But she welcomed the sensation—any sensation, any feeling at all that was not despair or contempt or fear or hatred or grief.
The thin little back pressed against her stomach; the little knuckles of the spine stood out and she ran her fingers down them, almost expecting the sound of a xylophone. And he stopped crying. She brushed a hand across his face, felt the still-wet tears and put her fingers to her tongue. They burned, salt and ice, stung her mouth like lemon juice poured into a wound, but she didn’t care.
“Mum?” Simon was scratching at the door. “Mum, are you okay?” he paused. “It’s just I thought I heard you yell…”
The child beside her stilled like a small animal trying to escape notice and then she smelled ammonia. She gathered her breath, kept her voice steady and said, “Yes, I’m fine. A dream is all. Go back to bed.”
She listened as his heavy footsteps receded and his bedroom door closed. She could feel the little boy relaxing.
“It’s all right,” she whispered. “It’s all right.”
Ignoring the wet stink, the warm damp that was rapidly turning cold, Caroline wrapped her arms around the child and slept soundly.
“I want to go outside,” Simon mumbled through his food.
He wasn’t using a knife—she hadn’t put one out—and hacked away great chunks of French toast with the edge of his fork, then shovelled each one loaded with disks of banana into his mouth. Syrup dripped down his chin.
Caroline turned back to the stove and deftly flipped over another piece of bread dipped in egg mix. It sizzled as it hit the pan and the smell of heated butter filled her nostrils. She nodded, as if buying herself a few moments. In truth she felt guilty, guiltier than at any other time in her life. She told herself it was because she’d been a bad mother, because she’d feared him, and because of that fear she’d hated him. But it was worse and she knew it.
She hadn’t simply hated him. She’d forgotten him. For the briefest of hours she had forgotten him altogether and she had loved another child. Another child who was everything Simon no longer was—vulnerable, innocent. A child who’d filled her need for such a short time. But had done so nevertheless, and in doing so had widened the fractures between Caroline and her son.
So she nodded again and said, “Where would you like to go?”
“The park? Just out, Mum. Just…out.”
“The park it is, when I finish the dishes. Wrap up, it’s cold.”
She could feel, tight by her left leg, the cold weight of the ghost child leaning on her. The small frozen hands gripped her mid-thigh, hampering any movement, but she didn’t shift; didn’t want to dislodge him, just stayed in place revelling in the sensation of being
When Simon finished jamming breakfast into his maw and brought his plate over to the sink, she felt the ghost child dissolve, his presence melt away, leaving only his fear of Simon and a disturbing sense of resentment in Caroline’s chest.
It was okay, she thought. It was going to be okay.
The bench was warm beneath her; an unseasonal burst of sun had burned away the chill and the damp and she was toasty in a bubble of light, hidden from the wind by a stand of trees and the toilet block not far behind her. She snuggled down in her coat and closed her eyes for a moment.
The park had been a good idea. Stiff and formal at first, they’d eventually relaxed. Simon had scraped together a tiny, wet ball from remnants of snow (but mostly mud) and thrown it at her. The mark was still visible on her coat; any other time she would have lost her temper, seen it as
It made her remember how it had been when he was small. When loving him wasn’t something she thought about, wasn’t something she resented, but something she simply
When she sat to catch her breath, Simon played on the swings. The park started to fill up with other children but he didn’t seem to notice them. More importantly, they didn’t appear to notice him. The few parents standing around smoking and watching their own offspring didn’t recognise her son either. He took to the slides, then the roundabout, climbed the tree fort, then told her he needed to go to the loo.
She’d smiled and nodded, touched his arm and squeezed to let him know it was going to be okay.
Now she sat, warm and drowsing, as close to happy as she’d been in…she didn’t know. They would move, yes. Up north, somewhere with a small school, but close enough to a city with good psychologists; Simon would need help. He would need someone to talk to—as she would, let’s face it—someone who could get him to speak about what made him do what he did. Someone who could make him face what he had done, look at it and see it for what it was, and then turn away in disgust—aversion therapy, she thought. He would realise that his choices in future must always turn away from whatever the voice inside him advised. He would recognise his action had been an aberration. He’d acted on a whim, a
And so would she.
But they could get past it.
They could work together.
Everything would be okay.
The hand was small and frigid on her face. At first she thought it was Simon, but the hand was too small. Too tender. The touch was sad, tentative, but somehow determined. She moaned
When she opened her eyes, the ghost child was a few feet away. He wasn’t looking at her, but staring towards the toilet block. She felt as heavy as she ever had, cemented to the wooden bench, but she heaved herself upwards. Every step was leaden, and she couldn’t make herself run. Her legs operated independently of her will and resolutely brought her to the entrance to the male toilets.
The smell of urine assailed her. The floor was tiled and damp. She rounded the corner and peered into the dim-lit rectangular room.
Stalls to the right. A urinal against the far wall. A row of sinks to the left. And in the far corner, her son just visible in the doorway of the furthest stall. Caroline approached quietly, oh so quietly. Behind her she could feel the arctic presence of the ghost child, his little hands holding onto the bottom of her coat. In the moment before Simon sensed her and turned around, she saw into the stall.
An elfin girl this time.
Caroline felt her heart stop, leap, thud like a drum.
The child’s face was pinched and pale but she seemed otherwise unhurt. She was crouched on top of the closed lid of the toilet, curled in on herself like a terrified hedgehog. She looked clean and cared for in jeans with sequins along the line of the pockets, a pink, puffed jacket, and purple gumboots decorated with flower-shaped raindrops and umbrellas held by black and white cows. Not a Traveller’s child this time, not a child Simon might think no one would care about. Caroline couldn’t help the flare of irritation that after everything that had happened he could be so
The little girl caught sight of Caroline and her mouth opened in a wail of relief and fear.
That was when Simon turned, his eyes widening, pupils dilating, his mouth working like a fish trying to gather breath on land.
“I wasn’t! I wasn’t doing anything!” He cowered. “I wasn’t going to…”
Caroline had thought her son’s lies had no more power to hurt her. The moment her hand grasped the collar of his jacket and began to shake him, the girl used the chance to dart out, haring through the tight space between their bodies and the stall door. She let loose a steam train squeal as she passed them by.
Caroline had enough presence of mind to drag him outside and to the car before the shouting started, her own and that of the outraged parents gathering around the little girl who’d made her way to the far side of the park with amazing speed.
In her bathroom, everything was arrayed tidily, in the order she needed.
They had to be ground down, she decided; one simply couldn’t swallow so many any other way. Caroline had taken the boxes from the medicine cabinet, popped the pills out of the blister packs, each one making a satisfying metallic crackle as they broke through the silvery packaging. She’d brought the small mortar and pestle up from the kitchen, the one she kept for dry ingredients, and stood it on the white marble of the vanity unit. She dropped the tablets in, absently counting them as if it mattered, then began the painstaking process of turning them into dust.
In the end, the small mound of white powder wasn’t enough. Or perhaps it was, but she didn’t really believe it. She wanted to be certain; didn’t want to leave anything to chance. Next came the bottles—so many bottles!—the pills larger, harder to crush, but she managed it. She could do it. She could do anything, as long as she concentrated on one task at a time. Behind her, cold radiated, a frigid comfort.
Then the stairs, one at a time, carefully cupping the mortar with both hands. Easy. Down was easiest. One thing at a time.
In the kitchen, she poured milk into a saucepan and put it on the stove, the click of the lighter making her flinch until the gas caught with a blue sigh. From the pantry, the canister and the sugar bowl. From the cupboard over the sink, a mug, the biggest, his favourite.
The powders, the mixing of white and brown, until no one could tell the difference; the sound of the milk as it heated, simmered, threatened to boil over.
And finally, she stood at the bottom of the stairs, took a breath, kept her voice steady and called upwards.
“Hot chocolate?”
Rebecca Lloyd
DUST
REBECCA LLOYD, an author and fiction editor from the south of England, writes short stories and the occasional novel. She was the developmental editor of
She had two short story collections published in 2014—
“In ‘Dust’ I was attempting to write an ambiguous story in which it wasn’t clear if the subject matter was about ghosts or really about madness.” reveals the author. “The story concerns a ferocious married couple who continually fight but are unable to leave each other, and the effect they have on their two daughters.
“The setting for the story is based on a house with extensive gardens that I once knew, and scenes at the dinner table are very roughly based on dinner table scenes from my own childhood…so they came in handy, after all.”
MUCH HAS DEVELOPED since the day in April I stumbled out of the Quiet Garden with blood running freely down my cheek. The intensity that has arisen over the months cannot be quelled, and I find myself engaged now in a monstrous negotiation, the nature of which I scarcely comprehend, and one that shifts ground continually. As much as I would keep Beth naïve, I sense in her silences that she is on the edge of recognition. I am touched as much by her innocence as I am by her fierce protectiveness of me—but I would keep her in ignorance for I have yet to comprehend the matter myself. I know only that I am involved in urgent entreaty on her behalf, yet I feel my resourcefulness weakening daily.
It is already November and the numbing draughts have taken up their habitual places and creep at will though the old kitchen. Beth has padded the windows with newspaper, and outside the sky is inky and swollen. She is determined to stay, and I can do nothing more to urge her to leave. There are many repulsive details I keep from her, but lately she has come to understand a little of what we are up against, although she struggles to deny it.
She has locked all the doors to the unused rooms upstairs, thinking to make the top corridor safe. At night she is anxious, and would have it that we sleep in the same room together as we did when we were children, as if by doing so things would change. I do not try to convince her otherwise; conversation between us has taken a strange turn lately. She and I should have much to talk about for we have not seen each other since the day she left in 1905, less than a six month after our parents died.
She does not tell me about her life in Edinburgh, and she does not ask me how I have fared here alone—as she would have it. She asks me oblique questions and watches me all the time when we are together in the house. She wishes to protect me, she says, just as she did when we were children. She is older than me by seven years and her memories of our childhood differ from mine; I do not recall her protection. I remember only suffocating resentment should I find her in my hiding places. On many occasions in the summer months, I spied on her from the Quiet Garden, daring her to tread the path that would lead her to me, but she never did. She stayed instead in company on the south lawn playing with the dogs. She fancied that were one of us to be there, the other could be free. She declares that we were close as children, and would be so again, were I to allow it.
The Quiet Garden stands above the lower lawns. Curved steps spotted with orange lichen lead up to a platform of ancient pitted stonework no bigger than a large room, and surrounded on three sides by gigantic yew hedges. The place has a penitent heavy feeling about it that attracted me singularly when I was a girl. A stone ornament in the shape of a Greek urn stands off centre in the square, and it was close to this, on an old bench, that I would sit reading. Chinking blackbirds warned me if someone was approaching, and there was time to slip away through a narrow passageway between two overlapping hedges before I was found. The place was my refuge. As soon as I was released from company, I hastened there to the silence, relieved to be cut free from the panting of the dogs, my sister’s pale face, and the rough bitter jokes our parents flung at each other between their deck chairs all through the summer days.
I am certain that it is Beth’s return that has brought about the feverous escalation. Although through the years, I have been aware that the two of them do linger, it is only since Beth came home that they have made themselves so very obvious. It was barely two weeks after she arrived when I first found myself in conflict with them. I had walked the gardens, the south lawns, the nut tree path, and up to the stables and fields beyond. I returned then to sit in the Quiet Garden. It was late afternoon, chilly but bright, the sun silvering the air around me. I cannot tell now if the phenomenon had been sudden or gradual, and as useless as it is to say, the only words I can find to describe it are that things started to bend. It was as if I had swooned, but the swooning was outside me. The edges of the flagstones appeared to warp, and staring at them did not return them to their proper place. I looked away and noticed that the yew hedge on the west side was curving inwards.
I became aware that there was moisture on the back of my neck, and reached my hand up. A bubbly wetness covered my palm. I stood up quickly and looked behind me, and as I did so, what I took to be a shower of small stones slashed at my face. I was conscious of the abnormality of the thing; the force with which the objects hit my cheeks and brow would have needed some visible person to be no further away than three or four paces.
I noted that my body was afraid; my blood had quickened and brought about a pulsing in my ears, and my cheek stung. In my thinking, I was as yet too startled to be frightened even though I sensed a
“Some small cuts on my cheek, Beth,” I said later. “It must have been one of the village children, they’re quite rough nowadays, their fathers, you know, so many of them died in the war.”
The following morning I found Beth standing in the gap between the yew trees at the edge of the Quiet Garden. I do believe she was searching the flag-stones, looking for a scattering of small sharp objects to give credence to my story. “What are you doing out here?” I asked.
“I was concerned about the attack on you, Annie,” she said, “and you do look very wan.”
“Life has been a great strain hereabouts. Goodness, it is only two years since the end of the war, and there cannot be a soul in England who has not been dreadfully upset by the whole thing,” I told her.
For a while, the Quiet Garden reclaimed its tranquillity and June passed by pleasantly enough, although there was a faint chill in the air. I sensed nothing immediately harmful, although I had become nervous enough to be startled even by the movement of birds in the bushes beyond. Beth and I had agreed to stay within calling distance of each other and come together again as dusk distorted the shadows of the trees on the lawn.
They did not return again until late in October, and this time I confronted them boldly by calling out their names. I have wondered if it was my insolence that gave them vigour, for they were upon me suddenly with brutal energy. Sometimes I fancied my neck was kissed or my hair brushed, and if I resisted I was beaten. On one occasion, I was obliged to slip back into the house quietly and dispose of my frock that had been badly torn such that mending it would have been pointless. They would pull at me so and pester me, and it was as if I was mesmerised as their administrations became more intimate in nature.
I tried, at first, to keep a record of the particulars, as if by doing so I could assert the authority of all my forty-five years, but when later I read my jottings I found that my writing was always the nonsensical scribbling of a child, and I could make no sense of it.
I have failed to keep the dark business away from Beth, she has become so nervous and brooding that the slightest matter upsets her terribly; she has but to drop a spoon on the floor and she will be in tears. She has set about once again, finding ways to stop the vicious draughts moving freely in the house and banging shut the doors as they always have done. She insists that we keep an electrical light on during the night. “Where do you go for such long stretches of time?” she whispers at me repeatedly. She has become so persistent in her questioning that I am obliged to reveal a little of what is unfolding. “But why must you go to the Quiet Garden? It is winter now, and I know you go there even at night.”
“I go because I must. Concern yourself only with inside matters. I alone am responsible for things outside, and for finding ways to keep them there.”
“But what is out there that pulls at you so, Annie dear?”
“It is just a habit.”
“It is very eccentric, and I’ve become dreadfully fearful for you.”
“Some small eccentricities are unavoidable in those who have lived lonely for so long.” I did feel a great tenderness for Beth in her bewilderment, but I could not tell her then that I had no will in the matter. I could not say that the compulsion to keep tryst in the Quiet Garden was outside my own making; that the meetings were as unavoidable as when I was a child mute with obedience, bolstered only by the belief that eventually adulthood would free me from further misery. Sometimes I could see them clearly, before ever I reached the garden; they paced up and down along the yew hedges, impatient with my slowness.
In the middle of November, an occasion arose when Beth looked at me very levelly; she had led me to the kitchen, and stood with her back against the door. “Be truthful with me, it is to do with them, is it not? You think they are out there in the Quiet Garden.”
“I cannot deny it. Of course it is them. The spitting and stones—who else would engage in such puerile activities?” I did not describe how once my head was pulled sharply backwards so that I struggled for breath, or how on one occasion they would have my clothes from me and leave me to stand naked, and I witnessed my garments hanging in the air unsupported.
“I did not realise you thought about them so much anymore. I do not,” Beth said.
“Why should you? You have been gone all this long time, and I have been here with them.” She came towards me and I moved away, she could not change things that had already been done. “They are here, and they are very eager to make acquaintance with you again,” I shouted.
“Annie, hush, I cannot bear to see you so tormented. They are merely memories.” I saw her shudder.
“You do not believe me, do you, Beth?”
“How has this all come to be, do you suppose? Ever since I came home you have been fitful and really quite strange, Annie.”
“It is because of what we did.”
“But it was you who first suggested it, if I recall.”
“Perhaps, but you agreed. They have been about since then, sometimes together and sometimes separate. I have seen them by the water’s edge, or up by the stable. Never have they ventured into the Quiet Garden until your return. And they come back ferocious, more so than they were in life.”
I felt quite broken up and I did not resist her when she took my hand in hers and looked down upon it as if it were her very own. “Annie, perhaps if it really is us who have caused it, stopping it would also be possible, do you not think?” There was a curious tone to her voice that made a child of me.
“How, how could we stop it?”
“Perhaps you alone can stop it. Where is the fine spirit I so envied you when we were little? You were not afraid to move away from them and find your childish sanctuaries.”
“I think you should leave, Beth. That is the only way this business can be halted.”
“I do not regret what we did, it was not malicious. Besides, I do not wish to leave you again.”
“You did so without hesitation the first time.”
“Poor Annie. I did not know you suffered because of that, truly I did not.”
I let her take me in her arms and pull my head down onto her shoulder, for I was all done in with my torment. “It was monstrous and pagan, the thing we did,” I whispered.
I felt her tremble against me. “Can one be guilty of a thing if one does not understand the implications of it, do you imagine, Annie?”
“Of course!” I pulled away from her, “if those you have harmed think otherwise. That was exactly what our parents did think, as you very well know. We were guilty of things we had no knowledge of at the time.”
The relationship between our parents was debauched, and my sister and I lived in the murkiness of it, we crept between the intensity of the hatred they felt for each other and the extravagant ways they menaced each other’s bodies and thoughts. We spent time in the kitchen with our silent cook when we felt the need for the company of an adult through days in which our parents did not leave their bedroom, or days in which they grappled together through the rooms of the house, shouting. There were times of quietude, but these were brief and their length unpredictable.
We did not think they would damage us when they were alive. They seemed hardly to notice we were there, and when they did, they looked at us as if surprised. Father spoke to us with a hesitating formality that seemed to suggest that had things been otherwise, his enthusiasm for our company would have been boundless. Our mother had a myriad of different ways to show us that her life before our births had been thrilling.
I would not have minded those facts alone; the house with its two staircases and extravagant gardens supplied much of what I needed as a child, and Beth tells me now the same was true for her. We would come across each other in the old sure places of sanctuary—in the cupboard under the back stairs, or in the spidery storage room in the winter. In the summer, we would find our way separately to the stables or the broken greenhouse and curse and rejoice at the same time if the other was there. Only the Quiet Garden remained mine, for it was too queer and sombre for Beth.
Despite their depravity, our parents were conservative people in the 1880’s, and in the way of Queen Victoria, they never changed their opinions about the vileness of cremation. Beth believes it was because the first enthusiasts were gifted people such as Mr Millais and Mr Trollope. We suffered through many mealtimes listening to them threaten each other with cremation when death mercifully freed each from the other.
I recall one conversation over lunch—I believe it was in 1885 when Beth was seventeen, and I, ten years of age. The Woking Crematorium had just been opened, and a Mrs P., very well known for her opinions and presence in literary circles, was cremated there. In December of that year, the body of an extra-large woman was also subjected to the same treatment, successfully.
“So then,” began our father, “it occurs to me that this cremation business is a fitting end for obnoxious women, be they vile of body or mind, or in some cases both.”
Mother blanched. “The entire business of course was started by an individual who could be regarded as a true example of the stupidity and vanity of men.” She coughed loudly and drank noisily from her water glass, “a ridiculous old Welsh man who claimed to be a Druid, if I recall correctly. Last year, wasn’t it Teddy dear, you remember, he tried to cremate the body of his infant child and was arrested for his foul behaviour.”
I cast a glance at Beth and she looked away, we shared the same goal at that moment of judging a suitable pause in the sharpening exchange so that we could beg to leave the table. But our father turned his eye upon us. “Ask your mother to pass the salt cellar, Beth,” he said. His moustaches were horridly wet.
“Mother, Father would like the saltcellar,” Beth mumbled.
“Inform him that he must obtain it for himself.”
Beth lent forward towards her plate and began to weep silently. As often occurred, I intervened. “Oh, do let me get it, it is nearest to me,” I said, as if the task would give me pleasure.
I watched my mother’s dark eyes travel across the vegetable dishes, the water glasses, the napkin rings, and up my neck until they rested on my face. “Do eat up, Annie. Otherwise what a surprise you will have at breakfast tomorrow.”
Beth fumbled for her handkerchief and buried her face in it so that our parents were not visible to her. Father began his customary tapping of the tines of his fork on the table edge as mother positioned the water jug and gravy boat around her as if building a fortress.
We were eating mutton and peas. To this day, the thought of it fills me with horror. I had devised a way of disposing of mutton and other meats as a child. I was frequently abandoned at table when Beth and my parents had left to go about their chores. At a chosen moment, with only the cook as guard, I slipped the meat into my pocket and claimed to have eaten it. Released from the table I went quickly to a spot on the edge of our land and buried the flesh, trying at the same time to push away the curious fantasies that came to me in the process.
Our parents died quite suddenly within hours of each other in 1905. In this, their last year, they had been shadows to each other about the place. They were like two deranged beings looking constantly for ways to thwart the other, their war poisonously silent. I was thirty and Beth nearing forty. We had made nothing much of our lives, for it was difficult in our circumstances to engage with the outside world. I knew Beth had a small circle of friends in those days, but of course she never did bring them back to the house. I, on the other hand, had only my books and my thoughts.
Mother died first. She dropped onto the dining room floor by the window quite suddenly and with no sound. He came in to stare at her as he often did—sometimes for half an hour without blinking. He made a small noise at the sight of her and wandered off into the garden. We found him later dead under the willow tree, his face still moist with tears. We had them cremated at West Norwood. For Father we chose a simple ceramic urn in the Greek style, for Mother a smaller, more rounded clay vessel. We stood them side by side on the dining room table and looked at them.
Beth laughed hard and for a long time, until I began to smile. “Don’t look so rueful, Annie, we are free.” We had on the table between us a small bottle of Father’s malted whiskey. As the last remnants of the spring sunlight fell on the urns, we finished the liquor. “Are we in a ghastly stupor?” Beth asked me, as we gazed at each other.
“Putting them in these awful vessels would suggest it, I suppose,” I replied.
“No, they’re very fitting, Annie. The proud one is for a man and the little bevelled one is for a woman.” She jabbed her finger at them, “A gentleman and a lady, a lady and a gentleman,” she announced with unnecessary loudness.
I reached out and moved the vessels closer together. “What on earth are we going to do with them now?”
“Put them in the attic out of harm’s way,” she whispered. “I cannot tell you, Annie, how I cherish the silence now that they have gone. I too have plans to go.”
“Did they really do some of the things I remember, Beth? Did I see them rolling down the lawn together when we were children and falling into the stream, both naked?” I recalled the scene often, the spongy flesh of my father reddening in the grip of my mother’s bony fingers as they propelled each other towards the wet edges of the stream.
Beth nodded. “It is true that the relationship between them was frenzied at the time, but later on they did not box each other around so much; their wickedness became more subtle, and I was glad you were too young to notice what they next embarked upon. They started to hide each other’s things and Father cut holes in her dresses, little discreet ones nastily placed. From time to time, she tried to damage his automobile. Then, for a while she hunted him as though she was a different person.”
“Say what, Beth?”
“She wrote menacing little letters, she would go to London and post them from there. I read a couple of them once; they were in the pocket of her outdoor cape. He knew of course. When she came back he would tell her earnestly what had happened, and what he would do to the person were he to catch them.”
“You said you have plans, what plans?”
She frowned. “Oh, not this very minute, Annie. I’ll tell you later.”
I thought about my mother’s face, porcelain white and sharp jawed. “Even so, Mama and Papa could not have lived without each other, could they?”
“Well, that is it exactly, Annie. It was as though they had cast a fairy spell upon each other. It is strange to think that love between two people could be so vile a thing for other people to witness.”
“I think we should scatter them in the garden, I believe that is a fashion now. We should get rid of these hideous things they are trapped in. Maybe they could make peace if we did so. Indeed I know the very place; there is a tree on the edge of our land.” It was an idle thought, spoken only to cast aside the gloom that had descended upon us. I reached out and took the lids off the urns. Beth stood up and peered into each of them cautiously. “Let us put them together,” I said. We were drunken I suppose—but funeral drunk with a steadiness of purpose.
I picked up Father, and she took Mother. We laid a cloth upon the table and let the gritty grey particles trickle together, moving our heads back as fine dust began to form around the urns. And then we dared to go further, we mixed them with the tips of our own fingers, mingling them into one pile.
“Do you think this is legal, Annie dear?”
“They belong to us. I suppose we could eat them if we wanted to, with peas,” I replied frivolously, and to my utter shame.
All is now in the open between myself and Beth, I have shown her the recordings I made of their appearances and she affirms that they made no sense. “Perhaps you were in a trance, Annie,” she murmured. “But even if we must live once more with Mama and Papa, they cannot harm us one jot, you know.”
She was very calm, and I could not help but feel furious with her. “You make so little of it,” I shouted. “You think your sophistication can expunge them.”
“It is you who can expunge them, Annie, you alone. You must try mightily to let them go. They haunt you because you allow it.”
“Why can you not own that it is something we did together, and why can you not see that if you had not left, they would not be so very angry with us now?”
So our positions in this matter became fixed. We agreed that under no circumstances should we let our troubles become known to others. When tradesmen call it is she who has the task of speaking to them, and it is she who attends to our meals and comfort in the house. Although I feel she could be close to nervous exhaustion, she is wonderfully attentive to me most of the time; on that, I cannot fault her.
Now that November is nearing its end, strong winds blow against the yew hedges and the Quiet Garden is very much alive. Some dry snow has fallen, and more is likely in December. The bench close to the stone urn is swollen with damp and its tendrils of lichen so milky green in the summer, have taken on a darker hue. I spend much time there.
I wear the wide blue ribbons that hung limp in my hair when I was a child, so that they do not mistake me for Beth. I find new ways to appease them, thinking to charm them into placidity; I dance for them and sing the songs of our childhood that they never heard. I take meals to the garden for them. I lay the plates out carefully upon the ground; I fancy that mutton and peas are well tolerated. Sometimes I sense that the plates have been disturbed and call to Beth in my excitement. But it may be as she says—that an animal has ventured by and taken parts of the food, a fox, she suggests, or a domestic cat—for it is not I who eats them.
But lately a further development has occurred which has cast a new light on my duties. I have not yet told Beth because it is an escalation of a horrible kind, and the thing I most feared. It has become essential that I find a way of containing Mama and Papa within the Quiet Garden, for they have begun to venture from it in the last few days. It is as if over the months since my first encounters with them, they have gained new knowledge. They are like two children on the verge of intellectual discovery, and I sense their excitement, and with it their increasing malevolence. They wish to gain entry to the house, and I must at all costs stop this happening, for it is clear to me that once inside they will find Beth, for whom they hunger terribly.
Robert Shearman
SUFFER LITTLE CHILDREN
ROBERT SHEARMAN is an author and playwright who is probably best known for reintroducing the Daleks to the BAFTA-winning first season of BBC-TV’s revived
His four short story collections—
“When I was a little boy,” recalls Shearman, “I was scared of stories. The ones read to me in class, the ones I was told on television. Words on the page used to scare me. Book covers alone could make me scream.
“My parents were concerned. The doctor suggested that maybe, to calm me down, I might like to think of numbers instead.
“I liked numbers. ‘3’ looked smiling and happy. ‘7’ was a bit stuck-up until you got to know him better, then he was all right. And every night I’d lie in my bed and stare up at the ceiling and think of numbers, my new friends.
“My bedroom ceiling was made up of fifteen unbroken tiles. (There were the edges of other tiles around the cupboards, but I didn’t count those, they had to be unbroken for the game to work. One of the fifteen was partially interrupted by the light hanging from it, and sometimes I counted it, and sometimes I didn’t.) And I would imagine on the first tile I would place the number ‘1’. And on the second, I’d double that, and I’d place the number ‘2’. And I’d carry on doubling, and by the time I reached my fifteenth tile, right above my head, I’d be up to ‘16,384’. I liked playing with doubling numbers. Whenever I felt awkward or nervous, I’d start doubling them in my head, and see how far I could get until I felt better. (And in fact, all these years on, I still do this.)
“The nightmares started when I began to believe the numbers might eat me. Because there weren’t just fifteen tiles in the world, there were billions. You carry on doubling the numbers on that many tiles, who knows what monsters you’ll end up with? And I dreamed regularly of armies of numbers, and an ever growing single number that just kept getting bigger and bigger, and I couldn’t squeeze all its digits on to a tile, no matter how small I tried to write it. And there are so many people in the world, but there are many more numbers than people—in a very real sense, the numbers will always outnumber us. And if they turn against us, if they even choose to see us, that’s it—we’re dead, we’re dead, we’re all dead.
“I had this nightmare a lot, until my parents weaned me off numbers and back on to books, back on to Enid Blyton.
“I still have the nightmare, once in a while. The last time was five months ago.
“This is a story about that nightmare.”
EVERYTHING SHE TAUGHT she’d learned from the books in her father’s study—and even then, only from the bottom shelves, she couldn’t have reached the top shelves without the ladder, and the ladder’s wooden rungs were lined with cracks that looked like spider webs. So, no geography, then (but her pupils would be English, so how much did they need to know about foreign lands?). Plenty of history, she liked the way the past could be packaged into neat little romances; they were like fairy tales but the difference was, these fairy tales were
But what she taught didn’t matter; she was left under no illusions about that. Her task was to ensure the children were occupied and well-behaved, and that their wits were kept sharp to prepare them for proper education later. Children liked her, and that was the main thing. Adults didn’t, much; adults never quite knew what to say to her. She was unfailingly polite, but somehow always at one remove, everything she said sounded too considered and deliberate. But children seemed charmed by her.
In part, perhaps, that may have been the way she looked. She had such a very young face. Her cheeks were full and red like a baby doll’s. Her eyes, wide and innocent. The children instinctively might have recognised her as one of them, that for all the authority bestowed on her she belonged to their world, not the world of their parents. It was true that she always looked so serious and thoughtful, and she only rarely smiled. But that didn’t mean she ever looked disapproving, or in judgement of them. She seemed to be a little girl who wanted to be all grown up. Children understand that. They want the same thing.
It was only natural that Susan Cowley would be a governess. Even as a girl she’d had a calming effect on the other children playing around her; she didn’t seem to have any friends amongst them, not as such, but what of that? And Susan seemed to accept that role with incurious equanimity. Her little sister would be given all manner of pretty clothes; Susan, more and more, would get formal dress, bordering even upon uniform in its austerity, all befitting her future career. She never complained.
When she reached seventeen, her great aunt found her a placement at Exley Hall, to look after two young children of friends of hers.
It was impossible to judge how responsible Susan Cowley was for the Exley Hall scandal. Certainly, she never tried to offer any defence, and that may well have been her undoing. She seemed only too willing to take the blame, and so the blame was put squarely on her shoulders. And maybe that was right. The children were in her care. Whether or not she had done anything directly to influence events, that, surely, cannot be disputed.
There were no criminal proceedings, and that was just, for it was hard to see how anything that had happened could be called a crime. The Exleys did not want any muck clinging to their son’s name. They did not want any word getting out. That said, Susan Cowley was unable to find herself another position afterwards, so someone must have talked.
Mr and Mrs Cowley did not know what to make of it all. Susan had always been such a quiet child, the reliable one, the boring one truth be told. They did not discuss the matter. They tried to pretend nothing had happened. Mr Cowley only lost his temper the once, and that was not even with Susan; at the dinner table the little sister began asking how it was that Susan was home again, didn’t she like being a teacher?—and at that, without a word, Mr Cowley had got up and slapped the girl around her face. The girl was so shocked she even forgot to cry.
One night, when he couldn’t sleep, Mr Cowley found Susan in his study. She was sitting on the floor, a stack of books by her side, and she was leafing through them slowly. All her old favourites—Arthurian legends, a Latin primer, and tomes and tomes of rudimentary calculus. “Susan?” he asked softly, “are you all right?” It was the gentlest thing he had said to her since her disgrace; Susan looked up at him, but her face registered no surprise at his new tenderness. She nodded. Mr Cowley stood there in the doorway, and he knew that this was the moment he should reach out to her, try to talk to her, maybe find out what had happened. This was his chance. And he couldn’t take the chance, or didn’t, at any rate; he nodded back, quite formally, turned, and went back to bed.
There came in the post one morning a letter for Susan. Inside there was a newspaper clipping advertising for young teachers at H___ Priory. There was no letter, no indication who it might have been from; Mr and Mrs Cowley wondered whether the great-aunt was offering some help, just as she had done before; she hadn’t spoken to the family since the incident but maybe she had relented. It was not a governess’ position; it was not ideal; it was to teach a class of young children of no discernible means or background, and the wages offered were meagre. But, as Mr and Mrs Cowley said, beggars could not be choosers. They looked for H___ on the map. It took them a while to find it; it was far away, and seemed very small, tucked away at the edge of the page.
Susan replied to the advertisement. She did not expect an interview. By return of post she received notice that the job was hers.
There was no direct railway line to H___. Susan was obliged to make no fewer than four connections, and each train she boarded was smaller and slower than the last—and emptier too, so that by the last service Susan was the only person in the carriage. It fell dark. It began to rain hard. No one came to inspect Susan’s ticket, and as the train crawled on she began to fear that the driver would just decide to stop, that he’d feel the journey wasn’t worth the effort, and that she’d be stuck there in the blackness and the wet forever. And she had the absurd desire to start shouting, to chivvy the driver on, to assure him he had a passenger and that he mustn’t give up, for her sake. Of course, she did nothing of the sort. She kept her composure, and only by hugging her suitcase close would she have given any outward sign that she was afraid. She sat still, looked out of the window into the pitch black, and hoped that soon she would reach her destination.
And, at length, she did. She hauled her suitcase on to the platform. The station was dark, and she could not see an exit. The rain sliced through her. “Over here!” she heard, and she realised that the platform wasn’t deserted after all; it was a woman’s voice, low in pitch, and she was gesturing at Susan to come and take shelter beneath her umbrella. The woman was large, and Susan couldn’t quite fit under the umbrella beside her; generously, the woman side-stepped and stood out in the rain to keep Susan dry.
“You’re Miss Cowley?” she said.
“Yes,” said Susan.
“Good! Follow me!”
And the woman marched on into the night, still holding out the umbrella for Susan, but she was striding away so fast that both of them got soaked. “It’s not always like this, sometimes the weather is quite nice!” And soon they were outside the station, and there was a little jalopy waiting for them. “Hop right in, the door’s open!” Susan took the passenger seat, and watched as the woman struggled against the wind and the pelting rain to get the umbrella shut. And then the woman was in the car beside Susan, and so drenched through that she couldn’t help but spray Susan with water as she shifted into her seat, like a dog shaking itself dry without worrying about the soaking it will give its owner. She beamed at Susan. She offered her hand, and Susan took it, and the woman pumped it up and down like a piston.
“I must say, I’m glad you’re you,” she said, and then blushed.
“Are you?” asked Susan.
“I thought you might be one of those dreadful old women! The school always gets dreadful old women, they never last long. Stay a term or two, and then go off to die somewhere, I’ll bet. Ha! Miss Susan Cowley, you must admit, the name sounds a bit elderly and a bit dreadful.”
“I had never thought,” said Susan.
“Like some Godforsaken spinster! Not that I’m judging. I mean, Valerie Bewes. That sounds shocking, doesn’t it? That sounds positively decrepit! I’m Valerie, by the way.” And she offered her wet hand again, and Susan had to take it. “I’m just so pleased you’re young, like me! We can be proper girls together!”
Susan didn’t think that Valerie looked especially young, she must have been thirty if she were a day. “Is the school very far?” asked Susan.
“Lord love you, you’ve travelled all day, and here I am jabbering! Yes, it is quite far. About nine miles, which isn’t too bad, but it’s uphill and this old girl doesn’t like climbing hills, and it’s dark and it’s wet—we’d better go slow. We should get moving, we can chat along the way!”
But they didn’t chat much. Valerie pointed at the hills and countryside (“Really, it’s quite nice when it’s daylight, and dry”), and talked all about herself, and Susan quickly realised that the information offered was neither interesting nor pertinent. When Susan declined to join in the conversation, even Valerie at last ground to a halt. “You’re tired, poor darling, I’ll let you have some peace!”
And—”Here we are!” said Valerie, at last. And there was the school in the distance. Ever since she had accepted the post Susan had wondered what the school might look like, and the reality of it was that it was small and flat and rather unassuming. She felt some relief, and also a little disappointment.
Valerie explained that, its name notwithstanding, the school had really very little to do with H___. It was simply the closest town, and no one could agree what the name of this bit of countryside precisely was. The children were taken from the various villages and hamlets around, sometimes to a distance of fifteen miles—all the communities who didn’t quite belong to anyone else, they could fit in here. Most of the children boarded; it was simply too much effort for them to go back to their parents very often. There were never more than a hundred pupils in the school at any one time, and they were divided into three classes. The youngest, and largest, were the eight to ten year olds, who’d be taught by Miss Cowley. The middle class was for the ten to twelves, taken by Miss Bewes herself. The remaining class ranged all the way from twelve to seventeen, and Mrs Phelps was in charge of them. That said, very few of the children were seventeen; in fact, very few of the children stayed at the school once they were teenagers.
“And what happens to them after that?” asked Susan.
“Oh, Lord knows. They probably go off and marry each other! I don’t think there are any pupils from H___ Priory who have ever amounted to much. They come from the countryside, they just drift back into it again.” Valerie laughed. “No, they’re fine, they’re good kids, mostly.”
Bordering the school was the little cottage that Susan and Valerie would share. Valerie seemed to think Susan already knew and had agreed to this arrangement, and Susan had no desire to disabuse her. “It’s nice and homely,” said Valerie. “Shared bathroom, shared kitchen, shared personal area, you know, all mod cons. Separate bedrooms. Let me show you
The bedroom was plain. It was not as pretty as her bedroom at Exley Hall, or even her bedroom at home. The bed looked hard, the single pillow lumpy. The walls were bare.
“It just needs to be lived in a bit,” said Valerie. “It’s wonders what you can do with a few pictures around. I’ll show you my bedroom, later, if you like.”
Valerie offered to make them both some supper, she had soup on the stove. Susan declined, but thanked her. Valerie said that she would introduce her to Mrs Phelps the next day, and then to the children.
“All right,” said Susan. “Thank you. Good night.”
Valerie laughed, and said, “My darling, whatever must you have done to end up here!”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Oh, I don’t mean anything by it! I’m sorry. But as if anyone would
The Bewes woman left her then, mercifully, but not before once more offering Susan her hand to shake. And Susan got undressed, and lay on her bed, and propped her head up on the pillow as best as she could, and stared up at the ceiling, and listened to the rain, and tried not to dream about Edwin this time.
In the morning it was still raining hard, and Susan and Valerie had to run from the cottage to the school, Valerie whooping with joy as if it were some great game.
Susan was introduced to Mrs Phelps. Mrs Phelps did not shake her hand. Mrs Phelps had no interest in her hand whatsoever.
“The headmaster and I are sure you’ll be most suitable, Miss Cowley,” she said. “I doubt we’ll have much cause to speak again, we’ll be in different classrooms, of course.”
“Of course.”
Susan wondered whether she was going to meet the headmaster as well. Valerie laughed, and said she hadn’t seen Mr Phelps in simply ages; he stayed in the house, bedridden most likely, and passed on instructions through his wife. “Or maybe he’s run away,” she joked. “Or maybe he’s dead! Anything rather than live with that old dragon.”
Valerie took Susan to her own classroom. The children were already inside.
“Just don’t let them know it’s your first time,” she said.
“How do you know it’s my first time?”
“Oh, my dear, it’s so obvious! To me, I mean, not to them. Just try to keep them occupied. There’s a whole stack of books in the cupboards, get them reading, that eats up the time. And if anyone misbehaves, just strike them with the cane.”
“Oh!” said Susan. “No, I couldn’t!”
“You’ll be doing them a favour,” said Valerie. “That way they’ll know you’re in charge. You’ll be doing me a favour too, I’ll be inheriting some of these kids next term! The cane is your friend. Miss Fortescue, she got through half a dozen of them, we had to get in a fresh supply!”
“Yes,” said Susan. “All right.”
“Don’t you worry, you’ll be wonderful. You’ve got just the face for it! The children will adore you. And tonight I’ll make us some nice supper, and you can tell me all about your adventures.”
Susan entered the classroom then, and shut the adult world out. She immediately felt calmer. She looked out across the children, all of them eyeing her warily. Little girls in pretty blouses, boys big before their time with dirty faces and dirty fingernails.
“Good morning, class,” she said. And they all got to their feet then, and mumbled good morning back. She hadn’t expected that. She rather liked it. She hoped she’d kept it off her face, that surprise, and that pleasure. She was sure she had.
“My name is Miss Cowley,” she told them. “And I’m here to look after you.”
She looked through the cupboards. The children helped her. There were the books, as Miss Bewes had promised. There was also a map, as big as the blackboard. There were drawing pads. There was a whole colony of wooden abacuses.
She put the map up on the wall. It was an old map, and she knew some of the countries didn’t exist any more, not since the war. The children were still able to point out some of the better ones, like France and Spain, and show her where England was. Afterwards, she set the children on to the drawing pads, told them they could draw whatever they liked, and use crayons to colour the pictures in. Some of the drawings were really rather good, and she took the map down and put the drawings in its place.
After lunch she asked the children what subjects they most liked, and they all said they liked stories, and that meant history. So she told them an Arthurian legend. The children listened, quite spellbound, as if they’d never even heard of Sir Gawain or his green knight, and at one point the realisation that these thirty young strangers were hanging on her every word made Susan freeze with stage fright; they waited patiently; she recovered; she began to enjoy herself. Already in her head she was planning other stories she could share with them the next day, and the day after that, and all the days following.
It only went wrong towards the end of the afternoon.
Susan suggested they move on to mathematics. She was pleased that none of the children groaned, or looked unhappy at the prospect; by this point, it seemed, they would have followed her anywhere, even into the realms of simple arithmetic. “Why not show me what you already know?” she said. “Who here would like to stand before the class, and recite the times tables with me?”
No one volunteered. But then, no one resisted either. “How about you?” she asked a little girl sitting near the front, and the little girl got to her feet quite happily.
“What’s your name?” she asked the girl. But the girl just shook her head.
“Don’t be shy,” said Susan. “We’re all your friends here. Do you know the five times table?” The little girl looked at her blankly.
“I’ll demonstrate,” Susan said. And she began to recite. “Once times five is five. Two times five is ten. Three times five…”
“Fifteen,” said the little girl.
“That’s right.”
“Four times five is twenty. Five times five is twenty-five.” And on the girl went, all the way to a hundred.
Susan gave her a little clap. “Well done,” she said. “Does anyone else want to…?”
The little girl took a deep breath. And then she started on the six times table.
“Yes,” said Susan. “All right.”
“Ten times six is sixty. Eleven times six is sixty-six.”
“That’s very good. Well done!”
“Fifteen times six is ninety. Sixteen times six is ninety-six.”
“Big numbers now! Can you go any further?”
But the girl stopped dead, looked at Susan, frowned.
“That’s very good,” said Susan once more. “Yes. I shall give you a merit point. What is your name, again…?”
And the little girl, once again, was taking a breath of air. A deeper one this time. The effort of it meant she had to clutch on to the teacher’s desk, and her face turned red. A great wheeze there was, and Susan thought it sounded like it came from an old man, an old man close to death, and the girl’s face was contorted with the force of it—she hunched over, gripping at her stomach, and Susan reached out for her, and the little girl just pushed her away. She steadied herself. She calmed. She looked her teacher right in the face.
“One times seven is seven,” she informed her. It was almost conversational. “Two times seven is fourteen.”
“Yes,” agreed Susan.
And onwards. “Thirteen times seven is ninety-one. Fourteen times seven is ninety-eight.”
Susan felt the question rise within her—does she know the eight times table? “Thank you,” she said, and she hoped from her tone it was clear that the thank you was conclusive.
But the little girl had gone back to the beginning. She was reciting the seven times table again, and this time it was faster, more confident.
“Three times seven is twenty-one, four times seven is twenty-eight, five times…”
“You need to sit down now,” said Susan.
“…ninety-one, fourteen times seven is ninety-eight, one times seven is seven…” There was no pause for breath this time. Two times seven, three times, four, and there was a smile on her face, as the pace began to accelerate still further.
“You need to sit down now,” said Susan. “That’s enough.”
“Ten times seven is seventy, eleven times seven is seventy-seven, twelve…”
“I said, enough!”
Susan looked at the class, to see how they were reacting to this open display of mockery. They didn’t seem amused, and that was good, she supposed—they didn’t seem shocked, or even interested. They stared out at the little girl with frank indifference.
And still the girl was tearing into the seven times table, so fast now that the words were starting to blur, the numbers running into each other and in the collision causing bigger numbers yet to appear, and Susan had her hands around the girl’s shoulders and she was shaking her, “Stop!” she said. “Stop this instant!” She looked at the class. “Fetch me my cane.”
No one moved.
“I said, the cane!” And a few of the children exchanged glances, and one boy at the front got to his feet, walked slowly to Susan’s desk, so slow it was nearly insolent, but not quite, nothing quite so obvious; he pulled open a drawer, and took out an ugly thin wooden stick.
The little girl was babbling out the words now, but she didn’t look afraid, she was exultant. “Don’t make me do this,” said Susan. “I don’t want to hurt you. Do you hear me? Stop. Stop. Hold out your hand. Hold out your hand.”
And, without pausing, the numbers still spilling forth, the little girl did so, she opened her palms ready for punishment.
Susan hit her. She didn’t want to hit her hard. But the stick was
The girl stopped immediately, somewhere between forty-two and forty-nine. She looked at Susan in bewilderment. Then down at her hand, and Susan could see that the blow had broken the skin. She looked back up at Susan, and there were tears in her eyes, and there was disappointment too.
“That’s enough now,” said Susan quietly. “Sit down.”
The little girl did so.
“I will not,” said Susan, “tolerate insubordination. Not in my class. I’m here to help you. I want to help you.” She added, “And I read to you all about Sir Gawain!” It didn’t come out too plaintively, she hoped.
For the rest of class she had them read to themselves. There was only another fifteen minutes to go. The children were all perfectly silent, but Susan felt relieved when the bell sounded. She dismissed them, and smiled at them as they filed out, to show that everything was forgiven and forgotten. And the children seemed to hold no grudges, quite a few of them smiled back, even the little girl she’d beat.
Valerie Bewes made stew for them that evening. Susan did not want to discuss the incident with her, but there was no one else she could tell. Valerie laughed at the story, and told her not to worry.
“They’ll always try something,” she said. “It was your first day, and they have to find out how hard they can push you. I say you made it perfectly clear! Well done, you!” She helped Susan to another helping of stew. Susan didn’t like it much, the vegetables were nearly raw, the chunks of beef too stringy.
“I must go to bed,” said Susan. “I’m tired.”
Valerie looked disappointed, just for a moment, and then she smiled. “Of course. First day of term is the worst, you know! It’ll be easier tomorrow, you’ll see!”
Susan thanked her for supper, and went up to her room.
The room had changed. Susan stood in the doorway and stared at it. And then she heard Valerie chuckle, she hadn’t realised she’d come up the stairs behind her.
“I did a bit of furnishing for you!” she said. “Miss Fortescue left all her pictures behind. She’ll probably come and collect them at some point, but until she does, you may as well benefit from them…! She liked natural history. Natural history was her favourite subject.”
“Yes,” said Susan.
There were a dozen different paintings on the wall, and all of birds. Some of them were life studies, some of them were anatomical examinations. But even the skeletal bodies still had their wings intact, jutting out the sides, and that gave Susan the oddest impression that the poor creatures had had their skin and organs only selectively removed. She didn’t know what type of birds they were. She recognised an eagle.
“It makes the room feel more lived in, doesn’t it?”
“It does indeed.”
“Do you like it?”
“Very much.”
Valerie was pleased by that, and seemed about to start another conversation. “Good night,” said Susan, quite firmly, and Valerie nodded, gave a flash of a smile, and closed the door behind her.
Susan lay on the bed. No matter how tightly she drew the curtains, enough light got in to pick out the birds. The eyes seemed to follow her, and if they had no eyes, then the eye sockets followed her instead. When shadows passed over the feathers it made them come alive, to flex and ripple; the rain spattered hard on the windows, and sounded like the flutter of a thousand wings.
When Valerie knocked at the door, maybe half an hour later, Susan was almost grateful.
“I’m sorry,” said Valerie. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to disturb. I’m sorry. May I come in, my darling?”
“Just a moment,” said Susan, and she put on her dressing gown, turned on the light, and answered the door.
Valerie was smiling at her, but it was a brave smile; she had been crying. She came with a bottle of brandy, and two glasses. “I’m sorry,” she said again.
“What’s the matter?”
Valerie came in, and sat upon the bed. In her beige dressing gown, with her hair loose and messy over her shoulders, she looked even older than she had by day. She smelled of brandy, and Susan supposed she’d had rather a lot of it.
“Sometimes I have bad nights,” said Valerie. “May I confide in you? Can I trust you enough so I can confide?”
“I imagine so,” said Susan.
Valerie then burst into tears, and told Susan some ghastly little story about how she’d once worked as a governess, many years ago now, and how she had been seduced by her employer—or perhaps she had seduced him, the story wasn’t very clear. She had fallen pregnant, much to the horror of the man, who had thrown her out of his house and away from his children, denouncing her as a slut. She had tried to lose the baby, she really had, she’d drunk gin, she’d even thrown herself down the stairs once. But it was no good, the baby had been born, and had been taken away from her.
“Would you drink with me?”
“No, thank you.”
“Please drink with me! So I’m not drinking alone…!”
Susan sipped at her brandy, and it didn’t sit well with the stew, and she felt a little sick.
“My life was over,” said Valerie. “Until I found this place. The school took me in. They forgave me.”
“Yes.”
“Did something like that happen to you, my darling? Do you need to be forgiven?”
“No,” said Susan. “Absolutely not.”
If Valerie was offended by the vehemence of this, she didn’t show it. She just nodded, poured herself another glass. “I’m sorry,” she said. “The first day of term does this to me. Seeing the children again. And thinking, one of them could be mine! Do you see? Any one of them, how would I ever know? I’ve never told anyone this before”—and Susan rather doubted that, Susan imagined Valerie Bewes told the same story to every new teacher who arrived, maybe that’s why Miss Fortescue had fled H___ Priory as soon as she got the chance—”but you’re like a little baby, aren’t you? You look just like a baby doll. You could be my daughter. You could be. I know you can’t be, you’re too old, but. You could be mine.” She stroked at Susan’s cheek.
“Yes,” said Susan.
“May I stay here tonight?”
“No.”
“No. Of course. You need to sleep. Yes. I’ve been selfish. I’ll see you in the morning. Yes.”
Susan didn’t think Valerie was all that drunk, she got up from the bed and made it to the door steadily enough.
Before she put out the light, Susan removed every bird picture from the wall, and put them, face down, under the bed.
Most nights Susan dreamed of Edwin. And sometimes they weren’t nightmares. Sometimes she actually missed him.
Susan hadn’t much liked Edwin Exley at first. She preferred his little sister, Clara. Clara was six, and shy, and not very pretty, and Susan’s heart went out to her. At eight years old Edwin was already tall and arrogant; Mr Exley told Susan on her first day that Edwin was going to have a stellar career in the army, and that there was no limit to what the boy would achieve for his country. Edwin himself certainly seemed to believe that. His father had already taught him a lot of the basics of being a soldier, and when he met his new governess he stood to attention, and gave her a salute that Susan suspected was a little too clipped and far too ironic.
Mr and Mrs Exley were kind to Susan. They let her eat with them of an evening, and treated her quite like she was an elder daughter rather than an employee. They gave her a comfortable bedroom, with a soft bed, and drapes, and lots of pretty pictures on the walls. When the family took a few days in the south of France during the autumn, they wanted Susan to come with them; she still was required to teach the children in the mornings, but the afternoons were her own, and they encouraged her to sit on the beach with them and enjoy the sun.
The nursery at Exley Hall was turned into a little classroom. All the toys and games were put away each morning before lessons started; for a few hours, at least, this was to be a place of learning. Susan directed most of her classes towards Clara in particular; Edwin was not exactly bad mannered, but he made it clear he wasn’t much interested, and any attention he gave was bestowed upon his teacher as if it were a great gift for which she should be grateful. He was not very good at mathematics, he enjoyed history only when it was something he’d already heard about from his father. He discovered he had an aptitude for Latin which delighted him, and his face lit up like a little boy when Susan complimented him upon it.
Both Clara and Edwin would listen when their teacher told them ancient stories of heroism and derring-do. Edwin liked the tales of King Arthur, but only when there were quests and fighting; he didn’t like Guinevere or Lancelot, he didn’t want to bother with all that mushy stuff.
One night Susan couldn’t sleep, and she went downstairs to Mr Exley’s study. It was even better furnished with books than her father’s, and she thought something to read would help her rest. She was surprised to find a light burning. There on the floor was Edwin, and all about him were texts he had taken from the shelves. He started when he realised Susan was there.
“Don’t tell my father,” he said.
“Your father wouldn’t mind,” Susan told him. “He’d be pleased you want to learn things!”
“No,” said Edwin. “He wouldn’t.”
Susan often found Edwin in the study at night times. They never discussed their secret rendezvous during the day, and Susan tried not to go down there too often—maybe no more than once, say twice, a week. Edwin would show her new books he had found; sometimes they were geography, and as he enthused about Africa and the colonies she rather got the impression that he was teaching her. He was taller than she was, he had no problem reaching the higher shelves. And he had no fear of the step-ladder, he’d race up to the very top of it to fetch books that were brushing at the ceiling, with a fearless speed that sometimes made Susan’s heart stop.
She showed him some poetry. He was resistant at first. She made him read it out loud to her, and he began to like it more, he began to enjoy the rhythm of it.
On his birthday she bought him a little notebook in which he could write his own poetry. She bought him a sketchpad, so that he could draw.
One day Mr Exley put down his newspaper at the breakfast table, and the rare act of that caused his wife to stop her chatter. Mr Exley said to Susan, “And how are the children getting on? Learning things, are they?”
Susan told him they were both doing admirably.
Mr Exley nodded at this. “That’s good,” he said. “What they learn now, they’ll never forget. I’ve got such stuff in my head, all the kings and queens from William the Conqueror, times tables, things like that. Useless, of course, but it’s nice to have.”
Mrs Exley said that the children seemed very happy.
Mr Exley said, “We should have a demonstration some evening. Nothing too fancy. Just you and the children, showing us what they’ve learned.” Mrs Exley looked quite excited by that. Susan told them she’d make preparations.
Edwin could soon list all the kings and queens, just like his father, and as an added bonus Susan felt he should also indicate the dates of famous battles they had fought; Hastings, Agincourt, the Boyne. Clara could read some poetry; for all her shyness and plain features she had such a sweet voice. And both children could conclude with a recitation of their times tables, five, six, seven and eight, all the way to a hundred.
The evening went very well. Both the parents looked proud and indulgent as their children stood tall and parroted out all the facts they knew. Clara read three poems: one by Keats, one by Shelley; the final one was by Edwin Exley, although the author’s name was not mentioned. Susan thought it would be a charming little secret. It wasn’t necessarily a very good poem, and was rather cruelly exposed beside the Victorian Romantics that had inspired it, but Mr and Mrs Exley couldn’t tell the difference.
Mr Exley gave the children a round of applause, and a shilling each, and told Susan that they would have to have a similar soirée at some point. Maybe at Christmas, when all their friends were there?
That night Susan visited Edwin in the study.
“I love you,” said Edwin, suddenly.
“Well, I love you too.” Susan thought nothing of this: Clara was always telling Susan she loved her, and putting her arms around her, she was such a needy girl. And Edwin was studying a book at the time, he wasn’t even looking at her.
“Will you marry me one day?”
Susan laughed. “Oh, I shouldn’t have thought so!”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re a little boy.”
“I won’t be a little boy forever. I’ll get older soon. And I’ll go and fight. I’ll be brave and defend my country, and I’ll never be afraid. Do you believe me?”
“Yes. Yes, I believe you.”
“I’ll be fighting for
Susan didn’t know what to say. “You’ll marry someone else, Eddie. You’ll see. Someone better than me.”
“And when I do, will you come to my wedding?”
“Of course I will!”
“Good. I want you there. I want you to see my bride. I want you to know that I shan’t love her. That I’m marrying her out of spite. That I’ll be cruel to her, and punish her, because she’ll never be you. I want you to know it’ll be your fault.”
“That’s a wicked thing to say,” said Susan. Edwin didn’t care. He shrugged.
“I pray to God each night that you’ll love me,” he said.
“God can’t answer prayers like that.”
“Not the God of
Christmas Day, Mr Exley said, would be for the family alone. Cook and the two maids were given time off. Susan was put right at the heart of the celebrations, and it was tacit proof of acceptance that she found very touching. Mrs Exley gave her as a present a pink dress—”You don’t seem to have anything nice, my dear,” she said, and the dress fitted perfectly. Clara gave Susan a piece of embroidery she had stitched herself. Edwin didn’t give Susan anything, but he was a boy.
And in the evening they all went to a carol service at the church, and sang hymns together. Mr Exley sang with particular gusto. Edwin sat at the end of the pew, away from Susan, and barely even mouthed any of the hallelujahs to Christ.
On Boxing Day Cook and the maids came back, and everyone prepared for the party. Lots of Mr Exley’s old friends came with their twittering wives, and in honour of this Mr Exley wore his regimental uniform. There was a turkey dinner, and crackers, and cigars, and a game of charades. Susan didn’t join in, but she enjoyed watching all the grown-ups play. Before the children’s bedtime they were presented, newly dressed in smart clothes; the Exleys said Clara and Edwin would perform for them. Edwin stiffly recited the crowned heads of England once more, and the men especially gave hearty applause. Clara performed from memory a short poem by Keats. As a grand finale, the children would chant the seven times table.
It began well enough. Everyone looked on kindly, knowing that it would all be at an end soon, and they could get back to their sherries and jokes and fun. No one even appeared to notice how Edwin’s delivery was somewhat forced and sarcastic; Clara, at least, was a perfect angel.
Somewhere in the middle Edwin broke rank, and began to deliver a poem of his own. Clara didn’t know what to do, she floundered on for one more calculation, then came to a stop, and stared at her brother open-mouthed and dumb.
It wasn’t a love poem. That was the first thing to say. There was really very little about love in it.
It was a wonder Edwin got as far through it as he managed. He told, in doggerel verse, how he and his governess would meet regularly at night and have sex in his father’s study. There was nothing tender to it. It was blunt and pornographic.
And it was something more too. There was something
Mrs Exley just said, “No, no, no,” over and over again, as if her quiet denial of it could really matter a jot. Mr Exley roared at his son to stop, and when he didn’t, he got up, marched over to him, and clipped him hard around the head. At that point only did Edwin fall silent; he glared at his father, glared at the room, and glared at Susan most particularly. Then he ran from the room.
Susan ran too. She didn’t know where to go. She went to her room. She sat on the bed, numbed. She wasn’t there for long. Mr Exley banged upon the door, told her to get out, and come with him.
She had never been to Edwin’s room before. Now she saw that all over his bed were pages and pages of scribbled verse, ripped out of the notebook she’d bought him, and sketchpad drawings. The drawings were of her, she recognised herself at once. In most she’d been given claws and wings, it was her head on the body of wild beasts—lions, dogs, birds. In all she was naked. Human breasts, obscenely large, grew out from trunks of fur and scales, and dangled.
Edwin stood there, frightened, but acting brave, acting like a man.
Mr Exley picked up some of the writings, looked them over briefly. Threw them on the floor. “Filth,” he said.
He turned to Susan. “I do not believe. I cannot believe. Any of the things he writes here are
“No,” she said. “No.”
“But how,” he said. “How?” And in that moment he looked at her so imploringly, like a little child himself, begging her to make things all right again. The face clouded; his teeth clenched; he was an adult once more. He said to Susan, “I want you to beat him. You must beat him. To within an inch of his life.”
And she saw then that in his hand, lying almost nonchalantly against the seam of his regimental uniform trouser leg, was a cane. “No,” she said.
“If you don’t beat him, I will,” said Exley. “And it will be easier on him if it’s you.”
“I can’t. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Very well. But you will watch.”
She did watch. And just before Edwin bent over there was still something of the man in him, staring down his father defiantly, staring down the world. But it didn’t last long. And as he struck his son, again, and again, and again, Mr Exley would glance at Susan to check she was still watching, to check she appreciated what her bad teaching had forced a loving father to do—and she could see that he wished he could beat her as well, that he could put her over his knee and beat her senseless.
Susan left Exley Hall the first thing the next morning. She left behind the pink dress, taking it now seemed wrong. She didn’t see any of the family. It was one of the maids who saw her off. She’d never really spoken to the maids, but this one was kindly enough.
“And Miss Clara still hasn’t spoken,” she said. “Not a single word, though they do try and coax ‘em out. Shock, I shouldn’t wonder.”
A taxi took her to the nearest railway station. Because it was Christmas, she had to wait some hours for a train, and she was cold.
She found in her coat pocket a letter.
Inside there were just two words.
In her dreams, the rain stopped. Or, rather, in her dreams she could make it stop. If she only gave up struggling. If she just let things be.
But when she woke to her second day at H___ Priory, the rain was still battering hard against the windows. Even Valerie took no pleasure in it today, and when they ran for the school they were drenched from head to foot in an instant.
The children in the class were neat and dry, of course. And Susan feared that they would laugh at her when she came into the room looking like a drowned rat. Not a bit of it; and if they harboured any grudge towards her for what had happened yesterday, there was no indication of it at all. They stood to attention when she addressed them; one of them had even left an apple on her desk.
“Where is the little girl from yesterday?” Susan asked. She didn’t know what she wanted to say to her. She knew she mustn’t apologise, or show weakness. The little girl wasn’t there. No one seemed to know where she might be, or gave her answer at any rate. Perhaps it was just as well.
For the morning they drew pictures and sang roundelays. Before lunch she told them another Arthurian legend; Edwin might have thought that Guinevere and Lancelot was mush, but it was a lovely story, and Susan saw to her satisfaction that even some of the boys’ eyes watered at the telling.
She knew she could not avoid the matter forever. And in the afternoon she fetched from the cupboard all the abacuses they had, and distributed them liberally about the room.
“Mathematics,” she said.
That was all it took.
Some boy, some wag, suddenly piped up with the seven times table. He sang it out, bold and confident. Susan opened her mouth to stop him, and then decided she’d have more power if she let him proceed. If only for a little while.
Maybe if she’d spoken up then she could have stopped it. Maybe she missed her chance. But as the numbers grew bigger, so more of the children picked up the mantra. By the time they reached fifty-six, all of the boys were at it—by the time they reached ninety-eight, all the girls were at it too.
“All right,” she said. “Very clever. That’s enough.”
But it wasn’t enough, was it? Because numbers don’t stop at one hundred. “Fifteen times seven is one hundred and five. Sixteen times seven is one hundred and twelve.” And for a moment Susan was floored, it was almost as if she’d forgotten you could get any higher than the little abacuses allowed her! “Nineteen times seven is one hundred and thirty-three. Twenty times seven is one hundred and forty.” And by now the voices were in utter concert, all keeping the same pace exactly.
“Please stop,” she said.
They didn’t stop.
She got out her cane. “You know I can use this,” she said.
They didn’t care.
Susan stared at them in silence. She put the cane down.
The numbers reached seven hundred, and showed no signs of stopping, chuntering on towards the first millennium.
Susan left the room and went to get help.
She didn’t know whether the nearest classroom would be Miss Bewes’ or Mrs Phelps’. On the whole, she was glad that it was Miss Bewes’. She could at least trust her to want to help, and when she saw Susan through the glass panel door she beamed in delighted surprise and was quite prepared to abandon her own class in an instant.
Susan’s pupils were no longer sitting down. By the time Susan and Valerie got to the classroom, they had pushed all the desks and chairs to the back, and now stood in a rough circle. Susan could no longer pick out boys’ voices or girls’ voices—it seemed to her more like a sexless chant, something almost monastic; indeed, there was a cool emotionless to it all that made it sound strangely reverent. Valerie strode into the room, Susan trailed behind her. The children turned to them. “Two hundred and forty-one times seven is one thousand six hundred and eighty-seven,” they informed the teachers.
“Sit down! Sit down, all of you, and shut up!” Valerie Bewes raged at them. Susan hadn’t realised Valerie had such fire in her, and for a second she was quite impressed. Only for a second, though; it was quite clear that that the children weren’t going to obey her, or even take any notice of her—they all turned away, and looked back into the circle. Valerie had no further fire to offer. She was spent.
“Which one started this?” she asked Susan. “There’s always a ringleader.”
It was a boy, Susan knew, but she couldn’t remember which one. Now they were standing up, uniformed from head to foot, they all looked eerily the same. She pointed vaguely at one boy, thought he would do.
“Right,” said Valerie. “You’re coming with me.” She grabbed at the boy. He might have struggled, but Valerie’s fat piston arms were strong, and she pulled him out of the circle, pulled him out of the classroom.
As soon as he was free, the boy stopped chanting. He looked baffled by this turn of events, and then frightened; he jerked in Valerie’s grasp like a fish on dry land.
“What are you playing at?” Valerie demanded to know.
But the boy looked at Susan, and gave her one long despairing glance—help me, it seemed to be saying, but help him with what?—and then the boy lashed out, he kicked at Valerie’s shins. Valerie grunted with surprise, and let go. In a trice the boy had rushed back into the classroom, and slammed the door behind him.
“The little bastard,” Valerie muttered, and rubbed at her legs—but Susan had no time to waste on her. She was looking through the window at the boy. He was back in the circle now. He was starting to chant. But he’d lost his way. The other children were up to two hundred and eighty-three times seven, he was still only at two hundred and sixty. He croaked and stopped. He looked about, confused, as if woken from a dream. He walked slowly into the middle of the circle. Without missing a beat, as one, the children closed in on him. Susan couldn’t make him out through the press of bodies. And then, soon, too soon, the children parted once more, they stepped back and let the circle widen—and the boy was gone, and no trace of him was left.
“Two hundred and ninety-nine times seven is two thousand and ninety-three,” they intoned. “Three hundred times seven is two thousand one hundred.” If three hundred were any sort of landmark they didn’t show it, there was no hint of achievement. On they marched to three hundred and one, and beyond.
“Go and get Mrs Phelps,” said Susan.
“You don’t want to involve Mrs Phelps,” said Valerie. “Not on your second day!”
“Go and get her.”
Mrs Phelps looked angry when she arrived. “What is the matter, girl?” And then she looked through the glass door, and listened to the children, and frowned.
“One boy has already gone missing,” said Susan.
“They ate him,” said Valerie. And that seemed such a ludicrous thing to say that Susan wanted to laugh—but then she realised Valerie was perfectly right.
Mrs Phelps peered at the circle of cannibals coolly. “What would be interesting,” she said at last, “is finding out how high a number they reach.”
Susan didn’t know what to say to that.
“If you can, make a note of it,” said Mrs Phelps, and then she walked away, and was gone.
Valerie tried to open the door to the classroom again, but pulled away with a cry. The handle was burning hot. And now, yes, they could see there was a certain haze to the room, as if the children were standing at the heart of an invisible furnace.
Presently, another boy lost his place. He seemed to stumble, and then couldn’t find his way back into the chant. He gave a sort of smirk, as if to accept the fun was over—and it was such a human thing for him to do, and cut clean through all the madness, and Susan felt that it was going to be all right, whatever this was, it was just a children’s game after all. He walked into the centre of the circle, and he was eaten alive, the jaws of his killers bobbing up and down as the seven times table reached ever higher numbers, they tore into him with mathematics on their lips and not a single one of them broke rhythm and the sound of their calculations was loud and crisp and clear.
Some fifteen minutes another child perished: a girl, clearly weaker than the rest, she’d been hesitating for a while, Susan was amazed she had lasted that long. After that, there were no more casualties for several hours, not until it was dark.
And the numbers kept on growing, into the tens of thousands, into the hundreds of thousands. She watched the numbers. She watched how beautiful they were, she could hardly tear her eyes off them.
Valerie came back for Susan. “We have to go,” she said. “There’s nothing to be done here.”
“No.”
“You don’t understand! Mrs Phelps has gone. Her class has gone, my class, all gone. We’re the only ones left!” Susan didn’t know what she meant by gone, she didn’t want to think about that—didn’t need to, they weren’t
“These are my children,” said Susan. “I won’t leave them, not this time.” And until she said those words she hadn’t realised how true that really was.
“Then I shan’t leave you either.” And Valerie took her by the arm, hard.
“Let go of me,” said Susan, flatly. “Let go, and leave me alone. Or I’ll hurt you.”
Shocked, Valerie released her grip. Her bottom lip wobbled. Susan turned back to the classroom window, watched her children play. She heard Valerie go, didn’t see her.
Once the children began to tire, then they fell in quick succession. They’d put in a good effort. They had nothing to be ashamed of. And as the numbers continued to multiply, so the children seemed to divide; the greater the number chanted the fewer the children left alive to chant it.
They became expert at eating the stragglers without losing time. Swallowing the frail down in the little gasps taken between words, and in three bites. Three bites, that’s all you need, even to consume the very fattest child.
The boys were long gone. Four girls were left—then, in a minute, one faltered, and another faltered in response. The two survivors continued to chant in unison for hours, one as soprano, the other’s alto playing descant and giving the song such depth. And the numbers were so vast now, Susan had never dreamed numbers could get so big, or so wonderful—before them mankind seemed like crippled fractions, vulnerable and so very petty and so very very easy to crush. Those numbers—each one took a full ten minutes even to enunciate.
The alto stopped. Just stopped. She didn’t seem in any difficulty, one moment she was enumerating, the next she’d had enough. The last little girl ripped her apart.
And still, impossibly, she kept the circle, now just a circle of one. She had her back to Susan, and she was still staring into the heart of that circle she was creating, a void at the very heart of herself. Still singing out the numbers—and Susan wanted to tap on the glass and let her know she had won the game, let her know she wasn’t alone if nothing else. But it was still so hot, and the glass had warped with the heat, through it the little girl was distorted and inhuman.
At length she reached the final number in the world. And when Susan heard it she knew that it
The handle to the door was cool to the touch. Susan pulled at it. She entered the classroom.
The girl didn’t seem to hear her, and it was only when Susan touched her shoulder that she turned around.
“Hello, Clara,” Susan said.
Clara didn’t reply.
“Where’s your brother, Clara?”
And Clara didn’t reply, Clara didn’t reply—and of course, she couldn’t reply, could she? She couldn’t speak. Once shy, now struck dumb. But—she had recited all those numbers, the long numbers, all that weight of mathematics had come out of her mouth—she
It came out like a hiss.
It was one word. It was an impossible word. It could not be spoken aloud. It had too many consonants, not enough vowels, it was a hateful word, it could not be spoken. It was spoken. It was spoken, it was in Susan’s head now. It was there in her head, and the head tried to fight it, tried to expel it, this word that no human being was ever meant to know, a word that had nothing to do with humanity or any of the physical laws that make up their universe.
She felt the ground rush up to meet her, and that was welcome.
When Susan awoke she was safe, and lying on her bed, and Valerie Bewes was looking down at her.
“Oh, my darling!” said Valerie. “My poor child! Your breathing was very strange, I was worried sick!”
Susan’s breathing did feel a little shallow. Breathing was something she’d always done without thought, but now she seemed to have to
“Oh, I carried you! Carried you in my arms! If anything had happened to you, I…I’ll go and get you some brandy.”
“What about the girl?”
“I shan’t be long, you just rest,” said Valerie. She left the room.
“What about the girl?” Susan called after her, and then realised the girl didn’t matter any more. She had delivered the message. The girl was done.
She did another one of those breaths. It seemed such unnecessary effort. She decided to stop breathing for a while. That felt better.
She got up from her bed, went to the window. Through the heavy rain she could see, standing in front of the house, Edwin. He was looking up at her.
He raised a hand in salute. She raised hers back, and it clunked awkwardly against the glass.
He spoke to her. She couldn’t hear what he said. But it was just one word, and as his lips moved she knew precisely what it was.
She whispered it back, that impossible word, the name of her new god.
She dimly heard Valerie return. “What are you doing out of bed?” she asked from the doorway. Susan didn’t even look at her, she thrust her hand out somewhere in her direction. She was too far away to reach her, but as her arm moved she was aware of wings and claws as sharp as knives. Valerie gave a quiet little croak, and then shut up at last.
She wondered at her arm. Looked at from one angle, it was thin and fleshy and weak. From another, it was something glorious, something of power and great age. She tilted her head from side to side, so she could see it one way then another. It made her laugh. Her laughter was silly and girlish. Her laughter was a roar.
She could hear the flutter of wings under her bed as the birds flapped their excitement.
Susan left the room, stepping over the spilled brandy, the smashed decanter, the body, and went downstairs. She stepped out into the rain.
There Edwin was waiting for her. He was a little boy, but he looked so grown up, she felt so proud of him. He was a little boy, trying to look big before his time. He was a creature of scales and horns and misshapen flesh.
She took him by the hand. And, as the dream had promised, she made the rain stop. Or maybe it rained, but she just didn’t feel it any more.
Susan looked down at her hand in his, and saw that it was dripping with blood. She saw that Edwin’s hand was sticky with blood too.
And slowly, they walked into town.
Steve Rasnic Tem
THE NIGHT DOCTOR
STEVE RASNIC TEM’s most recent novel,
Early in 2017 Solaris will publish his new novel
“For me, some of the most compelling horror fiction both to read and write are stories in which all the fear in the story becomes embodied in a central figure,” Tem reveals. “I envy those writers who seem to be able to create a new monster (for lack of a better term) whenever needed. It’s never worked that way for me. I find I can’t force such creations to appear—when I do they seem unconvincing and arbitrary. The good ones never make themselves known simply to fill a need in the narrative—so you won’t find that many such creatures in my oeuvre.
“‘The Night Doctor’ came to me one afternoon while I was half-dozing in my reading chair, meditating on some rather serious life issues. I fell asleep, and when I woke up he was standing there in the corner, gazing at me. The story he was part of came to me immediately.
“The real work was sharpening that image, getting the details right, getting closer to that thing I never wanted to get close to.”
ELAINE SAID THE walk would be good for them both. “We don’t get enough meaningful exercise these days. Besides, we might meet some of the new neighbours.” Sam couldn’t really argue with that, but he couldn’t bring himself to agree, so he nodded, grunted. Although his arthritis was worse than ever, as if his limbs were grinding themselves into immobility, it hurt whether he moved them or not, so why not move?
He would have preferred waiting until they were more comfortable in the neighbourhood—they’d been there less than a week. Until he had seen a few friendly faces, until he could be sure of their intentions. People here kept their curtains open most of the time. He supposed that was meant to convince passers-by of their trusting nature, but he didn’t like it. Someday you might see something you didn’t want to see. You might misinterpret something. Since they’d moved in he’d glanced into those other windows from time to time—and seen shiny spots back in the darkness, floating lights with no apparent source, oddly shaped shadows he could not quite identify and didn’t want to think about. He was quite happy not knowing the worst about other people’s lives. He could barely tolerate the worst about his own.
Not that he had justification for much complaint. He’d always known the worst was somewhere just out of reach, so it shouldn’t have affected him. Like most people, he supposed. Human beings had a natural sense for it, the worst that was just beyond the limits of their own lives. The worst that was still to come.
What with one minor annoyance or another—finding pants that didn’t make him look fat, determining what pair of shoes might hurt his feet the least, deciding on the correct degree of layering that wouldn’t make him wish he’d worn something else as the day wore on—they didn’t leave the new house until almost 11:00. Sam worried about getting his lunch on time. If he didn’t get his lunch on time his body felt off the rest of the day.
“I’ll buy you some crackers at the drug store if you need them,” she said. “Don’t fret about it.”
“Crackers? What kind of meal is that? You’re always saying I should eat healthier.”
“For heaven’s sake, Sam, let it go. Crackers to tide you over. Wheat, something like that. A lot of small meals are better for you anyway. That’s the way the cave people ate—they grazed all the time.”
“Cave people,” he repeated, as if reading some absurd road sign. He didn’t say anything more. He didn’t want to whine like Bryan, thirty-four years old and he still whined like a little boy. They’d done something terribly wrong for Bryan to be that way, but Sam still had no idea what it was. Parenting was a mystery, like diet, like exercise, like how to still keep feeling good about yourself in this world.
Sam felt uncomfortable most of the time. Physically, certainly. And as much as it annoyed him to think about it, emotionally as well. A walking mass of illogic, and that was no way to be.
After they left the house they turned onto the long lane that meandered through the neighbourhood. When he realised how long the street was, and how far away they were from the tiny mall—not so bad if you were driving, but Sam had stopped driving two years ago—he felt on the verge of tears. Just like some kind of toddler. Humiliating.
As they were starting out a large black bird landed in the street beside him. It threw its head back, shuddering, something struggling in its mouth. Sam glanced at his wife to see if she had noticed this. But her eyes were fixed forward, and he decided not to mention it. He twisted his head around to look at the bird. Still there. Was it a crow? It looked too big to be a blackbird. In fact it might be the biggest bird he’d ever seen up close. Its beak was so sharp. It could take your eyes out and there was nothing you could do about it, it would happen so quickly. Just like they were grapes.
His knees were hurting already. There were tears in his eyes, but at least they weren’t yet running down his cheeks. Birds didn’t cry. He should be like the birds.
He wasn’t sure how it had come to this—he’d always been such an optimist. And he’d always been healthy—no, it was too late in life to exaggerate, relatively healthy. But relatively healthy still meant you could drop dead at any time. So he walked around sore much of the time, each step like a needle in his heels and a crumbling in his knees, and attempted to think about everything but death.
They passed another older couple. Elaine would have said “elderly” but Sam hated that word. Elaine smiled at them and said hello. The couple nodded and said hello back. They had already passed the couple when Sam managed to speak his delayed “nice day!” The man said “oh, yes,” awkwardly turning his head to Sam in order to be polite, but staggering a little, almost falling off the kerb. Sam could feel the warmth flooding his face. He’d caused that distraction, and the resulting stumble.
“We should have introduced ourselves,” Elaine said a few minutes later. “They may have been neighbours.” Sam hoped the couple didn’t recognise him the next time they met. “Sam, did you hear me?”
“Of course I heard you, you’re right here.”
“Then why didn’t you say something?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t know it needed answering, I guess.”
“I don’t talk just to hear myself.”
“Maybe they’re not neighbours. Maybe they’re just passing through, taking a walk. They might live several blocks away—they look pretty healthy. They could probably walk that far.”
“Uh huh,” she said, her head down, walking a little faster. It hurt to try to keep up with her.
By the time they reached the drug store Sam was ravenous. He sat on the padded bench and devoured two packets of crackers while Elaine got her many prescriptions. He’d already filled his last week before they moved. The lady across from him frowned. He looked around—he was spraying cracker crumbs everywhere. He didn’t know what to do—he couldn’t very well get down on his hands and knees right there in the store and sweep them up. He closed his eyes so he wouldn’t see either the lady or the crumbs and continued to eat.
When he was small his mother would drag him all over town on her errands. She took him along even if he was sick, but that was just what you had to do when you were a single mother. The worse he felt the more clothing she put on him; he supposed it was meant as a kind of protection. Sometimes he’d get so hot his head would swim. She’d sit him down somewhere in a chair, or in the shopping cart, or even in some out-of-the-way corner of the floor and let him nap. He’d dream he was a bug in a cocoon, waiting to be someone else. That night she’d reward him with a long bath before he went to bed.
“Sleep is what you need,” she’d say, stroking his forehead. “Go to sleep and let the night doctor take care of you.”
Over the years he’d tried to make some sense out of it. Plentiful sleep, of course, was bound to help, to lower stress, to permit the body to bring its own healing. However it worked, he almost always felt better the next day. He didn’t even have to wait until the day arrived, he could take a nap in the middle of the day, and then the night doctor could come. The night doctor didn’t necessarily require night, he simply required that you be asleep so that he could properly do his business on you. All that was needed was that it be night-time inside your head.
Had he really believed that the night doctor was an actual person? He’d never believed in magic, exactly—a person or a thing had to act, had to do something. So as a child he’d believed in Santa Claus because he was a person, sort of, this larger-than-life thing, an
It had been oddly reassuring, and yet not reassuring at all. Because if Santa were a person, then he was fallible. He could be late, or if you moved he might not find your house. The same with the night doctor. And he had had proof—he’d once visited his grandparents for two weeks and he’d been sick the whole time. The night doctor obviously couldn’t find him.
It had all been a great cause for anxiety. The fact that no one but his mother ever talked about the night doctor had only made it worse—he’d never even seen a picture of the man. Or woman, or whatever.
“Sam, darling? Are you ready to go?”
He blinked. Elaine was looking down at him, smiling. Had he overslept? Suddenly he felt lost, outside his body and not quite knowing the way back in.
“I fell…” He yawned. “I fell asleep waiting. Sorry.”
“You must have needed it,” she said, helping him to his feet. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Maybe I’ve pushed you too hard today.”
“Exercise is good for me. I don’t get enough,” he said, moving slowly with her arm in his as they rocked their way down the aisle, Elaine’s bag full of pill bottles rattling at her hip. He willed the blood to flow; his feet were numb. By the time they got out of the store they were better, he could feel them tingling. He supposed the day would eventually come when they didn’t get better, when they didn’t start tingling but remained as dead as fallen logs. But not today, thank God. Not today.
It was strangely dim outside, and Sam wondered if they could have been there at the pharmacy all day. How long had he been asleep? Then he realised it was simply the clouds rolling in, and he hoped they could get home before it rained. He never liked getting rained on, not even as a child. He usually got sick afterwards. There must have been something in the rain, not just water.
They were at the highest point in the road, the remainder of the neighbourhood receding gradually below them. Had they really climbed such a hill? Maybe they were lost—they didn’t know the neighbourhood well. They could wander for hours and not find their way back. Sam gazed around in a futile search for recognisable landmarks. But he had no landmarks in his memory for their new home.
From here they had a clear view of the afternoon sky. The clouds were heavy, laden—it might begin raining at any moment. The dark shapes of birds were darting in and out between the banks of clouds as if knitting them together. Sam thought of the giant bird he’d seen earlier and wondered if these were more of the same. They appeared to be rising up from the roofs of the neighbourhood where they’d been resting, rushing up to join the others as if in collusion.
Then he saw that larger dark shape depart an upstairs window of one of the houses, climbing onto the sill like a suicide, but leaping up instead of down, rising with a swirl of its long dark coat, the bag trailing from the skinny fingers of one hand, more claws than fingers, as the figure attempted to blend in with those other flying shapes.
Sam couldn’t be sure, they were too far away, but that figure seemed so very familiar. As if sensing Sam’s attention the head of the thing turned back an instant over its shoulder, large eyes staring, narrow face so pale and long as a blade.
Although he didn’t intend to, Sam sat down on the sidewalk then, his knees giving way. Elaine yelled in alarm as he almost dragged her down with him. He heard the panic in her voice as she screamed for someone to help them. But there was nothing he could do, as he was too busy elsewhere. Sixteen years old and walking home in the dark from the movie with his friends. He’d just left them to turn in to his own front walk, the darkness denser now because of the trees that used to shade their lawn.
His mother had been ill for several weeks, keeping to her bed except to feed him his meals and prepare his lunch for school. At times like these he’d think a father would have been useful, for her if not for him, because she had to do everything, and Sam was very aware he did not appreciate her nearly enough. But a father had never been more than a story as far as he was concerned, a few photographs that might not actually have been the man. How could he know for sure?
As he was walking up the sidewalk he felt a change in the air. It wasn’t a smell, although he felt it in his nose. It was more like a heaviness had entered the space around him, a pressure increasing in his ears, his nose, his skull, and a strong sense of vertigo as if he were looking down from a very high place.
He glanced up, cowering, feeling as if the sky were about to slide down on top of him. His mother’s bedroom window was open, her twin pale curtains reaching outside the frame to the night beyond like a frantic signal. Something membranous and black flapped. He could hear her moaning from where he stood, or thought he could.
Sam ran into the house and up the stairs. He came to her door and stopped because he was afraid. He thought he should knock—she would be furious if he went inside without knocking, but that didn’t apply in this case, did it? Even the memory made him feel ashamed, and he could hear Elaine’s voice somewhere above him attempting to offer some comfort.
He eased open the door even as the figure crouched over his mother was mucking about with her bare torso, taking something from her, sliding some spidery thing that struggled and screamed soundlessly out of her side and into his leathery dark bag. Sam cried out and the night doctor turned his head slightly to look at him with those cold pale eyes, those wet globes glistening yellow from the dim light in the hall, and that oh so elongated face which made no sense, the lower bit coming down into a kind of open snout, the upper half curved into a kind of bony blade. Before Sam could say anything else the night doctor had slid off the bed and through the window into the night and wind with a
For days she seemed better, and Sam had begun to think the creature had simply removed the thing that had done her harm. And then his mother took a turn for the worse. And then she was gone.
And next he woke up an old man again, in the bedroom he shared with the wife who took care of him now, who’d been taking care of him since the first day they’d met back in college. The bed stand was covered with his pills, or hers, he couldn’t really tell anymore. He could barely remember the names of the pills. Not because he couldn’t, but because he didn’t want to be that interested.
“Sam, you scared me half to death.”
He shifted his head around and saw Elaine’s grey face there floating within the darkened chair, propped up by a pillow under the back of her head. The rest of the room was so deeply in shadow he wondered if his eyes were going, then saw the dark in the window and realised it was night. The window was open, the curtains stirring, beginning to flap. He held his breath and twisted his head, trying to examine the room. Things stirred there beyond his ability to actually see them, and he tried to blame it on the wind and his anxiety. “How long have you been sitting there?” he asked, trying not to search the room anymore.
“A few hours. You missed dinner. Do you want something?”
“I don’t know.” Was he hungry? He made himself sit up in bed. His right leg hurt—he recognised the feeling. He must have been asleep for a while, his right leg pinched beneath his left. “I really missed dinner?”
“It’s been about six hours. I decided to let you sleep. Sam, do you remember anything? I thought you’d had a heart attack at first, the way you just collapsed, like you’d been hit on top of the head or something.”
“I just…just had a moment I guess. What, did I black out? How did you get me home?”
“That couple came by, the one we ran into earlier? The Hernandezes. You don’t remember? Apparently they live only three houses down. He ran back to their house and pulled his car around, they helped you into the seat, and after we got here he helped me get you into bed. I kept wanting to call the doctor but you insisted you were okay, that you just needed to rest, but that you didn’t want to fall asleep.”
Sam did remember some of this, but it was like an imperfectly recalled dream. He couldn’t explain the lapse, which was disturbing. But he’d been distracted, hadn’t he? It seemed he hadn’t thought about his mother’s death in years. “But you still let me sleep?”
“I couldn’t keep you awake if I tried! You were so tired you could barely lift your head.”
So he had slept. He couldn’t stop himself from searching the room with his eyes again, straining himself, his chest beginning to hurt. He was being a whiny thing. He was going to make himself sick. It would be an open invitation for the doctor to slip in and meddle with his insides. He made himself stop, even though promising details were resolving out of the dark as his eyes adjusted.
“Sounds pretty embarrassing. I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” Maybe he was better, maybe the doctor had already done his work. He could only hope it didn’t cost him too dearly. “Did they, the Hernandezes, did they say anything?”
“Just how concerned they were. Janet and Felix. I told Felix you take blood pressure medication and he wondered if the dosage might be wrong. I’ll call Doctor Castro tomorrow and tell him what happened.”
“I’m fine. We’re not our illnesses, Sam. That’s what you always say, remember? We’re much more than that.”
He couldn’t quite interpret her tone. Had there been resentment in the way she’d quoted him? “I could use a ham sandwich, I think,” he said.
“Fine.” She got up and started toward the door, then stopped, smiled. “And if you’re better tomorrow, I’ve invited them over for dinner.”
“What?”
“Janet and Felix. The Hernandezes. They’ll be our first dinner guests.”
After she closed the door behind her he glanced at the shadowed incomprehensibility of the room and rolled over, turned his back to it. He’d allow himself to be healed or taken, and at the moment he wasn’t sure he cared which. He waited a long time, but nothing occurred.
He did feel better when he woke up the next day, although tired and a bit on edge. The room felt empty, however. He could hear Elaine in the next room running the vacuum cleaner. When the noise stopped he heard her singing. It had been a while since he’d heard her singing. He smelled disinfectant, furniture polish. He glanced around—all their medicine bottles were gone.
“Elaine!”
She came running, out of breath. She grabbed the footboard and leaned over. “Are you…okay?” She wheezed, paused, then asked more steadily, “are you still ill?”
“No, no, I’m fine. You shouldn’t have run, honey. Where are all the medicines?”
“The Hernandezes may want to see the house, and it hasn’t had a really good cleaning yet.”
“But the medicines?”
“I put the over the counter stuff in our respective bathroom cabinets, depending on who uses what the most. The prescriptions, and the supplements—since we don’t take the same—are in a box in each bathroom closet. But I took out a week’s worth of dosages and put them into two of those weekly pill organisers—his and hers. I even split the ones that needed it into quarters and halves.”
“But why? Do you want them to believe we’re the super healthy older couple or something?”
“No, but I don’t want them to think the opposite, either. And it was just too much—I started to realise that as I tidied up. It needed to be handled—we’re both lucky we didn’t grab the wrong pills one day, or even overdose. It looked—I don’t know—it didn’t make us look like sick people so much as crazy people.”
In the bathroom Sam found the pill dispenser (blue, hers was probably pink) and took his daily dose. He pulled off his T-shirt and examined his pale torso. He wasn’t sure what he was looking for, some kind of markings. Cuts or worn places, incisions or maybe even bite or chew marks. There was nothing definitive, but when had he gotten so pale? He looked almost slug-like in parts.
Elaine cleaned well into the afternoon, then she started cooking. Sam didn’t like the dark half-moons under her eyes. He stepped in with the cleaning, although he suspected he didn’t do it well, scrubbing obsessively in some areas and neglecting others. Before dinner he did a final sweep, jammed some random flowers from the back yard into a vase, and set the table. By this point he desperately didn’t want to interact with anyone new, but he understood they were fully committed now.
From the time the Hernandezes arrived the evening became a blur for him. They seemed like perfectly nice people but he didn’t understand a thing they were talking about.
It seemed that Felix Hernandez had just acquired a new car, one of those boxy affairs with a small body and high ceiling. He used it to drive to the golf course, another habit newly acquired. Janet Hernandez talked endlessly about their son, an apparently always well-meaning young man who could not hold a job. Elaine commiserated and shared stories about Bryan which Sam was sure he had heard nothing about. A fall from a tree? When had that happened? Could Elaine possibly be making these things up in order to have something to share with the new neighbours?
They sat down girl-boy-girl-boy about an L-shaped portion of the dinner table, with Sam at the top of the L’s stem and Elaine at the end of the L’s arm. Sam wasn’t sure how this had happened, but it seemed to have been Felix’s idea.
Janet Hernandez was sitting next to Sam. He hadn’t realised before how tall she was—at least her torso was tall. She also seemed to have an unusually large head, although that might have been an illusion because her forehead was quite high, and white hair showered down the back of the skull to float just above her shoulders. She leaned forward over her food somewhat, as if afraid it might escape the plate. And she trembled slightly. He noticed because she was sitting right beside him. The profile of her face practically vibrated.
Sam was thinking then that the Hernandezes were older than them by a few years. He looked down the table, but his view of Felix was completely blocked. He tried to catch Elaine’s eye, but she was leaning over slightly, probably talking to Felix.
Suddenly Janet leaned back, her face pale, her expression puzzled. Felix seemed blurry and out of focus on the other side, but then Sam determined that something between Felix and Janet was making him difficult to see, something smearing the air, as if Sam’s vision had suddenly gone greasy.
The night doctor appeared to unfold from inside that black leathery coat of his, his shoulders going up like axe blades. He turned one globular eye Sam’s way. He tilted his elongated head slightly as if inviting Sam to protest. Sitting this closely, Sam could see small finger-shaped bits of flesh down around the end of the doctor’s snout. They stirred slightly. Some appeared corrupted by some sort of skin cancer.
Sam felt suddenly ill, his head slipping sideways. The night doctor disappeared, and Sam now had a clear view of Felix, who appeared to be in shock. Elaine was shaking the man’s shoulder in concern, saying his name. Then Sam moved his head again, and the night doctor was back in focus. Sam experimented, moving his head this way and that. He could see the doctor only at certain angles, the rest of the time the figure disappearing completely.
Suddenly Felix coughed explosively and a pale chunk of chewed-up food—at first Sam was convinced it was some damaged organ—bounced off the table and onto the floor. Sam thought he heard the cat scramble for it, then remembered they hadn’t had a cat in years.
Felix was laughing, tears rolling down his cheeks. Elaine was laughing as well, but Sam recognised it as the laugh she made when she was under great stress. Any minute now she would sob. Janet was pushing something around her plate with her fork. Sam saw that it was another piece of what had just come out of Felix’s mouth.
A sidelong glance brought the night doctor into focus again. He sat still and erect, as if listening, or at least sensing, things Sam couldn’t even begin to imagine. The night doctor’s skin was soft and translucent, slightly yellow. Sam thought he could see the sharp skeleton underneath, like a gathering of blades fashioned from bone and then covered in this somewhat transparent epidermal goop.
They all sat that way an uncomfortable period of time. Felix quietly shared his recent health issues with Elaine. Elaine shared things back, but with less detail. Janet continued to move things about her plate with her fork, but ate nothing. Sam watched them all. He wondered if he was the only one aware of the fifth presence at the dinner table—he was pretty sure he was.
Periodically the night doctor stroked the leather bag he wore hanging from his shoulder. It squirmed in various directions, as if containing more than one captive.
Felix was taken to the hospital a few days later. Sam and Elaine watched as Janet rode off with a young man Sam assumed was their son. They never saw any of them again.
For several weeks Elaine became increasingly frenetic. She cleaned the house constantly, and reorganised the medicine cabinets more than a few times. Sometimes Sam would wake up in the middle of the night and find the bed empty. He’d go downstairs and discover her at the table quietly drinking coffee or taking down notes. Usually the night doctor sat there with her.
Often she would work herself into exhaustion and sleep late the following morning. He would come downstairs by himself and find the night doctor already waiting for him, standing in a corner or staring out the window.
It dragged on this way for months. One night Elaine woke him up in the middle of the night, her pale face hanging over him. He gently lay his hand on her wet face—she’d been crying. “I don’t want to leave you by yourself,” she whispered hoarsely.
He glanced past her, his eyes scanning the room, finding the tall quiet figure with the large eyes and the too-narrow face, the squirming bag. “You won’t be,” Sam replied.
Derek John
THE DESECRATOR
DEREK JOHN is the author of the novella
“Although I grew up in Dublin,” recalls the author, “I moved to England in my early twenties and spent several years living in Cambridge where I experienced first-hand many of the eerie locations from the stories of M.R. James, one of the acknowledged masters of the ghostly and strange.
“The anthology in which my story ‘The Desecrator’ originally appeared is the second in a series from Sarob Press (edited by the doyenne of Jamesian fiction, Rosemary Pardoe) where the remit for the authors was to compose a sequel or prequel based on one of James’ classic tales.
“I chose to write a sequel to one of James’ perhaps lesser-known pieces, ‘The Uncommon Prayer-Book’
“How awful!” said one. “Why there’s barely room for a person in there!”
“Yes, it’s a bit of a squeeze, isn’t it?” replied the guide. “And I wouldn’t recommend that anyone try to climb inside. The last visitor who did so ended up in a dreadful pickle—just like Pooh Bear in Rabbit’s front door!”
“So why were they called priest holes then?” asked a bemused American tourist.
“Well, it’s all to do with the Reformation, you see. From the time of Elizabeth the First right up until the accession of Charles the Second, Catholic priests in England were ruthlessly persecuted by the Protestant authorities. They were, to all intents and purposes, outlaws. And so, they were forced to lead a clandestine existence, moving from safe house to safe house under cover of darkness, where they performed the sacraments for those families who stayed true to the old faith.
“That’s all well and good,” said a man at the back of the group. “But there’s no evidence at all that the Leventhorps of Gaulsford were secret Catholics is there? Wasn’t Sir Samuel Leventhorp an ardent Puritan and a colonel in the New Model Army during the Civil War? And it was he who built this house was it not? Why would he put a priest hole in it? It just doesn’t make sense!”
The guide sighed to herself; there was always one know-it-all in every tour.
“That’s a good point,” she said, smiling politely, “but if we take the examples of any number of wayward politicians in recent times, we often find that the public persona and the private individual can be shockingly and even hypocritically at odds with each other. Yes, in public, Sir Samuel was the epitome of Puritan righteousness, but the existence of the priest hole tells otherwise. And now, ladies and gentlemen, let’s make our way back downstairs via the servants’ staircase.”
As the gaggle of tourists followed her out the door of the bedchamber, a solitary figure lingered behind. He flexed his fingers against the wainscoting to see if he could reveal the secret hiding place, but try as he might it remained firmly shut. There must be some knack to it, he guessed, and resolved to ask the guide for a quick demonstration after closing time.
He wandered back down the steps of the Great Staircase with its ancient walls lined with the stern portraits of his ancestors and paused before that of Sir Samuel Leventhorp, founder of the dynasty. The oil painting was rumoured to be an original by Sir Peter Lely, albeit created long after the death of the subject as a commission by one of his descendants. He studied the portrait with interest, and wondered idly what obscure genes from this long dead grandee were now forming part of his own make-up. Sir Samuel had an angry, intolerant face, deeply unlikeable, and his sombre, black-clad figure was every inch the model of puritan probity. The man smiled at the thought that his ancestor was as much a hypocrite as those ‘whited sepulchres’ his fellow Protestant dissenters fulminated against in their lengthy sermons. In a moment of hubris, he had himself recently sat for a new portrait to be hung at the top of the staircase; perhaps his own naturally sunny disposition would ameliorate the dour centuries of sour-faced and glowering Lords of Gaulsford.
He was the latest in a long line of Leventhorps, but he, at least, had no pretensions to religious enthusiasm. In fact, until a few months ago, he had no pretensions to anything much at all. He was plain Jonathan Leventhorp of Melbourne, Australia, and although dimly aware of his connection to Gaulsford, it came as a complete shock when he opened the door of his apartment to the private detective hired by the executors to track him down. A combination of childlessness, illegitimacy and premature death amongst the heirs-apparent had determined that the cadet bloodline from his great-grandfather’s side, of which he was the sole representative, suddenly stood to inherit the entire estate.
Jonathan had lived a feckless life in Melbourne, and cash was always tight. A hefty pile of final demand letters was accumulating unopened on the occasional table in his hallway, and the rancorous knocking and peering in the front window by assorted debt collectors left him cowering behind the sofa for significant portions of the day. For a brief instant, after the news of his inheritance had sunk in, he had envisaged himself living a country squire’s life: strolling his acres, maintaining a discreet
But alas, even though Gaulsford House did indeed possess all these attributes, they were not his. The Leventhorps had, it seemed, been mostly absentee landlords through the generations, as if Gaulsford held some special repugnance for them. They preferred, instead, to spend the majority of their lives overseas in their Jamaican plantations, or latterly, in the upper echelons of the diplomatic service; and they had let the estate become run down. In recent years, crippled by death duties and unable to maintain the house from the meagre income of the estate rentals and home farm, they had gifted it to the National Trust. As a result, Jonathan’s inheritance merely amounted to a grace and favour apartment in the east wing and a small stipend from a trust fund at Coutts. Small though the allowance was, it was still considerably greater than his income from bartending and odd-jobbing in Melbourne, and the prospect of an early retirement at the age of thirty-eight was more than enough inducement to pack his bags and take the next flight to England.
For his first few weeks at Gaulsford, he had contented himself with simply exploring the house and grounds. The stately home was laid out much as it had been in Victorian times: a grand suite of master bedrooms were located on the upper floor, whilst on the ground level could be found the dining room, library and assorted day-rooms. The meagre servants’ quarters were hidden out of sight in the discreet service wing, and down in the basement stood the kitchens and pantries which were now peopled during the daytime with voluble re-enactors eager to expound on the drudgery of their everyday life below stairs to the tourists. In the stables, a short distance from the main house, could be found the cafeteria which sold cream teas to the coach-loads of hungry visitors after their obligatory rounds of the National Trust gift shop, where, if they so wished, they could purchase an assortment of scented soaps, tins of shortbread biscuits and other mass-produced bric-à-brac stamped with the coat of arms of the Leventhorps.
His new apartment looked out over a formal parterre towards the dark façade of Gaulsford woods in the distance. The house had remained largely unoccupied during the stewardship of his ancestors and of necessity, he supposed, all the lower ground floor windows, including those of his own rooms, were barred on the inside with substantial rods of iron to deter burglars and other undesirables. Though the east wing was officially out of bounds to the public, bands of horrible schoolchildren running riot in the grounds would still peer and make faces in through the windows as he sat and watched television, forcing him to jump up and shout some very unaristocratic language after them.
He found that he had the house to himself on most nights, after the National Trust staff had closed up and left. A security cum odd-job man lived in the Gaulsford gate lodge and was supposed to do the rounds once or twice during the hours of darkness, though Leventhorp very much doubted his dedication in keeping to this schedule. At night, Gaulsford was filled with the cacophony of creaks and groans made by all old buildings, but it didn’t feel haunted in the least, which was, he supposed, mildly disappointing to him. The only sounds that came to his ears were the distant barking of foxes in Gaulsford woods and the unearthly shrieks of the barn owls as their ghostly figures flitted back and forth across the lawns in search of their prey.
The old library held a particular attraction for him. Although not much of a reader, there was something about the smell of old volumes that resonated deeply with him: how the effluvia of leather and paper mingled in the air to create a subtle incense that seemed to distil the very essence of Gaulsford House itself. The books covered the library walls from floor to ceiling, with the upper tiers only accessible by an ancient and somewhat unsteady rolling ladder.
He spent hours perusing the shelves with their cargo of unread and mostly unreadable volumes: a full series of Migne’s
As he made his way along the library shelves one evening, he heard a sudden loud report against the windowpane. Outlined against the glass was the dusty imprint of a bird strike, with the wings splayed wide like some impromptu visitation of the Holy Ghost. He rushed over and, reaching through the bars, raised the window and looked outside. Lying on the windowsill was a young barn owl, still stunned and confused from the impact. He gently picked up its quivering body and smoothed the ruffled feathers as the pathetic bird regarded him with cold unblinking eyes. Then, with a sudden spasm of flapping wings, it wrenched itself free from his grip and took off into the darkness. He yanked his hand back in pain and saw the bloody scratch where one of its talons had cut deeply into the flesh.
He patched himself up with some TCP and a plaster from the first aid box in the front desk and returned to his exploration of the library. In the upper ranks were some remarkable old volumes, with the most exquisite tooled and gilded bindings. Perched high on the rungs of the rolling ladder which wobbled and bowed alarmingly under his weight, he took down a fine example bound in blue morocco leather and decorated with gilded armorials. Even though it had been many years since Leventhorp had darkened the door of a church he recognised it immediately as a
THE BOOK OF COMMON PRAYER & ADMINISTRATION OF THE SACRAMENTS AND OTHER RITES ACCORDING TO THE USE OF THE CHURCH OF ENGLAND
He took it over to the reading desk and examined it under the light. The fly-leaf was inscribed in a fine flourishing hand:
Underneath this was written:
But below, in a different hand, was scrawled.
As Leventhorp flicked through the pages, the fragmented childhood memories of dull Sunday mornings at the interminable cathedral services at St Paul’s in Melbourne came flooding back:
For an instant, he saw the scowling face of Sir Samuel Leventhorp swim before him. The date on the flyleaf was 1653, which fitted well with the likelihood that it was he who was the author of the accusatory marginalia. He read the inscription again, and he supposed that unless it was a gift (which seemed most unlikely) the book properly belonged to Lady Sadleir of Brockstone Court or her heirs.
The name Brockstone was vaguely familiar to him. On the wall of the library was a framed map of the Gaulsford Hundred, broken up, no doubt, from some dull compendium of county history from the 1800s. And sure enough, it showed that Brockstone was a stately home just a few miles further down the River Tent from Gaulsford. But who was Anne Sadleir? He lifted down a hefty volume of
He looked again at the map; as the crow flies, Brockstone was barely three or four miles away. Perhaps he might pay a visit, use the book as an introduction, anything to combat the dreary isolation of his days at Gaulsford.
Behind the house stretched the vast and dark demesne of Gaulsford woods. According to the map, a path led through its gloomy recesses emerging after a couple of miles onto the banks of the river Tent, where it followed the meandering watercourse until it came to the gates of Brockstone Court. And so, on a fine autumn day, Leventhorp decided to walk the three miles or thereabouts to his neighbour’s estate, clutching the prayer-book, safely cocooned in a parcel of bubble-wrap and yesterday’s newspapers.
The walk through the woods took longer than he expected. Though it was indeed a public right of way, it was clearly one of the less frequented ones, and several times it dwindled to little more than a dirty rabbit track through the undergrowth. Eventually, he heard the gentle sounds of running water and the path emerged onto the bright and green banks of the upper reaches of the river Tent, where a much more pleasant stroll could be had through the fields and pastures of Hertfordshire. The path finally disgorged itself over a stile a few yards away from the grand Tudor gateway to Brockstone Court. Through the trees he could see the grey walls of a chapel and further beyond, the grand elevation of Brockstone Court itself.
Leventhorp called at the gate lodge, hoping to enquire if it were possible to talk to the current owners.
The building was unoccupied and seemed to be in use as a lumber-room for various agricultural implements; he heard the purr of a ride-on lawnmower not far away and flagged down its driver. The owners of Brockstone were, it seemed, absentee landlords just like the Leventhorps and the house and its demesne were run by an estate manager. The gardener rang through to the house and announced (to Leventhorp’s
“Go right up,” he said. “But use the back way; the front door hasn’t been opened in ten years. No need for it now with the house being empty.”
Leventhorp walked the short distance up the drive to the house. It had an imposing Tudor façade but, like Gaulsford, the building was clearly in its declining years, having reached the point where restoration had been abandoned and the occupants were merely erecting a temporary bulwark against the erosive forces of decay. A middle-aged man, sharply dressed, was waiting to meet him outside.
“Sir Jonathan! Well, this really is an honour for us! I’m Daniel Clark, the estate manager.”
“That’s certainly a big responsibility,” said Leventhorp, shaking hands and looking around at the wide expanse of house and grounds. “Have you been long in the job?”
“All my life,” said Clark, smiling. “My family have served the Sadleirs for six generations as loyal agents and retainers. I know of nothing else.”
“Ah, yes, the Sadleirs. That’s the reason for my visit. I have, what you might call, a piece of lost property to return.”
Leventhorp proffered the ragged package.
“I was rummaging in our library at Gaulsford when I discovered this book. It’s very old and, judging by the inscription, it belongs to one of the Sadleirs from way back. I thought I’d return it to its rightful home as a neighbourly gesture.”
Mr Clark accepted the ill-wrapped package with an air of bemusement, but as he finished unravelling its layers and began to examine the contents, he uttered a sudden cry of joy.
“The missing prayer-book! I can’t believe it! You know this has been considered irretrievably lost for over three centuries?”
Leventhorp saw how he handled it with the reverence of a holy relic.
“And you say it was in your library?”
“Yes. I have a horrible feeling that one of my ancestors may have borrowed it and forgotten to bring it back!”
“We’ll waive the late fees in this case, I think!” said Clark. “You have no idea what a priceless treasure it is that you have returned. On behalf of the Sadleir family, we are eternally grateful for your generosity.”
“Is it really that special?”
“Ah, so you have never heard of the prayer-books of Brockstone? You are not a bibliophile then, I guess? Well, let me explain. During the Commonwealth, the use of the
“There are eight stall-boxes here in Brockstone Chapel and so, naturally, they required eight books, one for each stall. But of course, Lady Sadleir, as a woman, would not have been permitted to sit in the choir and would have followed the service from her private box pew. Hence there has to have been a ninth copy, her own personal one, which has been missing for over three centuries.
He opened the book at the title page.
“
“Yes, I must apologise; I have a horrible feeling it’s in the hand of my ancestor Sir Samuel Leventhorp.”
“I expect that’s probably true. There was no love lost between your ancestor and the Sadleirs, that’s for sure. It almost had the aspect of a feud. It all came down, like so many things at that period, to religious and political differences. They were, you might say, natural enemies—like fox and hound, or barn owl and shrew.
“You must forgive me for saying that Sir Samuel was the worst sort of Puritan: bigoted, narrow-minded and puffed-up on the certainty of his own election to Paradise. Lady Sadleir’s royalist views were, of course, well known, but in addition to that, she had pronounced high church leanings, was certainly a staunch supporter of the unfortunate Archbishop Laud, and there was much speculation at the time that she may have harboured secret Catholic sympathies.”
“Ah, but you have no priest holes here at Brockstone Court, have you?” said Leventhorp.
“No, the only one you’ll find in this area is at Gaulsford. Now that’s very curious, don’t you think?”
Clark escorted him inside on a tour of the house, which was much the same as Gaulsford with its dreary accumulation of Grand Tour detritus and middle-range art and furniture. What did come as a surprise were the paintings on the walls and ceiling of the Great Hall. In the style of the Baroque master Andrea Pozzo, they receded in perspective to infinite heights in a virtuoso display of
At the centre, ascending to the glories of Heaven and supported by crowds of winged cherubim, was the figure of a crowned king, presumably Charles II, while at the edges of the triumphal scene, trampled underfoot in the outer darkness, crouched the squat figure of Satan and his attendant minions, a parade of grotesques straight out of Dante’s
“Impressive, isn’t it?” said Clark. “It was one of the last commissions by Lady Sadleir, and dates from around 1665. It’s called
One corner of the room was covered in scaffolding and the entire framework was draped in cotton sheets as if to contain the spread of dust. At the bottom, a corner of the covers flapped open and Leventhorp peeked inside. The scaffolding was protecting a wall painting of the Doom or Last Judgement. It was a continuation of the torment of the Regicides from the ceiling, as a further series of unfortunates was dragged into the gaping jaws of Hell by eager demons. There was something odd about it, but before he could formulate just exactly what it was, the fabric was plucked out of his hand and firmly tied back in place by Mr Clark.
“It’s just some remedial work I’m doing on the wall paintings,” he said. “I’m a trained art restorer as well, you see. I learnt my trade at the Courtauld Institute in London when I was younger. The paintings are showing their age, three centuries of candle smoke and oil lamps has left them looking a little tired, shall we say, and in need of some curatorial TLC.
“I suggest we go and visit the Brockstone Chapel, and take the prayer-book back to its original home. Though of course, alas, it will have to end up in the bank vault with the rest of them.”
It was a short walk across the lawn and through a copse of beech trees to reach the chapel which, although small, had a certain quiet grandeur to it.
Once inside, the two men stood at the head of the nave.
“Let’s see what the psalm for today is,” said Clark. But as he flicked through the pages, the prayer-book sprang open at the missing leaf. “Oh, it’s been defaced! Not the first time that Sir Samuel has vandalised Sadleir property, I fear.”
“How so?” said Leventhorp.
“Well, this is called the new chapel, but in fact, it was built in the mid 1650s or thereabouts to replace the one desecrated by Sir Samuel. That unfortunate edifice was the original chapel at Brockstone and was built, as was standard at the time, as an annexe to the house in 1554.”
“Desecrated? I hope you’re not suggesting Sir Samuel was one of these Aleister Crowley black magic types?”
“Oh no, not at all! In fact, quite the opposite—though Lady Sadleir might well have said he worked at the Devil’s prompting.
“I’m sure you’ve heard of the iconoclasts, those Puritans who interpreted the commandment against graven images to the letter of the law. William Dowsing in East Anglia was the most celebrated example, a self-appointed ‘Inspector of Monuments’ who went from church to church shattering statues, destroying rood screens and altars, stained glass and anything else that smacked of high church tendencies. Many people admire the austere beauty of East Anglian churches; little do they realise that it’s mostly the result of Dowsing’s destructive rampage!
“The scourge of iconoclasm did not confine itself to East Anglia: the contagion soon spread over the border here into Hertfordshire as well. Fired by Puritan zeal, Sir Samuel Leventhorp commissioned himself as the iconoclast inquisition in the Gaulsford Hundred, and together with a band of thugs armed with pickaxes and mallets he sought out every country church and chapel for some twenty miles around. And, eventually, in his rounds of destruction he paid a visit to Brockstone in 1648. There is an extract of his report to Parliament in the
He handed Leventhorp a photocopied piece of paper which gave a history of the fabric and integuments of the chapel and indicated the relevant passage in his ancestor’s own words.
“How appalling!” said Leventhorp.
“Yes, Lady Sadleir was most upset, and was said to have cursed the Leventhorps and their heritage, in true Old-Testament fashion,
Clark stopped and suddenly flushed red. “
Leventhorp shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. I’m sure you can tell from my accent I’ve not had much doing with the English branch of the family. I never met him or indeed any of the Gaulsford Leventhorps. I have no idea even how he died.”
“Probably just as well not to know,” Clark said, quietly. “Those sorts of details can upset one unnecessarily.”
After a brief moment of uncomfortable silence, Clark conducted Leven-thorp down the nave and pointed out the various features of interest to him.
“The original Brockstone chapel was an opulent affair erected during the reign of the Catholic Queen Mary when certain Protestant ordinances were being relaxed. After the desecration by Sir Samuel, it seemed that Lady Sadleir considered the whole edifice to be irretrievably defiled and as an act of defiance she demolished it and built the chapel we have today in a secluded location away from the house. After the Restoration in 1660, it was redecorated in the high church fashion you see around you.”
“And nothing from the original chapel survives?”
“Not quite. By sheer chance, one or two relics are still with us. If you follow me to the chancel you’ll see in this display cabinet that we have the remains of some paintings on wood, dating from about 1430 or thereabouts, perhaps salvaged by the Sadleirs from the dissolved priory of Stanford Magdalene. These images formed the lower part of a rood screen in the original Brockstone chapel, and it is conjectured that there would have been several other panels, all of which are now unfortunately lost. This particular panel was hidden in the rafters of one of the local tithe barns and only rediscovered quite recently, when they were being converted to holiday lets as is the fashion around here. You can see the results of your ancestor’s iconoclasm, a pretty thorough job I fear. The painting depicts three saints, and though severely damaged, by the various accoutrements, we can identify them as St Michael, St George and St Thomas Becket.”
The cabinet was opened so Leventhorp could inspect the images up close. The faces had been gouged out, quite literally de-faced. A fanatical assailant had attacked the painting in a frenzy of religious enthusiasm with a chisel or some other sharp instrument and the scarred woodwork remained as a testament to the grim determination of Puritan iconoclasm.
“So how do you think Sir Samuel came by the prayer-book?” he asked.
“I suspect he probably paid a visit to the new chapel soon after its opening, looking for evidence of Romanizing tendencies, and seized the volume as ‘Exhibit A’ in his ongoing persecution of the Sadleirs.”
“So why wasn’t Lady Sadleir hauled before the courts? If this book was, as you say, pretty strong stuff.”
“Well, she might have been, but looking at the dates: Sir Samuel passed away not so very long afterwards, in December 1653, perhaps before he had time to press for prosecution. And of course, in the turmoil after the dissolution of the Rump Parliament in April of that year and in the interregnum before Cromwell was named Lord Protector, perhaps the times were simply not conducive for these sorts of petty witch hunts.”
Clark gently closed the door to the cabinet. “Thankfully, your family became less enthusiastic about religious matters and I think it was in a moment of mischief that one of Sir Samuel’s sons commissioned the portrait of the great iconoclast which hangs on the staircase at Gaulsford. How droll, immortalising him in the very format he took to be the deepest blasphemy!”
“Yes, I suppose it was,” smiled Leventhorp.
“Isn’t it good to live in the age of reason where we can put these unfortunate misunderstandings behind us!” said Clark. “I must return and do a bit more work on the wall paintings before it gets dark, but please feel free to wander about. Just let the gardener know at the gatehouse on your way out and he’ll come and lock up.”
The sun was declining behind the surrounding trees, and their wavering shadows played on the chapel window-glass like gesticulating figures from an angry crowd. Now that Leventhorp was alone, the silence of the building was unnerving. He clapped his hands to test the acoustics and tunelessly whistled a few bars of
There was little else of interest in the chapel, save for one curious discovery. Amidst the florid dedications to the Lords of the Manor and their various incumbents over the years, Leventhorp noticed a curiously plain marble slab set into the floor of the nave and inscribed simply with the initials A.C. Into the centre of the slab was attached a metal ring, standing slightly proud of its surroundings, as if inviting the onlooker to grasp its circumference and haul away the deadweight to reveal whatever secret charnel-house lay concealed beneath. Leventhorp nudged the ironwork gently with his foot and it left a faint, iridescent sheen on the leather of his shoe as if it had just been recently oiled.
Returning through Gaulsford woods in the late evening, he caught glimpses of a white figure flitting through the branches, seemingly keeping pace with him as he trudged through the overgrowth—the local barn owls out hunting, no doubt, he thought to himself. And he shuddered at the fate of whatever poor field creatures were venturing abroad that night, oblivious to the silent death which awaited them from above. The keen talons that would pierce the skin in a swift and bloody embrace; the relentless beak tearing into the still quivering flesh…
When Leventhorp arrived home to Gaulsford, footsore and slightly dishevelled, the house was closing-up for the day and he engaged the tour guide in conversation as she was bolting and locking the main door after the last coach-party had departed.
“What do we really know about this chap?” he said, indicating the portrait of Sir Samuel at the foot of the stairs. “How did he die, for instance?”
“He suffered from a mental breakdown,” replied the guide. “At least that’s what the National Trust archivist tells us. According to the fragments of his letters that remain in our collections, he seems to have developed some sort of acute persecution mania in the last few months of his life. It was Sir Samuel who put up all these ugly bars on the inside of the windows and made the place a regular fortress. He became a recluse, refused to leave the house for any reason whatsoever and was found dead in his bed not long after. There’s a potted biography of him in the official guidebook; you’ll find copies by the front pay-desk. Help yourself!”
He thanked the guide and picked up a copy of the glossy National Trust guidebook to Gaulsford which had been written some years previously by a retired academic from Cambridge. According to the author, Sir Samuel suffered a sudden mental decline in the six months before his death in December 1653: an illness comprising paranoia, hypochondria, a black depression and most significantly, an obsessive persecution mania (hence the bars on the windows) as a result of which he never once ventured outside the house again. Some contemporaries said it was the result of the pox: the
He saw from the blurb at the back of the book that the same author had written a history of the churches of Hertfordshire and with his master key he let himself into the gift shop and scanned the shelves until he found a copy. Looking up the index, he turned to the entry on Brockstone Court.
The account of Sir Samuel and his wanton desecration of the earlier chapel was substantially the same as he had been told by Mr Clark. There was an exhaustive description of the decoration of the new chapel, all rather dull, and a lengthy encomium on the church organ, which certainly hadn’t sounded so very special when he was playing ‘chopsticks’ on it. It was all as dry and tedious as any copy of Pevsner’s
Amongst the other passages of local colour, one in particular grabbed his attention:
The stone with the mysterious and laconic inscription ‘A.C.’ is often pointed out as evidence for Lady Sadleir’s unhealthy interest in occult matters. It is said by local people that the slab covers the tomb of one Anthony Cadman, infamous to all bibliophiles as the London-based printer of the sacrilegious Brockstone prayer-book. Cadman was suspected by many contemporaries of being a noted continental magician living
These murmurings reached a climax during the June of 1653, when, shortly after the printing of the infamous prayer-book, he was publically accused of ‘attempting to procure the deaths of divers persons by necromantic means’. While such accusations were not unusual for the times; Cadman’s links to the Royalist cause were doubly damning and he was swiftly trialled and hanged for the alleged offence. His wry-necked corpse was gibbeted at the crossroads at Hampstead Heath as a gruesome landmark for the populace and a warning to the curious. It has long been rumoured that his cage was blown down from the gibbet not long afterwards during a great tempest of allegedly supernatural origin, and the mummified remains secretly removed by agents of Lady Sadleir for burial in the new chapel at Brockstone.
Leventhorp was awakened the next morning by the screech of an angle-grinder. A workman was removing the bars in the library windows, apparently at the insistence of their insurers for health and safety reasons. The house was being shut up for the winter, and he could finally expect some peace from the screaming hordes of bored schoolchildren. The housekeepers moved methodically from room to room, giving the silver and ceramics a last clean and polish before boxing them away and covering the furniture and statuary in commodious dust-sheets, leaving each room with the faintly ridiculous appearance of an eerie tableau from some forlorn seaside ghost train.
As he sat down to watch television one evening after the final departure of the house staff, Leventhorp found his mind wandering. He was strangely troubled by the paintings in the Great Hall at Brockstone; there was something about the images under the scaffolding, that had registered subliminally in his brain, but which he could not recall to conscious scrutiny. Unable to concentrate on the programme he retreated to the library, reached down one of the collected volumes of C
Amongst the articles, one from the early 1990s caught his attention: a typical lightweight puff-piece entitled ‘Springtime at Brockstone Court’.
The article was mainly comprised of elegiac soft-focus scenes of the gardeners at their seasonal round: digging the beds, planting the walled garden with annuals and pruning the espaliers as the lawns and arbours of Brockstone bloomed with a glorious carpeting of snowdrops and crocuses. Inside the house, the winter cobwebs were being chased away by the housemaids; the rooms illuminated in the weak spring sunlight as they performed their duties. There was a photo of Mr Clark, then a much younger man, barely in his thirties, mentioned in the caption as having recently returned to his family sinecure after a stint at the Courtauld Institute. The various artworks of note were enumerated, mostly uninspiring 18th-century studio copies, and the article ended with a double-page spread of the paintings of the Great Hall.
The ceiling was no less impressive in reproduction, but something else caught Leventhorp’s attention. A small inset photograph clearly showed the section of wall painting depicting the torments of Hell, of which he had previously only caught the barest of glimpses behind the scaffolding. The artist had clearly taken great relish in enumerating the miseries of the damned Parliamentarians and their fellow-travellers—as inventive and gruesome as any medieval Doom. Leventhorp studied the agonised faces of the unrepentant sinners as they were crammed into Hell’s gaping maw: naked, shivering, and somehow very familiar.
Still clutching the heavy volume, he ran out to the Great Staircase, and compared each face from the Brockstone wall paintings with his ancestors’ likenesses. They were identical. Each face, from his recently deceased third cousin to the scowling enmity of Sir Samuel had been incorporated into the apocalyptic wall painting, and each writhing victim had been given their own attendant demon and unique mode of torture. At the very edge of the dismal procession, one figure had been left seemingly unfinished, as if the space were being readied to take the artist’s impression.
He put the volume down and went searching for his car keys. He decided that he would drive over to Brockstone and get to the bottom of whatever mischief was going on. No matter what obscure genealogy had led him here to Gaulsford, he felt some sort of family honour was at stake and the memory of Clark’s deliberate shielding of the wall painting from him smacked of subterfuge and contempt. He would demand to see it, and observe Clark’s reactions: even if it were a mere bagatelle and mockery on his part, it was certainly in dubious taste and he would have no compunction in venting his disgust to the supercilious estate manager.
The gates of Brockstone were locked, but a small postern gate was open and Leventhorp entered unseen. He walked through the landscaped gardens and past the chapel, which was wreathed in a sombre gloom. There were no owls in flight tonight; only strange rustlings and cries from the nocturnal fauna in the surrounding undergrowth broke the stillness of the moonlit night.
As he approached Brockstone Court, the house was in darkness except for a single light which blazed in the Great Hall. Leventhorp crept up to the mullioned windows and peered inside. The dust-sheets had been removed from the scaffolding and Clark was kneeling on the upper tier with an artist’s palette and brush in his hands. After a few minutes of thoughtful dabbing at a segment of the wall painting, he climbed down from the scaffold and stood back to admire his handiwork. Leventhorp threw himself down amongst the shrubbery as Clark strode over and flung open the window to dispel the lingering paint fumes. From his den amongst the leaves, Leventhorp could see the light in a far annexe switch on and then a gurgle of steam rose from the drains. Clark was obviously cleaning himself up, having finished his artistic efforts for the day.
Leventhorp rose again from his hiding place and leaned over the windowsill to better observe the wall painting, which was now clearly visible through the unencumbered scaffolding. He saw his ancestors held up for public humiliation in various ridiculous and lurid scenarios, just as the magazine article had reproduced, except now, viewing the images in person, their impact was exponentially greater. At the sight of this obscenity, he felt the old familial acrimony against the Sadleirs rise within him like a sudden delirious fever. It was just as Mr Clark had described: an instinctive, almost genetic hatred.
Up close, the images were detailed and exact renditions of Sir Samuel’s lineage, with the likenesses of each figure deliberately copied from the family portraits in the Great Staircase at Gaulsford. And now, he saw to his disgust that the final figure had been completed by Clark with Leventhorp’s own visage, with his doppelgänger staring gormlessly into the Hellmouth whilst being intimately skewered by the red-hot poker of his demonic companion.
He climbed up onto the scaffolding for a closer look at this outrageous work of pictorial libel. And as he regarded the awful images he felt a destructive urge rise with in him, an iconoclastic zeal as fanatical as any of his forebears. A drum of turpentine stood amidst the painterly paraphernalia on the topmost tier of the scaffold. Leventhorp unscrewed the cap and began to fling the contents at the wall paintings, feeling a deep satisfaction as the images dissolved into chaos, their outlines collapsing and streaming down the walls in streaks of colour like some abstract expressionist mess by Jackson Pollock.
Leventhorp broadcasted the solvent without discrimination. Cromwell and Ireton faded into nothingness, angels and demons were united in their common fate; even the majestic finery of Charles II took the brunt of a well aimed squib and dissolved into a gelatinous ichor which dripped onto the floor in variegated puddles. The images were fading into obscurity, evaporating into the bare outlines limned by their under-drawings. The air was now shimmering with fumes and Leventhorp ran to the window to escape the choking vapours of the turpentine. The distant sound of a door slamming signalled to him that Clark was returning for a final review of his work. Leventhorp eased himself back out the window and hurried through the grounds to his discreetly parked car before the alarm could be raised.
Back in the safety of Gaulsford, he poured himself a large whiskey and retired to the library to contemplate the consequences of his impetuous actions. He was at a loss to explain himself. It was as if the vengeful spirit of his ancestor’s Puritanism had short-circuited the centuries to possess his soul for a brief moment of insanity. Thankfully, more by good luck than by good judgement, he had kept his leather driving gloves on, so no incriminating fingerprints had been left at the scene should the police be called.
Yet the question still remained unanswered: what was Clark doing painting an image of him on the walls of Brockstone Court? He had told Leventhorp that his family had served the Sadleirs for generations—did their service include more than just simply rendering the daily round of household duties? Was Mr Clark the hierophant of some vengeful ritual against the Lords of Gaulsford: a legacy of Dame Sadleir’s unquenchable ire? And what was the meaning of the strange prayer-book and its vicious and unauthorised psalmody?
The words of the local historian circled in his mind:
He needed to consult a bible, and unsurprisingly, there were several to choose from in the Gaulsford library. He climbed the unsteady ladder, lifted down an old Victorian leather-bound copy of the King James Version and opened it at the Book of Psalms, number 109.
Was he, Jonathan Leventhorp, being cursed somehow for the iniquity of his own forebears? Cursed via some unforgiven hereditary guilt for the grotesque vandalism of Sir Samuel so many generations before?
Leventhorp thought about his previous life eking out a pathetic existence on the other side of the world, and the equally peripatetic careers of his forebears at Gaulsford—was the line meant to apply to him as well? It seemed eerily apposite.
But this surely wasn’t fair; this couldn’t be the actions of a beneficent deity, one who begged us to turn the other cheek, to love one another as ourselves? Leventhorp began to wonder what strange being the Sadleirs had invoked: this demiurge of Brockstone, this jealous God, brimming with wrath and vengeful
Now that the nine prayer-books were together again for the first time in three centuries, was some strange conclave of shadows reaching its blasphemous apogée in the chapel this very night under the direction of Mr Clark?
In the corner of his eye he caught a brief flash of white against the outer darkness of the lawns and then a crash and tinkle of breaking glass sounded in the shadows at the far end of the room. One of the barn owls must have dashed itself against the glass of the library again, he thought, no doubt attracted by the glimmer of lights inside. He saw that the lower part of the window had been completely smashed by the impact and a glittering spray of shards littered the floor of the room inside. The shattered remains of the windowpane were covered with the same dusty traces as before, but there was nothing to be seen either within or without the library walls.
Leventhorp felt utterly alone in the midnight emptiness of Gaulsford and was seized by a sudden unaccountable chill of anxiety. The National Trust had installed a central fuse-box by the main desk, which controlled all the internal and external lighting in the house, and he ran and grappled with the switches until the entire building was a blaze of light. Outside, the blue-grey nocturnal landscape of the lawns brightened as if at the impending approach of dawn, but the shadows cast by the house lights were deeper, more impenetrable, more concealing.
The lights of the upper landing came on behind him and he turned and gaped at the scene of wanton destruction which had been revealed on the Great Staircase.
The Leventhorp family portraits had been utterly defaced by some unseen hand. Each one had had its face roughly scraped away just as on the medieval rood screen at Brockstone, and to his disgust he saw that his own portrait had not been spared the outrage. He climbed up the stairs past each ruined picture until he came to the remnants of his own self-commissioned likeness. His face had been gouged out in a series of deep scars through the canvas and, as if to heighten the atrocity, a single eye remained visible between the vicious stripes, peering out sorrowfully from the midst of the surrounding carnage.
Clearly a gang of local yobs had found their way inside somehow and had embarked on a vandalism spree. If they came across him in the midst of their mindless rampage he would probably end up with a good kicking, or worse. He needed to raise the alarm with the security guard, and somewhere on the upper floor, he remembered, was a house phone. As he hurried along the corridor he noticed a roll of crumpled linen, about four or five feet in length, lying in front of the door to one of the bedchambers.
At the last instant Leventhorp recognised it not as a piece of forgotten household linen, but as a foul and decaying roll of ancient grave cloth. And at that very moment, the creature within raised itself semi-erect like some hooded serpent to reveal the expressionless and desiccated face of one dead for centuries. Around its withered neck was traced a band of twisted flesh, the eternal imprint of the hangman’s rope. The sightless eye-sockets were crammed full with the festering dirt of the grave, and a forked tongue flickered back and forth from within the crumbling jaws, tasting the air like a ravenous viper seeking out its prey.
Leventhorp staggered back to the main bedchamber, slamming the door shut on the awful vision, but there was no lock or bolt with which to secure it. He looked around in desperation for some means of escape, but the drop from the upper windows was too great to attempt. There was only one place of concealment left to him: the priest hole.
He crammed his body inside the tiny space, and pulled the panel of wainscoting closed behind him. As he cowered in the suffocating darkness, he now realised its true significance. Sir Samuel Leventhorp was no secret Catholic, there were no renegade priests sheltering in his house, and there never had been. The priest hole had been made for himself alone. It was a sanctuary, a castle keep, a refuge of last resort from the tormenting demon sent by Dame Sadleir to plague him and his descendants. Despite his terror, vague recollections of Sunday School scripture lessons came whispering to him, echoes of yet another vengeful incantation: the awful words of Psalm 58, which now bore a stark and literal relevance.
Through the wainscoting Leventhorp heard the door of the bedchamber slowly creak open inch by agonising inch and the dark air around him seemed to thicken with the stench of decay. Then a knock came at the panelling beside him: polite, gentle, a dainty
The sadly premature death of Sir Jonathan Leventhorp came, paradoxically, as rather a boon to the National Trust, because a codicil in the original deed of bequest meant that the remainder of the estate and trust fund became their prerogative with the extinction of the family title after ten generations.
The priest hole is still featured on the house tour, but thankfully for the long-suffering guide, no visitors have yet had the insensitivity to mention the unfortunate accident that occurred within its confines. Though some, thinking themselves out of earshot, will still mutter amongst themselves as they gaze into its dark airless cavity:
“That’s where they found him, you know. They say he had some sort of nervous breakdown and destroyed all the ancient family portraits that used to hang in the stairway. And he was missing for a full week before anyone even thought of looking for him in the priest hole. The police reckoned he squeezed himself inside somehow, but then couldn’t open the panel to get out again and went stark staring mad from being locked up alone in the darkness.
A pretty sight he was too when they found him.
Dennis Etchison
THE WALK
DENNIS ETCHISON is a three-time winner of both the British Fantasy and World Fantasy Awards. His collections include
He is also the author of the novels
His latest collections are
Etchison has written extensively for film, television and radio, including more than 150 scripts for
“I once had a business lunch with someone who constantly interrupted our meeting for cell phone calls to or from his wife,” the author recalls. “At some point, perhaps out of boredom, a story popped into my head. That can happen at any time, without warning, and when it does it usually takes about eight seconds for an entire scenario to play out before my mind’s eye, sort of like a time-compressed movie.
“The meeting came to naught—the man turned out to be a con artist, of which there are more than a few in the town where I live—but I managed to jot down a title and brief description of the idea so I wouldn’t forget it.
“When I finally decided to write the story (or, perhaps more accurately, when the story decided it was time to be written), I was concerned about how improbable it all seemed, so I added an extended explanation to make it more logical. But ‘The Walk’ was overlong and peculiarly less convincing that way.
“As Terence McKenna observed, logic and reason may have been caught in bed together a few times, but it was a set-up. So goodbye, Aristotle; as far as I’m concerned he’s overrated anyway. Sometimes less really is more, after all.
“It was a film-maker, Guillermo del Toro, who said, ‘If you can live without it, leave it behind’. Good advice for any story-teller.”
THE BRIDGE WAS not very long, but after a few steps the boards began to jerk unsteadily. The writer stopped.
“
“We can do this, Chaz!” said his wife in her best cheerleader voice.
He resumed walking, very deliberately. The ropes of the suspension bridge grew taut as the three people behind him followed. Then the boards began to sway and buck again, as if a wind had come up, though not even a breeze strafed the surface of the water.
“Everything okay back there?”
“Damn heels,” the director muttered.
The writer moved to one side. “Amber, why don’t you take the lead? So I can help our friends.”
The writer’s wife, who was wearing tennis shoes, slipped easily around him, rolling her eyes as she passed.
“Sorry,” said the director’s wife, embarrassed. “They keep getting stuck.”
The writer reached back, waving her forward. What was her name? “Chanel. Put your hand on my arm. Can you do that?”
“Not
Now the writer glanced over his shoulder. Chanel was wearing sensible flats but he hadn’t noticed the director’s cowboy boots. One tapered heel was wedged in the gap between two planks. Well, he thought, what do you expect? Chanel lowered her cell phone and smiled patiently at her husband.
“Give it a little jerk, Gerry,” she told him.
“Lean on me.” The writer grasped the padded shoulder of the director’s sport-coat while the man freed himself. “There. You got it.”
Amber stepped onto solid ground and turned to the others with an exaggerated smile. “We did it! Now who’s ready for a drink?”
“Me!” said Chanel. “I mean, if everybody else…”
“Hey, no sweat.” The writer led Chanel and Gerry off the end of the short bridge. “I’ve got some cold ones in my office.”
Chanel looked around. “Where?”
“You’ll see,” said Amber, winking privately at her husband.
Chanel scrolled through the images in her phone, stopped on the last one and compared it to the landscape ahead. The writer caught a glimpse of the frame, a long shot of the path as it entered the dense foliage behind his house. From here it might have been the wildly overgrown fairway of an abandoned golf course; either that or the longest backyard in the world. The ridge was only a few narrow acres but from this angle, the trees on both sides overhung with a shroud of vines, it resembled an unlighted tunnel. In the distance, at the end of the leafy canopy, the newly-painted top of a mansard roof flashed in the setting sun.
“Is
“Ah,” said her husband. “I should have known.”
The writer sighed. “It was supposed to be a surprise.”
Chanel squinted at the hillside and a crinkle appeared on her smooth forehead for what might have been the first time. “What
“Come on,” the writer said. “I’ll show you.”
They followed him carefully into the maze of damp vegetation. Too carefully, he realised. As if they’re afraid of stepping on quicksand. There was still a half-mile to go, with so many twists and turns it would be easy to lose your bearings if you didn’t know the way. Amber could walk it in her sleep, of course; she had helped with the landscaping, which he had designed to double for a forest, even a jungle, depending on the script; that was his plan. But he hadn’t considered the night scenes. It could be dangerous then. What if somebody from the crew went exploring and broke a leg? Lawsuit city, that’s what. During the shoot he would close off the footpath and put up some Tiki lights just to be safe.
“Ger?” he heard Chanel say to her husband. “What’s wrong, babe?”
The writer saw that Gerry had paused beneath a transplanted palm tree, his snakeskin boots sinking into the freshly-irrigated mulch. The director curved his fingers to form a tube, as if sighting through an imaginary viewfinder. Between the drooping fronds was a brief glimpse of the hillside ahead, where shadows collected below the truncated gables of an old-fashioned house. It was hard not to imagine a square-shouldered young man standing on the porch, about to descend the rickety steps.
“Not too shabby,” the director said admiringly.
“I know, right?” said Amber. “Chaz built it himself!”
Chaz chuckled. “Well, not with my bare hands. After
Amber beamed. “Isn’t it amazing?”
“You know how much it would cost to build a set like that?” the director said.
“How much?” said Chanel.
“Half the budget of this whole picture,” Gerry told her.
“Is it a copy?” she asked.
Amber was puzzled. “Of what?”
“The one at Universal.”
“That one’s a copy, too,” Chaz said to the director’s wife. “They reconstructed it for the tour. The original was just a façade.”
“Perfect for the frat house,” the director said. “I see why Freddie wants to shoot here.”
“Four-fifths scale, I’m afraid. And only two functional rooms—my office and a bathroom. I rigged a water tank and a pipe to the main line.”
“No problem. The interiors can be on a stage. Is there a graveyard yet?”
“Right behind it.”
“Chaz thinks of everything,” said Amber.
“Like the one in Baltimore?” asked the director.
“Who knows?” Chaz said. “Those are all night shots, anyway.”
“What’s in Baltimore?” said Chanel.
“The real one,” Gerry told his wife.
“The real what?”
“You’re supposed to know these things.”
Why? Chaz wondered. What did it matter what she knew about the film? Unless he had gotten her a job as his personal assistant. Well, of course he had. What do you expect?
The director kept his fingers curled and made a short pan between the trees: a patch of dry sage, ready to blow away in the tropical heat, on a hillside wide enough to carve faces, and the top floor of a Gothic folly where shadows grew like goatees under a waning sun.
“We’ll shoot exteriors during the Magic Hour,” he announced.
“Magic?” said Amber.
“The last hour before sunset. Everything looks fantastic, with the right lens. Technovision’s the best.”
“Don’t get your hopes up,” said Chaz. “Freddie likes to use his own equip-ment.”
“We’ll see about that,” said Gerry. He glanced at Chanel. “Are you getting all this?”
“Sure, babe.”
With what? thought Chaz. Her phone? If she’s going to be his assistant she should carry a notebook. A thin one might fit in the back pocket of those skinny jeans. Barely.
Chanel clicked off several more exposures, then balanced gracefully against a tree trunk, slipped off one of her designer flats and knocked out a gob of moist, leafy earth. “What time is it?”
“I know, right?” said Amber. “It gets dark so fast now!” Tiny goosebumps rose like lines of Braille on her perfectly-tanned legs. The writer had picked this outfit for her, white shorts and a loose, scoop-neck blouse over a neon green bikini top. A perfect image for the one-sheet. He hoped the director was paying attention.
“If Gerry doesn’t get a meal every three hours,” said Chanel, “he’s not himself.”
“Four,” said the director. “Don’t worry about it. I brought my meds.”
“We can go back to the
“No worries,” the writer told his wife, reaching for the phone in his pocket. “I’ll make reservations at Ernie’s.”
“I can do it,” said Amber quickly, opening her phone. “Ooh, you’re gonna love Ernie’s,” she said to Chanel. “The chicken
But Chanel already held a clear-coated fingernail over her own phone’s keypad. “What’s the number?”
“Not yet,” Gerry said to her.
“Why?”
“You have work to do.”
“Oh.”
The director Turned to Chaz. “I was thinking.”
“Oh?”
“After she leaves the party. Cuts through the woods to her car, trips and falls in a hole, blah blah. Starts to claw her way up. Then a sound, crunch crunch. Before she can climb out, someone steps on her fingers. She screams…”
The writer nodded. “Scene fifty-eight.”
“Yeah, well,” the director said, “I don’t think so.”
“No?”
“We’ve seen all that before.”
The writer managed to control himself. “How do you mean?”
“Try this. She hears something, I don’t know, twigs, crack crack. Keeps walking, follow-shot, handheld, till she’s in the clear. She thinks she’s safe…”
“That’s not in the script,” said Chanel.
The writer was surprised. She actually read it? Why?
The director shrugged. “So? We change it. She makes it to the cars. Music cue. Peaceful, calm. Starts to call her boyfriend. Then cut to
“Who is?” asked Chanel.
“Our boy Eddie. Who else?”
Amber tried a grin. “That’d be cool. I mean—d’you think so, Chaz?”
“I don’t know,” Chaz said in a low voice. Now he’s a writer, too. Sure he is. “It’s a classic set-piece. I did a lot of research…”
“I have a question,” said Chanel.
“Yes?” said the director impatiently.
“Well, what’s her motivation?”
What’s it to you? the writer wondered.
“To get away,” Amber told her.
“Oh.” Chanel considered. “Then why doesn’t she run? Instead of walking, I mean.”
“She never
“But it’s a horror movie, isn’t it?”
“Trust me.”
“Either way,” said Amber cheerfully. “I can handle it. Can’t I, Chaz.”
“Where are the cars, exactly?” The director tipped his chin at the thick copse to his left. It trapped what was left of the daylight as the sun winked its last. “What’s beyond those trees?”
“Not much.”
“That can be where she parked.”
“It drops off. Plus there’s a fence.”
“So? She climbs over.”
“Too tall.”
“Then she opens the gate.”
“There isn’t one.”
“How about the other side?” The director turned to his right.
The writer shook his head. “The same. Galvanised chain-link. Another ravine.”
“This used to be a farm,” said Amber proudly. “It was his uncle’s.”
“Really?” said Chanel. “I love farms. What did he grow?”
The director wasn’t listening. He waved a hand, cutting them off. “So we shoot an insert. Some empty lot with a sign that says Parking. We don’t have to see her come out of the trees. As long as it matches.”
“That’ll work,” said Amber.
The director ignored her.
The writer noted this. A nearly sub-audible whispering began, as a buried irrigation system released a controlled flow of water through the enclosure. The automatic timer had come on. It was later than he thought.
“Maybe we should call it a day,” he said. “It’s almost dark.”
“Okay by me.” Chanel rubbed her arms, turned up the collar of her silk blouse and started back along a winding path she could no longer see. She hesitated uncertainly. “Babe? Are you coming?”
“You’re not finished yet,” the director said sharply.
“I’m not?”
“I told you. You need to walk the walk.”
“Oh.”
Chaz felt a pulse at his temple as his blood pressure rose. His wife didn’t get it yet. But everything was adding up. He turned to her.
“Amber?” he said with calculated calmness. “Why don’t you give her the grand tour?”
Amber was confused. “Wait. What?”
“Did you bring your key?”
“My—?”
“Here. Use mine.”
The writer stepped over to his wife, whispered something in her ear, reached into his pocket, took her hand and closed her fingers firmly against her empty palm. “You two go ahead, while I walk Gerry back. We have some business to talk about.”
“Yes,” the director said.
“Meet you at Ernie’s. Say seven-thirty? Take the Escalade.”
Amber stared wide-eyed at her husband.
“I know you can handle it,” he told her.
Now there was another sound, a deep, throbbing undercurrent beyond the trees.
“What’s that?
“The hills.”
“What about them?”
“They’re—settling,” said the writer. “Happens every night, when the sun goes down.”
“Then we can’t shoot live sound.”
“No worries. We can cover it in post.”
Amber’s eyes moved between the two men, trying to understand.
Chaz nodded at her solemnly, moving his head only an inch or two at a time, until she finally blinked.
She turned away.
“Let’s go,” she said to Chanel without expression. “I’ll show you the way.”
“Wait,” said the director. He took off his sport-coat and tossed it to his wife. “Here.”
Chanel slipped it on, rolled the ends of the sleeves and took a deep breath. “Okay,” she said gamely. “Well, don’t you boys worry about us. We’ll see you at, um—Ernie’s. I guess.”
Then she raised her phone, clicking off another exposure, and followed Amber along the only path through the rest of the forest.
The table wasn’t ready so Chaz led the director to the bar, where a soccer match was in progress on a big-screen TV. Gerry made a quick call to his wife.
“So how is it?”
“Kinda spooky,” said Chanel, “actually.”
“Good,” the director said.
“Babe, you should be here. It’s got a big old staircase and everything.”
“Great. I can get some high shots. What else do you see?”
“Not much,” Chanel said. “We have to find the light switch. You go ahead and order.”
“I can wait.”
“Seriously?”
“I told you, I’m fine.”
“How’s she doing?” said Chaz as they settled into a booth.
Gerry closed his phone. “She doesn’t know how to turn the lights on.”
“No sweat. Amber does.”
The director leaned back against the leather upholstery. “Some spread you’ve got out there. Your uncle did pretty well, huh?”
“He was lucky.”
“I was wondering where got your money.” Not from writing Corman remakes for the Syfy Channel, the director thought. “What kind of crops was it again?”
“Not crops. Oil.”
“No shit.”
“Not that kind.”
“What other kind is there?”
“Polyunsaturated.”
“As in…?”
A waiter appeared, carrying menus from the dining room.
“How are you,
“The usual, Pedro.”
“One Patron Gold, with a Coke back. And your friend?”
The director saw a laminated page behind the granite salsa bowl. It pictured a selection of tequila cocktails, all made with 100% blue
“You have a house red?”
“Of course.” Pedro turned to the writer. “Where is the
“On her way.”
“
Chaz sat forward and steepled his fingers. “When did you talk to Freddie?”
“This morning,” said the director.
“Me, too.”
“What did he tell you?”
“He wants it wrapped by the end of the month.”
“Ah. For the EuroSales Mart.” The director squinted as the windows darkened. “Anything else?”
“He said I should talk to you.”
Thanks a lot, Freddie, thought the director. He wants me to deliver the horse’s head for him. Either that or Chaz is playing dumb.
“So,” Gerry began, clearing his throat. “Freddie’s come up with a few changes.”
“What kind of changes?” said the writer, staring him down.
He really
“Well, for starters…” The phone in the director’s shirt pocket vibrated. He took it out and looked at the screen. His wife again. He pressed the talk button. “Listen, I’ll call you back. Chaz and I are in a meeting.”
“But Ger—”
“Something wrong?”
“It’s getting
“And what?”
“This place is creeping me out.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Did you get the lights on?”
“Yeah, no. Amber says the fuse box is toast.”
“Then…” Screw it, he thought. It was a bad idea, leaving her there. “You know what? We can come back next week, with the trucks. For now, just get over here to Ernie’s.”
“I don’t even know the way.”
“Stay with Amber. She’ll walk you through it.”
“She’s looking for a flashlight. It’s dark out.”
“Remember your chakra exercise?”
“I think so.”
“Well, call me if you need me. Remember, I’m here for you.”
He tapped the off button.
“Trouble?” said Chaz.
“Not at all,” said the director. “Now about the picture. I was saying—”
“It matters a lot to you, doesn’t it? Even a B-movie like this.”
Gerry felt his blood sugar dropping as he thought, I’ve been waiting to direct since I was ten, when my dad gave me his Bolex. And what are you, an MBA?
“I mean, it’s a start.”
“And Freddie’s your big break,” said the writer.
“He’ll let me shoot anything I want
“Is that what he told you?” The writer studied him humourlessly as the windows became black. “And what
Why not? thought the director. I could do that. With digital it’s easy. All front tracking shots, all the time. I don’t even need Steadicam.
“Those were great pictures,” he said, “in the day.”
“Maybe so,” said the writer. “But I’ve done my research, and let me tell you something. The Poe flicks made Corman a multi-millionaire. You know why? Horror never dies. And neither do teen sex comedies.
Yeah, thought the director. Especially with a freebie location thrown in. “I have a contract, too,” he said.
“I know. Because Herschel Gordon Levitt got sick.”
“Freddie…” The director felt his throat go dry. He tried to swallow. “Freddie wanted me to tell you something else.”
The writer gave him an anaconda smile. “Did he?”
“It wasn’t my decision…”
“Of course not.”
“But…”
The director’s phone buzzed against his chest.
“Go ahead,” the writer told him. “You should answer it.”
“Chanel can take care of herself.”
“Can she?”
The director opened his phone and heard frantic breathing, or was it the rustling of trees?
“Ger? Ger, do something!”
“Where are you?”
“I don’t know!”
“Take a breath. In, out…”
“We started back, but she dropped her flashlight and—” The rustling grew louder. “Babe,
“I told you, stay with Amber.”
“I don’t know where she is!”
The signal crackled with static.
“Chanel?”
Across from him, Chaz took out his own phone, tapped his wife’s name on the screen and then said, very casually, “Amber? How’s it going?”
“I think they got separated,” the director told him.
The static cleared and Gerry heard Chanel’s voice in his ear again. “
On the other side of the table, Chaz shut his eyes, listening to his wife. “Mm-hm…”
“Gerry, honey, please…!” said Chanel.
“Perfect,” the writer told Amber.
Now Chanel was no longer on Gerry’s line. The connection had been broken.
“Maybe we should go back,” he said to the writer.
“No worries.” Chaz closed his phone. “Amber’s got it covered.”
“Are you sure?” The director’s phone dropped out of his sweating hands. He tried to steady the table as the room began to tilt.
“Sure I’m sure. She doesn’t just talk the talk.”
Pedro reappeared with their drinks and a bowl of tortilla chips and lit the candle on the table.
“You wish to order now?”
“Give us a few more minutes,” the writer said.
The director felt his lips swelling and his throat closing up, his vision as distorted as his face. Where were his pills?
“A-another wine,” he told the waiter.
“
“You should eat first,” said the writer.
“I’m fine!” said Gerry, as the windows grew blacker beyond the flickering candlelight. He heard a high neural scream as his blood chemistry dropped dangerously. How many hours had it been since he ate? He had lost track. He fumbled for the medication in his pocket but could not feel it. How could that be? Did he give his jacket to the waiter? Now he remembered. Chanel had it.
“Are you?” said Chaz. “Look at you.”
“Look at
“Is that what you think?” said the writer casually. “You and Freddie?”
“He doesn’t care about your script! Or your backyard set with your little prop house!”
“Then why am I co-executive producing?”
“Because you married a skateboard girl from Venice Beach! What did she do, blow him under the desk?”
“And you,” said the writer between capped teeth, his voice modulated, “married an airhead model so you could pimp her out to ugly old producers. Like Freddie. Who made his wad off
“Chan—” In desperation the director gobbled salty chips and struggled to get the words out. He stuffed the chips in his mouth and tried to chew but they fell out in sharp, dry fragments. If he did not get them down the room would start spinning like a broken carousel. “Chanel has the lead now!”
“If she still wants it,” said the writer. “If she’s not too freaked out. Maybe she went for a walk in the dark and—who knows? It’s a jungle out there.”
The director pushed out of the booth and tried to stand.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
“To find her!”
“How?” The writer dangled his silver car keys above the candle. They glinted fire.
The director reeled as his phone vibrated again and skittered across the tabletop. He fumbled for it.
“Gerry, I can’t see
There was a crunching and her feet slapping something wet and then what might have been the hollow beating of drums in the background, fading and returning, moving fast. Before her cell phone crackled and went dead he heard her say, “
“Chan…!”
Now there was a chirp from the other cell. The writer set it on the table between them and touched the speakerphone button.
“Hey, Am,” he said pleasantly, “what’s up?”
“Chaz…” Behind her, the same sound the director had heard a moment ago, the rhythmic throbbing and pounding. “They’re coming awfully close. I was just wondering. What if they get through the fence?”
“That’s impossible.”
“For sure?”
“I built it myself.”
“But—”
There was a clanging of metal links, or was it only the clink of glasses at the next table, as the drumming grew louder.
“Sorry, honey,” the writer told her. “You’re breaking up.”
He turned his phone off.
“We have to do something!” said the director.
The other customers turned to look at him.
“Not to worry. It’s only their heartbeats.”
“
“At the end of the day, they like to run back and forth. When my uncle stopped feeding them they went away. I didn’t think they could get up the gully. But I suppose if they’re hungry enough…”
“What are you talking about?”
“Know what emus are? Think ostriches. Only really big ones. His own special breed. Six-and-a-half feet, at least. You should see the claws.”
“
“Hey, relax. They’re only birds.”
“
The writer chuckled. “So freakin’ strong. Omega-three, oleic acid, you name it. That’s why their oil was trending at the health-food stores. Till the FDA shut him down…”
The director tried to focus his eyes as he stumbled in the direction of the red dining room and the exit. His tapered heel skidded out from under him and he reached for the next table. A blonde woman in a green satin dress sipped a martini and looked up without curiosity. He staggered and collapsed back into the booth. Then the waiter was there, holding his elbow.
“Do you feel well,
“Cab,” the director choked. “Get me—”
“A little too much to drink is all,” said the writer. “Bring him one of those special
“
“
“
The director struggled to think clearly but could not. He felt his inflated head bob forward until his chin touched his chest. On the TV set, someone scored a goal.
“Take my advice,” said Chaz. “Let it go.” The writer sighed with a tinge of regret, as if thinking of something that was already beginning to fade from his memory, like a favourite car that had finally failed him and would have to be replaced. He forced a crooked smile. “What did you expect? It’ll sort itself out. For now, I guess we just sit here and see who shows up. Either way, no worries, right? We’ve got our contracts.” He opened his menu. “In the meantime, I recommend the chicken
The director was not listening. The other man’s voice became one with the soundtrack of the soccer game and the ragged, guttural roar in his skull as he lost consciousness and began to snore. The last thing he heard was the crowd. They were either cheering or booing but he could not be sure which.
Clint Smith
DIRT ON VICKY
CLINT SMITH lives in the Midwest, along with his wife and two children. He is the author of the short story collection
“The delicate skeleton of this story emerged in the early, rookie-era role as stepfather to a precocious young boy,” explains the author, “and began to ossify during the latter stages of my wife’s pregnancy with our daughter.
“‘Dirt on Vicky’ was one of the first stories that encapsulated a number of my recurring obsessions in a single piece: the craft of tale-telling (in forms of fiction and busybody hearsay), the distortion of memory, the spiderweb-damage of adultery, and, of course, the unshakable presence of The House—a repetitive setting which looms black and jagged along the backcountry of my mental landscape.”
BILL HUGHES WATCHED the children fall under the storyteller’s spell. The kids—Bill’s eight-year-old son Casey among them—were sitting on an enormous rug, wreathed around the feet of the old woman weaving tales from a wooden rocking chair at the back of the library. With Halloween days away, tonight was the final instalment of New Bethel’s annual ghost story festival: The Witching Hour.
In an exaggerated wail, the woman said, “
The combination of pausing at critical transitions, channelling eerie voices, and calling up the occasional witch’s cackle, brought an unsettling authenticity when paired with her austere features. To Bill, it was as if one of Macbeth’s Weird Sisters had crawled off the page and slid into the creaking rocking chair. She was dressed in grey, a black shawl wrapped around her hunched back and knobby shoulders. Her wiry, iron-coloured hair was spooled into an un-ravelling bun; the ghost of a smile played at the corners of her mouth as she peered at the rapt faces of her young listeners.
Nestled near the centre of the town’s prim bosom, the library had remained frighteningly unaltered since Bill Hughes had been a kid. Originally a courthouse, the building was a repository of custodial antiquity—marble floors reflecting the green gleam of reading lamps; massive, lacquered bookcases; the warm aroma of age-worn paper. Having lived here all his life, Bill was familiar with most of these stories. His own parents had brought him to these festivals when he was a kid, and he hoped Casey would find similar contentment with the provincial tales of ghost lights, phantom trains, banshee screams echoing under bridges.
He recognised a few folks here and there, deftly side-stepping the opportunity for anyone to strike up a conversation. Bill’s threshold for tolerating these questions had grown narrow over the past three or four years. He didn’t need to rehash his humiliation every time some busybody got nosy. Of course, none of them cared about him or Casey, they just wanted more gossip, more small town dirt on Vicky.
Bill’s wife had been killed when Casey was three years old, and everyone in town, Bill was certain, had their own perverse account of what had happened—the maliciously myopic, grown-up counterpart of the children’s story circle. While Casey wasn’t the only youngster in town living in a single-parent home, he was the only kid whose father was a widower. Only in the past few years had Casey started articulating those painfully inevitable questions: “How come kids at school have a mommy
Throughout the evening, Bill abandoned being a member of the audience, opting to aimlessly pace the aisles in solitude. Lean and lanky, Bill had the aspect of a rangy farmhand. He’d played basketball seventeen years earlier in high school—the same school where he was now a science teacher—and had since strictly maintained the appearance (down to his high-and-tight haircut) of a soft-spoken ball player.
Bill checked his watch and then gave a glance through one of the skinny windows. The orange-to-mauve tint of October twilight had nearly faded completely. Night’s lithe fingers had pulled darkness up to the town’s chin. Despite this being a Friday (neither having to cope with school tomorrow) Bill still had the uneasy urge to head home.
“All right, children,” said the old spinster, steepling her crooked fingers, “are you ready for a final twilight tale?” The kids collectively acknowledged that they were. From a wicker basket near her feet, the woman produced a saddle-stitched chapbook. “Well then…our last story is a local legend…the legend of the Aikman Farm.”
Bill’s thin grin faded, his face slackened.
He half-listened to the latest permutated tale of the Aikman place. Experimentally, he tried to imagine what Casey was envisioning—a grey, windowless farmhouse on a hill, under a sky the colour of dirty wool. Drifting through knee-high witch grass, he floated across the yard, toward the house, through a black, coffin-shaped threshold beneath the shadow-draped porch. By-passing a parlour covered with shattered plaster, dead leaves and debris, his imagination is dragged up a crooked flight of stairs, it slows on the second floor, and stops at a door with a gleaming brass knob. The door yawns open, revealing a narrow corridor of scuffed, severely-angled stairs leading up to the attic, up to a figure standing at the top, up to Vicky. He twists his mind away before she can do something obscene.
The applause of children shook Bill from his self-induced trance.
Parents were converging. Casey rose to his tiptoes and caught sight of Bill. Grinning, Casey jogged forward, chattering in eager tones. Bill gestured for his son to slow down and lower his voice. Casey obeyed.
In a hush-rushed breath, Casey said, “Oh my gosh, Dad, it was so spooky.”
“I’m happy to hear it. Did you thank the storyteller?”
Zipping his windbreaker, Casey turned toward the still-seated woman. “Thank you,” he said, supplying a timid wave.
The old woman remained in character—part crone, part bucolic prophet—raising several feeble fingers. “You offered some very fine questions about the fables, my boy. Perhaps there’s bit of a storyteller in you.” Casey’s face lit up. She flicked her rheumy gaze onto Bill. “You have a bright little light bulb on your hands, Mr Hughes.”
Bill was seized by a preposterous suspicion: That this was somehow
He patted Casey’s shoulder. “Oh, yes. Too precocious for his own good.” Bill cleared his throat, uncomfortable with how alive her eyes were. “Well, good-night.”
The frail woman remained rocking, staring, silent.
Casey was recapping the evening as they stepped out of the library. It was full night now. A breeze had picked up, anaemically urging clusters of brittle leaves to chatter along the sidewalk.
“We better get home,” Bill said, and shifted his voice to a light-heartedly sinister tone, “
Appearing momentarily startled, Casey looked up at his father; but he read playfulness in his dad’s expression. “Yeah, right.” As they passed under the amber halos of street-lamps lining the sidewalk, Casey drew his fingers into little claws and gave a mournful moan. Now it was Casey’s turn: “
—They were nearly clear of Main Street when Casey said, “Do you believe in ghosts?”
“Well,” Bill began, taking the same tone as when one of his students caught him off guard. He glanced over at Casey, a sincere little frown between his large eyes. Sometimes he looked so much like Vicky. Panels of shadows passed over the boy’s face as they moved through sparse light. “I suppose I don’t.” In his periphery he saw Casey’s shoulders slump as he turned away. “But it’s all supposed to be for fun, right?” Casey mumbled something. Bill scratched his cheek. “I mean, what would Halloween be without ghosts?” This time there was no reply.
Bill slowed at an intersection, idling under a red light for a few seconds before it clicked to green and he steered onto Northeastern Avenue. After several minutes without speaking, Bill said, “Do you believe in ghosts?”
Casey, hands folded neatly on his lap, peered out the passenger window. His small voice was resolute. “I think ghosts are real.”
Bill gave an earnest nod. “And there’s nothing wrong with that, son.
Casey shifted a bit, glancing askance at his dad. “Really?” His tone was more eager than incredulous.
“Sure,” Bill said, steering onto the road which led directly home. “You may not believe this, but when I was a kid—although quite a bit older than you—me and some of my friends used to ride our bikes out to the Aikman farm.”
“Seriously?” Casey pressed forward against the taut seatbelt. “That lady wasn’t making that up? The Aikman place is real?” He was beaming, the energy of their special evening returning.
“If I’m lying I’m dying,” Bill said, trying to sound at ease.
“What was it like?”
“The Aikman place?”
“Uh-huh,” said Casey.
“Well,” Bill took a deep breath and squinted as if straining to see through fog. He was back in front of his classroom, back in control. “It was a deserted farm house out on Haymaker Lane, mostly a place kids dared each other to explore—coaxing one another to run up and knock on the front door on Halloween, that sort of thing. The house was—” he struggled for the right words “—exactly something you’d imagine a haunted house would look like: two storeys with a few dormers around the top…a sagging porch around the bottom. I don’t think anyone really knew why it’d been abandoned…” He trailed off. Bill didn’t know if this was true or not. He’d always just accepted (and perpetuated) whatever legend or lie was circulating at the time:
Yet beneath all this there was that persistent image—the impression he’d suppressed since long before the library—of Vicky at the top of the stairs, only now it had taken on the photographic effect of a negative—all the colours inverted…the whites to black and blacks to white: Vicky, her teeth now pearly black, her penetrating pupils had reversed to white marbles rimmed with black sclera, her once dark hair now shredded grey drapes. Bill stifled himself from murmuring,
“Dad?”
Bill shivered. “Hm?”
“Why do you keep saying
Bill said, “How do you mean?”
“Like”—Casey licked his lips—”you keep saying
His son’s question had momentarily rendered Bill without words; he haplessly stammered for a few seconds before saying, “Stories, tales, are written that way—with all those past-tense verbs—so that we can…” he was desperate to conclude his impromptu lecture, “so that we can better understand the past, and help us know more about ourselves now in the present, and maybe far off in the future.”
Casey’s face was stern. “No, I mean, is the house still here in town? Is the farm somewhere out there?” He gestured vaguely at the screens of trees, at the passing fields of parchment-coloured cornstalks.
Bill inadvertently twitched a frown, uncertain. “Yes.” He supposed the sprawling property was still owned by the Aikman relatives.
Casey waited a while before speaking. “Can we go see it?” Bill was already shaking his head before verbally dismissing the suggestion, but Casey pounced on his father’s hesitation. “Oh, please. We’re already having such a good time…it would be like an adventure and it would be such a nice memory… please?”
Bill stopped shaking his head.
In the dim light cast from the dashboard, Casey’s smile was radiant. “Oh, I promise, it’ll only be for a minute.”
Bill turned the car around in a gravel driveway.
A sepia-mottled moon was lying rather low on the horizon, giving the illusion of being trapped in the black lacework of nearly bare tree limbs. They coursed along back roads, which grew narrower as they drew closer to the secluded Haymaker Lane; and each time that black-and-white image of Vicky reasserted itself, he distracted himself by entertaining Casey with another elaborately fabricated legend. All lies.
The house on the hill was worse than Bill could have imagined or described. Of all the things he’d told Casey, nothing could have prepared him for what the car’s headlights fell on. A wood-decaying horror.
After finally arriving on the cattail-lined lane, Bill had pulled the car partway into an overgrown driveway. Casey complained that he couldn’t see the house from the road. It was true—a jagged wreath of elms and pin oaks had created a barrier around the house, which was nothing more than a shapeless, night-shaded mass within the inky tangle of trees. Begrudgingly, Bill eased off the brake and the car crept forward. Making their way up the hill, he and Casey jostled and jounced over the rutted trail. Bill heard odds and ends rattling around in the glove compartment—matches, maps, junk.
Now, with the engine idling and the headlights creating a torn curtain of shadow against the house, Bill said, “Well, this is it,” startled to find his voice so thin.
With the exception of the high attic dormers, the windows had been completely knocked out—by vandals, Bill assumed—leaving only shards of glass around the casings. With the muntins and sash bars having been broken away, the black rectangles gave the illusion of absorbing light; and even with that stark illumination falling over the house, it did little to bring any colour to it. The paint had faded and flecked away, exposing rotting wood-plank siding, giving the exhausted structure a uniform slate appearance.
The whole place had been intimidating to Bill when he was fifteen, but now the dwelling had an almost cognisant quality to it. With the moon glowing on the other side of the house, the crooked columns supporting the sagging porch gave the illusion of crouching spider legs. And all at once, the circle of trees seemed like skeletal sentinels—vacantly faithful suitors holding a vigil at the skirt of this abused muse. It was remarkable but, in the silence of the car, Bill felt the image of the house transform into the medium of actual sound, a warbling whisper—the voice of the librarian.
A spell of silence had settled into the car. “Turn off the headlights,” Casey whispered, his face fixed on the house, a smile playing at the edges of his mouth.
Bill surprised himself at the ease with which he complied. Yes: this had the potential of being an indelible father-and-son memory; but they were beginning to traipse too close the sensible threshold of Bill’s comfort zone. Under the moonlight, the wild lawn acting as a dark blanket spiked with slivers of chrome.
After a while, Bill said, “We’d better get going, it’s—”
“I want to go up there.”
This time there was absolutely no negotiation—with either himself or his son. He needed to regain some semblance of control. “No, Casey.” He flicked on the headlights, re-illuminating the hideous face of the house, the open cavity that used to be the front door looked like a frozen howl. “I frankly feel a bit foolish for trespassing.”
Bill was reaching for the gearshift when Casey said, “Dad?”
“Mmm?”
The boy’s voice was soft, plaintive. “Will Mom ever come back as a ghost?”
After a second or two, Bill sank back in his seat. He’d rehearsed his answers for years, never properly polishing an adequate response. But each time, Bill had drifted back to the circumstances of Vicky’s death, and his explanations had been distorted by embarrassment and perverted by resentment. What was he going to tell him?—
As if a black straitjacket tightening around the fringes of his mind, the claustrophobic truth enclosed Bill’s conscience.
“No,” Bill said, “she won’t come back.” He glanced over at the pale shape of son. Silence hung between them like a solid thing. Bill peered through the windshield, the moon’s reflection making a silver, Rorschach shape on the hood of the car. “But, son, you have to know that your mother—”
In a blur, Casey unfastened his seatbelt and shoved open the passenger door.
Bill stammered—”Casey!”—and fumbled for his own door handle, making a feeble attempt to give chase before getting yanked back down by his seatbelt. He had a brief glimpse of his son running through the untended grass before disappearing between the columns of tree-trunk shadows.
Bill scrambled out of the car, sprinting up to the house. “Casey!” he called out, frantically scanning the front yard. Not knowing where to begin, Bill darted around the side of the house.
Casey was standing in the side yard, reverently facing a long row of broken windows. Bill’s initial impulse was to forgo speaking to the boy, but rather clutching hold of his son and spanking him all the way back to the car. Instead, relief spilled in to Bill.
“Casey?”
His voice was hushed. “Yes, Dad?”
Bill was panting. “Damn it, don’t ever do that again.”
“Sorry, Daddy. But I wanted to see up close—I wanted to see all that.” Casey gestured at something through the hollow socket that had once been a first floor window. The tall grass made sibilant, hissing sounds as Bill sidled up next to his son, slipping his hand into Casey’s. He was preparing to formulate some sort of scolding before glancing inside the house, into what used to be a parlour or living room. Bill was now as mesmerised as Casey. Helplessly, his mind was pushed backward, back down to his thirteen-year-old self; and while many of those memories had remained smudged and obscure, the sensation of laying eyes on the Aikman place had the effect of adjusting focus, bringing definition through an internal lens.
A memory came.
Because of her exotic complexion, Vicky had always reminded Bill of a firmly-built Indian girl: nutmeg skin, long, coffee-coloured hair, and eyes so deeply chestnut that they verged on black. Throughout their elementary and middle school years, he liked most everything about her. Except, sometimes, her laugh. It took on a coarse quality as they entered their teens. It was as if there was something bitter inside her laugh now, like specks of glass in an otherwise welcomed breeze.
And there had been gossip—by adults, mostly—that Vicky’s “wild” behaviour was a result of her parents’ separation and eventual divorce, something about her father—something he did; there were even hushed discussions about “it” being something he’d done to Vicky.
It had been overcast that afternoon in July, the sky an endless tumble of soot-dusted cotton.The group leaned their bikes against trees in the front yard. Once inside they found only a few interesting items—a rust-rimmed sink with a few shattered plates, a fireplace in which someone had tried to burn a shoebox full of Polaroids. The floorboards had creaky-weak spring to them, as if a section might collapse and send someone plummeting into the root cellar.
It had been Vicky’s suggestion to explore the second floor.
Once upstairs they split up, giddily searching rooms. Bill was leaving an empty bedroom when he heard Vicky hiss, “Hey, Bill.” He spun around.
She was down the corridor a bit, peeking around a corner; she jerked her head. “Check it out.”
Bill pursued, rounding the elbow of wall.
Vicky was now at the far end of the hall, standing in front of a door, palming its brass knob. Her face held the expression of a magician’s assistant preparing to reveal some sort of wicked trick. Vicky was wearing cut-off jeans, clipped so high that her pockets showed from under the frayed lips of her shorts, and a black, Def Leppard T-shirt, the logo from the
Bill approached but said nothing.
She turned the knob and the door yawned open. A staircase. The attic. “Come on,” she purred. “You’ve got the guts to go up with me, don’t you?”
Bill fidgeted, suddenly aware of the possibilities. It was humid up there, her cinnamon-tinted skin looked sweat-filmed. For only a moment, Bill was crippled by hesitation. But a moment was all it took.
The other kids were curiously converging now. The attic windows let in some meagre light up there, a dust-and-shadow diffuseness. Silence wore on for a stretch as Vicky scanned the group, her unnerving gaze settling on Bill for a second or two before rolling her eyes. “Jesus, you guys. Who’s coming with me?” The teenage gang murmured noncommittally. “Fine,” she said with no hint of disappointment. She dashed through the threshold, bounding up those scuffed and creaking stairs as the group watched her ascension until she was at the head of the narrow passage, supplying an impromptu victory dance. “Come on, guys, take a look,” she said. “It’s spooky as hell up here.”
And then Vicky Sanford tugged up her T-shirt and peeled down her bra, providing the group with an improvised peepshow. With something very much like awe or admiration, one of the girls, Darlene Zukowski, said, “What a crazy bitch.”
Vicky laughed, an abrasive, teasing noise that Bill would become acquainted with in the years ahead. “Hey, fellas—I’ll give you another peek if you come up and join me.” Blood rushed into Bill’s face, his pulse already hammering in his throat as Vicky—this time swivelling her hips with slow, sensual finesse—lifted her T-shirt again, this time cupping her heavy breasts. Bill’s mouth went dry at the sight of her chest, the inverted-heart-shaped curve lining her cleavage and tracing the lower crescent of each breast, the firm indention between her sternum and belly button.
The small crowd of teenagers chortled, and Bill remembered one of the guys—Luke or Davey—whistling, egging her on, making a joke about “getting it while the getting’s good,” before stepping into the corridor. Most of the others followed, including a couple girls. Only a few kids remained on the second floor, Bill being one of them, milling around while footfalls, muffled laughter, and other noises issued from the attic.
Bill never heard the story of what actually happened up there. Bill never asked.
Even though Vicky was in most of his classes that autumn semester, he never asked. In the years ahead he reluctantly listened to rumours—the pregnancy rumours which, as far as Bill knew, never turned out to be true; while other stories, the parties where Vicky got drunk, got out of control, were unshakeably accurate. During those four years of high school, Bill watched Vicky pass herself around their small group of friends, and still Bill didn’t ask. And despite their chance meeting at the nearby college—”
Bill only had the courage to
Now, standing next to his son in the untamed yard in front of this decaying house, Bill shuddered and clenched his teeth, forcibly pulling his gaze away from the high attic dormers.
It was little more than a whisper, but Bill nearly screamed at the abrupt emergence of Casey’s voice. “Dad—Dad, do you see it?”
Bill bristled. “See what?”
Casey lifted a finger, “It’s right there,” indicating a spot within the house. “See it? See it? It’s moving.”
Bill winced, growing impatient, not understanding. “Son, I—”
And then Casey squeezed his father’s hand. “Dad, look—it’s right
Squinting, Bill scoured the fractured ribcage-interior of the house. A breath carrying a question was strangled in his throat, his mouth hung open. Something was…
The harder Bill gazed the more vivid the thing became. Vaporous at first, it gathered itself up from the overlapping gloom, squirming shapes contracting into a gauzy figure. It was drifting across the parlour now, a slender shrouded thing.
Bill’s breath caught as a face swam out of that ragged blackness—an angular, expressionless face, like a dirt-smudged cameo carved from bone. A grey hand slid from within the undulating cloak, it fingers hooked and reaching up, revealing a cadaver-pale throat, sliding further down now, exposing a grey slash of collarbone. Bill clasped his free hand to his mouth, his other hand still gripped with Casey’s.
“Do you see it?” Casey said.
Bill spoke, but it was little more than a whimper. “Yes.”
Casey tore his hand away and raced forward, running up to the open cavity where a window had once been and, as if to hoist himself inside, clutched hold of the lower lip of the sill. Casey cried out, spinning around and thrusting his hand at Bill.
“Daddy—I’m sorry, Daddy, I’m sorry.”
In the moonlight Bill saw blood glistening in Casey’s palm. Bill remembered the shards of glass in the casings of the empty window frames. He cradled Casey, calming him, guiding him back to the car, doing his best to disregard the rag-and-shadow figure hovering in the parlour.
Bill settled Casey into the passenger seat and rummaged through the glove compartment, locating a stack of napkins to staunch the bleeding.
Casey was sniffling, still apologising. “I just wanted to get a closer look.”
Bill was nodding. “I know it, I know it. It’s my own fault for coming out here.” He dabbed the napkins against the small laceration, seeing now that stitches would be unnecessary. “You’re a curious kid…it happens. Keep pressure on it…like this.” Casey winced and nodded.
Bill used his knuckles to gently swipe at the channels of tears on his son’s cheeks. He was moving to close the glove compartment when his hand froze, his fingers a few inches away from a tiny box of Ohio Blue Tip Matches. He picked it up. Bill inadvertently flicked his eyes at the house and heard a witch’s whisper.
“Dad.”
Bill trembled, shifting his gaze to Casey’s tear-swollen face. He dropped the matches back in the glove compartment and slapped it shut.
The headlights quaked as the car shook over ruts on the overgrown driveway. Bill checked the clock on the dash before giving a glance in the rear-view mirror. He stared at the vibrating, rear-view reflection of the house on the hill. With moonlight glowing from behind, the house’s silhouette appeared sharp-edged, as if crookedly cut from black paper. Something separated itself from the dwelling, a shroud shape floating into the yard, lingering in the knee-high grass. “Casey?”
His son had been facing the passenger window; now he turned, his expression and the set of his small body at ease. “Yes?”
“Will you tell me what you saw back there?”
Hitching in a breath, Casey told his story, and Bill listened. But with each bump along the narrow country road, Bill heard the box of matches shuffling around in the glove compartment, the brittle rattle of bones.
Nathan Ballingrud
SKULLPOCKET
NATHAN BALLINGRUD lives in Asheville, North Carolina, with his daughter. He is the author of
“I wrote ‘Skullpocket’ as a deliberate stylistic break from the realist mode of horror fiction I typically work in,” Ballingrud explains. “Frankly, I wanted to have a little more fun.
“I’ve been in love with the mixture of whimsy and Gothic horror in the works of Charles Addams, Mike Mignola and Tim Burton for all my adult life. This story is my homage to them. It’s the first in what will eventually be a book-length history of the town of Hob’s Landing.”
JONATHAN WORMCAKE, THE Gentleman Corpse of Hob’s Landing, greets me at the door himself. Normally one of his several servants would perform this minor duty, and I can only assume it’s my role as a priest in the Church of the Maggot that affords me this special attention. I certainly don’t believe it has anything to do with our first encounter, fifty years ago this very day. I’d be surprised if he remembers that at all.
He greets me with a cordial nod of the head, and leads me down a long hallway to the vast study, lined with thousands of books, and boasting broad windows overlooking the Chesapeake Bay, where the waters are painted gold by an autumn sun. I remember this walk, and this study, with a painful twinge in my heart. I was just a boy when I came here last. Now, like Mr Wormcake, I am an old man, and facing an end to things.
I’m shocked by how old he looks. I know I shouldn’t be; Mr Wormcake’s presence in this mansion by the bay extends back one hundred years, and his history with the town is well documented. But since the death of the Orchid Girl last year, he has withdrawn from public life, and in that time his aspect has changed considerably. Though his bearing remains regal, and his grooming is as immaculate as ever, age hangs from him like a too-large coat. The flesh around his head is entirely gone, and his hair—once his proudest feature—is no more. The bare bones of his skull gleam brightly in the late afternoon sunlight, and the eyes which once transfixed an entire town have fallen to dust, leaving dark sockets. He looks frail, and he looks tired.
To be fair, the fourteen children crowding the room, all between the ages of six and twelve, only underscore this impression. They’ve been selected for the honour of attending the opening ceremonies of the Seventieth Annual Skullpocket Fair by the Maggot, which summoned them here through their dreams. The children are too young, for the most part, to understand the significance of the honour, and so they mill about the great study in nervous anticipation, chattering to each other and touching things they shouldn’t.
Mr Wormcake’s longtime manservant—formally known as Brain in a Jar 17, of the Frozen Parliament, but who is more affectionately recognised as the kindly “Uncle Digby”—glides into the room, his body a polished, gold-inlaid box on rolling treads, topped with a clear dome under which the floating severed head of an old man is suspended in a bubbling green solution, white hair drifting like ghostly kelp. He is received with a joyful chorus of shouts from the children, who immediately crowd around him. He embraces the closest of them with his metal arms.
“Oh my, look at all these wonderful children,” he says. “What animated little beasts!”
To anyone new to Hob’s Landing, Uncle Digby can be unnerving. His face and eyes are dead, and his head appears to be nothing more than a preserved portion of a cadaver; but the brain inside is both alive and lively, and it speaks through a small voice box situated beneath the glass dome.
While the children are distracted, Mr Wormcake removes a small wooden box from where it sits discreetly on a bookshelf. He opens it and withdraws the lower, fleshy portion of a human face—from below the nose to the first curve of the chin, kept moist in a thin pool of blood. A tongue is suspended from it by a system of leather twine and gears. Mr Wormcake affixes the half-face to his skull by means of an elastic band, and pushes the tongue into his mouth. Blood trickles down the jawline of the skull and dapples the white collar of his starched shirt. The effect is disconcerting, even to me, who has grown up in Hob’s Landing and is accustomed to stranger sights than this.
Jonathan Wormcake has not ventured into public view for twenty years, since the denuding of his skull, and it occurs to me that I am the first person not a part of this household to witness this procedure.
I am here because Mr Wormcake is dying. We don’t know how a ghoul dies. Not even he is sure, as he left the warrens as a boy, and was never indoctrinated into the mysteries. The dreams given to us by the Maggot, replete with images of sloughing flesh and great, black kites riding silently along the night’s air currents, suggest that it’s not an ending, but a transformation. But we have no experience to measure these dreams against. What waits for him on the far side of this death remains an open question.
He stretches open his mouth and moves his tongue, like a man testing the fit of a new article of clothing. Apparently satisfied, he looks at me at last. “It’s good of you to come, especially on this night,” he says.
“I have to admit I was surprised you chose the opening night of Skullpocket Fair for this. It seems there might have been a more discrete time.”
He looks at the children gathered around Uncle Digby, who is guiding them gently toward the great bay window facing east, where the flat waters of the Chesapeake are painted gold by the late afternoon sun. They are animated by excitement and fear, a tangle of emotions I remember from when I was in their place. “I have no intention of stealing their moment,” he says. “This night is about them. Not me.”
I’m not convinced this is entirely true. Though the children have been selected to participate in the opening ceremonies of Skullpocket Fair, and will be the focus of the opening act, the pomp and circumstance is no more about them than it is about the Maggot, or the role of the church in this town. Really, it’s all about Jonathan Wormcake. Never mind the failed mayoral campaign of the mid-1970s, never mind the fallout from the Sleepover Wars or the damning secrets made public by the infamous betrayal of his best friend, Wenceslas Slipwicket—Wormcake is the true patriarch of Hob’s Landing; the Skullpocket Fair is held each year to celebrate that fact, and to fortify it.
That this one marks the one hundredth anniversary of his dramatic arrival in town, and his ritual surrendering of this particular life, makes his false modesty a little hard to take.
“Sit down,” he says, and extends a hand toward the most comfortable chair in the room: a high-backed, deeply-cushioned piece of furniture of the sort one might expect to find in the drawing room of an English lord. It faces the large windows, through which we are afforded a view of the sun-flecked waters of the Chesapeake Bay. Mr Wormcake manoeuvres another, smaller chair away from the chess table in the corner and closer to me, so we can speak more easily. He eases himself slowly into it, and sighs with a weary satisfaction as his body settles, at last, into stillness. If he had eyes, I believe he would close them now.
Meanwhile, Uncle Digby has corralled the children into double rows of folding chairs, also facing the bay windows. He is distributing soda and little containers of popcorn, which do not calm the children, but do at least draw their focus.
“Did you speak to any of the children after they received the dream?” Wormcake asks me.
“No. Some of them were brought to the church by their parents, but I didn’t speak to any of them personally. We have others who specialise in that kind of thing.”
“I understand it can be a traumatic experience for some of them.”
“Well, it’s an honour to be selected by the Maggot, but it can also be pretty terrifying. The dream is very intense. Some people don’t respond well.”
“That makes me sad.”
I glance over at the kids, seated now, the popcorn spilling from their hands, shovelled into their mouths. They bristle with a wild energy: a crackling, kinetic radiation that could spill into chaos and tears if not expertly handled. Uncle Digby, though, is nothing if not an expert. The kindliest member of the Frozen Parliament, he has long been the spokesman for the family, as well as a confidante to Mr Wormcake himself. There are many who believe that without his steady influence, the relationship between the Wormcakes and the townspeople of Hob’s Landing would have devolved into brutal violence long ago.
“The truth is, I don’t want anyone to know why you’re here. I don’t want my death to be a spectacle. If you came up here any other night, someone would notice, and it wouldn’t be hard for them to figure out why. This way, the town’s attention is on the fair. And anyway, I like the symmetry of it.”
“Forgive me for asking, Mr Wormcake, but my duty here demands it: are you doing this because of the Orchid Girl’s death?”
He casts a dark little glance at me. It’s not possible to read emotion in a naked skull, of course, and the prosthetic mouth does not permit him any range of expression; but the force of the look leaves me no doubt of his irritation. “The Orchid Girl was her name for the people in town. Her real name was Gretchen. Call her by that.”
“My apologies. But the question remains, I’m afraid. To leave the world purely, you must do it unstained by grief.”
“Don’t presume to teach me about the faith I introduced to you.”
I accept his chastisement quietly.
He is silent for a long moment, and I allow myself to be distracted by the sound of the children gabbling excitedly to each other, and of Uncle Digby relating some well-worn anecdote about the time the Leviathan returned to the bay. Old news to me, but wonderful stuff to the kids. When Mr Wormcake speaks again, it is to change course.
“You mentioned the dream which summons the children as being intense. This is not your first time to the house, is it?”
“No. I had the dream myself, when I was a kid. I was summoned to Skull-pocket Fair. Seventy years ago. The very first one.”
“My, my. Now that is something. Interesting that it’s you who will perform my death ritual. So that puts you in your eighties? You look young for your age.”
I smile at him. “Thanks, but I don’t feel young.”
“Who does, anymore? I suppose I should say ‘welcome back’.”
The room seems host to a dizzying compression of history. There are three fairs represented tonight, at least for me: the Seventieth Annual Skullpocket Fair, which commences this evening; the First, which took place in 1944—seventy years ago, when I was a boy—and set my life on its course in the Church; and the Cold Water Fair of 1914, a hundred years ago, which Uncle Digby would begin describing very shortly. That Mr Wormcake has chosen this night to die, and that I will be his instrument, seems too poetic to be entirely coincidental.
As if on cue, Uncle Digby’s voice rings out, filling the small room. “Children, quiet down now, quiet down. It’s time to begin.” The kids settle at once, as though some spell has been spoken. They sit meekly in their seats, the gravity of the moment settling over them at last. The nervous energy is pulled in and contained, expressing itself now only in furtive glances and, in the case of one buzz cut little boy, barely contained tears.
I remember, viscerally and immediately, the giddy terror that filled me when I was that boy, seventy years ago, summoned by a dream of a monster to a monster’s house. I’m surprised when I feel the tears in my own eyes. And I’m further surprised by Mr Wormcake’s hand, hard and bony beneath its glove, coming over to squeeze my own.
“I’m glad it’s you,” he says. “Another instance of symmetry. Balance eases the heart.”
I’m gratified, of course.
But as Uncle Digby begins to speak, it’s hard to remember anything but the blood.
One hundred years ago,
Now, there were two things about this night that were already different from other nights they went above ground to play. Does anybody know what they were?
No? Well I’ll tell you. One was that they were let out a little bit earlier than normal. It was still twilight, and though sometimes ghouls were known to leave the warrens during that time, rarely were children permitted to come up so early. That night, however, the Maggot had sent word that there was to be a meeting in the charnel house—an emergency meeting, to arrange a ritual called an Extinction Rite, which the children did not understand, but which seemed to put the adults in a dreadfully dull mood. The children had to be got out of the way. There might have been some discussion about the wisdom of this decision, but ghouls are by nature a calm and reclusive folk, so no one worried that anything untoward would happen.
The other unusual thing about that night, obviously, was the Cold Water Fair.
The Cold Water Fair had been held for years and years, and it was a way for Hob’s Landing to celebrate its relationship with the Chesapeake Bay, and to commemorate the time the Leviathan rose to devour the town, but was turned away with some clever thinking and some good advice. This was the first time the fair was held on this side of Hob’s Landing. In previous years it had been held on the northern side of the town, out of the sight of the cemetery. But someone had bought some land and got grumpy about the fair being on it, so now they were holding it right at the bottom of the hill instead.
The ghoul children had never seen anything so wonderful! Imagine living your life in the warrens, underground, where everything was stone and darkness and cold earth. Whenever you came up to play, you could see the stars, you could see the light on the water, and you could even see the lights from town, which looked like flakes of gold. But this! Never anything like this. The fair was like a smear of bright paint: candy-coloured pastels in the blue wash of air. A great illuminated wheel turned slowly in the middle of it, holding swinging gondola cars full of people.
Yes, you’re exactly right. A Ferris wheel! They had never even seen one before. Can you imagine that?
There were gaudy tents arranged all around it, like a little village. It was full of amazing new smells: cotton candy, roasting peanuts, hot cider. The high screams of children blew up to the little ghouls like a wind from a beautiful tomb. They stood transfixed at the fence, those grubby little things, with their hands wrapped around the bars and their faces pressed between.
They wondered, briefly, if this had anything to do with the Extinction Rite the adults kept talking about.
“Do you think they scream like that all the time?” Slipwicket asked.
Wormcake said, “Of course they do. It’s a fair. It’s made just for screaming.”
In fact, children, he had no idea if this was true. But he liked to pretend he was smarter than everybody else, even way back then.
Slipwicket released the longest, saddest sigh you have ever heard. It would have made you cry, it was so forlorn. He said, “Oh, how I would love to go to a place made only for screams.”
“Well, we can’t,” said Stubblegut. “We have to stay inside the fence.”
Stubblegut was the most boring ghoul you ever saw. You could always depend on him to say something dull and dreadful. He was morose, always complaining, and he never wanted to try anything new. He was certain to grow up to be somebody’s father, that most tedious of creatures. Sometimes the others would talk about ditching him as a friend, but they could never bring themselves to do it. They were good boys, and they knew you were supposed to stay loyal to your friends—even the boring ones.
“Come along,” Stubblegut said. “Let’s play skullpocket.”
Oh my! Do you know what skullpocket is, children?
Excellent! In case any of you aren’t sure, skullpocket is a favourite game of ghouls everywhere. In simple terms, you take a skull and kick it back and forth between your friends until it cracks to pieces. Whoever breaks it is the loser of the game, and has to eat what they find inside its pocket. And what is that, children?
That’s right! It’s the brain, which everyone knows is the worst bit. It’s full of all the gummy old sorrows and regrets gathered in life, and the older the brain is, the nastier it tastes. While the loser eats, other players will often dance in a circle around him and chant. And what do they chant?
Yes! You must play the game at a run, and respect is given to those who ricochet the skull off a gravestone to their intended target, increasing the risk of breaking it. Of course you don’t have to do that—you can play it safe and just bat it along nicely—but nobody likes a coward, do they, children? For a regular game, people use adults skulls which have been interred for less than a year. More adventurous players might use the skull of an infant, which offers a wonderful challenge.
Well, someone was sent to retrieve a skull from the charnel house in the warrens, which was kept up by the corpse gardeners. There was always one to be spared for children who wanted to play.
The game was robust, with the ghouls careening the skull off trees and rocks and headstones; the skull proved hardy and it went on for quite some time.
Our young Mr Wormcake became bored. He couldn’t stop thinking about that fair, and the lights and the smells and—most of all—the screams. The screams filled his ears and distracted him from play. After a time, he left the game and returned to the fence, staring down at the fair. It had gotten darker by that time, so that it stood out in the night like a gorgeous burst of mushrooms.
Slipwicket and Stubblegut joined him.
“What are you doing?” said the latter. “The game isn’t over. People will think you’re afraid to play.”
“I’m not afraid,” said Wormcake. And in saying the words, a resolution took shape in his mind. “I’m not afraid of anything. I’m going down there.”
His friends were shocked into silence. It was an awed silence, a holy silence, like the kind you find in church. It was the most outrageous thing they had ever heard anyone say.
“That’s crazy,” Stubblegut said.
“Why?”
“Because it’s forbidden. Because the sunlight people live down there.”
“So what?”
“They’re gross!”
Now, hold on, hold on. You have to understand how ghouls saw your people at the time. You were very strange to them. Hob’s Landing was as exotic to them as a city on the moon would be to you. People went about riding horses, and they walked around in sunlight. On purpose, for Pete’s sake! Who ever heard of such a thing?
When they came to the cemetery they acted sad and shameful. They buried their dead, the way a cat buries its own scat. They were soft and doughy, and they ate whatever came to hand, the way rats and cockroaches do.
Of course not! But the ghouls didn’t understand. They were afraid. So they made up wild ideas about you. And it kept their children from wandering, which was important, because they wanted the warrens to stay a secret. Ghouls had been living under the cities of the sunlight people for as long as there have
But young Mr Wormcake was not to be dissuaded by rumours or legends!
“I’m going down there. I want to see what it’s all about.”
Back then, the cemetery gate was not burdened with locks or chains; it simply had a latch, oiled and polished, which Wormcake lifted without trouble or fanfare. The gate swung open, and the wide, bright world spread out before them like a feast at the banquet table. He turned to look at his friends. Behind them, the other children had assembled in a small crowd, the game of skull-pocket forgotten. The looks on their faces ranged from fear to excitement to open disgust.
“Well?” he said to his friends. “Are you cowards?”
Slipwicket would not be called a coward! He made a grand show of his exit, lifting each foot with great exaggeration over the threshold and stomping it into the earth with a flourish. He completed his transgression with a happy skip and turned to look at Stubblegut, who lingered on the grave-side of the fence and gathered his face into a worried knot. He placed his hands over his wide belly and gave it gentle pats, which was his habit when he was nervous.
At that moment of hesitation, when he might have gone back and warned the adults of what was happening, some unseen event in the fair below them caused a fresh bouquet of screams to lift up and settle over the ghouls like blown leaves. Slipwicket’s whole body seemed to lean toward it, like he was being pulled by a great magnet. He looked at Stubblegut with such longing in his eyes, such a terrible ache, that his frightened friend’s resolve was breached at last, and Stubblegut crossed the threshold himself with a grave and awful reluctance.
He was received with joy.
And before anyone could say jackrabbit, Slipwicket bolted down the hill, a pale little gremlin in the dark green waves of grass. The others followed him in a cool breath of motion, the tall grass like a strange, rippling sea in the moonlight. Of course, they were silent in their elation: the magnitude of their crime was not lost upon them. Wormcake dared not release the cry of elation beating in his lungs.
But, children, they were in high rebellion. They were throwing off the rules of their parents, and riding the wave of their own cresting excitement. Even Stubblegut felt it, like a blush of heat over his moss-grown soul.
Naturally, Uncle Digby’s story stirs up memories of my own first fair.
The dream of the Maggot came to me in 1944, when I was twelve years old. The tradition of the Cold Water Fair had ended thirty years ago, on the bloody night Uncle Digby is speaking of, and Hob’s Landing had done without a festival of any sort since. But though we didn’t know it yet, this would be the year the Skullpocket Fair was begun.
I was the sixth kid to receive the dream that year. I had heard of a couple of the others, so I had known, in some disconnected way, that it might happen. I didn’t know what it meant, except that parents were terrified of it. They knew it had something to do with the Wormcake clan, and that was enough to make it suspect. Although this was in 1944, and they’d been living in the mansion for thirty years at that point—peacefully for the most part—there were still many in town who considered them to be the very incarnation of evil. Many of our parents were present at the night of the Cold Water Fair, and they were slow to forgive. The fact that the Orchid Girl came into town and patronised the same shops we did, attended the same shows we did, didn’t help matters at all, as far as they were concerned.
She’s putting on airs, they said. She thinks she’s one of us. At least her husband has the decency to keep himself hidden away in that horrible old mansion.
My friends and I were too young to be saddled with all of the old fears and prejudices of our parents, and anyway we thought the Orchid Girl was beautiful. We would watch her from across the street or through a window when she came to town, walking down Poplar Street as proud as you please, unattended by her servants or by any friends at all. She always wore a bright, lovely dress which swirled around her legs, kept her hair pinned just so, and held her head high—almost defiantly, I can say now, looking back. We would try to see the seams on her face, where it would open up, but we never got close enough. We never dared.
We believed that anyone married to the Orchid Girl couldn’t be all bad. And anyway, Mr Wormcake always came to the school plays, brought his own children down to the ice skating rink in the wintertime, and threw an amazing Halloween party. Admittedly, half the town never went, but most of us kids managed to make it over there.
We all knew about the Church of the Maggot. There were already neighbourhoods converting, renouncing their own god for the one that burrowed through flesh. Some people our parents’ age, also veterans of that night at the fair, had even become priests. They walked around town in a grubby white garb, talking on and on about the flesh as meat, the necessity of cleansing the bone, and other things that sounded strange and a little exciting to us. So when some of the children of Hob’s Landing started to dream of the Maggot, the kids worried about it a lot less than the parents or the grandparents did. At first, we were even jealous. Christina Laudener, just one year younger than I was, had the first one, and the next night it was little Eddie Brach. They talked about it in school, and word spread. It terrified them, but we wanted it ourselves nonetheless. They were initiates into some new mystery centred around the Wormcakes, and those of us who were left out burned with a terrible envy.
I was probably the worst of them, turning my jealousy into a bullying contempt whenever I saw them at the school, telling them that the ghouls were going to come into their homes while they were sleeping and kidnap them, so they could feed them to their precious Maggot. I made Eddie cry, and I was glad. I hated him for being a part of something I wasn’t.
Until a couple of nights later, when I had the dream myself.
I’m told that everyone experiences the dream of the Maggot differently. For me it was a waking dream. I climbed out of bed at some dismal hour of the morning, when both my parents were still asleep, and stumbled my way to the bathroom. I sat on the toilet for a long time, waiting for something to happen, but I couldn’t go, despite feeling that I needed to very badly. I remember this being a source of profound distress in the dream, way out of proportion to real life. It terrified me and I felt that it was a sign I was going to die.
I left the toilet and walked down the hallway to my parents’ room, to give them the news of my impending demise. In my dream I knew they would only laugh at me, and it made me hate them.
Then I felt a clutching pain in my abdomen. I dropped to my knees and began to vomit maggots. Copious amounts of them. They wouldn’t stop coming, just splashed out onto the ground with each painful heave, in wriggling piles, ropey with blood and saliva. It went on and on and on. When I stood up, my body was as wrinkled and crushed as an emptied sack. I fell to the floor and had to crawl back to my room.
The next morning I went down to breakfast as usual, and as my father bustled about the kitchen, looking for his keys and his hat, and my mother leaned against the countertop with a cigarette in her hand, I told them that I had received the dream everyone was talking about.
This stopped them both cold. My mother looked at me and said, “Are you sure? What happened? What does it mean?”
“They’re having a fair. I have to go.”
Of course this was absurd; there had been nothing about a fair in the dream at all. But the knowledge sat with all the incontrovertibility of a mountain. Such is the way of the Maggot.
“What fair?” Dad said. “There’s no fair.”
“The Wormcakes,” I said. “They’re having it at the mansion.”
My parents exchanged a look.
“And they invited you in a dream?” he said.
“It wasn’t really like an invitation. It’s more like the Maggot told me I have to come.”
“It’s a summons,” Mom told him. “That’s what Carol was saying. It’s like a command.”
“Like hell,” Dad said. “Who do those freaks think they are?”
“I think I have to go, Dad.”
“You don’t have to do a goddamned thing they tell you. None of us do.”
I started to cry. The thought of disregarding the dream was unthinkable. I felt that clenching in my gut and I feared the maggots were going to start pouring out of my mouth. I thought I could feel them inside me already, chewing away, as though I were already dead. I didn’t know how to articulate what I know now: that the Maggot had emptied me out, and was offering to fill me again. To ignore it would be to live the rest of my life as a husk.
It was a hard cry, as sudden as a monsoon, my cheeks hot and red, the tears painting my face, my breath coming in a thin hiss. Mom rushed to me and engulfed me in her arms, saying the things moms are supposed to say.
“I have to go,” I said. “I have to go, I have to. I have to go.”
I watch the children sitting there in profile, their little faces turned to Uncle Digby and his performance like flowers to the sun, and I try to see myself there all those years ago. The sun is setting outside, and in the eastern facing window darkness is hoarding over the bay. The light in Uncle’s glass dome illuminates the green solution from beneath, and his pale dead face is graced with a rosy pink halo of light.
I must have seen the same thing when I sat there with the other kids. But I don’t remember it. I only remember the fear. I guess I must have laughed at the jokes, just like the others did.
Skullpocket is, of course, a culling game. It’s not about singling out and celebrating a winner. It’s about thinning the herd.
Jonathan Wormcake does not appear to be listening to the story anymore. His attention is outside, on the darkening waters. Although her name has not come up yet, the Orchid Girl haunts this story as truly as any ghost. I wonder if it causes him pain. Grieving, to a ghoul, is a sign of weakness. It’s a trait to be disdained. The grieving are not fit for the world. I look at the hard, clean curve of his skull and I try to fathom what’s inside.
They were clever little ghouls,
They were amazed by the striped, colourful tents, by the little booths with the competitive games, by the pens with pigs and mules, by the smells of cotton candy, frying oil, animal manure, electricity—everything was new and astonishing. Most of all, though, they marvelled at the humans in their excitable state: walking around, running, hugging, laughing, and clasping their hands on each other’s shoulders. Some were even crushing their lips together in a grotesque human version of a kiss!
There were many little ones, like themselves, and like you. They were swarming like hungry flies, running from tent to tent, waiting in lines, crackling with an energy so intense you could almost see it arcing from their hair.
It was quite unsettling to see humans acting this way. It was like watching someone indulging in madness. They were used to seeing humans in repose, quiet little morsels in their thin wooden boxes. Watching them like this was like watching a little worm before it transforms into a beautiful fly, but worse, because it was so much louder and uglier.
So they made their way amongst the humans, disturbed by their antics. They knew that it was only a matter of time before the humans all reached their true state, the condition in which they would face the long dark inside the earth; but this brief, erratic explosion of life stirred a fascinated shame in the ghouls.
“It’s vile,” said Stubblegut. “We shouldn’t be seeing this. It’s indecent.”
“It’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever seen,” said young master Wormcake, and with the courage that had always separated him from the others, he strode out onto the midway, arms a-swing and head struck back like the world’s littlest worm lord.
You might be forgiven in thinking that
What was so difficult to tell my parents, all those years ago, was that I
We became a select group, a focus of envy and awe. There were some who felt the resentment I once did, of course, and we were the target of the same bullying I’d doled out myself. But we were a group by this time, and we found comfort and safety in that. We ate lunch together at school, hung out on weekends. The range of ages—six to twelve—was wide enough that normally none of us would give each other the time of day. But the Maggot had changed everything.
The town was abuzz with talk. Of the fourteen summoned children, certainly, but also of the fair itself. Hob’s Landing had been without anything like this since the night of Wormcake’s arrival, thirty years before. That Womcake himself should be the one to re-introduce a fair to the town seemed at once sacrilegious and entirely appropriate. Flyers began to appear, affixed to telephone poles, displayed in markets and libraries: THE FIRST ANNUAL SKULLPOCKET FAIR, TO BE HELD ON THE GROUNDS OF WORM CAKE MANSION, ON THE LAST WEEKEND OF SEPTEMBER, 1944. INAUGURATED BY SELECT CHILDREN OF HOB’S LANDING. COME AND PARTAKE IN THE JOY OF LIFE WITH THE GENTLEMAN CORPSE!
People were intrigued. That Mr Wormcake was himself using the nickname he’d once fiercely objected to—he was not, he often reminded them, a corpse—was a powerful indicator that he meant to extend an olive branch to the people of Hob’s Landing. And who were they to object? He and his family clearly weren’t going anywhere. Wouldn’t it be best, then, to foster a good relationship with the town’s most famous citizens?
My parents were distraught. Once they realised I wanted to go, despite my panic of the first night, they forbade me. That didn’t worry me a bit, though. I knew the Maggot would provide a way. I was meant to be there, and the Maggot would organise the world in such a way as to make that happen.
And so it did. On the afternoon the first Skullpocket Fair was set to open, I headed for the front door, expecting a confrontation. But my parents were sitting together in the living room, my mother with her hands drawn in and her face downcast, my father looking furious and terrified at once. They watched me go to the door without making any move to interfere. Years later, I was to learn that the night before they had received their own dream from the Maggot. I don’t know what that dream contained, but I do know that no parent has ever tried to interfere with the summons.
These days, of course, few would want to.
“Be careful,” Mom said, just before I closed the door on them both.
The others and I had agreed to meet in front of the drug store. Once we’d all assembled, we walked as a group through the centre of town, past small gathered clusters of curious neighbours, and up the long road that would take us to the mansion by the bay.
The sun was on its way down.
They rode the Ferris wheel first,
The world was a spray of light on a dark earth. It was so much bigger than any of them had thought. As their car reached the height of its revolution, and they were bathed in the high cool air of the night, Wormcake was transfixed by the stars above them. They’d never seemed so close before. He sought out the constellations he’d been taught—the Rendering Pot, the Mouldy King—and reached his hands over his head, trailing his fingers among them. As the gondola swung down again, it seemed he was dragging flames through the sky.
“Let’s never go home again,” Wormcake said. If the others heard him, they never said so.
And unknown to them, under the hill of graves, their parents were very busy setting up the Extinction Rite. Were the boys missed? I think they must have been. But no one could do anything about it.
What’s next, children? What is it you really came to hear about?
Yes, well, oh my, what a surprise. I thought you wanted to learn more about ghoul history. Maybe learn the names of all the elders? Or learn how they harvested food from the coffins? It’s really a fascinating process, you know.
Well, well, well. The freaks it is, then.
The ghouls stopped outside a tent striped green and white, where an old man hunched beside a wooden clapboard sign. On that sign, in bright red paint, was that huge, glorious word: FREAKS. The old man looked at the boys with yellowing eyes—the first person to look at them directly all night—and said, “Well? Come to see the show, or to join it?”
He tapped the sign with a long finger, drawing their attention back to it. Beneath the word FREAKS was a list of words in smaller size, painted in an elegant hand. Words like THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MERMAID IN THE WORLD, THE GIANT WITH TWO FACES, and—you guessed it—THE ORCHID GIRL.
“Go on in, boys. Just be careful they let you out again.”
They joined the line going inside. Curtains partitioned the interior into three rooms, and the crowd was funnelled into a line. Lanterns hung from poles, and strings of lights criss-crossed the top of the tent.
The first freak was a man in a cage. He was seven feet tall, dressed in a pair of ratty trousers. He looked sleepy, and not terribly smart. He hadn’t shaved in some time, his beard bristling like a thicket down his right cheek and jowl. The beard grew spottily on the left side, mostly because of the second face which grew there: doughy and half-formed, like a face had just slid down the side of the head and bunched up on the neck. It had one blinking blue eye, and a nose right next to it, where the other eye should have been. And there was a big, gaping mouth, nestled between the neck and shoulder, with a little tongue that darted out to moisten the chapped lips.
A sign hanging below his cage said, BRUNO: EATER OF CHILDREN.
The ghouls were fascinated by the second face, but the eating children part didn’t seem all that remarkable to them. They’d eaten plenty themselves.
Next up was THE WORLD’S MOST BEAUTIFUL MERMAID. This one was a bit frustrating, because she was in a tank, and she was lying on the bottom of it. The scaly flesh of her tail was pressed up against the glass, so at first they thought they were looking at nothing more than a huge carp. Only after staring a moment did they notice the human torso which grew from it, curled around itself to hide from the gaze of the visitors. It was a woman’s back, her spine ridged along her sun-dark skin. Long black hair floated around her head like a cloud of ink from an octopus.
Finally, they progressed into the next partition, and they came to THE ORCHID GIRL.
She stood on a platform in the back of the tent, in a huge bell jar. She was just about your age, children. She was wearing a bright blue dress, and she was sitting down with her arms wrapped around her legs, looking out balefully at the crowds of people coming in to see her. She looked quite unhappy. She did not look, at first blush, like a freak; the only thing unusual about her were what appeared to be pale red scars running in long, S-like curves down her face.
Well, here was another disappointing exhibit, the people thought, and they were becoming quite agitated. Someone yelled something at her, and there was talk of demanding their money back.
But everything changed when Wormcake and his friends entered the room. The Orchid Girl sat a bit straighter, as if she had heard or felt something peculiar. She stood on her feet and looked out at the crowd. Almost immediately her gaze fell upon the ghoul children, as though she could sense them through some preternatural ability, and then, children, the most amazing thing happened. The thing that changed the ghouls’ lives, her own life, and the lives of everyone in Hob’s Landing for ever afterward.
Her face opened along the red lines, and bloomed in bright, glorious petals of white and purple and green. Her body was only a disguise, you see. She was a gorgeous flower masquerading as a human being.
The people screamed, or dropped to their knees in wonder. Some scattered like roaches in sunlight.
Wormcake and his friends ran too. They fled through the crowd and back out into the night. They were not afraid; they were caught in the grip of destiny. Wormcake, suddenly, was in love. He fled from the terror and the beauty of it.
It was the Orchid Girl who greeted us at the door when we arrived. She looked ethereal. She was in her human guise, and the pale lines dividing her face stood out brightly in the afternoon sun. I was reminded, shamefully, of one of the many criticisms my mother levied against her: “She really should cover that with make-up. She looks like a car accident survivor. It’s disgraceful.”
To us, though, she looked like a visitation from another, better world.
“Hello, children. Welcome to our house. Thank you for joining us.”
That we didn’t have a choice—the summons of the Maggot was not to be ignored—didn’t enter our minds. We felt anointed by her welcome. We knew we’d been made special, and that everyone in Hob’s Landing envied us.
She led us into the drawing room—the one that would host every meeting like this for years to come—where Uncle Digby was waiting to tell us the story. We knew him already through his several diplomatic excursions into town, and were put at ease by his presence. The Orchid Girl joined her husband in two chairs off to the side, and they held hands while they listened.
I sat next to Christina Laudener. We were the oldest. The idea of romantic love was still alien to us, but not so alien that I didn’t feel a twinge when I saw Mr Wormcake and his wife holding hands. I felt as though I were in the grip of some implacable current, and that my life was being moved along a course that would see me elevated far beyond my current circumstance. As though I were the hero of a story, and this was my first chapter. I knew that Christina was a part of it. I glanced at her, tried to fathom whether or not she felt it too. She caught my look and gave me the biggest smile I’d ever received from a girl, before or since.
I have kept the memory of that smile with me, like a lantern, for the small hours of the night. I call upon it, with shame, even now.
The Maggot disapproves of sentiment.
Do you know what an Extinction Rite is, children?
On the night of the Cold Water Fair, all those years ago, the ghouls under the hill had reached the end of their age. Ghoul society, unlike yours, recognises when its pinnacle is behind it. Once this point has been reached, there are two options: assimilate into a larger ghoul city, or die. The ghouls under the hill did not find a larger city to join, and indeed many did not want to anyway. Their little city had endured for hundreds of years, and they were tired. The Maggot had delivered to the elders a dream of death, and so the Extinction Rite was prepared. The Extinction Rite, children, is the suicide of a city.
Like you, I am not a ghoul. I have never seen this rite performed. But also like you, I belong to the church introduced to Hob’s Landing by Mr Wormcake, so I can imagine it. I believe it must be a sight of almost impossible beauty. But I am glad he did not participate that night. Do you know what would have happened here in town, if he had?
Precisely. Nothing would have happened. They would have gone back inside when called, just like old Stubblegut wanted. They would have missed the fair. They would never have met the Orchid Girl, or dear old Bruno, or the lost caravan leader of the mermaid nation. I myself would still be frozen in the attic, with my sixteen compatriots, just another brain in a jar. The Extinction Rite would have scoured away all the ghouls in the hill, and the people of Hob’s Landing would have been none the wiser. Their little town would now be just another poverty-ridden fishing village, slowly dissolving into irrelevance.
Instead, what happened was this:
The ghoul children ran out of the tent that night, their little minds atilt with the inexplicable beauties they had just seen. It was as though the world had cracked open like some wonderful geode. They were exhilarated. They stood in the thronged midway, wondering what they ought to do next. Slipwicket and Stubblegut wanted to celebrate; the memory of their unfinished game of skullpocket was cresting in their thoughts, and the urge to recommence the game exerted itself upon them like the pull of gravity. Wormcake thought only of the Orchid Girl, imprisoned like a princess in one of the old tales, separated from him by a thin sheet of glass and by the impossible chasm of an alien culture.
And unbeknownst to them, in the warrens, the Extinction Rite reached its conclusion, and the will of the ghouls was made known to their god.
And so the Maggot spoke. Not just to these children, but to every ghoul in the city under the hill. A pulse of approval, a wordless will to proceed.
The Maggot said,
What happened then was an accident. The Extinction Rite was not meant to affect the people of Hob’s Landing at all. If Wormcake and the others had been at home, where they belonged, the Maggot’s imperative would have caused them to destroy themselves. But they were not at home. And so what they heard was permission to indulge the desires of their hearts. And so they did.
Slipwicket fell upon the nearest child and tore the flesh from his skull like the rind from an orange, peeling it to the bone in under a minute. Stubblegut, caught in the spirit of the moment, chose to help him. Bright streamers of blood arced through the air over their heads, splashed onto their faces. They wrestled the greasy skull from the body and Slipwicket gave it a mighty kick, sending it bouncing and rolling in a jolly tumble down the midway.
Wormcake made his way back into the tent, slashing out with his sharp little fingers at the legs of anybody who failed to get out of his way quickly enough, splitting tendons and cracking kneecaps, leaving a bloody tangle of crippled people behind him.
Above them all, the cemetery on the hill split open like a rotten fruit. From the exposed tunnels beneath upturned clods of earth and tumbling gravestones came the spirits of the extinguished city of the ghouls: a host of buzzing angels, their faceted eyes glinting moonlight, their mandibles a-clatter, pale, iridescent wings filling the sky with the holy drone of the swarm.
People began to scream and run. Oh, what a sound! It was like a symphony. It was just what Wormcake and his friends had been hoping for, when they first looked down at the fair and heard the sounds carrying to them on the wind. They felt like grand heroes in a story, with the music swelling to match their achievements.
Slipwicket and Stubblegut batted the skull between them for a few moments, but it proved surprisingly fragile when careening off a fence-post. Of course there was nothing to do but get another. So they did, and, preparing for future disappointments, they quickly decided that they should gather a whole stockpile of them.
Wormcake opened Bruno’s cage and smashed the Orchid Girl’s glass dome, but he was afraid to smash the mermaid’s tank, for fear that she would die. Bruno—who had become great friends with her—lifted her out and hastened her down to the water, where she disappeared with a grateful wave. When he returned to the party, the ghouls were delighted to discover that he was called the Eater of Children for very good reason indeed. The Orchid Girl stood off to the side, the unfurling spirits of the cemetery rising like black smoke behind her, the unfurled petals of her head seeming to catch the moonlight and reflect it back like a strange lantern. Wormcake stood beside her and together they watched as the others capered and sported.
Beautiful carnage. Screams rising in scale before being choked off in the long dark of death, people swarming in panic like flies around a carcass, corpses littering the ground in outlandish positions one never finds in staid old coffins. Watching the people make the transition from antic foolishness to the dignified stillness of death reassured Wormcake of the nobility of their efforts, the rightness of their choices. He recognised the death of his home, but he was a disciple of the Maggot, after all, and he felt no grief for it.
What did the two of them talk about, standing there together, surrounded by death’s flowering? Well, young master Wormcake never told me. But I bet I can guess, just a little bit. They were just alike, those two. Different from everyone else around them, unafraid of the world’s dangers. They recognised something of themselves in each other, I think. In any case, when they were finished talking, there was no doubt that they would take on whatever came next together.
It was the Orchid Girl who spotted the procession of torches coming from Hob’s Landing.
“We should go to the mansion,” she said. “They won’t follow us there.”
What happened next, children, is common knowledge, and not part of tonight’s story. The Orchid Girl was right: the people of Hob’s Landing were frightened of the mansion and did not follow them there. Wormcake and his friends found a new life inside. They found me, and the rest of the Frozen Parliament, up in the attic; they found the homunculus in the library; and of course, over time, they found all the secrets of the strange old alchemist who used to live there, which included the Orchid Girl’s hidden history. Most importantly, though, they made themselves into a family. Eventually they even fashioned a peace with Hob’s Landing, and were able to build relationships with people in the town.
That was the last night the Coldwater Fair was ever held in Hob’s Landing. With fourteen dead children and a family of monsters moved into the old mansion, the citizens of the town had lost their taste for them. For the better part of a generation, there was little celebration at all in the little hamlet. Relations between the Wormcake family and the townsfolk were defined by mutual suspicion, misunderstanding, and fear. Progress was slow.
Thirty years later, relations had repaired enough that Mr Wormcake founded the Skullpocket Fair. To commemorate the night he first came to Hob’s Landing, found the love of his life, and began his long and beneficial relationship with this town, where he would eventually become the honoured citizen you all know him as today.
How wonderful, yes, children?
And now, at last, we come to why the Maggot called you all here!
“So many lies.”
This is what Mr Wormcake tells me, after Uncle Digby ushers the children from the drawing room. The sun has set outside, and the purpling sky seems lit from behind.
“You know, he tells the story for children. He leaves out some details. That night in the freak tent, for instance. The people gathered around the mermaid were terrifying. There was a feral rage in that room. I didn’t know what it was at the time. I was just a kid. But it was a dark sexual energy. An animal urge. They slapped their palms against her tank. They shouted at her. Said horrible things. She was curled away from them, so they couldn’t see her naked, and that made them angry. I was afraid they would try to break the glass to get at her. I think it was only the fear of Bruno the cannibal, in the other room, somehow getting out too, that stopped them. I don’t know.
“And that bit about me recognising my ‘destiny’ when I saw the Orchid Girl—Gretchen. Nonsense. What child of that age feels romantic love? I was terrified. We all were. We’d just seen a flower disguised as a girl. What were we supposed to think?”
“I’m curious why you let Uncle Digby call her the Orchid Girl to the kids, when the name obviously annoys you.”
“It’s simplistic. It’s her freak name. But you humans seem so invested in that. She was no more ‘the Orchid Girl’ than I’m ‘the Gentleman Corpse.’ I’m not a corpse at all, for god’s sake. But when we finally decided to assimilate, we believed that embracing the names would make it easier. And the kids like it, especially. So we use them.”
“Is it hard to talk about her?” Probing for signs of blasphemy.
“No,” he says, though he looks away as he says it. The profile of his skull is etched with lamplight. He goes on about her, though, and I start to get a sick feeling. “He would have you believe that she was a princess in a castle, waiting to be rescued by me. It’s good for myth-making, but it’s not true. She did need rescuing that night, yes, but so did Bruno. So did the mermaid. He doesn’t talk about my ‘destiny’ with them, does he?”
I don’t know what to say.
“Nothing but lies. We didn’t want to go to the mansion. We wanted to go home. When we saw our home spilling into the sky, transfigured by the Extinction Rite…we were terrified.”
I shake my head. “You were children. You can’t blame yourself for how you felt.”
“I was frightened for my parents.”
I put a hand up to stop him. “Mr Wormcake. Please. I can understand that this is a moment of, um…strong significance for you. It’s not unusual to experience these unclean feelings. But you must not indulge them by giving them voice.”
“I wanted my parents back, Priest.”
“Mr Wormcake.”
“I mourned them. Right there, out in the open, I fell to my knees and cried.”
“Mr Wormcake, that’s enough. You must stop.”
He does. He turns away from me and stares through the window. The bay is out there somewhere, covered in the night. The lights in the drawing room obscure the view, and we can see our reflections hovering out there above the waters, like gentlemanly spirits.
“Take me to the chapel,” I tell him quietly.
He stares at me for a long moment. Then he climbs to his feet. “All right,” he says. “Come with me.”
He pushes through a small door behind the chess table and enters a narrow, carpeted hallway. Lamps fixed to the walls offer pale light. There are paintings hung here too, but the light is dim and we are moving too quickly for me to make out specific details. The faces look desiccated, though. One seems to be a body seated on a divan, completely obscured by cobwebs. Another is a pastoral scene, a barrow mound surrounded by a fence made from the human bone.
At the end of the corridor, another small door opens into a private chapel. I’m immediately struck by the scent of spoiled meat. A bank of candles near the altar provides a shivering light. On the altar itself, a husk of unidentifiable flesh bleeds onto a silver platter. Scores of flies lift and fall, their droning presence crowding the ears. On the wall behind them, stained glass windows flank a much larger window covered in heavy drapes. The stained glass depicts images of fly-winged angels, their faceted ruby eyes bright, their segmented arms spread as though offering benediction, or as though preparing to alight at the butcher’s feast.
There is a pillow on the floor in front of the altar, and a pickaxe leans on the table beside it.
The Maggot summons fourteen children to the Skullpocket Fair every year. One for each child that died that night in the Cold Water Fair, one hundred years ago, when Hob’s Landing became a new town, guided by monsters and their strange new god. It’s no good to question by what criteria the children are selected, by what sins or what virtues. There is no denying the summons. There is only the lesson of the worm, delivered over and over again: all life is a mass of wriggling grubs, awaiting the transformation to the form in which it will greet the long and quiet dark.
“The Church teaches the subjugation of memory,” I say. “Grief is a weakness.”
“I know,” says Mr Wormcake.
“Your marriage. Your love for your wife and your friends. They’re stones in your pockets. They weigh you to the earth.”
“I know.”
“Empty them,” I say.
And so he does. “I miss her,” he says. He looks at me with those hollow sockets, speaks to me with that borrowed mouth, and for the first time that night I swear I can see some flicker of emotion, like a candle flame glimpsed at the bottom of the world. “I miss her so much. I’m not supposed to miss her. It’s blasphemy. But I can’t stop thinking about her. I don’t want to hear the lies anymore. I don’t want to hear the stories. I want to remember what really happened. We didn’t recognise anything about each other at the fair that night. We were little kids and we were scared of what was going to happen to us. We stood on the edge of everything and we were too afraid to move. We didn’t say a single word to each other the whole time. We didn’t learn how to love each other until much later, after we were trapped in this house. And now she’s gone and I don’t know where she went and I’m scared all over again. I’m about to change, and I don’t know how or into what because I left home when I was little. No one taught me anything. I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to me. I miss my wife.”
I’m stunned by the magnitude of this confession. I’d been fooled by the glamour of his name and his history; I’d thought he would greet this moment with all the dignity of his station. I stand over him, this diminished patriarch, mewling like some abandoned infant, and I’m overwhelmed by disgust. I don’t know where it comes from, and the force of it terrifies me.
“Well, you can’t,” I say, my anger a chained dog. “You don’t get to. You don’t get to miss her.”
He stares at me. His mouth opens, but I cut him off. I grab the mound of ripe flesh from the altar and thrust it into his face. Cold fluids run between my fingers and down my wrist. Flies go berserk, bouncing off my face, crawling into my nose. “This is the world you made! These are the rules. You don’t get to change your mind!”
Fifty years ago, when Uncle Digby finished his story and finally opened the gate at the very first Skullpocket Fair, we all ran out onto the brand new midway, the lights swirling around us, the smells of sweets and fried foods filling our noses. We were driven by fear and hope. We knew death opened its mouth behind us, and we felt every living second pass through our bodies like tongues of fire, exalting us, carving us down to our very spirits. We heard the second gate swing open and we screamed as the monsters bounded onto the midway in furious pursuit: cannibal children, dogs bred to run on beams of moonlight, corpse flowers with human bodies, loping atrocities of the laboratory. The air stank of fear. Little Eddie Brach was in front of me and without thought I grabbed his shirt collar and yanked him down, leaping over his sprawled form in the very next instant. He bleated in cartoon-like surprise. I felt his blood splash against the back of my shirt in a hot torrent as the monsters took him, and I laughed with joy and relief. I saw Christina leap onto a rising gondola car and I followed. We slammed the door shut and watched the world bleed out beneath us. Our hearts were incandescent, and we clutched each other close. Somewhere below us a thing was chanting, “Empty your pockets, empty your pockets,” followed by the hollow
Six of us survived that night. Of those, four of us—exalted by the experience—took the Orders. We lived a life dedicated to the Maggot, living in quiet seclusion, preparing our bodies and our minds for the time of decay. We proselytised, grew our numbers. Every year some of the survivors of the fair would join us in our work. Together, we brought Hob’s Landing to the worm.
But standing over this whimpering creature, I find myself thinking only of Christina Laudener, her eyes a pale North Atlantic grey, her blonde hair flowing like a stilled wave over her shoulders. We were children. We didn’t know anything about love. Or at least, I didn’t. I didn’t understand what it was that had taken root in me until years later, when her life took her to a different place, and I sat in the underground church and contemplated the deliqu-escence of flesh until the hope for warmth, or for the touch of a kind hand, turned cold inside me.
I never learned what she did with her life. But she never took the Orders. She lived that incandescent moment with the rest of us, but she drew an entirely different lesson from it.
“You tell me those were all lies?” I say. “I believed them. I believed everything.”
“Gretchen wasn’t a lie. Our life here wasn’t a lie. It was glorious. It doesn’t need to be dressed up with exaggerations.”
I think of my own life, long for a human being, spent in cold subterranean chambers. “The Maggot isn’t a lie,” I say.
“No. He certainly is not.”
“I shouldn’t have survived. I should have died. I pushed Eddie down. Eddie should have lived.” I feel tears try to gather, but they won’t fall. I want them to. I think, somehow, I would feel better about things if they did. But I’ve been a good boy: I’ve worked too hard at killing my own grief. Now that I finally need it, there just isn’t enough anymore. The Maggot has taken too much.
“Maybe so,” Wormcake says. “But it doesn’t matter anymore.”
He gets up, approaches the windows. He pulls a cord behind the curtains and they slide open. A beautiful, kaleidoscopic light fills the room. The seventieth annual Skullpocket Fair is laid out on the mansion’s grounds beyond the window, carousels spinning, roller coaster ticking up an incline, bumper cars spitting arcs of electricity. The Ferris wheel turns over it all, throwing sparking yellow and green and red light into the sky.
I join him at the window. “I want to go down there,” I say, putting my fingers against the glass. “I want another chance.”
“It’s not for you anymore,” Wormcake says. “It’s not for me, either. It’s for them.”
He tugs at the false mouth on his skull, snapping the tethers, and tosses it to the floor. The tongue lolls like some yanked organ, and the flies cover it greedily. Maybe he believes that if he can no longer articulate his grief, he won’t feel it anymore.
Maybe he’s right.
He removes the fly-spangled meat from my hands and takes a deep bite. He offers it to me: a benediction. I recognise the kindness in it. I accept, and take a bite of my own. This is the world we’ve made. Tears flood my eyes, and he touches my cheek with his bony hand.
Then he replaces the meat onto the altar, and resumes his place on his knees beside it. He lays his head by the buzzing meat. I take the pickaxe and place the hard point of it against the skull, where all the poisons of the world have gathered, have slowed him, have weighed him to the earth. I hold the point there to fix it in my mind, and then I lift the axe over my head.
“Empty your pockets,” I say.
Below us, a gate opens, and the children pour out at a dead run. There goes the angry girl. There goes the weepy, buzz-cut kid. Arms and legs pumping, clothes flapping like banners in the wind. They’re in the middle of the pack when the monsters are released. They have a chance.
They just barely have a chance.
Ian Tregillis
TESTIMONY OF SAMUEL FROBISHER REGARDING EVENTS UPON HIS MAJESTY’S SHIP
IAN TREGILLIS claims to be the son of a bearded mountebank and a discredited tarot-card reader. He is the author of several novels, including
“The fictional and ill-fated
“As a speculative fiction writer, I can’t help but wonder if there wasn’t a connection between the madness and something pulled from the depths. After all, doesn’t dread Cthulhu sleep in sunken R’lyeh?”
I JOINED HIS Majesty’s Royal Navy in 1808, and a man more grateful for the press-gangs you’ll never meet. To answer your question, Sirs, I spent four years in the service of Captain Nares ere I beheld the tentacled Bride.
A brave and virtuous soul was the captain, never given to rage nor drink during my years with him. And upon my oath, never once did he take the lash to a sailor’s back without just cause before she arrived. But he changed the moment that accursed creature slithered upon the deck.
Begging your pardon, Sirs? I lost much of my hearing on the last voyage of the
Aye. I get ahead of myself. I’ll start at the beginning.
The
That dandy nearly turned our frigate into a floating laboratory. In Portsmouth we loaded the bric-à-brac of his scientifical pursuits. We removed sixteen—
No crew worked harder, even in war. Thomson enjoyed the old man’s blessing, so never a day passed when we didn’t work the dredges. “Living beings exist over the whole floor of the ocean,” was his refrain.
He’d bluster if the tiniest worm went overboard before he had a chance to examine it. Many of the beasties we culled from those nets were curious and frightful things not seen by men before: fishes that glowed like lanterns, strange creatures more mouth than body, and other oddments. If it be of interest, I’ve sketched a few as best I remember them. Our catches went into the many jars that Thomson and his men brought. Captain Nares gave them the run of the wardroom (winning Thomson no love from the lieutenants, either) and soon it reeked of preservative spirits. Often I heard those jars clinking together during high seas.
Our voyage was peaceful, but for an engagement with French pirates off Bermuda. Though we had just half our guns, we bested them easily. I do wonder what might have happened if, in our zeal, we hadn’t sunken that brigantine before we could capture it. With a prize to be had, Captain Nares would have set a different course, to claim our head and gun money.
The only casualty of French treachery on that particular day was my hearing, after a mishap with a dry sponge on one of the twelve-pounders. Wythe, our surgeon, packed my ears with flannel and wrapped my head in bandages until I looked like a sultan from Persia. I dozed much, owing to his sleeping draughts.
We swayed hard to larboard two mornings after.
Phineas Grue, a waster but still my mate, he fetched me soon after. I asked if Thomson had sighted another mermaid. There was a commotion on deck, he said.
In truth, my ears rung so badly that his words to me were more a mixture of yells and gestures. But his meaning came clear, and the gist was as I described it.
I smelt an odd odour on his breath, and not the watered-down grog we hands were drinking. It stung the eyes. I wondered if he had been hoarding his tots, or somehow found a way to bolster his grog.
Up top, the deckhands were cutting away one of the dredges. It seemed we were snagged on something, and so the captain had ordered the net abandoned. I was only sorry I couldn’t hear Thomson howl in protest.
Rogers, a fo’c’sleman, dived into the sea with a line around his waist.
“Hold steady, Madam!”
I pinched my nose against the stink of rot. Mayhap Thomson had found his prize after all, and this was the carcass of some dread leviathan.
Still, I could not see the mysterious lady to whom the captain directed his encouragements. But the sun had just crossed the main yardarm and the glare on the sea was bright. Was there a dinghy caught in that mess?
As we lowered the bosun’s chair for her, Rogers swam into that stinking wrack. A wave tossed vines over his head, and he forever disappeared. If not for the glare, I might’ve seen him flailing about and raised a cry.
Worse, my mates paid Rogers no heed. They were enchanted. But I didn’t yet understand this, nor that my injury had spared me.
There was no dinghy, there was no lady, but
But Captain Nares gave the order to heave before I could say anything, and my mates hoisted the chair over the main deck. He stepped aside as that thing slithered aboard in a quivering mass. The creature pulled itself upright, and with much stretching and slithering sorted itself into a semblance of a woman, with a head, two arms, and two legs. Its head was a coil of those same tentacles, with a single milky orb in place of an eye, and before its mouth hung a curtain of hook-tipped tendrils.
Terror etched that sight into my eyelids, whence it still comes at night to haunt my dreams. I’ve rendered to paper the truest likeness I’m able of the thing that Captain Nares welcomed aboard the
I made to fetch Doctor Thomson, nearly bowling ol’ Phineas aside in my hurry and my fear. But then I saw the doctor was already there, gazing upon the monster with tenderness.
Every shiver of her body sent the twin stinks of rot and death across the deck, but not a single man covered his nose. I served His Majesty in the war, and I’ve seen decks slippery with the insides of men, but I’ve never smelt anything like the tentacled Bride. I leaned over the rail and tossed my hard biscuits and grog into the sea, like some rubber-legged dandy on his first voyage.
Into my ear Phineas shouted: “She has the sweetest voice. Like an angel.”
But I could hear nothing. With much repetition, I did gain the following yarn from Phineas. He must’ve yelled himself hoarse relating it to me: a London gentleman and his new bride were bound for her uncle’s Jamaican plantation when raiders beset their sloop. They pilfered every gem and bauble, then executed the crew before her very eyes. When the bride pleaded for her beloved’s life, the raiders’ chief sliced off her man’s ear. “For whispering sweet nothings,” he said and laughed. They set the sloop aflame, took her man, and left her to die. She floated amidst the flotsam nigh three days.
Heads shook and fists clenched all around. Captain Nares ripped the ‘fore-and-after from his head and kneaded the hat in white-knuckled fury. I gather he vowed to catch the raiders and rescue her husband.
I full expected Thomson to object at the notion of his nets idle and his sample jars unfilled. But he did not.
She writhed anew, and offered the oozing vines of her arms to the captain. He held out his hands, and the beast deposited in his cupped palms something glistening and red. No surgeon am I, but as I said, I’ve seen the insides of men, and this object was just that.
But ‘twasn’t poor Rogers’ heart, no monster’s trophy, the captain saw. He declared that it would be kept in Thomson’s preservatives until we found her husband, so Wythe could reattach the man’s ear.
No, Sirs. I’ve not heard of such physic, either, but that is how Phineas told it to me, as near as I could make out. As for what evil compelled the beast to preserve a man’s heart, I could not fathom. Only much later, after our doom was apparent, did her purpose come clear.
Lieutenant Prescott ordered us back to work. The murderous beast looped a tentacle around the captain’s elbow, and she slithered away with him. But as she did, she peered at me with that hideous orb. I swear to you, Sirs, that it twinkled.
And that is how the tentacled Bride came to live with us aboard the
After that, Captain Nares spent much time closeted with her, except when ordering a new course. Soon we would overtake her assailants, he insisted. Every man put his back—no, his very soul—into the effort. The bosun’s mates got free with their starters. I know you banned them, Sirs, and grateful I am for it, but on my oath any seaman who didn’t devote himself to the Bride’s cause felt the sting of a rattan cane across the shoulders. Even Thomson stowed his nets and dredges to speed our voyage, and voiced nary a complaint.
Aye, Sirs. I did try to warn my mates about the beast. With every breath I could spare. But they had none of it. Jack Nastyface, they called me. Soon even the other men in my mess could barely stand to take meals with me.
Their dislike for me grew daily, as did my dread of what awaited at our destination. Something far worse than a ship of rogues, I feared. Night after night, my dreams took me to a cold abyss. A slumbering presence lurked in those depths. The darkness echoed with chants in a language I could not understand, nor could any man, for I sensed it was somehow older than the sea itself.
On evenings when the sea was calm and the sun a smear of orange on the horizon, the captain escorted the Bride along the deck, tentacle in arm. She even carried a parasol the crew had made. For they saw her as a lady of milk-white skin, you see, and it was the height of summer on the open waves. The
These evening constitutionals I hated the most, for the Bride left a trail of filth and ooze wherever she trod. And it remained, that smell, even after we scrubbed and holystoned the deck. But by now the crew was so tangled in her spell that nobody noticed, or mayhap they didn’t care.
‘Twas during one of these strolls that, in desperation, I set upon a new tack. I crept up behind a bosun’s mate and stuck my fingers in his ears, hoping to free him from her charms so he’d see the beast as I saw her. But it did no good. Her spell was not so easily broken. He responded with his starter, and so I got the cane—and worse—for my trouble. The Bride had seen me, and my attempt to put the lie to her disguise would not stand with her.
The captain jabbed a finger at me, then to the planking beneath his feet. I presented myself with all speed.
The Bride slithered close to us. It was a struggle not to befoul myself when the fullness of her putrid stink came over me. The captain leaned near to her. Her tendrils danced on the edge of his ear. Not for the first time, I wondered what he heard. He nodded, and muttered, and nodded some more. When he straightened again to glower down at me from his full height, I saw in his face no sign of the man I’d served for years.
He regarded me with cold, black eyes, more shark than man, then mustered the crew. His purpose came clear enough when the bosun’s mates stripped my shirt and seized me to the capstan bar. If the captain read the Articles and declared my guilt to the crew, I didn’t hear him.
My offence? Nothing, Sirs, and may God smite me if that isn’t the truth. I am guilty for my role in bringing the
Twelve times the lash ate skin from my back. I couldn’t fathom the source of the bosun’s rage. He flogged me with such glee that at six lashes I cried for mercy. At ten, I begged. Another dozen might have finished me.
Phineas helped me to my hammock—he must’ve been ordered, else he wouldn’t have—both of us with unfocused eyes and unsteady gait. But ‘twas his secret alterations to the grog, not concern for me, that affected him so.
I lay there all night with the hammock pressed into my face. I didn’t sleep.
Aye. Many an hour I’ve spent wondering why she didn’t kill me straight away, and oft wishing she had. Short-handed as we were, the
Though I was the first, I wasn’t the only man on the
Nor was I the only one to watch the captain and the Bride together. So did Thomson. With his expedition dropped by the wayside, he had no work to occupy him, and this freed him to imagine himself on evening strolls with ladies in distress. His gaze followed the pair, envy plain on his face for all to see.
Thomson got his chance to visit with her the day after my flogging, when Captain Nares excused himself to confer with Quartermaster Pasley. Soon the two officers were embroiled in charts, headings, and the best course for laying siege to the phantom raiders. Thomson seized the opportunity. He disappeared below and quickly returned with armloads of sketches from his unused laboratory.
They stood on the main deck, lonely man and writhing beast. Did she express a ladylike admiration of his education? Whatever her act, I doubt she enjoyed that gallery of dissected sea-life. No true lady would. Yet worse for Thomson, these were the Bride’s kith and kin sliced open and catalogued.
But he smiled, and laughed, and even felt emboldened. This last I know because he laid his hand on the tendrils of her arm. I didn’t know whether to be more shocked that he would take such liberty with a hideous creature like I saw, or with a fragile and sophisticated lady as he no doubt saw.
‘Twas a hot day, and even hotter up top. I passed the pair on my way to the butt for a mug of water to quench my thirst. She had Thomson’s ear, much the way she’d whispered to the captain when she urged him to flog me. His bearing was that of a man paying the strictest attention, nodding slowly and muttering. Though my ears were improving, they still rung like church bells on Christmas, so I could not hear him. Her orb twinkled at me over his shoulder. I drained my mug with haste and got away from her.
The old man returned soon after that and sent Thomson packing. He went below with his sketches, still nodding and jabbering. I did not see him the rest of the day.
I know you are men of honour and character, Sirs, never having felt the lash yourselves, but a topman’s chores make it difficult for the wounds to heal, and the wounds turn any attempt at sleep into agony. And the dreams had long since robbed my sleep of restfulness. So I welcomed my shift on the watch that night.
I had a quid of tobacco left in my cap, and chewed all of it. It eased my pain, but not my unease. I jumped at every shadow, for fear that the Bride would come slithering out of the night and do to me what she had done to Rogers.
I longed for the soothing noises of a ship under sail at night, but these were lost to me. Yet I found I could still apprehend the familiar rhythms of our frigate. I tried to find comfort in the sway of the deck against the soles of my feet, the vibrations of the mainmast against my fingertips as cables sang through the blocks. But a new rhythm played itself out in her rigging, too. Somewhere in the shadows overhead a cable had come loose. Occasionally, on the leeward side of larger swells, the mast shuddered as if struck by one of the yards. I’d been a topman for five years but could not place that rattling. But still my ears rung badly, and so I blamed my confusion on that. Elsewise, I reckoned, I’d know the problem at once.
My dreams again took me to that watery abyss when I finally managed sleep after the watch. The chanting had reached a frenzy, as if that ageless slumber were coming to an end.
My mates woke me when they jostled my hammock in their haste for the main deck. I wondered aloud at the commotion. But none would answer me, so I followed.
Captain Nares, the officers, and the Bride ringed the mainmast. Most of the crew was there, too. All craned their necks upward, toward where Thomson swung purple and lifeless from the topgallant yard.
How that walrus managed to gain the topgallant I’ve no idea. I did get a closer look at his corpse than I’d have liked, for while the captain laughed, Lieutenant Prescott dispatched us topmen to lower the body. Thomson had tied a line about his neck and jumped, though he hadn’t made a proper noose. He’d died gasping. We lowered him hand-over-hand. The life of science must be good, Sirs, for his girth was considerable.
As I hung there in the rigging, straining to lower the body with dignity, I spotted a black stain upon the larboard sea. A writhing mass, like that which had produced the Bride, but thrice the size of our frigate. The wind had a sourness upon it, too, that brought gorge to my throat.
I lost my grip, nearly took a tumble. I caught myself but let Thomson go. I’d no time to shout a warning to the others, so they lost their grips on old Thomson, too, and he plummeted to the deck.
I scrambled down. The captain seethed. He opened his mouth, no doubt to order another flogging, when Lieutenant Prescott shouted something. From his bearing and the way he pointed, I gathered it was, “Ship ahoy!”
Captain Nares gazed through his bring-’em-near at the blotch on the sea. The Bride murmured in his ear. I didn’t need to hear him to know what came next:
“All hands to stations!” The
We had reached the Bride’s destination.
Of course there were no ships on the horizon, but men bolted for their stations as though the captain was Nelson and our destination Cape Trafalgar. The crew lowered the boats to clear the deck, gathered their axes and pikes, and readied the twelve-pounders to fire on our invisible foe.
Where I saw tentacles and rot, they saw a brigantine peopled with rogues and murderers. A single Bride had driven this entire ship to madness. How many monsters would join her when we entered that foul nest?
The captain’s eyes were wide. Foam flecked the corners of his mouth when he snapped at Slade, another seaman, who went below. Then the captain pulled me close and bellowed in my ear. “Fetch Wythe!” No doubt he wanted the surgeon on hand to attend the Bride’s husband.
But I am a coward, and I confess my guilt. This order I disobeyed, and so violated Article Twenty-Two. Instead, in my panic, I made to escape in one of the cutters now trailing behind the
But the Bride saw this. She must have called out, for Prescott and a pair of deckhands surrounded me. Phineas Grue was one, his breath still strong enough to curl a man’s toes. Before I found the King’s shilling in my ale, Sirs, the whoring life had taught me few things of value, but brawling was one of these. So when he came for me I treated him to a solid crack across the jawbone for his trouble, and so violated Article Twenty-Three.
We shuddered to a stop just as I made to dive overboard. I fell, knocking my crown on the deck. A deckhand pinned my arms from behind when I tried to stand. Prescott rounded on me.
Past his shoulder I glimpsed tendrils of seaweed and filth slithering over the bow. It should have been the last sight of my life.
But just as Prescott drew his sword to skewer me, Slade handed the captain a jar of grey slime.
I knew right then that Phineas’s secret drink hadn’t been rum after all. He’d been drinking Thomson’s pickling alcohol. But with those casks locked away in the hold, he’d been forced to sip from the sample jars, mayhap replacing the remainder with bilge water as he went. Whatever he’d done, it had ruined the Bride’s trophy, for Rogers’s heart had rotted away.
She yanked the jar from Captain Nares, smashing it to the deck. Her head tipped back, back, back, and the curtain of tendrils on her face fluttered as though in a vicious gale. Seamen and officers alike dropped to the deck, clutching bloodied ears.
The Bride speared Captain Nares square in the chest with a single tentacle. Then she unravelled, and smothered his screams under a putrid mass while she tore a new trophy, still beating, from his body.
The tendrils streaming over the bow took new forms, each like the Bride herself, and started feeding on the crew. I nearly became a meal myself, and had to wrest the sword from Lieutenant Prescott to fend them off. One by one they claimed the crew’s hearts. And just as in my dreams, I sensed the chanting, sensed it not with my ears but deep in the marrow of my bones. With every heart they took, that chanting grew more feverish.
Why? I do not know, Sirs. Perhaps they meant to feed their trophies to that thing stirring in the deep, as a mother suckles a newborn.
They swarmed around us, but I couldn’t dive for a cutter, for the very sea was alive with tentacles that whipped the water into a froth. The
I glimpsed that thing no more than a blink, but I’ll not forget it. Look at my sketch, Sirs, and you’ll know why.
Merely abandoning the
I fought my way to the hatch, my goal the forward magazine. So many vines of seaweed did I slice that I felt like an explorer hacking his way through the jungles of darkest Africa. Prescott’s sword was black with slime by the time I got below deck.
The magazine sentries had abandoned their posts, and for this I was grateful. I had no wish to cut down my own crewmates. I smashed the magazine window with the hilt of Prescott’s sword, then flung the magazine lanthorn inside.
Again I’m guilty, Sirs, for I thus violated Article Twenty-Five and set fire to the magazine, and so did deliberate harm to a ship of His Majesty’s Royal Navy.
I dashed back to the deck with all haste as the
The magazine blew before I could dive overboard, and the
The blast hurled me into the sea, battered and bleeding. Bits of stinking wrack and charred timber rained upon me while I gained the nearest cutter. I released the boat and started rowing.
I watched her sink, Sirs. The smoking ruins of the
Little crumbs of sargassum, debris from the explosion, swirled around the oars as I rowed. But they stayed abreast of the cutter even when the only sign of our frigate was a distant smear of black smoke on the blue sky, well outside the range of the blast. The sea behind the cutter turned green, then black, as more seaweed collected in my wake. And it kept pace with me, Sirs, no matter how hard I rowed.
I collapsed from exhaustion near sunset, and remember nothing more until I awoke aboard the
I tried to tell my tale, but the
Though I had no fever, I feigned delirium when the surgeon made to move me. I could not bear to go up top, out of fear I’d find a message writ upon the waters. Only when we reached Portsmouth did I venture outside. And it was there, just as I knew it would be: a ribbon of black ooze stretching from the harbour to across the sea.
So I beg you, Sirs, and pray you will not deafen your ears to me. She lurks even now in the uncharted depths and will rise again when she has healed.
I, Samuel Frobisher, do hereby swear that events upon the
God save the King.
Ramsey Campbell
AT LORN HALL
RAMSEY CAMPBELL lives on Merseyside with his wife Jenny. Described by the
Amongst his novels are
“I don’t use audio guides when I’m visiting a place,” Campbell reveals. “I’d rather appreciate the architecture, or the contents or whatever’s there to be enjoyed, without an added soundtrack.
“While I don’t find other visitors’ use of headsets distracting or infuriating in the same way as personal stereos on public transport (where I’ve no wish to be treated to the insistent sneezing of percussion as I try to read a book), I do sometimes wonder what their users may be hearing and what might happen if the commentary turned stranger.
“That’s the kind of train of thought that leads to stories, and here’s where I ended up. The setting was suggested by Plas Teg, the haunted mansion between Wrexham and Mold.”
RANDOLPH HADN’T EXPECTED the map to misrepresent the route to the motorway quite so much. The roads were considerably straighter on the page. At least it was preferable to being directed by a machine on the dashboard, which would have reminded him of being told by Harriet that he’d gone wrong yet again, even when he knew where he was going. Although it oughtn’t to be dark for hours, the April sky beyond a line of lurid hills had begun to resemble a charcoal slab. He was braking as the road meandered between sullen fields of rape when he had to switch the headlights on. The high beams roused swarms of shadows in the hedges and glinted on elongated warnings of bends ahead, and then the light found a signpost. It pointed down a lane to somewhere called Lorn Hall.
He stopped the Volvo and turned on the hazard lights. The sign looked neglected except by birds, which had left traces of their visits, but Lorn Hall sounded like the kind of place he liked to wander around. The children never did, complaining to Harriet if he even tried to take them anywhere like that on the days he had them. They loved being driven in the rain—the stormier the better, however nearly blind it made him feel—and so he couldn’t help feeling relieved that they weren’t with him to insist. He could shelter in the mansion until the storm passed over. He quelled the twitching of the lights and drove along the lane.
Five minutes’ worth of bends enclosed by hulking spiky hedges brought him to a wider stretch of road. As it grew straight he glimpsed railings embedded in the left-hand hedge, rusting the leaves. Over the thorns and metal spikes surrounded by barbs he saw sections of an irregular roof patrolled by crows. Another minute brought him to the gateway of Lorn Hall.
He couldn’t have given a name to the style of the high broad house. Perhaps the stone was darkened by the approaching storm, but he thought it would have looked leaden even in sunlight. At the right-hand end of the building a three-storey barrel put him in mind of a clenched fist with bricks for grey knuckles. Far less than halfway from it on the unadorned frontage, a door twice as tall as a man stood beneath a pointed arch reminiscent of a mausoleum. Five sets of windows each grew smaller as they mounted to the roofs, where chimneys towered among an assortment of slate peaks. Even the largest of the ground-floor windows were enmeshed with lattices, and every window was draped with curtains to which the gloom lent the look of dusty cobwebs. Apart from an unmarked whitish van parked near the front door there was no sign of life.
The signpost had surely been addressed to sightseers, and the formidable iron gates were bolted open, staining the weedy gravel of the drive. One of the gateposts in the clutch of the hedge had lost its stone globe, which poked its dome bewigged with lichen out of the untended lawn. Ivy overgrew sections of the lawn and spilled onto the drive. The shapes the topiary bushes had been meant to keep were beyond guessing; they looked fattened and deformed by age. If Harriet had been with him she would have insisted on leaving by now, not to mention protesting that the detour was a waste of time. This was another reason he drove up to the house.
Did the curtains stir as he drew up beside the van? He must have seen shadows cast by the headlamps, because the movements at all three windows to the left of the front door had been identical. Nobody had ducked out of sight in the van either. Randolph turned off the lights and the engine, pocketing his keys as he turned to face the mansion. The sky had grown so stuffed with darkness that he didn’t immediately see the front door was ajar.
To its left, where he might have looked for a doorbell, a tarnished blotchy plaque said LORN HALL. The door displayed no bell or knocker, just a greenish plaque that bore the legend RESIDENCE OF CROWCROSS. “Lord Crowcross,” Randolph murmured as though it might gain some significance for him if not summon its owner to the door. As he tried to recall ever having previously heard the name he felt a chill touch as thin as a fingernail on the back of his neck. It was a raindrop, which sent him to push the heavy door wide.
The door had lumbered just a few inches across the stone flags when it met an obstruction. Randolph might have fancied that somebody determined but enfeebled was bent on shutting him out, perhaps having dropped to all fours. The hindrance proved to be a greyish walking boot that had toppled over from its place against the wall. Several pairs grey with a mixture of dried mud and dust stood in the gloomy porch. “Don’t go any further,” Harriet would have been saying by now, “you don’t know if you’re invited,” but Randolph struggled around the door and kicked the boot against the wall. As he made for the archway on the far side of the porch, light greeted him.
Little else did. His approach had triggered a single yellowish bulb that strove to illuminate a large room. Opposite the arch an empty chair upholstered in a pattern so faded it wasn’t worth distinguishing stood behind a bulky desk. Apart from a blotter like a plot of moss and earth, the desk was occupied by a pair of cardboard boxes and scattered with a few crumpled pamphlets for local attractions. The box that was inscribed HONESTY in an extravagantly cursive script contained three coins adding up to five pounds and so thoroughly stuck to the bottom that they were framed by glue. The carton marked TOUR in the same handwriting was cluttered with half a dozen sets of headphones. As Randolph dug in his pockets for change, his host watched him.
The man was in a portrait, which hung on the grey stone wall behind the desk it dwarfed. He stood in tweed and jodhpurs on a hill. With one hand flattened on his hip he seemed less to be surveying the landscape in the foreground of the picture than to be making his claim on it clear. The wide fields scattered with trees led to Lorn Hall. Although his fleshy face looked satisfied in every way, the full almost pouting lips apparently found it redundant to smile. His eyes were as blue as the summer sky above him, and included the viewer in their gaze. Was he less of an artist than he thought, or was he meant to tower over the foreshortened perspective? Randolph had guessed who he was, since the C that signed the lower left-hand corner of the canvas was in the familiar handwriting. “My lord,” Randolph murmured as he dropped coins in the box.
The clink of metal didn’t bring anyone to explain the state of the headphones. They weren’t just dusty; as he rummaged through them, a leggy denizen scrabbled out of the box and fell off the desk to scuttle into the shadows. “That’s very much more than enough,” Harriet would have said to him in the way she did not much more often to their children. If you weren’t adventurous you weren’t much at all, and the gust of wind that slammed the front door helped Randolph stick to his decision. Having wiped the least dusty set of headphones with a pamphlet for a penal museum, he turned them over in his hands but couldn’t find a switch. As he fitted them gingerly over his ears a voice said “You’ll excuse my greeting you in person.”
Nobody was visible beyond the open door beside the painting, only darkness. The voice seemed close yet oddly distant, pronouncing every consonant but so modulated it implied the speaker hardly cared if he was heard. “Do move on once you’ve taken in my portrait,” he said. “There may be others awaiting their turn.”
“There’s only me,” Randolph pointed out and stared with some defiance at the portrait. If Lord Crowcross had taught himself to paint, he wasn’t the ideal choice of teacher. The landscape was a not especially able sketch that might have been copied from a photograph, and the figure was unjustifiably large. The artist appeared to have spent most time on the face, and Randolph was returning its gaze when Crowcross said “Do move on once you’ve taken in my portrait. There may be others awaiting their turn.”
“I already told you I’m on my own,” Randolph protested. The headphones must be geared to the listener’s position in the house, but the technology seemed incongruous, as out of place as Randolph was determined not to let the commentary make him feel. “I’m on my way,” he said and headed for the next room.
He’d barely stepped over the stone threshold when the light went out behind him. “Saving on the bills, are we?” he muttered as he was left in the dark. In another second his arrival roused more lights—one in each corner of an extensive high-ceilinged room. “This is where the family would gather of an evening,” Crowcross said in both his ears. “We might entertain our peers here, such as were left. I am afraid our way of life lost favour in my lifetime, and the country is much poorer.”
The room was furnished with senile obese sofas and equally faded over-weight armchairs, all patterned with swarms of letters like the initial on the portrait. A tapestry depicting a hunt occupied most of the wall opposite the windows, which Randolph might have thought were curtained so as to hide the dilapidation from the world. Several decanters close to opaque with dust stood on a sideboard near a massive fireplace, where cobwebbed lumps of coal were piled in the iron cage of the hearth. Had the place been left in this state to remind visitors it had fallen on hard times? Everyone Randolph knew would be ashamed to go in for that trick, whatever their circumstances. Quite a few were desperate to sell their homes, but all his efforts as an estate agent were in vain just now. He turned to find his way out of the room and saw Lord Crowcross watching him.
This time his host was in a painting of the room, though this was clearer from the positions of the furniture than from any care in the depiction. Sketchy figures sat in chairs or sprawled languidly on the couches. Just enough detail had been added to their faces—numerous wrinkles, grey hair—to signify that every one was older than the figure in the middle of the room. He was standing taller than he should in proportion to the others, and his obsessively rendered face appeared to be ignoring them. “Do make your way onwards whenever you’re ready,” he said without moving his petulant lips. “I fear there are no servants to show you around.”
“No wonder the place is in such a state”—or rather the absence of servants was the excuse, and Randolph was tempted to say so. By now Harriet would have been accusing him of risking the children’s health. He loitered to make the voice repeat its message, but this wasn’t as amusing as he’d expected; he could almost have fancied it was hiding impatience if not contempt. “Let’s see what else you’ve got to show me,” he said and tramped out of the room.
All the lights were extinguished at once. He was just able to see that he’d emerged into a broad hallway leading to a staircase wider than his arms could stretch. He smelled damp on stone or wood. By the dim choked glow through doorways on three sides of the hall he made out that the posts at the foot of the steep banisters were carved with cherubs. In the gloom the eyes resembled ebony jewels, but the expressions on the chubby wooden faces were unreadable. “Do continue to the next exhibit,” Crowcross prompted him.
Presumably this meant the nearest room. Randolph paced to the left-hand doorway and planted a foot on the threshold, but had to take several steps forward before the light acknowledged him. Fewer than half the bulbs in the elaborate chandelier above the long table lit up. “This is where the family would dine in style,” Crowcross said, “apart from the youngest member.”
The table was set for ten people. Dusty plates and silver utensils stained with age lay on the extravagantly lacy yellowed tablecloth. Like the upholstery of all the chairs, every plate was marked with C. Doilies to which spiders had lent extra patterns were spread on a sideboard, opposite which a painting took most of the place of a tapestry that had left its outline on the stone wall. Although the painting might have depicted a typical dinner at Lorn Hall, Randolph thought it portrayed something else. Of the figures seated at the table, only the one at the head of the table possessed much substance. The familiar face was turned away from his sketchy fellow diners to watch whoever was in the actual room, while a servant with a salver waited on either side of him. “Subsequently the situation was reversed,” Crowcross said, “and I made the place my own.”
Was the painting meant to remind him of the family he’d lost—to provide companionship in his old age? Randolph was trying to see it in those terms when the pinched voice said “By all means make your way onwards.” He could do without a repetition, and he made for the hall. As the chandelier went dark he glimpsed somebody turning the bend of the staircase.
“Excuse me,” Randolph called, moving the earpiece away from his right ear, but the other didn’t respond. If they were wearing headphones too they might not have heard him. He’d only wanted to ask whether they knew what time the house closed to the public. At least he wasn’t alone in it, and he picked his way along the hall to the kitchen, where part of the darkness seemed to remain solid as the weary light woke up.
It was a massive black iron range that dominated the grey room. A dormant fragment of the blackness came to life, waving its feelers as it darted into one of the round holes in the top of the range. How long had the kitchen been out of use? Surely nobody would put up with such conditions now. Chipped blotchy marble surfaces and a pair of freezers—one a head taller than Randolph, its twin lying horizontal—might be responsible for some of the chill that met him. A solitary cleaver lay on a ponderous table, which looked not just scored by centuries of knife strokes but in places hacked to splinters. Randolph looked around for a portrait, but perhaps Crowcross felt the kitchen was undeserving of his presence. “My father enjoyed watching the maids at their work,” he said. “Red-handed skivvies, he called them. I did myself. Since then the world has changed so radically that their like have been among the visitors. Perhaps you are of their kind.”
“Not at all,” Randolph objected and felt absurd, not least because he suspected that Crowcross might have disagreed with him. He was searching for some trace of the people who’d worked here—initials carved on the table, for instance—when Crowcross said “There is no more to see here. Let us move on.”
He sounded like a parody of a policeman—an officious one used to being obeyed. Randolph couldn’t resist lingering to force him to say it again, and might easily have thought a hint of petulance had crept into the repetition. The light failed before Randolph was entirely out of the kitchen, but he glimpsed a door he’d overlooked in the underside of the staircase. As he reached for the heavy doorknob Crowcross said “Nothing of interest is kept down there. I never understood its appeal for my father.”
Perhaps Randolph did, assuming the servants’ quarters were below. He wondered how his guide’s mother had felt about the arrangement. The scalloped doorknob wouldn’t turn even when he applied both hands to it. As he looked for a key in the thick dust along the lintel Crowcross spoke. “I have told you nothing has remained. Let us see where I was a child.”
His petulance was unmistakable. No doubt the basement rooms would be unlit in any case. Randolph was making his way past the stairs when he heard whoever else was in the house shuffling along an upper corridor. He wondered if there was more light up there, since the footfalls were surer than his own. They receded out of earshot as he pushed open the door of the turret room.
The room was lit, though nothing like immediately, by a single bare bulb on a cobwebbed flex. The round aloof ceiling caught much of the light, and Randolph suspected that even with the curtains open the room might have seemed like a cell to a child. It was furnished with a desk and a table in proportion, each attended by a starkly straight chair. While the table was set for a solitary meal, it had space for a pile of books: an infant’s primer on top, a children’s encyclopaedia many decades old at the bottom. Even when Randolph made the children read instead of playing, Harriet rarely agreed with his choice of books. The stone floor was scattered with building blocks, a large wooden jigsaw depicting a pastoral scene, an abacus, a picture book with pages thick as rashers, open to show a string like a scrawny umbilical cord dangling from the belly of a pig spotted with mould. The desk was strewn with exercise books that displayed the evolution of the omnipresent handwriting; one double page swarmed with a C well on its way to resembling the letter that seemed almost to infest the mansion. “This is where I spent the years in growing worthy of my name,” said Crowcross. “In our day parents hired their delegates and kept them on the premises. Now the care of children is another industry, one more product of the revolution that has overtaken the country by stealth.”
Above the desk a painting showed the room much as it was now, if somewhat brighter and more insubstantial. Crowcross stood between rudimentary impressions of the table and the desk. His arms were folded, and he might have been playing a teacher, except that nobody else was in the room—at least, not in the picture of it. “If you have learned everything you feel entitled to know,” he said, “let us go up.”
Did Randolph want to bother going on, given the condition of the house? Harriet certainly wouldn’t have, even if the children weren’t with them. He’d had nothing like his money’s worth yet, unless he retrieved the payment on his way out. Perhaps the person upstairs might know more about the history of Lorn Hall, and Randolph didn’t mind admitting to a guilty fascination, not least with the companion at his ear. “If you have learned everything you feel,” Crowcross said and fell silent as Randolph left the room.
He was on the lowest stair when he noticed that the cherub on the banister had no wings. Somebody had chopped them off, leaving unequal stumps, and he couldn’t help suspecting that the vandal had been Crowcross, perhaps since he’d found himself alone in Lorn Hall, the last of his line. He had the uneasy notion that Crowcross was about to refer to if not justify the damage. “If you have learned,” the voice said before he could let go of the shaky banister.
From the bend in the stairs he saw the upper corridor, just about illuminated by the dimness beyond several doorways. Whoever he’d glimpsed on the stairs wasn’t to be seen, and no light suggested they were in a room. Presumably they were at the top of the house by now. Barely glancing at a second mutilated cherub, Randolph made for the nearest room along the corridor.
Its principal item was an enormous four-poster bed. Burdened by plaster sloughed by the ceiling, the canopy sagged like an ancient cobweb. More plaster glistened on an immense dressing-table and an upholstered chair that must once have looked muscular. Most of the light from the few live bulbs in the chandelier fell short of a side room, where Randolph was just able to distinguish a marble bath with blackened taps and a pallid hand gripping the side to haul its owner into view, but that was a crumpled cloth. “You are in the master bedroom,” Crowcross said tonelessly enough to be addressing an intruder. “Would you expect the master to have left more of a mark?”
His portrait showed him gripping the left-hand bedpost. As well as declaring ownership he gave the impression of awaiting a companion—watching with feigned patience for someone to appear in the doorway at Randolph’s back. His imperiousness was somewhat undermined by crumbs of plaster adorning the top of the picture frame. “Will you know what robs a man of mastery?” he said. “Pray accompany me along the corridor.”
Randolph couldn’t help feeling relieved not to be given the tour by his host in the flesh. He suspected the commentary had been recorded late in the man’s life—when he was turning senile, perhaps. The chandelier in the next room contained even fewer bulbs, which faltered alight to outline another bed. Its posts were slimmer than its neighbour’s, and the canopy was more delicate, which meant it looked close to collapsing under the weight of debris. Had a fall of plaster smashed the dressing-table mirror? Randolph could see only shards of glass among the dusty cosmetic items. “Here you see the private suite of the last Lady Crowcross,” the voice said. “I fear that the ways of our family were not to her taste.”
He held a bedpost in his left fist, but it was unclear which bedroom he was in. His depiction of himself was virtually identical with the one next door. A figure identifiable as a woman by the long hair draped over the pillow lay in the sketch of a bed. Randolph couldn’t judge if Crowcross had given her a face, because where one should be was a dark stain, possibly the result of the age and state of the painting. “Please don’t exert yourself to look for any signs of children,” Crowcross said. “They were taken long ago. My lady disagreed with the Crowcross methods and found another of our fairer counterparts to plead her case.”
“I know the feeling,” Randolph said, immediately regretting the response. There was no point in being bitter; he told himself so every time he had the children and whenever he had to give them up. As he caught sight of the bathroom shower, which was so antiquated that the iron cage put him in mind of some medieval punishment, Crowcross said “You’ll have none of the little dears about you, I suppose. They must conduct themselves appropriately in this house.”
While Randolph thought his and Harriet’s children might have passed the test, at least if they’d been with him, he was glad not to have to offer proof. As he made for the corridor he glimpsed a trickle of moisture or some livelier object running down a bar of the shower cage. “That’s the style,” said Crow-cross. “There’s nothing worthy of attention here if you’ve taken in my work.”
It almost sounded as though the guide was aware of Randolph’s movements. To an extent this was how the commentary operated, but could it really be so specific? He was tempted to learn how it would react if he stayed in the room, but when the lit bulbs flickered in unison as though to urge him onwards he retreated into the corridor.
The adjacent room was the last on this side. Shadows swarmed and fluttered among the dead bulbs as the chandelier struggled to find life. All the furniture was stout and dark, the bedposts included. One corner of the laden canopy had almost torn loose. The room smelled dank, so that Randolph wouldn’t have been surprised to see moisture on the stone walls. “This was the sanctum of the eldest Crowcross,” the voice said. “His wife’s quarters were across the corridor.”
Presumably the portrait was meant to demonstrate how the room had become his. He was at the window, holding back the curtain to exhibit or lay claim to a version of the landscape in summer. His eyes were still on his audience; Randolph was beginning to feel as if the gaze never left him. He was meeting it and waiting for the next words when he heard a vehicle start up outside the house.
The bedposts shook like dislocated bones as he dashed across the room, and debris shifted with a stony whisper. The gap between the curtains was scarcely a finger’s width. They felt capable of leaving handfuls of sodden heavy fabric in his grasp, and he knew where at least some of the smell came from. As he dragged them apart the rings twitched rustily along the metal rail. He craned forward, keeping well clear of the windowsill, which was scattered with dead flies like seeds of some unwelcome growth. The grid of cramped panes was coated with grime and crawling with raindrops, so that he was only just able to make out the grounds. Then, beyond the misshapen bloated topiary, he saw movement—the van near which he’d parked. Its outline wavered as it sped along the drive and picked up speed on the road.
Was Randolph alone in the house now? In that case, how had the driver sneaked past him? As the van disappeared into the rainswept gloom Crowcross said “Will you see the woman’s quarters now? Everything is open to you, no matter what your pedigree.”
How distasteful was this meant to sound? Randolph might have had enough by now except for the weather. He felt as if he was ensuring he outran the voice by hurrying across the corridor. A few bulbs sputtered alight in their cobwebbed crystal nest to show him yet another dilapidated bed. A hole had rotted in the canopy, dumping plaster on the stained bedclothes. Crowcross was holding a bedpost again, and a careless scribble behind him suggested that someone had just left the sketched bed. “Any little treasures would be barred from all these rooms,” he said. “Have any found their way in now? Do keep an eye on their behaviour. We don’t want any damage.”
“I think you’re having a bit of a joke,” Randolph said. How senile had the speaker been by the time he’d recorded the commentary? Had he been seeing his home as it used to be? The light stuttered, rousing shadows in the bathroom and enlivening a muddy trickle on the initialled tiles above the marble trough. “If you have had your pleasure,” Crowcross said, “the eldest breathed their last next door.”
“My pleasure,” Randolph retorted, and it was a question too.
The chandelier in the adjacent room lacked several bulbs. In the pensioned light a pair of four-posters occupied much of the cheerless space. Although the canopies were intact, the supports showed their age, some of the thinner ones bowing inwards. “They came here to grow as old as they could,” Crowcross said. “Tell any little cherubs that, and how they had to stay together while they did.”
Randolph thought the commentary had turned childish in the wrong way, if indeed there was a right one. He’d begun to feel it was no longer addressed to him or any listener, especially once Crowcross muttered “And then older.”
The beds were flanked by massive wardrobes almost as dark outside as in. Both were open just enough to let Randolph distinguish shapes within. The figure with a dwarfish puffy head and dangling arms that were longer than its legs was a suit on a padded hanger. Its opposite number resembled a life-size cut-out of a woman drained of colour—just a long white dress, not a shroud. Nobody was about to poke a face around either of the doors, however much Randolph was reminded of a game of hide and seek. He’d never prevented the children from playing that, even if he might have in Lorn Hall. As he did his best to finish peering at the wardrobes Crowcross said “Are you still hoping for diversions? They await your judgement.”
Randolph was starting to feel like the butt of a joke he wasn’t expected to appreciate, since Crowcross didn’t seem to think much of his visitors, let alone their views. When a pair of the lamps in the next room jittered alight, a ball on the billiard table shot into the nearest pocket. Of course only its legs had made it look as large as a billiard ball. Packs of battered cards were strewn across a table patched with baize, and cobwebs had overtaken a game of chess, where chipped marble chessmen lay in the dust beside the board. “This is where games were played,” Crowcross said, “by those who had the privilege. Mine was waiting, and in the end I won.”
He might have been talking to himself again, and resentfully at that. “We haven’t seen your room yet,” Randolph said and wondered if all of them had been. “You aren’t ashamed of it, are you? It’s a bit late to be ashamed.”
He was heading for the turret room when Crowcross said “Eager to see where I was visited by dreams? Since then they have had the run of the house.”
After a pause the room was illuminated by a stark grubby bulb. A bed with no posts and less than half the size of any of the others stood in the middle of the stone floor. The only other furniture was a wardrobe and a comparably sombre dressing-table with a mirror so low it cut Randolph off above the waist. Perhaps the soft toys huddled on the pillow had at some stage been intended to make the room more welcoming, but that wasn’t their effect now. The pair of teddy bears and the lamb with boneless legs had all acquired red clownish mouths that contradicted their expressions. So much paint had been applied that it still resembled fresh blood.
They were in the portrait, where their sketched faces looked disconcertingly human. Perhaps the alterations to the actual toys had been a kind of preliminary study. Crowcross stood at the sunlit window, beyond which a distant figure stooped, hands outstretched. “I used to love watching the keepers trap their prey,” Crowcross said. “They are put here for our pleasure and our use.”
As Randolph turned away he saw what the painting didn’t show. The toys on the pillow almost hid the clasped pair of hands protruding from beneath the quilt, which was blotched with mould. No, they were wings, none too expertly severed from the body—a pair of wooden wings. “This could have been a child’s room,” Crowcross mused. “We always raised our children to be men.”
“Don’t we talk about girls? I thought I was supposed to be unreasonable but my dear lord, my wife ought to listen to you,” Randolph said and seemed to hear a confused violent noise in response. The window was shuddering under an onslaught of rain. He turned his back to all the eyes watching him—the portrait’s and those of the disfigured toys, which were exactly as blank—and heard soft rapid footfalls on the stairs above him.
They were shuffling along the top corridor by the time he reached the staircase. “Excuse me, could you wait?” he shouted, raising the other head-phone from his ear as he dashed upstairs so fast that he couldn’t have said whether one cherub’s face was splintered beyond recognition. Whenever he grabbed the banister, it wobbled with a bony clatter of its uprights. In a few seconds he saw that the top corridor was deserted.
None of the rooms showed a light. Perhaps whoever was about was trying to fix one, since otherwise their presence would have triggered it. Perhaps they were too busy to answer Randolph. Had the driver of the van been in the house at all? Presumably the person Randolph had glimpsed earlier was up here now. They couldn’t have gone far, and he made for the turret room in the hope of finding them.
He saw he was alone once the meagre light recognised him. A lectern stood beside an imposing telescope that was pointed at the window. Astronomical charts—some crumpled, others chewed or torn to shreds—lay on the floor. “I never saw the appeal of the stars,” Crowcross said, more distantly now. “I’ve no wish to be reminded of the dead. They say that’s how old their light is. I preferred to watch the parade of the world. The glass brought it close enough for my taste.”
He could have used the telescope to spy on the grounds and the road. Beyond the blurred fields Randolph saw an endless chain of watery lights being drawn at speed along the horizon. It was the motorway, where he promised himself he’d be soon, but he could finish exploring while he waited for the rain to stop, particularly since the family wasn’t with him. He left the turret room with barely a glance at the portrait in which Crowcross appeared to be stroking the barrel of the telescope as if it were a pet animal.
The next room was a library. Shelves of bound sets of fat volumes covered every wall up to the roof. Each volume was embossed with a C like a brand at the base of its spine. More than one high shelf had tipped over with the weight of books or the carelessness with which they’d been placed, so that dozens of books were sprawled about the floor in a jumble of dislocated pages. A ladder with rusty wheels towered over several stocky leather armchairs mottled with decay. “This might be tidier,” said Crowcross. “Perhaps that could be your job.”
What kind of joke was this meant to be? Randolph wondered if the last lord of Lorn Hall could have pulled the books down in a fury at having nowhere to hang his portrait. He couldn’t have done much if any reading in here unless there had been more light than the one remaining bulb provided. It was enough to show that Randolph was still alone, and he dodged across the corridor.
An unshaded bulb on a cobwebbed flex took its time over revealing a bedroom. All four bedposts leaned so far inwards that they could have been trying to grasp the light or fend it off. The canopy lay in a heap on the bed. Although Randolph thought he’d glimpsed clothes hanging in the tall black wardrobe as the light came on, once he blinked at the glare he could see nothing except gloom beyond the scrawny gap—no pale garment for somebody bigger than he was, no wads of tissue paper stuffed into the cuffs and collar. “This could be made fit for guests again,” Crowcross said. “Would you consider it to be your place?”
He sounded as furtively amused as he looked in his portrait, which showed him standing in the doorway of the room, gazing at whoever was within. It made Randolph glance behind him, even though he knew the corridor was empty. “I wouldn’t be a guest of yours,” he blurted, only to realise that in a sense he was. Almost too irritated to think, he tramped out of the room.
Next door was a bedroom very reminiscent of its neighbour. The fallen canopy of the four-poster was so rotten it appeared to have begun merging with the quilt. The portrait beyond the bed was virtually identical with the last one, and the light could have been competing at reluctance with its peers. Nothing was visible in the half-open wardrobe except padded hangers like bones fattened by dust. Randolph was about to move on when Crowcross said “This could be made fit for guests again. Would you consider it to be your place?”
The repetition sounded senile, and it seemed to cling to Randolph’s brain. As he lurched towards the corridor Crowcross added “Will you make yourself at home?”
It had none of the tone of an invitation, and Randolph wasn’t about to linger. Whoever else was upstairs had to be in the last room. “Have you seen all you choose?” Crowcross said while Randolph crossed the corridor. “See the rest, then.”
The last room stayed dark until Randolph shoved the door wider, and then the lights began to respond—more of them than he thought he’d seen during the rest of the tour. The room was larger than both its neighbours combined, and graced with several chandeliers that he suspected had been replaced by solitary bulbs elsewhere in the house. They were wired low on the walls and lay on the floor, casting more shadow than illumination as he peered about the room.
It was cluttered with retired items. Rolled-up tapestries drooped against the walls, and so did numerous carpets and rugs, suggesting that someone had chosen to rob Lorn Hall of warmth. Several battered grandfather clocks stood like sentries over wooden crates and trunks that must have taken two servants apiece to carry them, even when they were empty of luggage. Smaller clocks perched on rickety pieces of furniture or lurked on the floorboards, and Randolph couldn’t help fancying that somebody had tried to leave time up here to die. Crouching shadows outnumbered the objects he could see, but he appeared to be alone. As he narrowed his eyes Crowcross said “Here is where I liked to hide. Perhaps I still do.”
“I would if I were you,” Randolph said without having a precise retort in mind. He’d noticed a number of paintings stacked against the wall at the far end of the room. Were they pictures Crowcross had replaced with his own, or examples of his work he didn’t want visitors to see? Randolph picked his way across the floor, almost treading on more than one photograph in the dimness—they’d slipped from unsteady heaps of framed pictures which, as far as he could make out, all showed members of the Crowcross family. Even the glass on the topmost pictures in the heaps was shattered. He’d decided to postpone understanding the damage until he was out of the room when he reached the paintings against the wall.
Though the light from the nearest chandelier was obstructed by the clutter, the image on the foremost canvas was plain enough. It portrayed Crowcross in a field, his arms folded, one foot on a prone man’s neck. He looked not so much triumphant as complacent. The victim’s face was either turned away submissively or buried in the earth, and his only distinguishing feature was the C embossed on his naked back. It wasn’t a painting from life, Randolph told himself; it was just a symbol or a fantasy, either of which was bad enough. He was about to tilt the canvas forward to expose the next when Crowcross spoke. “The last,” he said.
Did he mean a painting or the room, or did the phrase have another significance? Randolph wasn’t going to be daunted until he saw what Crowcross had tried to conceal, but as he took hold of a corner of the frame the portrait was invaded by darkness. A light had been extinguished at his back—no, more than one—and too late he realised something else. Because the headphones weren’t over his ears any more he’d mistaken the direction of the voice. It was behind him.
The room seemed to swivel giddily as he did. The figure that almost filled the doorway was disconcertingly familiar, and not just from the versions in the paintings; he’d glimpsed it skulking in the wardrobe. It wore a baggy nightshirt no less pallid and discoloured than its skin. Its face was as stiff as it appeared in any of the portraits, and the unblinking eyes were blank as lumps of greyish paint. The face had lolled in every direction it could find, much like the contents of the rest of the visible skin—the bare arms, the legs above the clawed feet. When the puffy white lips parted Randolph thought the mouth was in danger of losing more than its shape. As the figure shuffled forward he heard some of the substance of the unshod feet slopping against the floor. Just as its progress extinguished the rest of the lights it spoke with more enthusiasm than he’d heard from it anywhere else in the house. “Game,” it said.
Lavie Tidhar
SELFIES
LAVIE TIDHAR is the author of the Jerwood Fiction Uncovered Prize-winning
“I had the idea for ‘Selfies’ as a sort of modern horror film,” recalls the author, “inspired in part, I suspect, by
“In the end I wrote it as a short story. The main challenge was getting the structure right, and it took me some time to figure out how the ‘pictures’ would work. It was also fun to incorporate the idea of mimicry in objects (a throwaway to Avram Davidson’s 1958 story ‘Or All the Seas with Oysters’?) as well as the nonsensical Lovecraftian ‘mad Jesuit’ etc bit.
“Farnsworth is both a reference to—naturally—Farnsworth Wright, the famous editor of
IN ONE OF the last pictures I am running. I am running down the street and it is dark, the street lamps are dim and the light oozes down sickly and yellow. I can feel my heart almost bursting in my chest, the taste in my mouth of something sour and unpleasant. I’m running as fast as I can. I have to get away.
The moon is a sickle moon. Its cheek is pockmarked with acne scars. It looks down on me, it hangs overhead like a malformed knife. They’re running behind me and they’re gaining. They’re not even running hard. They spread out around me, they match their pace to mine, easily, without effort. They whisper my name, Ellie, Ellie. Just ahead is the rusty iron gate to the old playground. I used to play on the swings here when I was a little girl. They crowd me here. I don’t know if kids still use it. I stumble through the gate and into the playground. I just have to keep running but I take a picture then, I can’t help it, I take a picture and it’s just me and the gate and that sickle moon, and no one at all behind me.
“I heard this story about a girl who went mad a few months ago.”
“What girl?”
“Her name was Ellie and she was in my year at school. I didn’t see much of her after that until they found her dead at the bottom of the old playground down my street one night, a few months ago.”
“Oh, I’m really sorry.”
“It’s all right, I really didn’t know her that well. What was funny was, when I saw her, it was only for a moment before they zipped up the bag and took her away. It was her face, see. It was the scariest thing I ever saw, her face. Here, look. Just before they zipped her up I took a photo.”
“…”
“That’s disgusting!”
“I didn’t put it on Facebook or anything.”
“Are those
“…”
“What is she doing with her
“I think she’s screaming. She was still holding her phone when they found her, even though she was broken up pretty bad. My cousin Dan works in the lab and he said there were thousands of pictures on her phone. Thousands and thousands.”
“…”
“He said the police could construct her last few months almost moment by moment following the pictures. They were mostly selfies. But some of them were pretty weird. Dan said maybe someone photoshopped them. After a while they didn’t even make sense.”
“That’s pretty vain, though.”
“I guess.”
“…”
“You know what the really weird thing was, though?”
“What?”
“A couple of days later I was in the supermarket and I thought I saw her. She was standing in the aisle by the cereal shelves and she was talking on her phone. She was holding a box of Crunchy Nuts. I had this really queasy feeling when I saw her. I mean it couldn’t be her, right? Then it was, like, she knew I was standing there and she turned and she gave me this smile. She had these uneven white teeth and she had her hair in this sort of fringe. She used to be really pretty. But when she turned she looked directly at me and it was her eyes. They were like eggshells, without pupils or an iris, they were just entirely white and empty and flat and she smiled.”
“You’re making it up.”
“I had a can of Coke in my hand and it fell down and burst open, and there was a mess. When I looked up again she’d disappeared.”
“Did you pay for the Coke?”
“Yeah, I paid for the Coke. They buried her a few days later. I didn’t go to the funeral. I mean, like I said, I never really knew her all that well, anyway.”
This is right after I buy the phone. The shop behind me has a sign that says PREVIOUSLY OWNED. I don’t know if that is its name or just a description, but it is accurate all the same. I’d gone to the mall, just browsing. At the back of the lower level, all the way back, the shops turn dusty and dark. There’s a baby clothes store that hasn’t seen a baby in years, and a shop for vegan supplies, and a video store that’s permanently shut. I’d not noticed this particular shop before. I go in and it is filled with strange objects and all sorts of knick-knacks, like weird clockwork devices and creepy voodoo dolls and paintings of grotesque creatures like something on the cover of a paperback. At first I don’t see anyone in the shop but then I hear a cough and this weird old guy with a long, almost horse-like face, and pale watery eyes, appears behind the counter, almost like he’d just been somehow cut out of the shadows and given form and pushed into the light, and he coughs again and says, “Can I help you, Miss?”
I say, “I’m just browsing,” and I see his face frown in displeasure and it makes me feel uncomfortable. “You’re very pretty,” he says suddenly, and I think I blush, and I shrug a little uncomfortably.
“No, no, really,” he says.
“Thank you,” I say.
“Here,” he says. He brings something out from behind the counter and it’s so startling in the shop amongst all the old and dusty objects: it’s a brand-new phone. “Do you have one?” he says.
“A phone?”
“A phone like this one.”
“No, no,” I say. “I just have this old thing.”
“Then take this one,” he says. “From me.”
“You mean, for free?”
“No,” he says, and looks at me like I’m dim. “Of course not. I don’t run a charity here.”
“Oh. I mean…”
“Very cheap,” he says, and he pushes the phone at me aggressively. “Take it. Take it!”
He scares me so I take it but as soon as I hold the phone I feel better. It feels so smooth and warm, and it fits snugly into my palm. I swipe across the screen and the icons blink back at me. I barely hear that awful man when he says the price and like in a dream I take out some money and give it to him. He said I was pretty but I guess I never thought of myself as pretty. I mean I didn’t give it much thought one way or another. I step out of the shop and suddenly there is light around me, and air. My finger itches. I hold up the phone in front of me and press the camera button and it’s like something in me wakes up for the first time and something inside me dies—I can’t describe it. I don’t need to. I press the button and there’s the image, instead.
In the last picture, I’m dead.
Funny thing is, I go back to the spot where the shop was a few days later and there is no sign of it. Here’s me standing with a Cinnabon behind me and the guy behind the counter said it’s been there for the past year. In the picture I’m biting my lip and looking worried. I had to keep clicking. I had to keep taking pictures, but the pictures were beginning to lie.
“That was
I say: “What are you talking about?”
I snap a picture. Me standing there looking vaguely irritated, in his kitchen. He has petunias on the windowsill. I don’t like the way the light catches them. They look ill, and the sunlight is all blotchy.
“Last night! You were
Dinner with Mum and Dad and Noah. We’re all smiling. Noah has his arm around me and he’s grinning stupidly into the camera and so am I. I’m feeling like there’s a fire inside me, burning from the inside out, like light falling on a negative, and it’s reaching everywhere, it’s touching everything with light.
Me in front of the mirror, but the picture is all wrong. This is after I’d left Noah’s place and gone home. I’m crying as I press the button, but the me in the mirror is smiling.
This photo’s a little blurry because I’m running. I’m on the street and a man is pursuing me.
Blurry as I turn away from the man, who’s still speaking.
He has a nervous excited voice and he keeps shouting about my phone. We’re both caught in the photo and for a moment his face is both almost erotically excited and incredibly terrified.
A man approaches me in the street but he’s not in the photo. He wants to buy my phone. I can’t really understand what he’s saying. He is tall and thin with a straggly beard and he smells as though he hasn’t washed for a few days. He says his name is Farnsworth and that he’s a collector. He keeps asking me where I got my phone and do I know what it is. I tell him it’s just a phone but he doesn’t really listen. He says something about mimic objects, and parasite mechanics, and things that look like other things.
Dark Chamber, he keeps saying, Dark Chamber, a
There is someone standing outside my house under the street lamp but I don’t dare look.
It’s so quiet. It’s so quiet and nothing moves. Nothing moves but I know it’s there. The silence is like a living thing or the echo of living things. It’s like a dark chamber in my room and the only illumination comes from outside. The light presses against the curtains.
Something is standing outside under the lamp.
I pull back the corner of the curtain and I don’t look out but I take a picture.
In the picture something with my face is standing outside and it’s looking back at me and it’s smiling.
Someone had slipped an envelope under my door in the night and when I open it I find a piece of paper inside torn from a book. I’m holding it up next to my face. My eyes are puffy. You can just about make out the letters. It says:
I don’t know what it means, it’s gibberish.
It’s blurry because my hand is shaking so much and you can’t make out anything.
Farnsworth again. I point the phone at him and he shrieks and runs away before I can take his picture so I take mine instead.
And another.
And another.
And another.
And another and with each one I feel better and worse like I am being cut up into a lot of tiny little pieces like bits of me are lost like there is me and me and me and me and another.
Standing in the park in the sunshine with my new phone and I’m so happy and everything is going to be all right.
Me with a crying face. Dark. I have red eyes. It’s night and I’ve just been woken. Farnsworth is outside shouting. An ikiryō is a spirit torn from your soul by a curse, who now lives independently.
In some cultures they believe that every photo takes away a little bit of your soul.
“I’ll pay you anything!” he says. I can hear a dog barking. “Give it to me!” His voice is so lonely and so desperate. Then the dog stops barking suddenly and Farnsworth gives a high-pitched shriek. I don’t have to look outside to see what he sees.
Outside the supermarket.
I go into the supermarket and I bump into another customer and I mumble, “Sorry,” and then when I look just for a moment she looks back at me and she smiles with my face.
My hand is shaking. A shot of me against supermarket shelves. Shoppers pushing carts loaded with food and tins and cereal. One by one they stop and raise their heads and look up at me. They smile with my face. They have no eyes.
Someone whispers my name, Ellie, Ellie.
I run.
In one of the last pictures I’m running. The road spreads out ahead of me, and the sleeping suburban homes. The moonlight is sucked into the asphalt. I run, the only sound the beating of blood in my head. The air is scented with jasmine. Ahead of me is the old playground where we used to play. I don’t look back when I take the picture, but I know they’re there.
Stephen Volk
MATILDA OF THE NIGHT
STEPHEN VOLK is a BAFTA-winning screenwriter. He recently saw the filming of his three-part adaptation of Phil Rickman’s novel
He is best known, however, as creator of the notorious BBC-TV “Hallowe’en hoax”
His short stories have been selected for
“Strangely for someone who works a lot in a visual medium, I like stories about sound,” admits the author. “About tape recorders. I love Coppola’s film
“I was very much taken with this idea of a folklorist gathering oral tales when, several years ago, I was researching Welsh mythology for a putative TV series called
“Revisiting it afresh, I rekindled memories of my late Welsh grandmothers (one of whom told me her mother used to leave milk out for the
“And the more I wrote, the more it seemed his encounter with the
The quarter-inch tape ran through the ReVox. The machine sat so that its turning reels faced the rows of semi-lit young faces.
Ivan Rees switched it off with a twist of his hand, killing the old man’s rasping, heavily-accented voice.
“Phantom funeral guests.” The illumination stuttered into being. The ranks of students blinked as if awakened from slumber, which possibly they had been. “I got that from a retired collier in Pontypridd. Variation of the typical ‘spectral funeral’, also known as
Rees jabbed a button on the keyboard of his MacBook Air linked up to the overhead projector. An old woodcut of a house with a bird sitting on the roof appeared on the screen behind him.
“Other Welsh omens of death include the Corpse Candle or
He brought up an engraving of witches with those birds, in one of Goya’s
“The word
The Edvard Munch woodcut fell over him now—a vampiric owl-death-woman.
“Then there’s the
To the audience’s surprise Marilyn Monroe appeared on the screen in titillating close-up, from
“No, she doesn’t look like Marilyn Monroe.” Chuckles. “In fact there’s still a saying in parts of Wales if somebody’s—aesthetically challenged: ‘
More chuckles. His PowerPoint threw up another Goya print—a ghastly crone with monstrous visage and bat-like appendages.
“For the record, she’s a hideous hag with long, matted hair, long black teeth, one grey eye and one black eye, a nose so hooked it meets her chin, withered arms, a crooked back and leathery wings. In other words, the sort of female that doesn’t even get a shag after closing time on a Friday night in Newport city centre…Oh, I don’t know.”
Laughter, more full-bodied this time.
“Anyway you wouldn’t want to see what she
Hans Baldung Grien’s
“Literally, for the non-Welsh-speakers amongst you,
Bottom and Titania in a scene from
“Marie Trevellyan groups her in the category of the
A hand was in the air.
“Isn’t there a theory that what we call the ‘Fairy Folk’ might have been real?” The speaker was undeterred by sniggers. “Several writers suggest there was once a pygmy race on these islands, called the Cor—as in Korrigan, ‘she-dwarf’—driven underground by invaders. What I mean is, bones have been found in caves, haven’t they? Of short people. Ugly compared to human beings. With magical beliefs. Certain evidence they buried their dead, worshipped the moon, had rituals and some kind of social life…”
“Unlike most people in this room,” said Rees.
Groans.
“No, yeah. I mean, seriously,” said the boy. “We just call them Neanderthals.”
“Oh, I know what you
More laughter. The boy blushed slightly and shuffled in his seat.
“Yes, there’s the theory that these imaginary creatures might be the faint memories of another, long lost indigenous species—the Bronze Age replaced by iron,” said Rees. “But as I’ve said before, it’s not the folklorist’s job to explain the inexplicable. That’s not our business—our job is to record, analyse and classify. The reality or not of what we examine is irrelevant.” He took the spool from the ReVox and held it up. “Our work—your mission, if you choose to accept it—is ecology. It’s incumbent on us to save this rich resource from being lost. Our stories are ourselves. We mustn’t let them die.”
He hoped what he said was going in. He tried to discern a glimmer of interest in their dull, placid faces, in their
He killed the PowerPoint, closed the laptop. “Okay, go home. Start thinking about your essays. Next week we’ll be talking about the Devil’s hoof-prints and changelings.”
He saw Glyn at the foot of the steps, leaning back against a stone plinth outside the University building, flicking through a copy of
“Doctor Rees? Doctor Rees?”
The voice came from behind him. Young. Breathless. Female.
Glyn stood up straight and put the
“You’ve got a groupie.”
Rees turned.
“Can I have a quick word, please?” The girl facing him was about nineteen. He knew exactly what Glyn was thinking.
“I’m, er…running rather late, as a matter of fact.”
“It’s—it’s about the
“Oh. As I say, if you want to discuss it in more detail we can do that in the next session…”
“No, no. You don’t understand. You see, it’s quite a, well, coincidence. Do you believe in coincidences? I’d heard the name before. I thought ‘God’. I didn’t think it was real. I thought it was a made-up word.”
“It’s not. It’s really quite well documented.” Rees looked at his watch.
“No, this isn’t documented. This is from an old lady. An old lady who’s dying.”
Rees turned to face her.
“You can talk about it next week, love,” said Glyn. “I’m sure he’ll be all ears.” He tugged Rees’ arm but Rees wasn’t budging.
“Hold on, hold on. What old woman? Where?”
“In the nursing home where I work. Shifts. Bit of extra income to support me through college, while I’m doing my—”
“Yes, yes. I get that. What did she say, exactly?”
“She kept talking about her, this
It was called
As he got out of his Citroën, and hoisted the Nagra out of the back, he could hear the dim strains of a karaoke version of ‘I Could Be So Lucky’ increasing in volume as he stepped into the reception area. In the Day Room he could glimpse a middle-aged woman in a sequinned dress singing into a hefty microphone with the verve of a cruise ship entertainer. A podgy, greasy-haired boy sat manning the playback machine with his back to her while she belted it out. Geriatrics in armchairs watched with loose jaws and gummy, bewildered mouths. One old dear was doing the twist in decrepit slow motion.
“Hello. My name is Doctor Ivan Rees,” he said to the pretty if overweight girl behind the desk. “I’m from Cardiff University.” He didn’t usually have recourse to the title “Doctor”, but in this instance he thought it might be helpful to oil the wheels of accessibility. Luckily, he didn’t need to explain in laborious detail that he was Associate Lecturer in the School of Celtic Studies, M. Litt (Oxford), Ph.D. (Columbia University, Bethesda, Maryland), M.A. University of Wales (Aberystwyth), or why he was there, because she was already saying she’d had a conversation with the Staff Nurse, who’d told Rees on the phone she had no objection to his visit as long as the resident in question didn’t. Which was a hurdle far simpler to cross than Rees had imagined.
The pretty if overweight girl, whose name was Tina Griffiths, led him straight upstairs. “Katrina told me about you.”
“Did she? Good. I hope.”
“I don’t know that you’ll get what you want, though. They get very confused. They can’t remember the word for ‘telephone’ or what they said five minutes ago, but they can remember years ago like it was yesterday.”
“That’s what I’m interested in.”
He had a sense of anticipation he hadn’t felt in a long time, and it had been as if Glyn resented it. Rees hadn’t been able to concentrate much on the French film about persecuted monks they went to see immediately after meeting Katrina, and when Glyn tried to discuss the movie afterwards, Rees could hardly focus on what he was saying. When they got home he hadn’t thought he was doing anything wrong by going straight to his bookshelves and taking down Giraldus Cambrensis’
At 2:00 a.m., after tossing and turning, Glyn had stood naked at the bedroom door and asked him to come to bed. By the time Rees had registered what he had said, and turned from his computer screen, there was nobody there.
“She’ll tire very easily.”
“Of course.”
“Mrs Llewellyn gives the illusion she’s strong as an ox. She isn’t.” Tina escorted Rees along a corridor and through a fire door. “She has so much cancer in her, you could virtually scratch her skin and see it. Like one of those lottery cards.” The girl rapped the door they came to, and Rees asked if she’d heard the woman talk about the
Entering the room, Rees’ first impression was the heat belting out of the four-bar electric fire. It hit him like a wave, then he remembered how old people felt the cold. The second thing was the smell, a sickly perfume odour used to cover something worse. Third was the sight of Bronwen Llewellyn lifting her body from the armchair facing the window. A small woman with thinning ginger hair, extraordinarily piercing blue eyes—had she had her cataracts done or did she need to?—and rounded nostrils that put Rees in mind of a bullock. A frail bullock.
He extended his hand. She walked straight between them and shut the door, evidently to keep the heat in. She pressed it. Opened it. Shut it again. Opened. Shut. Walked back between them to the sash window overlooking the grounds. Checked the catch. Locked. Unlocked. Locked. Unlocked. Rees could tell that Tina knew unless they broke the cycle this could go on all day.
“Bronwen, sweetheart. This is Doctor Rees from the University. D’you remember? The one who wrote you that nice letter?”
“I’m not dull.”
“Bronwen likes to make sure the doors and windows are shut tight, don’t you, Bronwen, love?”
“Because that’s how she gets in. Through
Tina looked at Rees. The music downstairs had changed to a spirited rendition of ‘Stand By Your Man’.
“Okay. I’ll leave you to it, then.”
The girl was barely gone before Bronwen picked up a quilted draught-excluder in the form of a snake and rammed it against the bottom of the door with the toe of her slippers.
“And mirrors. She looks at you from
Rees looked around and saw that the mirrors in the room were hooded by supermarket carrier bags or tea cloths held in place with drawing pins. He forced a friendly smile.
“Your room looks nice.”
“This isn’t my room. The things are mine, but it’s not my room.” Bronwen Llewellyn had an unmistakable Valleys lilt, sing-songy but not unintelligible. She’d record well. That was important, and a relief.
“Well, the things are nice. What are the labels for?” He’d noticed there were coloured Post-It notes on most of the objects. Royal Doulton figurines, a glass swan, an oval frame with a Pre-Raphaelite print in it—
“That’s who they go to when I pop off. No arguments. Organised, I am, see. Red is Jean. Green is Dilys. Blue is Mavis. Yellow is Oxfam.”
She lifted her swollen ankles onto the foot stool as Rees sat on the bed, the Nagra beside him, setting up the microphone on the small table at her elbow. He could have used his iPhone to record her, as his students now did, but he’d become accustomed to recording on quarter-inch. Not so much that he resisted new technology, but this was the technology he’d known and relied upon for over twenty years. Perhaps he himself was superstitious in that regard. Old habits being only one step removed, perhaps, from magical thinking. Soon this tape would join the others, hundreds, meticulously labelled by subject and location on his study shelves, dated, indexed and cross-referenced—the sound files themselves copied and saved as MP3 files in that ether tantamount to a supernatural realm called Dropbox. He’d considered her use of the Post-It notes absurd and morbid, but it occurred to him now that he himself was guilty of labelling objects for people who might look at the artefacts long after his demise, just as much as she was.
“Here, am I going to sound Welshy? Last time I heard myself on one of them things, Crikey Moses! Welsh, be damned? I used to think I sounded like Princess Margaret!”
“It’s painless, I promise.” He blew into the mic. “One, two, one, two.” The red needle wagged like a warning finger.
“Rees? That’s a Welsh name, that is. You don’t sound Welsh. English, you sound.”
“Lost a bit of it going to uni, I expect.”
“Glad to get rid of it, I expect,” she said, with no apparent disdain.
He laughed. Truth is, she was right. He couldn’t wait to get away and talk like normal people. To lose his past in RP and anonymity. To reinvent himself.
“You want to read this first.” She produced something hidden down the side of the chair. An exercise book, pink for a little girl, with cartoon horses and fairies and bunnies on the cover. She thrust it at him forcefully. He felt obliged to take it, opening it to find the first page full of a list of names and dates written in a terribly shaky copperplate hand. Old-school education never goes away, he thought. Even if the faculty to hold a pen does.
“You know what that is?” Bronwen was confident he could not answer. “That’s the name of everybody who’s died. Here, I mean. In this place.” She pointed to the floor with a finger bulging at the joints with arthritis. “Since I come here, anyway. Everybody who’s heard her and seen her.”
“You mean—I’m sorry. They
“Don’t be
“No, of course not.”
“Once they
He saw a cloudiness come over her eyes and thought it a kind of bewilderment. He thought of her cataracts again. Then saw the shudder of her lower lip with its aura of downy hairs, and a tremor in the hand that gripped the rim of the arm of the chair, and realised that it was fear.
“Can you—can you say that again, please? For the tape?”
He switched it on, and before he could ident the recording with his own voice, stating the day, time and full name of the subject, she spoke again, staring at a space above the fireplace as if she was alone in the room.
“They’re dead. Just like I’ll be dead, once I’ve seen the
He nodded. It was. It was perfect.
The spool turned, a stray thread curling a corkscrew admonition in the air.
The cold of the wind from the sea did not infiltrate the room but he could hear the slow fingertips of rain tapping the window-panes.
“Fifteen kids, my Mam had. Can’t remember them all. Names. Some of them didn’t live, see. They didn’t in them days.”
“Where was this?”
“Troedyrhiw. She always believed in them. Put a saucer of milk out for them every Sunday, the
“Which one is Mary?”
Rees had the old photograph album on his lap. It felt like an alien artefact. Nobody had photograph albums these days. They just uploaded their jpegs and selfies onto Instagram, Facebook or Twitter.
“This one, bless her. Like a little doll, she was. Bronwen and May, it was. May and Bronwen…” The old woman began fiddling with the locket on a chain round her neck. “I used to torment her terrible. S’pose I was jealous, her being younger and getting all the fuss, like. We used to share a bed, and I used to tickle her till she wet herself. Wicked, I was.” She opened it and showed it to Rees, but in her trembling hands the face he could make out was blurred and indistinct. “I used to tell her I could make her hair fall out by just staring at her, and she’d scream blue murder. Then one night I started telling her about the
Rees eased forward, elbows on knees, knitting his fingers together, but said nothing. He wanted this pure. Unspoiled.
“And she said, ‘No there isn’t, Bron. Don’t be ‘orrible. It’s just the branches in the wind. I know it is!’ And I said, ‘Are you
The old woman gulped and sniffed.
“Well. She screamed the house down. I had to go and sleep in my Mam’s bed, and my dad slept with May. I was awful. Even before that night I was a handful. And after that, well…”
“What do you mean?”
Her face seemed to sag. Her hands made little folds in the knees of her dress and a frown of resistance, of conflict, of hurt, cut into her face.
“If you…”
“No, I’ll tell you. You came here to ask and I’ll tell you. The next morning, I rushed in to wake her, see. I jumped in bed and cuddled up to her and tickled her like I always did, havin’ a bit of fun. But she didn’t move. She was cold and white like one of them enamel plates we had in the kitchen. I said, “Come on, May! Play! Play with me!’ I tried to wake her but I couldn’t. Nobody could.” Her eyes fixed on the bars of the electric fire. They bulged and shone glassily, each reflecting a dot of light.
Rees found his throat dry as he listened.
“And I knew, sure as eggs, Matilda of the Night had got her. She came for my little sister all those years ago. And now she’s coming for me…”
Rees felt a faint draught on his cheek and knew that the door had opened behind him. He hadn’t heard it doing so but was now certain that somebody was occupying the space directly behind his left shoulder. He turned around.
He saw the tray with the microwave plate cover sheltering a meal, and holding it in both hands, the overweight but pretty Tina Griffiths.
“There you are. Meat and mash. It’s time Doctor Rees was making tracks.”
Rees looked at his watch and saw that it was 6:00 p.m.—he’d lost all track of time. As the girl placed down the tray he also saw a plastic container with around fifteen assorted pills inside it. Her daily dose. For what? Angina? Heart? Diabetes? Anxiety? Cholesterol? Or all of the above?
“Did I order meat and mash?”
“Yes you did, love.”
“I don’t like meat and mash. I like fish.”
“No, you ordered meat and mash. It’s beef. Beef and gravy.”
“Oh, I like beef. I just don’t like meat.” Bronwen noticed Rees unplugging his recording equipment, coiling a cable round his hand. “He—he doesn’t want to go. Does he?” Her lip shuddered with agitation. “Do you? Hm?”
“I think I have to,” said Rees. “She’s in charge here, I’m afraid.”
“But what—what if she
“Bronwen. Now. Doctor Rees can’t stay, can he? He has to go home. He’s just a visitor. You know the rules, my love.”
“Why? You’ve broken the rules before. You know you have. When Cliff was bad, you let his wife stay. Well now
“She’s upset, look,” said Rees, taking the strap from his shoulder. “I’ll stay. It’s no problem. I don’t mind staying. Honestly.”
He sat down and watched Tina sigh and mop the old woman’s tears with a few sheets from the box of tissues on the coffee table. Then a few sheets more. And a few sheets after that, till the childlike sniffling had subsided.
Just after midnight a thin young man of African ethnicity popped his head round the door and asked Rees a second time if he wanted a filter coffee. This time he said yes, thank you. He was tired but he had no intention of sleeping. At 2:00 a.m., quiet settling on the house with an almost physical presence, he paced up and down for a few minutes to stretch his back, then sat on the stool next to Bronwen Llewellyn’s flowery and be-cushioned armchair.
All being recorded. Night. Branches on the far side of the curtains.
He thought of Bronwen’s sister, Mary. May.
Eyelids heavy, he thought of the May Bride and May tree cults mentioned in Graves’
May. Maybe. Might. Perhaps.
The old woman’s lips were moving slightly and he could see her eyeballs revolving under her lids. She’d been like that for five hours but he hadn’t switched off the tape except for putting on a new one. She was dreaming and he wondered what she dreamed. She was almost forming words, and he stood for almost an hour with the microphone an inch from her mouth in case she did.
Arriving home in Penarth, he found he was famished. He put on a slice of toast, booting up his computer as the toaster chirruped, and ate it standing up as he typed the details into his archive list, not sure if it was excitement, caffeine or tiredness made his hands visibly shake. Too exhausted to edit, he calculated he could get six or seven hours sleep before heading back to the nursing home. As it turned out, it was five o’clock when he woke inexplicably anxious about where he was for several seconds, and was helping himself to some brie and slices of apple with his leather jacket already on when Glyn arrived home from the Wetherspoon’s in Cardiff Bay where he worked, the old Harry Ramsden’s.
Glyn saw that Rees was dressed to leave and his face dropped. “Jesus Christ, you could’ve waited. I’ve got pasta. I was going to make meatballs.” He dumped his carrier bag of shopping on the kitchen surface. “I don’t know why I bother.”
“The ingredients will keep till tomorrow.”
“Oh, you’ll be around tomorrow?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, thanks.”
“Look, I had no idea you were cooking. I’m going out. I have to go out. How could I know?”
“You’d know if you picked up the phone. You’d know if you spoke to me.”
Rees looked at the ceiling and rolled his eyes. Glyn hated when he made him feel like a child. Rees was a year older than his father, but he didn’t want him to
“You still don’t get it, do you?” Glyn threw a bag of tomatoes into the chiller compartment of the refrigerator. “Where were you last night—
“Yes. I was working.”
“Why?”
“I had to be.”
“Why?”
“Because I have to get this story. The whole story.”
“Why?”
“For God’s sake, because time is running out, if you must know. Because if I don’t get it now, I’ll never get it.” Rees didn’t want the food any more and left the chunk of cheese and apple core on the plate. He zipped up the case of the Nagra as Glyn made great theatrics of stocking the kitchen cabinets, banging doors ludicrously. “Look, I apologise if I didn’t explain, but this is ridiculous, it really is. Why are you so angry?” Rees walked to the door, picking up his headphones en route.
“I’m angry,” said Glyn, “because it never entered your head, did it? Well, did it?”
The overcooked lamb chops defeated her. She sawed at them with a knife then gave up, exhausted, chest heaving. He made weak tea from the jug kettle. As she sipped it he thought of those thin, sipping sounds appearing on his tape.
“Bronwen, when did you first hear about Matilda of the Night?”
“When did you first hear about Father Christmas?”
“I mean, was it from a relative? Do you have relations I could go and talk to?”
“All gone,” she said. “You get old. Nobody left, see. Not much of you left either, in the brain box. You don’t want to get old, I’m telling you.”
Rees sniffed a laugh. “I am old.”
“How old are you then?”
“Fifty-three.”
“That’s no age.”
“Say that to my twenty-year-old students.” He remembered Glyn was that age at the start of it. Teacher and pupil. The old, old story.
“Then they need their bloody heads examined. Parents still alive?”
“My dad died when I was seven.”
“What about your mother?”
Rees shook his head. “Ten years ago. I was in America.”
“You weren’t there.”
“Working. Studying. Same thing. Conference. Talking to complete strangers.” He felt the warmth of the bars of the electric fire. He blinked his eyes. They were unaccountably dry. “I got a phone call in this dreadful hotel room. This Holiday Inn—you know, where all the rooms across the world are identical? There was no time to do anything. It had already happened. She was gone. The worst thing was hearing all that emotion in my sister’s voice and being so far away.” He realised he was playing with one of the day-glo Post-It notes and stuck it back where it was meant to be. “Do you want me to close the curtains?” Bronwen said nothing. He walked over and tugged them shut, then sat back down.
“Sometimes it’s easier to be on your own,” she said. “Then the people you love can’t be taken away. And sometimes you keep yourself in a box, try to pretend it’ll never hurt you again. But it does.”
Rees told himself he didn’t understand what she meant. But even as he tried to dismiss it, it made him feel raw, exposed, uncomfortable. He needed to get out for a minute.
“I’m just—just going to get some water. Is that all right? Do you—do you want some?”
Bronwen didn’t nod. She stared glassy-eyed. Her hands supported her cup and saucer and thoughts and words seemed to have deserted her, or she had absconded to memory. He left the room with the tape spools turning and gently closed the door after him.
He walked to the water cooler at the end of the landing. The floorboards did not creak under his footsteps. He yanked a paper cup from the dispenser, half-filled it and took a gulp. He poured the residue into his cupped left hand and rubbed it over his face and the back of his neck, then rubbed his eyes too.
In a nearby room he could hear an elderly person moaning in their sleep. It almost sounded like weeping. He hoped they were dreaming and this wasn’t the sound of their waking despair. When he was a child he had wondered long and hard why old people did not rage screaming and gnashing at the prospect of death, and he still could not completely understand why they didn’t. The fact they might settle into a kind of numb acceptance only struck him as even more horrifying.
A large window overlooked the garden. The wind from the bay was considerable and in the semi-dark he could make out hydrangea bushes undulating and the branches of trees gesticulating mutely in pools of artificial light. He untied the ornate tassels of the curtains and dragged them tightly across to overlap each other.
“Is that the one with George Clooney?”
The nurses down in the reception area were talking about what movie they fancied seeing. He walked back, leaned over the banister and saw them eating Jaffa Cakes below.
“Oh, is that with that comic off the telly? I can’t stand him. He really does my head in, that bloke. I’m not kidding.”
Rees opened the door to see her on her feet, swaying unsteadily, shoulders heaving.
“No, you can’t! I’m not ready! Skin off!
“Sit down. Please sit down, Mrs Llewellyn. Just sit down and I’ll take a look for you.” He managed to settle her into her armchair, then opened the drapes to see what she had seen—except he didn’t. “It’s just the canvas come loose from one of those parasol-type things in the garden…”
“No! It’s her
“Shshsh. Honestly now. It’s nothing.” Rees bent down to pick up the cup and saucer, fallen from the arm of her chair but miraculously unbroken. As he stood up he felt Bronwen clinging to his sleeve, sobbing.
“You’ll be there, won’t you? When she comes back?”
“I don’t know if I…”
“When she does come for the last time, please! I promise I’ll tell you everything. You’ll have everything on your tape like you want it. I’ll tell you everything I hear and everything I see, I promise. Just say you’ll be with me.” Fear shone in the old woman’s eyes and Rees didn’t feel able to look at it.
As gently as possible he peeled her fingers off him. He sat her down and knelt and placed his hands over hers, which were ice cold. He looked at her and could feel the warmth emanating from his skin but he couldn’t feel hers getting any warmer, at all. This is the way it will go, he thought. The cold. The cold that cannot be warmed. Is this the way we all go? Grey and cold and separated and lost?
“I will. I promise,” he said.
“She
“But
“Rubbish.”
“How is it rubbish? When she dies you’ll have exactly what you want. You said so yourself. A recording of someone experiencing this—this ‘death visitation’, whatever the fuck that is.”
“She’s going to die, Glyn. Whether I’m there sat beside her or not. I can’t stop it happening.”
“No, but you can use it. For yourself. For your precious collection.”
Rees sighed in exasperation. “This isn’t for my ‘collection’. Christ. It’s more than that. How do I get through to you? Nobody has catalogued something like this—ever. This isn’t some piddling article in
“Me. Exactly. You’re a bloody vulture, Ivan. Haven’t you got any feelings of—?”
“Why should I not have feelings? Of course I have feelings. It doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do my job.”
“And what’s your job? To prey off this demented old biddy who—”
“So what do you want me to do? Abandon her? She’s all I’ve got.” Rees corrected himself. “
“Freudian slip.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true. It’s more important than I am.”
“Don’t be preposterous.”
“Preposterous, am I? If I’m preposterous, why are you with me? I’m serious, Ivan? Why? Because you don’t seem to want to be with me or listen to me half the time. Do you actually
That made Rees laugh out loud, and it shouldn’t have, because it chilled him to the bone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Glyn stared at him across the dining table. “What
Rees stood and scraped the residue of his tuna salad into the waste disposal. He could feel Glyn smouldering but didn’t turn to face him and waited for him to leave the table. The chair rasped.
“Go. Go and watch her die, Ivan. Be there, if that’s what matters to you so much. But if I matter to you, stay with me tonight instead of her.”
She opened her eyes blearily, tortoise head sunk deep in the propped-up pillows.
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
Still half in sleep, the truth comes easier than in wakefulness or daylight. But hesitant. “I’m not scared when you’re here.”
He pulled up the fold of the blanket under her mottled, stringy chin. “Go to sleep.”
She already was.
A shadow hand crept across the wall and rested on his shoulder.
Rees shook awake with a gasp, the dream already doused. The Holiday Inn banished. The hare run to ground. Was it time to get up? Was he late for school? Mum?
“The Manager wants a word with you,” said Katrina close to his ear.
“Now?”
“Now.”
What time was it? How long had he slept? He remembered looking at his watch when it was 5:00 a.m.—what time was it now? Five past seven.
The tape spool was spinning, its tail flapping with a metronomic tic. He switched the machine off and lifted his coat from the back of a chair.
Blinking, he felt like a little boy summoned to the headmaster’s study as he descended the stairs past a wizened monkey of an old gent hung on the elbow of an obese carer as if to cruelly emphasise the difference. But Penny Greatorex, revealed after a knock on the office door, did not look like a headmaster. She wore the hard superiority of an MBA, contrasting noxiously with a chunky cardigan depicting a timber wolf. The pleasantries were minimal. Katrina left them alone and soon he realised why.
“Dr Rees, I’m sure you’re a very bright man but do you seriously think that talking about ‘omens of death’ is really appropriate to this kind of establishment?”
Instantly on the back foot, Rees told her how he’d explained fully to the Staff Nurse and she’d given permission for him to visit.
“She had no business to. Sara is only an RSN.”
“Well, I’m sorry, but Mrs Llewellyn seems more than happy to…”
“That’s as may be, but we are the ones legally responsible for her care. And I’m afraid the feedback from some of my staff is that her mental wellbeing has deteriorated since you began coming.”
Rees stiffened. “It might seem like that, but truly, I’m not the cause of her increased anxiety at all. I’m merely listening to her.”
“Well, perhaps indulging her in her dementia and paranoia isn’t doing her a great deal of good, let me put it like that. I’m sure you’d put it differently, but that really isn’t my concern. Our resident’s welfare is. And in her current state she’s a very emotionally vulnerable lady who doesn’t require any additional stress in her life. So I’d appreciate if you would leave the premises, please.”
“What?”
“Oh, come on. Apart from health and safety concerns and insurance concerns, can you imagine what her relatives—or her relatives’
“She
“I’m not prepared to debate this, Dr Rees. I think you can see that.”
“Yes, I can.” Afraid of adding something he might regret, he turned on his heel.
“Where are you going?”
He thought that was obvious. “Upstairs, to say goodbye to her.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t think that’s a good idea in the slightest.”
“For God’s sake. She’ll be upset if she sees I’m gone without saying something.” He looked at her in her timber wolf cardigan. “But you really don’t give a shit, do you?”
“Yes,” Penny Greatorex said, and her face showed a glimmer of hurt. “As a matter of fact I do. Very much so.” But this was her domain—alpha of the pack—and she wanted him out of it. “Jérôme will bring down your equipment to your car. There’s no point in waking her, is there? God knows, the day is long enough when you’re their age.” She didn’t look up from the year planner, which was now getting her undivided attention.
Having loaded the Nagra, his shoulder bag and laptop into the back seat, Rees sat with his hands gripping the steering wheel for several minutes before finally turning the ignition key. The engine gave its tinny French snarl. He looked up at the landing window and half-saw a face with a crayon-squiggle of hair.
He turned the Citroën in a tight three-point turn and crawled to the automatic gates, which opened as if by hauled by ghostly hands. Pausing where the driveway met the road which would take him home through Nottage, via the A48 and Culverhouse Cross, a route he infinitely preferred to the motorway, he adjusted the rear view mirror and saw his own eyes, sandpaper-dry from the kind of conflict he loathed and usually avoided, then sharply turned from their accusations.
He realised he didn’t want to arrive back at the house while Glyn was there, and Glyn didn’t normally leave for work till about eleven. Rees drove to the Museum of Welsh Life at Saint Fagan’s, his old stomping ground once upon a time, but wasn’t thinking. He should have known they weren’t open until ten. He turned around in the car park and drove to the coast. He didn’t really care where he was driving. He found himself at Llantwit Major, walking along the rocky beach where he and his father had caught crabs in a plastic bucket, the smell of bladderwrack and crushed limpets in his nostrils. Distant figures crouched and splashed. The cries of children easily entertained. Wind nice as a razor. Familiar wind, mind. He thought of rolled up sleeves and varicose veins.
His cheeks burned.
Glyn’s Doc Marten boots were not by the front door. Rees slid off his trainers. The kitchen air stung of filter coffee. He dropped the paper cone and its contents in the waste bin under the sink, swilling the black residue in the glass jug under the tap and poured it away, something he always did because his boyfriend didn’t. It wasn’t even an annoyance to him any more. He accepted it, in the way he hoped Glyn accepted the million and one ways his own habits were no doubt irritating. Tolerance. Habit. Acceptance. Wasn’t that what having a relationship was about?
He almost heard Glyn’s voice saying it, and tightened. What if he didn’t want to be open? What then? Why was he being forced into being something he wasn’t? Why couldn’t he just be who he was?
For the next few hours he sat immobile at the kitchen table and listened to the erratic rhythms of her breathing.
He listened to her lips smacking, her occasional snort and snore and deep, long silences. His pen hovered over paper as she turned over in her slumber. As she wheezed and fretted and stretched under the starched nursing home sheets. (How many had died in those sheets?) His eyes closed as she coughed and mumbled and grunted. He was the sole and private audience to a symphony of moans. The aural hieroglyphics of her inner life.
Branches. Trees.
He frowned, leaned forward. A thin, plaintive sobbing. Hardly audible. Reaching out to him, for comfort. Last night, yesterday, the past caught on tape.
Memory. Fear.
Rees paused it and sipped his glass of water. Glyn was normally home at five in the evening if he wasn’t working evenings. Now it was six. Rees rang The Fig Tree to book a table for dinner. Their favourite place in Cardiff, and walking distance.
“Two,” he said.
Staring him in the face from the notice board was the old snapshot of Glyn and himself in Rhodes, uncannily tanned and exceptionally happy. There he was, in that rough old taverna, making a fool of himself. Deludedly happy for a passing, photographic instant. Drunk. Silly. Wasting his time. He never even liked the sun. What was he doing there? What was he pretending?
He suddenly felt completely exhausted, and remembered he’d only slept for an hour or two at the most. He went into the bedroom.
Fully dressed, he unbuttoned his collar and lay on one side of the double bed and curled up, wrapping one arm under his knees. His eyes remained open because he was so overtired his stupid body was fighting it, churning up too many random and unwelcome thoughts. Like Bronwen in her room, crying, not knowing why that nice young man (young?) didn’t come back when he said he would.
He sat up and took off his clothes. The heat was making him restless and adding to his woes. He dropped his socks and underpants on the carpet, picked up a wire coat hanger for his shirt and trousers and opened the cupboard door.
They were all gone. Glyn’s jeans. Glyn’s workman’s jacket he got in Amsterdam. The linen shirt, the one Rees always told him to wear to dinner parties. The harem pants that had seen better days.
Rees stood back three faltering steps and could see that the suitcase on top of the wardrobe was gone too, and his stomach lurched.
The drawers with the folded T-shirts and sweaters he knew without looking would be empty. He wondered about the toothbrush. The shampoo that gave that orange and lemon scent to Glyn’s hair he’d get a whiff of when he kissed his neck. The odour vividly came back to him. Smell. Sound. Touch.
He’d checked the land line for calls when he’d come in, always, but checked again.
Rees stared at it. He could ring it. He knew he could. So what was stopping him? His innards felt like lead. An ache incapacitated him, physical and real. It was in control of him and he was at its mercy. He didn’t know why.
He pressed the exit button, letting it die and placing it back down where his wristwatch lay.
The wall was bereft of wallpaper, plain concrete, with thin lines of water running down it. He was puzzled why nobody was panicking and thought he should tell them there was a leak somewhere above them before a disaster happened. He might get into serious trouble if he didn’t mention it, and it worried him. Tina wore make-up. Her mascara was running, her head tilted slightly down. She was sobbing pitifully and he wanted to put his arms around her but before he could reach her she drew back the starched white sheet from the body on the slab. He was wondering why somebody didn’t answer that bloody telephone as he saw it was Bronwen Llewellyn, mouth caved in without the benefit of teeth, eyes the sky and dead as buttons, redness pooling and sticky at the back of her skull.
He woke, stabbed by reality. Not a gasp in him. The dark still had work to do. The sheet twined round one naked leg, he was alone, still.
“Hello.” The throbbing iPhone now illuminating his cheek. “Yes?”
He saw a branch. He saw its knuckles. Its mossy fingernails.
Rees threw on clothes, grabbed his jacket and patted his pockets, checking for his car keys. He reached the front door and swirled back. Cursed at his jelly-mind, foggy from sleep, the urgency of Katrina’s voice having thrown him. He’d forgotten his priority completely. He lifted the Nagra strap. Snatched a few boxes of pristine quarter-inch still in their cellophane wrapper. Hit the light switch.
It was what she wanted, he told himself. He was doing what she’d asked for.
Drizzle barely more than a mist made his view of the night semi-opaque through the thinly-speckled windscreen. He flipped the wipers.
On. Off. On. Off. On. Off.
His headlight beams picked up the wraith of a shaggy pony limping across the road through Llantristant Common, emerging from fog and disappearing into it again like a heavy-hoofed intoxication, a pagan acid flashback.
He blinked from the GIG Cymru/NHS Wales logo—BWRDD LECHYD CWM TAF HEALTH BOARD—following the arrow to the car park and snatching a ticket at the barrier, before running through the emptiness to the footbridge.
MAIN ENTRANCE/PRIF FYNEDFA
A congregation of wheelchair-users lurked under the portico, back-lit by the bilious strip-lighting of the interior, the side of them facing him in shadow. The figures seemed to have gathered as if in ritual formation around an ashtray on a stainless steel plinth. He saw their dappled skin and heard their damaged lungs crackling as they gnawed at their cigarettes.
To his left a grille covered the shop. A little boy was crying and plucking at the slats, and Rees imagined the mother was in the nearby toilet with the occupant of the empty buggy he now passed. The information desk to the left was unmanned—no one in sight—so he kept walking, lured towards a central atrium. The floors were colour-coded, he now saw—lines painted in red, blue and green running through the building like arteries, directing people obediently to their shuffling appointments with Surgical Assessment, with Anaesthesia, with Supported Recovery, with death. This was where it happened. This was where it always ended. This was the building built for it. The shininess and disinfectant not so much fighting E-coli or MRSA but fragility, despair and the fucking inevitable.
He looked at the overhanging signage and found CRITICAL CARE (ICU)—the arrow pointed right.
SOUTH WING/ADAIN Y DE
He took to the stairs three at a time because the lift was taking an age. He didn’t strictly know she was in Intensive Care. She might be in a general ward, or A&E. She might even be on her way home with cuts and bruises for all he knew, but somehow he believed his instinct was right. He felt bad when he saw that the reason the lift was delayed was a gurney with an old man lying on it fighting for breath.
Ahead of him down the corridor he saw Penny Greatorex with her mobile to her ear, and he paused, nose to a window while she passed. Not that he needed to—she was far too involved in her call to notice him. Who was she ringing?
“Bronwen Llewellyn. A patient called Bronwen Llewellyn?”
The dark-haired nurse baulked. “You’ll have to ask on the ward.”
“Which ward?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that.”
“Oh, for God’s sake.”
Seeing his obvious agitation, she pointed. “That one. Sixteen.”
His palm shoved the heavy door. It didn’t give. He looked through the glass, shielding his eyes. Pressed the intercom next to the entry phone. It squawked. He asked if he could see a patient, please, giving Bronwen’s name. The intercom went dead, cut off like the last crackling message of a Spitfire pilot.
Through the window a nurse with fat arms approached the door, opened it half way but blocked his entry with her bulk. He tried to read in her eyes what she knew, but it was impossible.
“The nursing home informed me. I know this is…but I came here as…”
“Are you a relative, sir?”
He could not think of an alternative. “Yes.”
“Siân?
“Yes.”
“Your mam’s been in the wars, poor thing. Have you come far?”
“Quite a way.”
“Well, you’re here now. That’s what matters, eh? We put her in a room to herself. To give her a bit of peace.”
In a way he was prepared for it, in a way it hit him like a ton of bricks. He expected the hospital bed, the clouding oxygen mask, the drip, the white patches on her chest connected to the ECG flickering its digital data. What he didn’t expect was to see that vital bundle, that sprightly calf, looking like a punctured bag. Nostrils flaring under the plastic, hissing cone. Wrinkled lips pouting and twitching. Eyelids struggling to so much as flicker. Eyes—black eyes from the fall—themselves hooded, failing, pooped. The massive lump at her temple, hideously discoloured and embossed with a dozen stitches like the work of some brutal staple-gun. Worst of all, the cruel harshness of the Venflon needle rammed into that snappable forearm with its sagging skin lined like bark, the cotton wool absorbing an ooze of dark blood. He wondered how many times they’d gone for a vein and missed. He thought of her yelp and recoil and tears, and the platitudes that would have come back at her. It made him shudder.
“I know,” said the doctor, or registrar as he called himself, whose name was Sand. (
Rees looked at the blue-black bruising muddied around the crook of her elbow. His mouth was desert dry. He clacked as he swallowed.
“Is she going to die?”
“I’ve told you all I can. So far she’s been a brave old thing, love her.”
“Just tell me the truth. Please. What are the chances of her pulling through?”
“I really can’t give you chances, Mr Llewellyn. All we can do is keep an eye on her and hope for the best. I’m sorry.”
“How long have I got?”
Dr Sand paused at the door. “You can stay as long as you like.”
He sat beside the bed. Did not pick up her hand as he felt, peculiarly, he might break her. Or that his gesture might be some kind of imposition, one she didn’t want or need. Old people tended to have very clear boundaries of privacy and didn’t like them abused. This is what he told himself.
“Wrach-y-wribyn…nuh…wraaach…”
Her eyes, stuck with a rheumy, Galapagos glue, opened. A leaden cloud having moved across the sky of them.
“Tilda…Muh…Muh…”
Rees didn’t need to struggle to make out the words.
She turned a groggy inch to him, struggling to focus.
“Put it on…” Throat caked with suffering. “Put it on.”
Her arm lifted, bone, skin. He followed the line of her quavering finger. It led to the Nagra he’d placed on the chair next to the door.
The lick of leader made a rhythmic tick and tock. In a quite mesmerising way if you let it be, one spool blossomed with tape as the other slowly diminished. Luckily he had a collection of little plastic clamps and one of these held the microphone to a metal rib of the bed head, coiled with gaffer tape. It was important to position it as close to her mouth as possible to get a clean recording.
“Uh…Matilda…I…Aye…shush…shush…”
“Brownwen? Bronwen? I’m here. I’m here, look. What do you want to tell me?”
“I want to tell you…” Her feather-light fingers tugged the oxygen mask to one side, the elastic cutting a scar-line into her cheek. Its hissing became louder. “…I want to tell you you’re a good boy.”
Where was that coming from? Was that the pain-killers talking? He fought a smile.
“Bronwen, do you remember our arrangement?” He reached between his legs and brought his chair round, closer.
“Arr—arrange…?” The mask, skew-whiff, twisted, added to her look of helpless puzzlement. Resembling a dislodged red nose, it made her stray hair look like a clownish wig.
“Yes, our arrangement. What you’d tell me? If I came? D’you remember?”
She lost all her strength at that point and her arm fell from the oxygen mask to the bed. Something about the brown paw of it frightened him, but he reached out to hold it.
The door opened. He retracted his hand like a thief.
“How’s she going? Is she sleeping, still?” The camp voice and bleached hair betrayed the ICU nurse’s sexuality. The plucked eyebrows and sun-bed tan added to Rees’ impression he must be a drag queen on the quiet. “I’ve come to change her dressing.” What dressing? Of course—her thigh. Katrina had said. The rainbow bruising. Maybe other damage he didn’t know about. “Why don’t you go and get a bite to eat for ten minutes? A coffee or something? But it’s bloody dreadful, I warn you.”
“Thanks,” said Rees, easing himself to his feet.
“What’s this palaver?” Drag Queen said as he peeled down the sheet, thumbing at the mic. Slim hips and slip-ons. “It’s not interfering with our equipment, is it?”
“No, I cleared it with Dr Sand,” Rees lied. “He said it’s fine.”
The ICU nurse looked at the Nagra, then at him. Rees wondered what he was thinking, but didn’t really care. One thing he did know—if this was going to be a long night, he did need that coffee, and better to do it now whilst Bronwen was being properly supervised.
“Ten minutes,” Rees said to her, imagining she could hear.
GROUND FLOOR/LLAWR GWAELOD
The hospital café was trying hard to be a Costa but towers of plates full of chips and rejected pasties destroyed any illusion. The server clearly spent more on piercings than on personal hygiene, and the wipe of a ubiquitous cloth saturated with toxic spray only moved around the grease on the Formica tabletops.
Rees tried to concentrate on the sounds around him while his Americano cooled: the squidge of doors swinging open and closed, the squeak of nurses’ rubber soles and trolley wheels on highly-polished floors. The sounds alone gave him a sense of place. Other than that, he could have been anywhere: an airport, shopping mall. They anchored him.
He’d left the spools turning. Let it record everything, just in case. The odd word, the odd sound—it might mean everything later, when he played the reels back in the hermetic comfort of his own home.
He dug out his phone. Messages? None. He looked at the back of his hand, the blue rivers running under the pink surface. He remembered an old trick a friend used to do, plucking the skin on the back of your hand and counting to ten. The longer your skin stayed pinched before becoming soft again, the older your skin was. He remembered when he did it, in his twenties, he was only fractionally a one. The last time he did it he reached four.
He looked up, aware of being watched even before doing so. The gaze came from three people seated on a lime green sofa. Man, woman, child. Dressed formally, in black, as if they’d come from a funeral. They weren’t looking at each other. They were looking at him.
Through the corridor window, the sheeting that strait-jacketed the scaffolding outside sucked in and breathed out like the building’s lungs. Its green glistened with rain.
Rees pressed the ICU intercom again and waited, rubbing the mysterious but nonetheless physical tension in his neck. He heard some whispering and light, conspiratorial chuckling behind him—his first thought being that he was being laughed at, ridiculed, humiliated. Memories of the school yard. He turned, and through an open door into the ward opposite he could see two nurses stripping a bed. They stopped laughing abruptly when they saw him, frozen until the door re-opened.
He hadn’t registered the notice board before. This time he did. The thumb-tacked greeting cards written by young hands, thanking the nurses for being lovely to Nanny or Grampa. Saying, praying, these votive offerings, that they were glad to have them back. That they didn’t want their last memory to be of them sitting in that terrible bed, yellowing and shrinking, accursed by medical bafflement. Young, unblemished faces, smooth cheeks. It seemed an act of abuse to expose them to it. And there they were—the trite pictures of dogs, cats, cuddly bunnies. Or was it a hare?
He stopped dead. Katrina stood with a semi-wet raincoat over her arm, nodding to a nurse. He felt his stomach knot at the thought of what she was being told, but when he caught her eyes and she gave the flicker of a smile by way of greeting he knew it wasn’t what he feared. As the nurse hung up her coat, Katrina took a tissue and wiped the rain from her hair and face.
He sat with elbows on knees staring at the old woman, tube trailing from the oxygen mask clamped like a vicious sucker over her puckered maw, lips forming invisible syllables, the occasional fearful gulp or gasp as if to remind them, or herself, that she was still there.
He could not hear the rain on the roof. They were isolated from it. The bastion of medicine and pharmaceuticals protected him here, he was not sure from what—he supposed, from nature. From night.
“I remember when I was about seven,” said Katrina, “or maybe six, asking my mum, ‘Mum, what’s death?’ And she said—she’d answer anything, my mum—’Och, you get a wee taste of it every time you go to sleep, hen. That’s all it is. A big, long sleep.’ I didn’t close my eyes for a month.”
Katrina wanted him to smile but Rees didn’t respond, so she filled the silence.
“Hey. She’s had a good innings. When it comes, it comes, eh?” She saw him look at the floor and misinterpreted his lack of communication. “It wasn’t me who went to Penny, by the way.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You didn’t think…?”
“I didn’t think anything. I don’t think anything. Let’s just leave it, can we?”
“You know all that stuff about the
“And in the end,” said Rees, “who’s she got? Just you and me.”
“And her son.” Katrina saw Rees’ features jolt as he tried to make sense of what she’d said. “She never mentioned him? Kai?”
“No. What the hell? Why didn’t
“I didn’t think it was important. To you, I mean. Anyway, he lives in Spain. According to her, they couldn’t wait to put her in a nursing home and they were off. ‘Course, old people can be very one-sided about things like that. Maybe the guy had no choice. Maybe he lost his job, ran out of cash. Had to downsize. He had a family. Kids.”
“She has grandchildren?”
“Oh, yeah. Four. She gets photos, letters. I tried to get her to do a Skype but she wasn’t having it. It was always: ‘It’s up to him.’ She’s proud, our Bronwen—and a bit pig-headed and a bit of a well, pain in the arse, too, at times. They get like that. You can’t tell fact from fiction.”
“In your vast experience,” murmured Rees, pretending it was not for her ears.
“Well. Sorry. I’m sorry you didn’t know. Anyway, what time is it?” Katrina looked at her watch. “They phoned and e-mailed him as soon as it happened. The fall, I mean. His contact numbers were on file in case of emergencies. Obviously. He should be landing at Heathrow soon, if his flight isn’t delayed. I hope to Christ he makes it in time.”
“In time?”
His spoken thought didn’t need elaboration. He voiced it only to be cruel to her, because she was being cruel to him by saying this. He didn’t really know why. Katrina stood, and he was only dimly listening now.
“Penny’s gone off to collect him. I think it’s all the old girl has ever wanted, really, deep down. For him to be with her at the end. Isn’t that all any of us want in the end? To not be alone?”
Rees’s eyes were fixed on the old woman. He heard a sharp intake of breath, saw her jaw glove-puppeting behind the plastic hiss, the tendons stretching in her neck. “What can you hear, Bronwen, love? What can you see?” He circled the bed and lifted the microphone from the sheet to rest on her undulating chest. Held it there with the flat of his hand. “Bronwen?”
“Nnn…She’ll be here, now just…Buh, above, above us, she is, sh, she is, now just…Blummy toes scratchin’ the flamin’ roof, can you
“What did she say?” He looked over at Katrina but a shrug was the most the girl could offer.
Now Bronwen’s mouth flexed like a sphincter. A newborn mute and writhing for first breath. Until which, pain. Just pain.
Rees felt a wave of nausea, a scent-memory of grease and acidic coffee courtesy of the cafeteria.
The sound—a sudden feathery slashing—startled him, tugged his chin to see the tape on the Nagra had run out and the loose tail was flailing, whipping circles, ablur. He’d seen this a thousand times before. Stupid it had made him jump, something so innocuous and banal.
He walked to the machine.
“I better ring her,” said Katrina, getting up. “See if he’s touched down. They don’t allow you to make phone calls in here. I better go outside. I’ll be back in a minute.”
Rees said nothing. She probably thought she’d got on his nerves and needed to give him a bit of space. She hadn’t. Not really. It was all petty. Pointless. She was a decent sort. There was nothing wrong with her. He didn’t like putting down people the way Glyn did. She was ordinary. She was not a deep thinker, or snappy dresser, but that wasn’t a crime. She cared. That was why she’d come, after all. And that said a lot. And for some strange reason, now, he wanted to acknowledge this to her in some way that wasn’t condescending or trite, but she was gone.
He turned the tape recorder off, took the delicate stray end between his thumb and forefinger of one hand and pulled out a length of it, enough to insert it carefully into the gap between the heads, then curled the free end back round the empty spool. He switched to REWIND for a few seconds and put on his headphones. He wanted to know what she had said—or tried to say.
He pressed STOP then PLAY.
“
The sharp intake. Disembodied now, though he knew it was from the person lying behind him. Not clearer in meaning but more ambiguous. Fright? Surprise? Discomfort?
“
Rees listened to the muffled, shuffling sound as, a ghost on tape, some audio doppelganger, he had lifted the microphone from the surface of the hospital bed and placed it—
“
A laugh somewhere. Why had he not heard it? Faint. Several walls away. A cackle at a dirty joke, it sounded like, then stifled in a snigger by the hand of a nurse realising ICU was no place for such hilarity—or was it a patient’s relative attacked by a short, savage burst of hysteria?
“
Then—the other noise…Something. What was it? Even fainter…
“
For once he wished Bronwen would shut up. It was a background drone, lifting high then dropping low…
He stopped the tape and rewound it again. Turned up the volume.
Pressed PLAY again.
“
Of course…An ambulance.
He saw it, bright green and luminous yellow, flapping? Why did he think,
“
His own voice in the Sennheisers, hooking him.
He wound it back. REWIND. STOP. PLAY.
Too far. Earlier than the first time. Katrina’s voice.
“
“
His own voice. Bitter. Old. Cruel. More like his father’s.
In the pause it rose again. The siren.
“
His back to Bronwen Llewellyn, Rees switched off the Nagra and tugged away his head set as if it was on fire, her words—in reality now—suddenly sharp in his ears, as sharp as was possible from behind the oxygen mask:
“
Without turning he grabbed another tape box and let it fall to his feet, sprung open on the floor, clear plastic fluttering after it. He tried with feverish fingers to lace up a new reel, yanking out a yard of the white leader. He fed it past the recording heads and made a loop, knotting it onto the empty spool before pressing RECORD and PLAY simultaneously. He realised he was panting and held his breath.
“Bronwen Llewellyn. Royal Glamorgan Hospital. Tape four. Time… Time…” It became a question—”Time?”—not even for the tape any more, and it was always for the tape.
Knowing he must, he turned to face the bed.
Katrina sat with her back to him. She was facing the old woman, slightly bent forward, forearms on thighs, wearing her Dorothy Perkins raincoat. He could see in harrowing clarity dark, mercury rivulets beading down it, lines chasing each other.
“You were quick,” he said, forcing a lightness into it that stuck in his throat.
Katrina did not reply. Nor did she turn.
She extended a hand to rest gently on Bronwen’s and it was not the hand he last remembered as Katrina’s. Of course he had not examined it, not had occasion or need to, but Katrina’s had been soft and white, and now the skin was—what?—brown, if not grey, and he was sure if anything her fingers had been rather dainty, but these? These were too long, surely—far too long, and the knuckles too many…The most appalling thing of all was he now saw that the figure’s back was hunched quite notably, the head sinking low to its chest as the hand with palpable urgency squeezed and shook the old woman’s.
Almost paralysed, yet feeling the sac of his testes prickle and tighten, Rees knew that the object was to wake her and that Bronwen knew this with unique and horrible certainty. He could see that she had her eyes so tightly shut that her entire face was a route map of wrinkles pointing at a central point. Her lower lip shook in her non-babble, shining with rogue spittle as the oxygen mask misted in bursts. She resisted. She
It was waiting with immoral, sickening patience for her to open her eyes.
“No,” Rees said, voice his own again, not his father’s, not on tape, not artificial or an electromagnetic reproduction but alarming real. Knowing that more than almost anything he’d had in life, or wanted in life, he wanted Bronwen’s eyes to stay closed.
“Not her,” he breathed. “Not yet.”
In bemusement or arrogance the hunched figure did not respond, and Rees knew what he had to do. Seeing past it the flickering eyelids that tried so hard to keep shut, he grabbed its shoulder and yanked it round to face him, tearing its gaze from its victim.
Two swishing curtains of thickly-matted hair fell long either side of its Geronimo cheeks, the face framed by them hard to reconcile as human. It filled his vision, riddled with warts, Neanderthal brow sloping above a bony ridge overhanging holes dug into putty. In the same instant the lips of a jutting jaw, ancient and simian, pulled back from a mouth with frightening elasticity to display gums blackened and rotten as it emitted a sound he failed to define even as it consumed him.
Strangely, he remembered seeing a programme about the making of a monster movie of the 1950s which showed the roar of a dinosaur ravaging New York created by the amalgamation of recordings of a bear, an elephant and a howler monkey. His brain tried to deduce, to codify, oddly, some similar recipe for what was assaulting his ears, but the task defeated him. Even in that grasping moment of lucidity, on another level, he understood completely that he was lost in the all-encompassing trap of it. There was no escape but to succumb, and the burden of resistance was shockingly easy to divest. He let it bathe him, that strange manufacture of the vast, insouciant yawn of a lion, the manic glee of a chimpanzee and the plaintive top C of a mezzo-soprano singing La Cieca’s aria from
Perhaps he found beauty in that sound because he knew that if he was hearing it, Bronwen was not.
And even as the noise coursed through him, he knew that the only scream they’d hear on the tape would be his own, torn from him now as a crippling fire exploded in his chest, fissures of agony snaking down one arm. Pain choked him as he tried to blot out the inhuman howl of the
Hiroshima whited him back to the world. Faces? Faces he didn’t know. Demons. Saviours. Making him afraid. Fishermen hauling him back from drowning. But drowning felt best.
The kick again. Cold. Shirt ripped open. Paddles descending.
“She’s coming for me,” he could hear somewhere in the room. “She came for him, and next she’ll come for me.” And he knew Katrina, upside-down Katrina, returning now from outside, would comfort the old woman in her madness.
He didn’t care. What mattered was that she was safe. That she had time. Time enough to see her son. Time to make a difference. And the light was bright. And he didn’t mind that, either. He didn’t mind anything very much at all.
And the last thing he listened to was his own voice in his own head.
“To the folklorist, nothing must die. There is life every time a mouth opens to tell a story.”
Now I am a story, he thought.
Tell me.
Peter Straub
THE COLLECTED SHORT STORIES OF FREDDIE ROTHERO
INTRODUCTION BY TORLESS MAGNUSSEN, PH. D.
PETER STRAUB’s first supernatural novel,
His short fiction has been collected in
Amongst many literary honours, Straub has won multiple World Fantasy Awards and HWA Bram Stoker Awards, along with the International Horror Guild Award and the British Fantasy August Derleth Award.
“I liked the idea of a story about a great writer who died in childhood,” recalls the author. “For subject matter, this great writer would have been restricted to his house, his parents, his back yard, school, trips with parents, meals at home, ordinary small-boy material.
“His language would have to be that of childhood, with misspellings, odd syntax, unintended mistakes and moments of blurriness. I like that all of this means it would have to look weird.
“What got the story off the ground for me was the idea of writing an Introduction by a literary scholar convinced that our boy author was a great modernist.”
THE PRESENT VOLUME presents in chronological order every known short story written by Frederick “Freddie” Prothero. Of causes that must ever remain obscure, he died “flying solo”, his expression for venturing out in search of solitude, in a field two blocks from his house in Prospect Fair, Connecticut. His death took place in January, 1988, nine months before his ninth birthday. It was a Sunday. At the hour of his death, approximately four o’clock of a bright, cold, snow-occluded day, the writer was wearing a hooded tan snowsuit he had in fact technically outgrown; a red woollen scarf festooned with “pills”; an imitation Aran knit sweater, navy blue with cables; a green-and-blue plaid shirt from Sam’s; dark green corduroys with cuffs beginning to grow ragged; a shapeless white Jockey T-shirt also worn the day previous; Jockey briefs, once white, now stained lemon yellow across the Y-front; white tube socks; Tru-Value Velcro sneakers, so abraded as nearly to be threadbare; and black calf-high rubber boots with six metal buckles.
The inscription on the toaster-sized tombstone in Prospect Fair’s spacious Gullikson & Son Cemetery reads FREDERICK MICHAEL PROTHERO, 1979-1988. A NEW ANGEL IN HEAVEN
That Prothero’s fiction permits a multiplicity of interpretations supplies a portion, though scarcely all, of its interest to both the academic and the general reader. Beginning in 1984 with childish, nearly brutal simplicity and evolving toward the more polished (though still in fact unfinished) form of expression seen in the work of his later years, these stories were apparently presented to his mother, Varda Prothero,
As the above example demonstrates, the earliest Prothero, the stories written from his fifth to seventh years, displays the improvised variant spelling long encouraged by American primary schools. The reader will easily decipher the childish code, although I should perhaps explain that “bood gig” stands for “bad guy”.
From first to last, the stories demonstrate the writer’s awareness of the constant presence of a bood gig. A threatening, indeterminate figure, invested with all the terrifying power and malignity of the monster beneath a child’s bed, haunts this fiction. Prothero’s “monster” figure, however, is not content to confine itself to the underside of his bed. It roams the necessarily limited map of the writer’s forays both within and outside of his house: that is, across his front yard; down Gerhardie Street, which runs past his house; through the supermarket he, stroller-bound, visits with his mother; and perhaps above all in the shadowy, clamorous city streets he is forced to traverse with his father on the few occasions when R(andolph) Sullivan “Sully” Prothero brought him along to the law office where he spent sixty hours a week in pursuit of the partnership attained in 1996, eight years after his son’s death and two prior to his own unexplained disappearance. The commuter train from Prospect Fair to Penn Station was another location favoured by the omniscient shadow-figure.
Though these occasions were in fact no more than an annual event (more specifically, on the Take Your Son to Work Days of 1985-86), they had a near-traumatic, no, let us face the facts and say traumatic, effect on Prothero. He pleaded, he wept, he screamed, he cowered gibbering in terror. One imagines the mingled disdain and distress of the fellow-passengers, the unsympathetic conductor. The journey through the streets to 54th and Madison was a horrifying trek, actually heroic on the boy’s part.
A high-functioning alcoholic chronically unfaithful to his spouse, “Sully” was an absent, at best an indifferent father. In her role as mother, Varda, about whom one has learned so much in recent years, can be counted, alas, as no better. The Fair Haven pharmacists open to examinations of their records by a scholar of impeccable credentials have permitted us to document Varda’s reliance upon the painkillers Vicodin, Percodan, and Percocet. Those seeking an explanation for her son’s shabby, ill-fitting wardrobe need look no further. (One wishes almost to weep. His poor little snowsuit too tight for his growing body! And his autopsy, conducted in a completely up-to-date facility in Norwalk, CT, revealed that but for a single slice of bread lightly smeared with oleomargarine, that Prothero had eaten nothing at all that day. Imagine.)
In some quarters, the four stories of 1984, his fifth year, are not thought to belong in a collection of his work, being difficult to decode from their primitive spelling and level of language. Absent any narrative sense whatsoever, these very early works perhaps ought be considered poetry rather than prose. Prothero would not be the first author of significant fiction to begin by writing poems. The earliest works do, however, present the first form of this writer’s themes and perhaps offer (multiple) suggestions of their emotional and intellectual significance.
Among the small number of we dedicated Protherians, considerable disagreement exists over the meaning and identification of the “Mannotmann”, sometimes “Monnuttmonn”. “Man not man” is one likely decipherment of the term, “Mammoth man” another. In the first of these works ‘Te Styree Uboy F-R-E-D-D-I-E’, or ‘The Story About Freddie’, Prothero writes “Ay am nott F-R-E-D-D-I-E”, and we are told that Freddie, a scaredy-cat, needs him precisely because Freddie is
This precocious child is self-protectively separating from himself within the doubled protection of art, the only realm available to the sane mind in which such separation is possible.
It should go without saying, though unhappily it cannot, that the author’s statement, in the more mature spelling and diction of his sixth year, that a man “came from the sky” does not refer to the appearance of an extraterrestrial. Some of my colleagues in Prothero studies strike one as nearly as juvenile as, though rather less savvy than, the doomed, hungry little genius who so commands all of us.
Te Styree Uboy F-R-E-D-D-I-E
Ay am nott F-r-e-d-d-i-e. F-R-E-D-D-I-E nott be mee
Hah hah
F-R-E-D-D-I-E iss be nyce, tooo Cin yoo her mee, evvrrie
F-r-e-d-d-i-e iss scarrdiecutt fradydiecutt, nott mee Hee neid mee.
Mannnuttmonn hah scir him hah hah
Bcayuzz Monnntmonn hee eezzz naytt
BOOOO
Ol droo
Ta Sturree Ubot Monnnuttmonn
Baathy baathy momma sai baathy mi nom mommnas sai in gd dyz id wuzz Baaaathy
Monnoittmoon be lissen yz hee lizzen oh ho
Tnbur wz a boi nommed F-r-e-d–d-i-e sai Monnuttmon he sai evvrwhy inn shaar teevee taybbull rug ayr
F-r-e-d-d-i-e un Monnuttmin
Monnuttmoon sai gud boi F-r-e-d-d-i-e god boi
En niht sai SKRREEEEAAAKKKK her wz da bood gig
SKREEEEAAAAKK mummay no heer onny F-r-e-d-d-i-e
Ta bood gig smylz smylz smilez hippi bood gig SKKRREEEEEAAAAAKK att niht
Hi terz mi ert appurt id hertz my ertmi ert pur erzees
Bugg flyes in skie bugg waks on gras
Whi nutt F-r-e-d-d-i-e kann bee bugg
oho ha ha F-re-d-d-i-e pur boi pour boi
Ta Struuyrie Abot Dadddi
Wee go in trauyhn sai Dudddi wee wuk striits sai Duddi noon ooh sai F-r-e-d-d-i-e
Bood gig lissen bood gig lisen an laff yu cribbabby cri al yu went sai Mannuttmon
Daddi sai sit heir siitt doon sunn and te boi satt dunn onb triyn wiff Mannnottmonn ryt bezyd hum te biu wuzz escayrt att nite nooo hee sai nooo mummma nut trayn
Hah hah
Dyddi be nutt Mannuttmon F-r-e-d-d-i-e be nott Mannuttmon Mummna be nott Mannuttmon hah no Cus Mannotttmon izz mee Aruynt de Kernerr duywn de strittt ever evverweaur
Deddi sai Wak Faysterr Wak Fayster Whatt ur yu affraitt ovv WhATT
De kerner de strett F-r-e-d-d-i-e sai
The Cornoo
The boy waz standing. He waz standing in the cornoo. There waz a man who caym from the sky. The sky was al blakk. I ate the starz sed the man around the cornoo. The boy cloused his eyz. I ate the stars I ate the moon and the sunn now I eat the wrld. And yu in it. He laft. Yu go playe now he sed. If play yu can. Hah hah he laft. Freddie waked until he ran. That waz suun. I waz in my cornoo and I saw that, I saw him runn. Runn, Freddie. Runn, lettul boy.
Wher iz F-R-E-D-D-I-E ??
He waz not in the bed. He was not in the kishen he was not in the living roome. The Mumma could not find littl Freddie. The man from the blakk sky came and tuke the boy to the ruume in the sky. The Mumma calld the Duddah and she sed are you takng the boy??? Giv him bakk, she sed. This iz my sunn she sed and the Duddah said cam down ar yu craazie?? Becus rembur this is my sunn to onnlee I doin havv him. I saw from the rome in the sky. I herd. They looked soo lidl. And small. And teenie tinee downn thur small as the bugs. Ar you F-R-E-D-D-I-E ?? ast the man of the ruume. No he sed. I waz nevrr him. Now I am the blakk sky and I waz alws the blakk sky.
F-R-E-D-D-I-E Is Lahst
The Mumma the Duddah they sed Were Culd Hee Bee? It waz funnee. They cri they cri OUT hiz namm Freddie Freddie you are lahst. Cann you here us?? No and yes he sed you woodunt Now. The Onne who cumms for mee sum tymes is in Feeldss somme tymes in grasse or rode or cite farr awii. He sed Boi yuu ar nott Freeddie an Freddie iz nott yuu Hee sed Boi Mannuttman iuz whutt yuu cal mee Mannuttmonn is my namm. Mannuttmonn ius for-evv-err.
The boi went dun Gurrhurrdee Streeyt and lookt for his fayce. It waz thurr on the streyt al ruff. The boi mad it smuuf wuth hiz ohn hanns. Wenm hee treyd ut onn itt futt purfuct onn hiz fayce. Hiz fayce fiutt onn hiz fayce. It waz wurm frum the sunn. Wurm Fayce is guud it is luyke Mumma Baathy and Duddah Jymm longg aggoo.
I luv yuur fayce Mumma sed your swite faycce thuer is onnye wann lyke itt in the wrld. Soo I cuuyd nott staye inn mye huis. Itt waz nutt my huis anny moire. It waz Leev Freddiue leeve boi for mee. Thenn hee the boi cam bayck and sed I went Nooweehre Noowehre thads wehre. Noo he sed I dudd nott go to the Citty no I did nutt go to the wood. I went to Noowehre thats wehre. It waz all tru. Aall tru it was sed the boi whooz fayce wuz neoo. He waz Mannuttmann insydde. And Minnuttmann sed Hah Hah Hah menny timnes. His laffter shook the door and it filldup the roome.
Not Long Leftt
The boy lived in this our world and in a diffrent one too. He was a boy who walked Up the staiurs twice and Down the staiurs only once. The seccondd time he went down he was not him. Mannuttmann you calld me long ago and Mannuttman I shall be. The boy saw the frendly old enymee hyding in the doorwais and in the shaddowes of the deep gutter. When he took a step, so did Mannuttman his enymee his frend. The Mumma grabbed his hand and she said too loud Sunny Boy You are still only seven years old sometimes I swear you act like a teenager. Im sorry Mumma he saiud I will never be a teenager. Whats that I hear she said Dud you get that from your preshioys Minutman? You dont know hisz name. When they got to the cornoo at the end of the block the boy smild and told to his Mumma I have not long left. You will see. I have not long left? she said. Where do you get this stuf? He smyled and that was his anser.
What Happenz Wen You Look Upp
Lessay you stan at the bottum of the staires. Lessay you look upp. A Voice tellks you Look Upp Look Upp. Are you happy are you braav? You must look all the waye to the top.
The Boy and the Book
Once there was a boy named Frank Pinncushun. That was a comicall naaym but Frank likked his naaym. He had a millyun frends at school and a thosand millyuun at home. At school his best frends were Charley Bruce Mike and Jonny. At home he was freends with Homer Momer Gomer Domer Jomer and Vomer. They never mayde fun of his naaym because it was goode like Barttelmee. Their favrote book was called THE MOUNTAIN OVER THE WALL: DOWN THE BIG RIVVER TREEMER-TRIMMER-TROUWNCE TO THE UNDERGROUND. It was a very long long book: and it was a goid storie. In the book there was a boy named Freddie. Al Frank’s millyon frends wanted to be Freddie! He was their heero. Braav and strong. One day Frank Piunncushun went out to wlkk alone by himsellff. Farr he went: soo farr. Littel Frank walked out of his nayberhooid and wlked some more: he wllkd over streeits over britdches and throou canyhons. He was never affrayed. Then he cayme to the Great River Treemer-Trimmer-Trouynse and what dud he doo? Inn he jumped and divved strait down. At the bottom was a huug hall were he culd breeth and wassnt’t eeven wett! The waalls were hygh redd curtuns and the seelingg ewas sooo farr awaye he culd not see it. Guldenn playtes and guldenn cupps and gulden chaines laie heept up on the flore. Heloh Heloh Freddie yeled. Helo helo helo. A doore opend. A tall man in a redd cloke and werring a crownne came in the bigg roome. He was the Kinge. The Kinge lookt anguree. Who are yoo and whi are yoo yallingg Helo Helo?? I am Frank Pinncushun he sed but I am Freddie to, and I was hear befor. And we will have a greit fyhht and I wil tryk you and ern all the guld. Lessay I tel you sumethyng sed the Kinge. Lessay you liussen. Ar we kleer?? Yes, kleer, sed Frank. The Kinge walked farwude and tutchd his chisst. The Kinge said I am not I and yoo ar not yoo. Do yuoo unnerrstan me? Yes said the boy I unnerstann. Then he tuuk his Nife and killt the Kinge and walkkt into the heeps of guld. I am not me he sed and luukt at his hanns. His hanns were bluudee and drippt over the guld. He lafft thatt boy he lafft so herd hius laffter wennt up to the seeling. Freddie he kuld see his laffter lyke smoke was hius laffter lyke a twyiste roop mayde of smuck but he kuld nott see the seelingg. He niver saw the seelingg. Not wunse.
Simon Strantzas
BURNT BLACK SUNS
SIMON STRANTZAS lives in Toronto, Canada, and is the author of four short story collections, including
His most recent projects include the chapbook,
“‘Burnt Black Suns’ was a tough novella to write,” explains Strantzas. “The original germ for the story was as a potentially comic piece. I had envisioned a moment so absurd I couldn’t imagine it being anything else. But the line between absurd humour and bizarre horror has always been a murky one, and I realised as I fleshed out the idea that there was a more interesting context in which to use it.
“Writing the story, however, was a challenge. It’s the longest story in my fourth collection, and took me a couple of years to finish. There were a number of false starts and wrong directions as I teased out the conflicting threads of parenthood that run through the story and understood how to best shape them.
“In the end, despite the birthing pains, I learned a tremendous amount putting this story together, and I think it’s only a sampler of the sorts of things one will see from my pen in the future.”
I. A Long Bus Ride
NOAH SCREAMED AND opened his eyes. No one on the bus would look at him, all eyes curiously pointed down, and Noah felt the vestiges of his dream lingering in the dry oven air. The windows were tinted, but the sun still bore through them, bathing Noah in an unbearable heat, a heat intensified by his anxiety. Sweat trickled through the tight coils of his dark hair and down his face. In his hand was clenched the newspaper clipping he’d been carrying for days.
“Are you okay?” Rachel’s eyes were wide with worry. Noah’s head, a jumble as his sense of displacement ebbed.
“Yeah,” he said, folding the blurry photograph and placing it back in his pocket. “How long did I sleep for?”
“Not long, I don’t think.” She looked down at the small mound under her shirt and placed her hands upon it.
“I feel worse now than before. Still, I’m surprised I was able to sleep at all.” He swallowed. It tasted sour.
“That’s what happens when you don’t sleep for three days.”
It had taken a week to put the money for the trip together and make all the arrangements to get from their tiny house in Sarnia to Astilla de la Cruz in as straight a line as possible. Neither knew how long it would take to find Noah’s ex-wife, Sonia, in Mexico, let alone rescue his son, Eli. Sonia had been one step ahead of them for two years, and though Noah liked to believe his son cried for him the entire time, rationally he knew the boy forgot him more with each passing day. If he couldn’t find the boy and rescue him from his mother, Eli would be lost forever.
“Are you holding up? You know you didn’t have to come down with me, considering.”
“I’m okay. Just a bit tired. It’s still early enough that I don’t feel
“It did with Sonia—” He stopped himself, but it was too late. The damage was done. Rachel shook her head.
“It’s okay, Noah. I’m not bothered by it.”
It was clear she was lying.
The bus hit something on the road, some rough spot that caused the entire length to shake. Noah held Rachel’s hand as she squeezed, reminding him of the delivery room when Eli was born. He tried to push the memory out of his mind, unwilling to have it contaminated by his situation. Rachel had her eyes closed as though in prayer, waiting for the disruption to end, and Noah wished he’d been able to convince her to stay at home. Already, he was terrified about what he might find when he finally discovered Eli, and Rachel’s presence only further compounded his fears.
Noah carefully took in the crowd of passengers. They barely looked human, as though sculpted from leather, not flesh, filled with sand, not blood. Their movements were sluggish and weighted, eyes half-lidded or closed—a lifetime of survival had worn them down. Across the aisle sat an elderly lady, her head covered in a thin shawl, her feet bare and calloused. In her hands was a small leather-bound book with blank earmarked covers. She stared unblinkingly at Noah and Rachel, and he had to look away as much from embarrassment as from fear; in her gaze he saw nothing but the endless expanse of desert. The woman opened her mouth to wheeze, and Noah worried the glaring heat had baked him out of reality and into some sub-reality, one in which everything moved slower than it should. She raised her hand, her crooked fingers bent in some crazy pattern, and touched her stomach in the same manner Rachel touched her own. He saw Rachel’s hands awkwardly fall away.
“
“What’s she saying?” Rachel whispered to him, visibly upset. He wished he knew, but it was clear by the sudden shuffling of feet and positions that the woman’s voice was making the strangers around him and Rachel almost as uncomfortable.
“Something about you being a mother, I guess.”
The old woman nodded, smiling, repeating, “
“
“I remember now why I never wanted to visit Mexico. My sister had a horrible time in Guadalajara. Why the hell would Sonia have brought Eli here? What’s there to see but a whole lot of nothing?”
“I have no idea.” There was too much Noah didn’t understand, nor was he sure he wanted to. Sonia had changed after the divorce, only slightly at first, but over time the cracks grew wider and greater in number. There had always been something inside her, something he saw only on rare occasions. It was in her eyes, in the tone of her voice, but she managed to keep it hidden. When the cracks grew wide enough, however, there was no hiding it, and what she once tried to suppress she instead became. It was the only explanation he had for why she would have taken Eli from him. The boy was everything, and to have him gone for nearly half his life evoked a pain Noah could never sufficiently convey to Rachel. Sometimes he wondered if she had only become pregnant to try and replace what he had lost. But how could he ever replace Eli? It was like trying to replace a piece of his soul. “What are you looking at?” Rachel asked. Noah’s eyes were wide and dry. He hadn’t blinked in what seemed like days.
“I think we’re getting close.”
The black mark on the horizon grew as the bus approached it, peeking out from the haze of the radiating desert to form a church spire, then the rickety buildings beneath it. Within the hour the bus was close enough for Noah to point out the village to Rachel, who simply nodded solemnly. Noah itched for action, desperate to be freed from the bus he had been trapped in for so long so he might begin the search. Sonia and Eli were there, somewhere, in the small village, and he knew it. Knew he was so close. Strangely, the excitement made him salivate, and he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand in anticipation before Rachel noticed. All he tasted was salt.
As the bus pulled into Astilla de la Cruz, things became clearer to Noah. The church spire he had seen from so far away was broken, the cross hanging precariously upside down from little more than a wooden sliver. No one seemed to be tending to the church to fix it, however. The delicate stained glass was broken, the ground of the small graveyard beside it upturned until few of its tombstones remained upright. The stores along the street of the village were no better, a small step beyond wooden shacks, nearly indistinguishable from the rundown houses around them. Had the road not been paved, he would have wondered if there were a road at all. Each crack and pothole jolted the bus, shaking Rachel’s head back and forth as though she were a puppet. Noah put an arm across her chest while his other hand gripped the back of the torn vinyl seat in front of him. He squeezed tight, hoping to keep them both from being pitched to the ground. None of the other passengers, including the elderly lady, seemed nearly as concerned.
The bus came to a stop alongside a long wooden platform set in the dirt. At one end was a small wooden office with the word
Rachel stood on the rickety platform with her bag over her shoulder, ignoring the low creak as her weight shifted to her left foot. Noah flashed to when he’d first met her, standing much the same way outside the front of the police station. Her shape was different then—straighter, leaner. It was a good shape, but he liked the new shape better. Still, there was something there that was familiar, some older memory that the new could not successfully supplant. Without Eli, it all seemed worthless. “So,” Rachel finally said. “Where do we go from here?”
Noah sputtered.
“What do you mean?”
“Where’s the hotel? How do we get there?”
“Ah.”
“Why, what did you think I meant?”
Noah shrugged. “Why don’t we go inside and ask?”
The station contained barely more than a few chairs, fliers, and a ticket booth. He thought he saw someone behind it, but as soon as he and Rachel stepped inside, the bottled heat drove them back.
“I think I’m going to wait for you outside,” Rachel said.
Noah stepped in again and let himself get acclimated to the heat. He took deep breaths, his body struggling for oxygen, and the exertion only made him sweat more. As he walked in, he realised the station was much older than he thought. The wood was mottled and cracked, baked too long in the sun. But as old as the station appeared, it must have been built up around the station agent, who had no doubt sat slack-jawed on his stool since the beginning of time. Noah approached, but the man’s eyes did not move. Instead, the left merely drooped somewhat further than the half-lidded right, and he licked his lips with an inhuman patience. Had he not blinked, Noah might have mistaken him for a wax sculpture that the heat miraculously hadn’t touched. As though on cue, the station agent spoke in a rasp not nearly powerful enough to disturb the flies crawling over his sweating face. He moved his head with a creaking, his eyes scouring Noah and his bag. Noah did not enjoy the sensation. “Can you tell me where the Hotel Bolero is?”
“
“
“
The language barrier was proving difficult for Noah, especially knowing it would likely be the biggest impairment to finding his son.
“Telephone?” he said, miming dialling a rotary phone. The station agent barked inhumanly, and with what must have been a tremendous show of strength he lifted his arm and pointed across the room. There among torn billets on the irregular walls hung a telephone, or the remains of one. It was barely more than a dangling receiver. Noah caught a glimpse of the old man’s tongue as he gummed his lips and wheezed, and the small wrinkled flesh looked like a chewed piece of leather. The station agent seemed stricken dumb, his long white moustache hanging over his mouth. It twitched and rustled as though he spoke under his breath, and Noah had to force down his paranoia in the face of that unblinking gaze.
Despite its rough-hewn looks, the telephone produced noise that seemed to approximate a dial tone, though the sound was not at all one to which Noah was accustomed—its pitch was higher, and it was a series of short bursts of varying length. Noah clicked the hook switch a few times to try and mediate the sound without success before dialling. There was a pause after the number was entered, a dead space that lasted long enough for Noah to worry nothing was happening. Then, there was a ring, a horrible ring that was like a wailing child. A voice spoke words he didn’t recognise, then a click and a voice.
“Hotel Bolero.”
Rachel was standing against the wall of the station, waiting for Noah to be done. When he opened the door she raised her hand to shade her brow. After being inside for so long, he found the baking Mexican air refreshing and wondered why Rachel was still sweating.
“Did you get the directions?” she asked.
“Eventually. It was a bit of a struggle.”
“Did they have trouble understanding you?”
“Well,” he hesitated. “That was
She shrugged. “This weather here only makes me feel more bloated than usual. At least I have this.” She lifted her arm to display the wreath circling her forearm like a large bracelet. It was made of hundreds of dried stems woven into a rough tangled circle.
“Who gave you that?”
“Some woman was passing by. She looked upset, and I suppose she caught me staring. I would have asked her what was wrong, but…” She shrugged, the reason obvious. “Then she gave it to me and said
He smiled, then thought of Eli.
“We should get to the hotel. The girl on the phone said it was near the church.”
They followed the directions Noah had been given. Though he secretly doubted he’d understood the broken English correctly, he remained silent for fear of worrying Rachel. In the end, it was for naught, as he quickly recognised ahead the broken spire of the church he had seen from the bus—a black needle piercing the sky against the blinding backdrop of the setting sun. It forced him to avert his eyes as they continued toward it. Noah and Rachel passed few people, and as they did each glared back with suspicion. Noah hadn’t expected to feel so alien, so unwelcomed. The worst had been the old lady in front of the church as they passed, dressed head to toe in black, a child’s bicycle in her hands. She was wailing, yet when she saw Rachel, she stopped and looked at her growing pregnancy without a sound. It was only when she and Noah had passed that the wailing resumed.
They arrived at the Hotel Bolero just as the sun vanished behind the horizon and failed to take the stifling heat with it. The building was simply a converted two-storey house, out of place in its surroundings of poorly built shanties, but even the late addition of inexpertly installed siding could not dispel the influence of the ornate church. Positioned so close, the church made an eyesore of everything in its shadow. Insects filled the sky with an electric drone, and tiny flies preceded Noah and Rachel into the building, harbingers of the couples’ arrival. Noah could still feel them crawling on his skin, but reaching to scratch their tiny legs away only left his hand sticky with sweat. The skin of the
The room was barely larger than the bed, and when Rachel sat down upon it she sank with a long creak of old springs. “I guess we don’t have a lot of options,” she said. “At least we have that balcony door we can open to catch a breeze.”
“There doesn’t seem to be much hope for one,” Noah said, putting their bags in the corner and climbing onto the bed to join her. He lay down and stretched out his arm so she could snuggle close and put her head on his chest. Rachel’s flesh was on fire, but he tried to ignore it and simply enjoy the feel of her against his skin.
“So what’s the plan?” she said, looking up at him. He swept her blonde hair off her face.
“We can’t go to the police. We can’t even prove it’s her in the photo.”
“But you’re sure?”
“Absolutely.”
“Have you any ideas on how to find her?”
“I only care about finding
The first moment Noah stumbled across that article in
“Did I tell you what I was dreaming about on the bus? I dreamed I saw Sonia at a vegetable stand—a lot like the one we saw at the St Jacob’s market, do you remember?—and Eli was right beside her, holding her hand. I walked up to them without saying a word. Eli saw me first. He shouted with joy—ecstatic—and ran into my arms. I scooped him up and held him so close I could smell his hair and his skin. It was just like I remembered—comforting and sweet. Then Sonia looked at me and she was crying. She tried to speak and maybe she couldn’t or maybe I cut her off, but the words were choked. While she struggled I simply took Eli’s hand, turned around, and walked away. Somehow I knew that now I’d be the one to disappear and never be found.
“Then I woke up. Have you ever had a dream where you got just what you wanted, and for a second when you woke up you thought it might be real? There’s absolutely nothing worse than realising you’re wrong. It’s soul-crushing, absolutely soul-crushing. Still, I should know by now that nothing is ever that neat, that simple. When I finally find Sonia and Eli, things are going to be messy and painful. I just hope to shield him from as much of it as I can.”
Rachel was quiet. He hadn’t noticed her stiffen as he spoke, but now that he was done he felt her tense body and looked down. She was staring at her swollen belly, silently rubbing it with both hands. Then, with some effort, she slid off the bed and stood.
“Let’s go out. I’m feeling claustrophobic holed up in this little room after being on that bus for so long. I think a walk will do us both some good. Just give me a minute to get ready.”
Rachel left the room and he heard her feet softly pad down the hallway. Noah went over to the window and opened it, but without a breeze the air refused to move. He looked out instead at the darkening street below. The heat radiating off the ground distorted everything he saw. The village itself looked insubstantial, as though it might vanish altogether, and instinctively he worried what he would do if that happened, how he would find his Eli. He shook his head. It was crazy. All of it was crazy. But the building heat in their room only made his thoughts more muddled, and he knew Rachel was right—he had to leave before his imagination consumed him in a blaze.
There was no one at the front desk when they left, though they could hear the
“I can’t stand the feeling of my skin sticking together. Or the fact that every time I lick my lips I taste salt.”
“Do you want to go back?”
“No, I need to be moving around. Dr Mielke says I need all the exercise I can get now before I can’t do it any more.”
Even in the darkness, the broken spire of the church was still darker, a black void in the evening sky. The small buildings and houses at its foot were all without lights, as though the hanging cross cast its shadow long across the Astilla de la Cruz street. Noah and Rachel walked hand-in-hand in as straight a line as they could along the uneven pavement, and as Rachel seemed focussed on remaining upright Noah spied those people they passed on the street. None were walking, all instead silently stood and glared at the couple as they approached. When Noah came alongside, he looked at their dark faces and saw the jumble of emotions he’d seen earlier on the face of the
“It’s quiet here, isn’t it?” Rachel was panting, but not enough for it to be worrisome.
“I suppose,” Noah said. Outside, in the darkness cast by the church, little was revealed of the Astilla de la Cruz streets. The houses seemed to be less built and more sprung from the ground as though a crevice had opened from which each had sprouted. Like rows of plants, each tiny house was at a different height than its neighbour, and mixed with the random sheets strung between two poles to form makeshift tents for the less-than-poor, the terracotta skyline attained a jagged uneven appearance, slightly hallucinatory in the near-dead light. The walls of the homes looked to have been crumbling for years beneath the baking sun, which had clearly bleached the colours to dusty grey. Or perhaps that was a trick of the ebbing night. Noah could just make out the advertisement for Corona painted large upon a wall, though the paint had flaked to such a degree hardly more than the name of the beer was still visible. And yet, in front of the barely legible sign a series of tables were set up with candles burning on each—a small outside cantina, under-populated. At the furthest table from the light sat a solitary old man, perhaps in his sixties, hunched so completely his head was halfway down his chest. Yet Noah could still feel the stranger’s eyes on him, and though he tried to return the intimidation with his own glare, the man seemed unmoved. “I don’t think they like foreigners here. Hopefully that will help us flush Sonia out.”
As though on cue, a middle-aged woman approached Noah and Rachel, a smile wide across her tanned face. Noah thought he saw her eyes first, like twin moons in the darkness, bright and round and moving towards him. Only when she reached the couple did he realise she was wearing glasses too large for her narrow face, too old to be anything more than second-or third-hand. She carried a bag at her side that was misshapen and lumpy, its contents having no distinct form. Noah thought he saw peeking from its opening coloured tissue paper, dulled by the absence of light.
“
Noah stammered, unsure how to respond. Rachel, uncomfortable, shrugged.
“
The woman smiled again and wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand, then kissed it and placed it on Rachel’s belly. The contrast of foreign skin was never clearer. “
“I can see why Sonia likes it here,” Rachel said, taking the wreath off her head and smelling the flowers. She then looked at Noah with a face twisted in stunned apology.
“Sorry, honey, that’s not what I meant. I just meant it’s a nice place to raise a child.”
“I don’t think a cult is the right place for
“I know, I know. We’ll find him. We’ll go out tomorrow and we’ll show the picture around. Someone has got to know where he is. The place isn’t that big. Look over there—” She pointed in the distance, up the hill that started behind the church and only went back and up into the darkness. “That’s the edge of this place. We’ve already walked across most of it. How can she possibly hide from you here?”
“If anyone could find a way to keep me from Eli,” he spat, “it would be her.”
Rachel gasped, then stopped and put her hands on her knees, her face twisted in a grimace.
For the first time since arriving Noah felt cold.
“What’s wrong?”
Her breaths were heavy, but controlled. As both she and Noah had been taught at Lamaze class.
“It’s nothing. I’m okay. Dr Mielke said I might get sharp pains in my back or stomach during the second trimester.” She continued to push air through her teeth. “I just need a second. Christ, it feels like someone stuck a knife in me.”
“Do you…Do you want me to do something?”
“No, no. I’ll be okay. Just a minute.” She breathed deeply, one final time, then straightened herself out. Her face was a bit red and swollen, but otherwise she looked okay. She sniffled. “See? All better.”
“All the same, we should call it a night.”
She took his hand again and they turned around. Other than the moon and the tiny light of the Hotel Bolero, there was nothing else to guide them through the dark.
II. Avenues of Investigation
Noah could not lie still between the hotel sheets. Sleep seemed elusive, impossible, when he was so exhausted from his journey on little more evidence than a blurry newspaper photograph. He itched with unbridled anxiety; it was like electricity travelling through his nerves into his addled brain. His ears buzzed, his eyes filled with sparks behind closed lids. Even his teeth felt slightly displaced, and biting down did not alleviate the discomfort. He was charged with the knowledge that Eli was close—closer than he’d been in years—and it became impossible to spend another moment in the shrinking bed. While Rachel slept easily and deeply, Noah pulled back the covers and slipped free.
The heat in the middle of night remained oppressive, and sitting beside the open window proved futile—the air from outside was no cooler. Still, Noah could look out from his perch at the tiny village streets lit by moonlight, and past the broken spire of the church toward the rough-edged horizon. He stared out and wondered where in all that emptiness Sonia was hiding. Sonia, and the son she had stolen from him. He boiled with impotent rage. If he only knew where Eli was being held, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from storming over there, despite the assurance of both Rachel and the Sarnia Police that it would likely result in his death. But Noah was willing to risk it all to be reunited with his son. No one understood how much Sonia had taken with her, what emptiness Eli had left. The man Rachel met two years ago was not whole, had never been whole the entire time they’d been together. But there in Mexico, his body vibrating in anticipation of its missing piece, Noah was closer than he’d ever been. He didn’t know how things would change when he was complete, didn’t know if Rachel would reject the version of him she’d never seen before, but he couldn’t allow himself to falter with worry. Eli, his only son, was close, and his presence was stoking the fires that burned in Noah’s heart. It was burning him up.
Noah was still sitting by the window as the sun made its slow ascent into the sky, a fiery god from behind the horizon. More heat came with it, and whatever respite the dark had offered was revoked, a victim to the burning orb. Rachel opened her eyes not much later, she too finding it impossible to sleep, and when she waved her arm at Noah, beckoning him back to bed, he complied. Arm around her body, hand on their unborn child, he pressed his body into her back and fought the instinct to flee from the unbearable heat she was radiating. It was essential to his sanity that he stay tethered to her. Eli, though, was out there waiting for him.
“We have to go soon. We need to start looking.” He felt her take a deep breath, then exhale slowly. “You’re not too hot, are you? If you want to hang back here, I can meet you later.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” She swallowed hard. “Where to first?”
“I guess we’ll start with the photo. Show it around. See what happens.”
It did not take Noah long to get ready, but Rachel moved slower, her ligaments aching as they stretched to accommodate their growing child. Noah had not planned what to do once he and Rachel reached Astilla de la Cruz. Before they arrived, he had felt certain it would be easy to find a Canadian woman and child in a village so small, and yet once there he realised how detrimental his own foreignness was. He and Rachel had little in common with those around him. One mistake and they would get nowhere.
Downstairs, the old
“Excuse me?
She grunted in response, her jowls tight over a clenched jaw. But when she looked up at him her face was wet, and those cold eyes red. He glanced at Rachel, hoping to catch her eye, but she was intentionally looking elsewhere.
“Do you know this place? Do you recognise it?”
He unfolded the article he’d been carrying. Time had already worn its creases, giving the photo an additional layer of fog. Noah flattened it out as best he could before showing it to her. Her eyes didn’t move.
“
Her scowl deepened, scoring the flesh of her leather face like an old handbag, and she laid the small framed photo face down. “
“
“Please,
“
“What?”
She pointed at the photograph, and then looked at Rachel. Noah felt uncomfortable with the glare she gave his girlfriend.
“Where is the place?” he repeated.
“
Noah picked the clipping up off the counter and backed away, his arms raised in surrender, unsure what had happened. He stopped when he felt Rachel touch his back. The old woman was still seething.
“We’d better go,” she whispered, tugging at him. Noah nodded and let her guide him outside, his eyes unable to leave the crooked glare of the
Outside, the heat hit them like a wall. A glare reflected off the church across from them, though its bulk remained in shadow. Enough of a glare, at least, to disguise the presence of the priest until Noah bounced off him.
“God, I’m sorry!” he said, then immediately regretted the curse. Rachel’s mouth was agape.
“Okay, it’s okay,” the priest said, fixing his collar. He was taller than Noah and broader, built sturdy enough that he barely acknowledged Noah’s clumsiness. He scratched his wide round face with stubby fingers, and when he glanced at Rachel and saw she was pregnant, a smile overtook him. “Nobody was hurt, after all. At least, not out here. What was the screaming about?”
“I’m not really sure. I’m trying to find someone and when I showed the
“Ah,
“Hm,” the priest said, holding the clipping an inch from his round brown eyes, then holding it at arm’s length. “It’s no use,” he sighed. “I’m blind without my glasses, and your wife shouldn’t be outside in this weather. Come, let us go inside the church. It will be cooler there.”
“How long have you lived in Astilla de la Cruz?” Rachel was sitting in the second pew, hands over the back of the first and tucked under her chin. Noah remained standing, looking at the sparse furniture and the small handful of parishioners spread out across the place, all with heads down and praying. The church was far more spartan than Noah expected, but he imagined all the money had been spent on the ornate cross that was a hanging broken shadow beyond the dull stained glass. Rustling emitted from behind the large altar, somewhere near the back of the nave, though he saw no cause. “I only ask,” Rachel said, wiping away sweat in the crook of her arm, “because your English is perfect, Father Manillo.”
“Well, it’s not
Father Manillo strode off toward the chancel, his shoes clapping the floor. Noah looked around the congregation but still could not locate the source of the rustling.
“I have a good feeling about this, Noah. I think he’s going to help us.”
“I hope so. I’m trying not to get my hopes up. How are you feeling?”
“I’m still a bit achy, but I’ll manage.”
Father Manillo appeared from behind the unadorned rood screen, a pair of thin glasses curled over his ears and nose. They gave his eyes a magnified appearance, like a newborn staring wide.
“Now let me take a look at that picture.”
Noah handed him the folded clipping. Father Manillo opened it up and laid it flat on the pew. He stared intently at it while Rachel and Noah watched him. A hand went to his chin, stroking the dark wrinkled skin there. Then Father Manillo nodded and looked at Noah and Rachel. He motioned for them to sit.
“I don’t know how much history you know of Mexico. When the Spaniards came in 1521, they brought God to the natives here, forced Christianity on them until it took, and over time those natives became civilised, paired with the Spanish, and developed into the Mexico we have today. Often dirty, often corrupt, but never godless is Mexico. But before this—before Columbus and Cortés and iron helmets and God himself—there were different rules the Olmec, Toltec, Teotihuacan, Zapotec, Maya, and Aztec lived by, and different gods to worship. Hexatopsodil, Quesadasidodfll, Setinodoginall—these were the ones who ruled the land, controlled air and water and earth. There was a god for everything; a separate yet no less important god to pray to, to sacrifice to, if a farmer wanted to grow a crop or heal his child. The ancient Mexican gods were not like the Christian God at all. The idea of one god instead of many would have seemed impossible, unbelievable—at least until the white men arrived and proved otherwise.
“But even that story, as widely believed as it is, isn’t quite the whole story. History is like that—never presenting everything it should, forgetting things it shouldn’t. Few people know what I’m about to tell you, fewer still actually believe it—at least, outside Astilla de la Cruz—but history has a way of changing the rules, even when time itself rejects the notion. I said that the Spanish brought the concept of the single god to the Mexican people, but that isn’t quite true. There was another cult of worshippers who believed a single god would save the world, although who or what that god would be is open to debate. The story has been lost for centuries, so very little is known; but as I’m quite interested in religion, as you can imagine, I’ve paid particular attention to talk of this nature and have pieced much together. Great Huitzilopochtli was at ancient millennial war with the other gods over the souls of all the children lost to illness and plague. He called the gods together for a truce, but Ueuecoyotl, trickster god of foulness and chaos, was not to be trusted and tricked Huitzilopochtli into transforming himself into a hummingbird, then impregnating a mortal woman whom Ueuecoyotl had already impregnated. Then Ueuecoyotl did the same to Ixtlilton and Camaxtli and so on until he had tricked them all into impregnating that woman. With each impregnation, a piece of the gods’ power was stolen, and Ueuecoyotl believed the subsequent child, the child of all the gods, would have all their power and usurp them as the one true god.”
“But wouldn’t he be usurped as well?”
“Ah, my friend, that was the beauty of Ueuecoyotl’s plan. He simply didn’t care. He was the god of chaos, after all.”
“Wait, so you’re saying this god and
“Yes, one and the same. This is how a small number reconciled the new god the Spaniards brought with them. They believed this god, named Ometéo-tlitztl, to be the true supreme being, one which our God was only an aspect of. The cult has grown and persists, but they remain secret, unwilling to reveal their hidden selves to the world. Astilla de la Cruz is their home, and it’s everything I can do to keep the true God alive here in the face of that.”
“But does this have to do with my ex-wife and Eli?”
“I look at this photograph and even blurry it’s clear to me where it was taken. The blasted heath. Come outside once more. The sun has lowered enough that you might see.”
Noah trailed the priest to the entrance, Rachel a few steps behind. They were still in the shadow of the church’s spire, which spared them the worst of the heat, but after being inside for so long, the sun seemed doubly bright and harsh, and Noah had to squint to keep his eyes open. Father Manillo said something to a passerby, but Noah could not see much through his squinting eyes beyond a multicoloured blur. By the time Noah’s eyesight improved the person was long gone.
“There, my friend, do you see it?” Father Manillo pointed toward the distant rocky outcropping that bordered the village. “Do you see that shape at the top?” At first, nothing seemed amiss, simply acres of scrub surrounding the village, then Noah noticed something unusual. There was a hill leading back toward the mountains, and on this hill was what looked like a large rock structure. All around it there seemed to be no life at all—just rocks and what looked like a leafless tree. The entire image wavered in the heat like some blackened flame.
“That’s where your photograph was taken. That’s where the Tletliztlii worship, during the lost hours of the day.”
“How do we get there?”
“It’s not a place for going—at least, not unprepared. The woman in the photo—your wife, yes?”
“Ex.”
“Your ex-wife, she’s not the same anymore. The Tletliztlii have her, and your little boy most likely.”
“Tell me how to get there.”
Father Manillo sighed, then consulted his watch.
“I don’t have Mass for a few hours. Let me change into something more comfortable than robes. You will need an emissary, anyway, if any of them are to talk to you.”
Noah sat beside Father Manillo in the borrowed truck, while in back Rachel grabbed what she could to stay seated. Even so, Noah wished they were moving faster.
“I apologise for the ride,” the priest yelled back so she might hear him. “The terrain to the ruins is rough, but there’s no way around it. There are no roads that go there. As you can guess, if there were, the Tletliztlii wouldn’t use them. They like their privacy.”
Noah turned to look at her.
“Are you okay?”
Rachel nodded, then put a free hand on her stomach. “It’s not too bad,” she said, then was jolted harshly, lifting her off her seat a few inches.
“Maybe we should slow down.” Father Manillo looked at him, then into the rear-view mirror.
“We’re almost there, Rachel. I don’t want to risk getting stuck in one of the crevices. Can you hold on a few more minutes?”
She nodded and looked at Noah. Noah’s teeth chattered.
“Don’t worry. I’m doing my Kegels,” she said.
Noah shook with giddy anxiety, a symptom compounded as they approached the ruins, yet as the distance shrank Noah found himself increasingly puzzled. The site looked nothing like the photograph, nor like anything he had imagined. He had expected a towering altar made of stone, housing an antechamber in which the Tletliztlii—including Sonia and Eli—would be hiding. Perhaps a large carving of Ometéotlitztl’s face in the rock, overseeing everything. Instead, the ruins were just that—ruins, and consisted of little more than a few crumbling walls in a semicircle around a small raised platform that was split in two. There were no buildings, no people, no sign of life of any kind. The area was bare rock without shade or plant. Nothing grew for at least a few hundred feet in any direction, and even then only a circle of low brush that looked tiny and black against the blazing sun. The only proof life had ever existed on the rock was the lone dead tree standing at its centre, sprouting from the cleaved rock, its branches knuckled and bent, hunkered and barely unfolded in death. A thick cord was tied around one of its branches, the spot beneath worn smooth, and at its end swung what remained of a faded piñata. Noah did not know what animal it once must have been—the shape bore no resemblance to anything he’d ever seen before—but its dead eyes stared at him as it slowly spun in the breeze, yellow streamers fluttering. Its stomach has long ago been burst open, and Noah couldn’t help but wonder what had once been inside.
“Where is everyone?” Rachel asked, squinting out from behind her sunglasses. “And is it just me or is it hotter here than in the village? I’m sweating like a pig.”
The priest took off his hat and ran his forearm across his forehead. Beads of sweat ran down his arm like blood.
“This is where they’re supposed to be…” he said, but he wasn’t listening closely. Behind his tinted glasses he was surveying the scene.
Noah had known all along, but refused to let himself believe it until Rachel and Father Manillo spoke the words aloud. Eli was not there. Probably never had been. Everything was slipping through his fingers, like the scorched sand beneath his feet. Every hope he had of rescuing his son was gone at once.
“I thought you said they’d be here. There’s nothing, no sign of them at all.” It was so hard to think under that sun, and his disappointment so vast.
“Honey, it’s okay,” Rachel said, putting her hand on his arm to cool him. But her skin was like a flame and he jerked free.
“It’s not okay. Don’t you get it? Eli is gone, and we were so close. Why did we come out here? Why are we wasting our time?”
His anger flared, lit the world on fire. Noah winced, the blinding brightness needles in his skull. “I need to find Eli,” he tried to say, but his mouth refused to work. “He’s the only thing I care about.” The jumble of words faded into the distance along with all other sound, faded until nothing remained but deep endless quiet. Behind his closed eyes Noah saw Eli standing on the starkly lit barren heath, waving, his expression inscrutable. Noah reached for him and tripped forward, falling head first into the parting earth. But before the darkness could swallow him he was suddenly stopped, and the motion threw open his tear-filled eyes. For a muddled moment he wondered when he’d started crying.
“Be careful,” Father Manillo said, helping Noah up and handing him a bottle of water. “The heat—I think it’s too much for you.”
Noah wiped his face and looked at Rachel. She stood with her arms crossed over her belly, turned ever so slightly away from him. Noah wanted to say something but didn’t know what.
“We shouldn’t have come here,” he murmured.
“I understand, Noah,” Father Manillo said, his wrinkled hands held out to ease Noah’s anger. The red mist had already dissipated, but Noah’s unhappiness remained.
“We aren’t any better off than we were back home. Actually, we’re worse off. At least then this stupid photo offered hope.” He pulled the folded article from his pocket, tempted to tear it up and throw it away. “But look at this place. There’s no hope anywhere here. Everything’s dead.”
“It didn’t use to be,” Father Manillo said, bald pate gleaming with sweat. “Once this all used to be jungle. Right here where we’re standing. When the Aztecs built this temple to Ometéotlitztl, it was hidden from the prying eyes of neighbouring tribes. They called it ‘the lost temple’ because of how secret the Tletliztlii kept its true location.”
“So what happened to it?” Rachel asked, roused from her heavy-headed silence. She would not look at Noah, though. “Where did the trees disappear to?”
“Ah, you know the way of things,” he said, looking out over the rocks back toward the village. Noah looked, too, but saw only the wavering heat warping the broken church steeple. “Time has not been good to plant life anywhere, including Mexico. Perhaps even more so in Mexico where your environmental protections don’t apply. They began clear-cutting about fifty years ago, pulling down and removing more and more trees, trunk and all, until they exhausted the area. The sun here being as it is, everything beneath it was burnt to a cinder without the trees’ protection—soil simply dried up and the wind took it away, leaving behind only the bare rock beneath. In a generation, the area was transformed, and when the logging companies finally left, Astilla de la Cruz was left more destitute than it had ever been before.”
“Why didn’t anyone stop them from cutting down the trees?” Rachel’s breath was wheezing out of her. Noah’s lip curled despite his own lingering curiosity.
“No one could. A local family that did most of the cutting here—there were stories about them. They were involved in a lot of things, most illegal. You met one of their children at the hotel.
“She’d had an
“No, that’s the thing. It wasn’t a black baby. Instead, its skin had been turned black and gangrenous, the same thing that had probably killed it. The son Hernando had waited so long for was dead, and his wife soon afterward once the unsettled toxic flesh flooded her body.”
Rachel gasped. Noah felt ill. The heat from the sun was starting to twist what he was seeing, and he wondered if Father Manillo was losing his cohesion.
“The story goes that Hernando wailed so loudly on their passing that it drove all life from the area, leaving only death on this hill. They buried the child here too. Underneath that slab. Some people wonder if that also had something to do with the curse here. Not me, of course. But some people. That’s why most of the villagers avoid this place. Everyone but the Tletliztlii followers. It’s the perfect spot to hide a child you don’t want found.”
The priest looked guiltily at Noah. His face was slick with sweat, and he was trying to blink it from his eyes.
“I’m sorry. I let my mouth get away from me, my friend. Maybe it’s best we all leave, I think. It’s a bad place.” He crossed himself. “Come, let me take you both back to the village. You don’t belong here. Not under this horrible sun.”
“But what about Eli?”
“Have faith, Noah. I will pray for you both.”
That answer did nothing to ease Noah’s worries.
Father Manillo left Noah and Rachel at their hotel. Noah had been silent during the trip back, weighed down by despair. What made it worse was Rachel’s demeanour. She had never spoken a word aloud, but it was clear her presence in Mexico was for his sake alone. She was not as committed to finding Eli as he was. But how could she be?
Eli. The boy had been so much a part of Noah. He filled a hole that could not otherwise be filled. Rachel did her best, and he knew that he should be happier about the new child she carried, but somehow that feeling was trapped inside of him, trapped within solid amber, visible but unreachable. Rachel, the baby—they were not his beautiful Eli. But he went through the motions. It was all he could do. It would change when they finally found Eli; there was no doubt in his mind. With the boy back in his arms, that amber would crack, would crumble beneath Eli’s beauty. Eli was Noah’s true heart. There was no way he could go much longer without the boy.
But he tried. Only a few steps away from the hotel was a small cantina, pressed into the side of a degraded brick hovel. There was no door, only a large opening and awning from which a child’s papier-mâché animal hung, its odd-numbered legs erupting from its twisted body without reason. Inside the cantina the lights were low, the air smelled of sweat and spices, and the unshaven men who sat there turned to stare eyes wide and silent at the couple as they entered. None were any younger than fifty, Noah suspected, though their faces made them look impossibly older. Noah wondered if he had ever before felt so out of place.
“Do you want to leave?” he asked Rachel under his breath.
“I think it’s fine. Look, there’s a table over there.”
She strode where Noah hesitated, deep into the heart of the place. Noah meekly followed, doing what he could to avoid eye contact. There were few women in the place, all lingering at the back of the room or behind curtains, and those he saw looked incredibly sad. He wanted to say something to help them, but couldn’t think of a single thing that might make a difference, so he did his best to put them out of mind. It was easier than having to deal with problems that had no clear solutions.
“Do you think they have menus?” Rachel asked, moving her sunglasses to the top of her head, but before Noah could respond a small man in an apron and pencil moustache approached and put a dirty paper menu in front of them. He seemed nervous and hovered over Noah and Rachel as they looked over the menu, spending most of the time looking at the other patrons behind him.
“
“
The small man nodded profusely and hurried away. Noah watched him disappear into the back. The other patrons turned partially away as well. Rachel did not blink. Instead, she put her hand on his.
“You still look upset,” she said. “Don’t worry. Today was just a minor setback.”
“It was the only lead we had, Rachel. I have no idea where we’re going to look now. We’ve come all this way, we’ve come so close. I can’t believe it was all for nothing.”
“It
“I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
“Believe this: we’ll find him. We’ll find him and we’ll take him away from this place, from Sonia and whatever crazy thing she’s mixed up in. We’ll take him away to a new life back home with us, and soon he’ll have a new brother or sister and all this will be like some horrible nightmare for us all, a nightmare that happened so long ago it will soon fade to nothing. We can have that, Noah. You just have to believe.”
Maybe it was the heat, or the exhaustion, or the pain of missing Eli for so long, but Noah could not keep himself from crying. It was horrible, and he felt the eyes of so many in the room staring at him once more, staring as Rachel squeezed and rubbed his hand. Like a summer storm, it passed over him as quickly as it arrived, but he was left drenched, wiping his face with the cheap paper napkin that had been laid for them on the table.
“I’m sorry, Rachel. I really am. I’ve just felt so lost for so long.”
“I know, babe. I know. Dry off, here comes our food.”
The little man was still hurrying as he delivered their plates, less setting them down than throwing them. He then retreated and brought back a warm bottle of
“
“I’m sorry. I—”
“
“
Back at the hotel, Rachel insisted on standing outside their room in the warm night.
“It’s amazing; I’ve never seen anything like it,” Rachel said, staring up at the colours of ebbing dusk as her hands idled on her pregnancy. Noah followed her eyes skyward. In the dark that followed close the stars lit the sky like a thousand pricks of light. “The world is a lot different in these places. You forget what it’s like when you spend your life a few feet away from electricity at the flick of a switch. Out here, you really get an idea of what it must have been like to be alive hundreds of years ago. The Spaniards came here and conquered, brought Christianity, but you can almost feel what it was like before that, back when the sky was filled with gods of fire. I can understand why people would come here to worship Ometéotlitztl and the rest. It’s like a whole different way of being. I’m almost jealous.”
Noah bristled, but tried to hide it. He had no interest in repeating their experience on the heath. “You have a way of looking at things, you know.”
She took his arm and rested her head on his shoulder. “What do you mean?”
He shrugged, careful not to dislodge her.
“You see everything in a positive light. You look up and see a flood of stars. I look up and see the endless space around them. I wish I could be as positive as you.”
“Oh, Noah,” she said, her voice pulled into the vacuum of her disappointment. She didn’t say anything else, but instead took his hand and stood there in the dark of the blistering night. He let go first.
“We should probably go inside. Father Manillo was right. You need to rest.”
“Just stand with me for a little while. It will be good for you to stop moving—you’ve been running ragged since we left Sarnia.”
“I can’t. Not if I’m going to find Sonia and Eli before they disappear again. What if Father Manillo calls? He said he would.”
“If he calls, you’ll be able to hear it. Right now, I need you, Noah. We
“I know that,” he said. “But what am I supposed to do? Forget Eli? Let Sonia
Rachel started to say something, then stopped. She pulled him close and kissed him on the cheek, then brusquely pulled her shawl around her shoulders. “Go on in,” she said. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
He hesitated. “Are you sure? You’re going to stay out here
“You don’t have to worry,” she said. Had her tone changed, or did Noah simply imagine it? “I’m sure I’ll be safe out here for a few minutes.”
Noah opened his mouth to speak, but behind him he heard a sharp trilling from somewhere inside, and his heart skipped. With hands wet and body shaking he turned and looked at Rachel. She had turned too, but her expression was inscrutable.
“Well, what are you waiting for? Go on. I’ll be inside in a minute.”
He was already in the door when he realised she’d said something else, something like “I love you.”
Noah picked up the phone, but no one responded to his greeting. There was a wheezing sound. A snuffling. Garbled and metallic as though the line had been degraded. Noah started to get worried. He looked at Rachel through the window, her back to him, shawl pulled tight. “Hello?”
There was some more scratching, then, “Noah? This is Father Manillo. I had an idea.”
Noah’s blood raced.
“About where to find my son?”
“Yes. Of course. Villages like Astilla de la Cruz, farming villages in the depths of Mexico, are filled with children who must work the land with their fathers all day, or must scavenge the streets at night to scrape together what little they can to help their families survive. But there are some, especially those belonging to the more wealthy or foreign, who still must be educated. So a tiny school was erected a few years ago for them. There they can learn, but so few attend, or can attend often during the farming season, that it is only in session a few days a week.
“I’m not certain,” the priest continued, “but I believe there is class tomorrow. Perhaps your Eli is there? If your past wife is how you say, she might want him in school.”
Rachel entered the room and closed the door behind her. She did not look at Noah, even though it was clear she knew he was watching. Instead, she brushed past him and lay down on their bed. With some effort she turned onto her side, her back twisted toward him.
“Thank you, Father. How do I get there?”
III. Back to School
Rachel had managed to drift off while Noah was on the telephone with Father Manillo, gathering details about the nameless school’s location. She lay still, chest slowly rising and sinking, shirt ridden up to expose her swollen pregnancy. Noah lay down beside her but could not bear to put his arm around her. The room was a furnace, and the last thing he wanted was for her body’s heat to compound his own. He rolled over and tried to sleep.
He’d been warned repeatedly that the odds of finding Sonia, of finding Eli, were virtually zero, yet he could not stop himself from holding out hope. It buzzed through his head, his hands, his feet, and each remained in motion as he twisted and turned through the night. Eventually it was simpler to give up, get out of bed. Frustrated, tired, and angry, he crept to the window and sat in the dull moonlight. There, he studied the unfolded article he’d carried all the way from Sarnia, looking for some overlooked clue about where his son might be. Even that proved more than he could bear in the lingering heat, so he simply gazed out the window at the field of stars and waited for the daylight to arrive.
The broken spire was the first thing that came into view as the red morning sun crested the clay roofs. The air already smelled of frying corn, rich and bittersweet. The light of the rising sun burned Noah’s face, a giant ball of fire that seemed to hang a few feet away, not a hundred million miles. He watched it rise in starts, as though lifted on the shoulders of some great giant or dragged upward by a team of animals. As it ascended, it lit the sky further, and the silhouette of the hanging cross transformed into the cross itself, casting its long shadow over the poor village below.
Finding the school proved to be more challenging than Noah had anticipated. What should have been a walk of a few minutes was instead an hour-long odyssey without any clear sign where he and Rachel were headed. He had written down Father Manillo’s instructions carefully, but the streets of Astilla de la Cruz did not obey his crudely drawn map. In places, it was difficult to tell where roads ended or began, and at one point he was certain houses had simply been erected without consideration of anything beyond the whim of the builder. Each place was more rundown than the last, dirt yards filled with old and broken toys that were as untouched and abandoned as everything else they passed. If not for the occasional movement of curtains, or sound of someone scrambling unseen, Noah would have suspected he and Rachel had been just as forgotten.
Noah stopped and looked back for the broken cross to orient himself. It was a dark spike in the eye of the sun, and no matter where he and Rachel went, its position never seemed to change.
“Maybe we should ask someone where this school is,” Rachel suggested. Underneath her wide-brimmed hat her face was slick with sweat.
“Who are we going to ask? Do you see anybody around?”
“Let me see those directions again. Maybe we took a wrong turn.”
He handed them over reluctantly. Rachel studied them.
“I haven’t seen any of these street names. Are you sure these are right?”
“I haven’t a clue. I was hoping once we were close enough we could figure things out by looking at the signs. I didn’t count on there not being any.”
“Do you know how to get us back at least?”
Noah paused, unsure how to phrase the answer, but his silence was answer enough for Rachel.
“So we’re completely lost. Great. You
“Obviously.”
“Do you know my back is killing me as well? What happens if I need to sit down? Should I do it right here in the street?”
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Oh, like we figured out where the school was?”
He tried not to look at her. He would only get angry if he looked at her. How could she be so selfish when Eli was out there, somewhere?
“It can’t be far. We’ve almost reached the edge of the village.”
“I hope you’re right. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going. Remember what Dr Mielke told us.”
What she’d told them was that Rachel should stay home, something she flagrantly disobeyed. But Noah managed to bite his tongue before saying it.
He was sorely tempted to knock on a door, any door, and ask for directions. The sun was no longer inching its way into the sky but climbing swiftly, and every moment that passed intensified its heat. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to ask for help. The houses looked too rundown, too hopeless, and he needed all the hope he could muster. Eli needed it. Even Rachel needed it. But Noah didn’t know if he had enough left to go around.
“Wait,” Rachel said, so quietly Noah wondered if she spoke.
“What is it?”
She shushed him. “Listen, do you hear it? I think it’s music. Like a flute or something.”
She cocked her head and listened; Noah remained motionless. The blazing heat on his skull, the slow thumping of his heart, deafened him, but he strained to listen for the sound she heard. He wondered if it was merely wishful thinking, an auditory hallucination charged simply by her desire, and had almost given up when he finally heard it: The trilling of the sort of pipe he hadn’t heard since he was a child.
“I think you’re right.”
A wave of relief crested, washing over him. Rachel smiled. “Someone up there must like you.”
“I guess so. Come on, I think it’s this way.”
The sound of music had long since stopped, but that did not prevent Noah and Rachel from finding their way to the unnamed school Father Manillo had mentioned.
“Let’s hurry,” Noah said. “If Sonia’s left him it won’t be for long, and I’d like to be far away from here before she realises Eli is missing.”
The school was tiny; hardly larger than the rundown houses they’d passed, with an exterior so baked by the sun it had become porous and brittle. Running his fingers along the wall, Noah’s hand came away coated with brick and dust. The remnants of childhood lay in pieces around the school’s periphery—boxes drawn in chalk on the pavement, a crumbling rubber ball on the sparse, well-trodden grass. Rachel, putting her sunglasses atop her head so the tiny black arms held the chestnut hair off her face, rattled the locked door.
“This is where Eli is supposed to be? The place looks like it should be condemned.”
She bent and inspected the sorry collection of desiccated flowers in the garden outside the door. The plants were merely husks, untended for far too long, and they surrounded a clay figure that looked crafted by a child’s hands. The unclassifiable thing was painted pink, a coloured ribbon around its neck, and had what looked like four limbs. “Look at its eyes,” Rachel said, huffing as she picked it up for inspection. “They don’t even seem to be looking in the same direction.” She dropped the figurine, and its weight buried it headfirst in the ground. Rachel wiped her hands on her pants with disgust.
“I don’t understand it,” Noah said, looking through the windows at the empty classroom. “Father Manillo said they’d be here—all of them, all the children.”
“Maybe he got the days wrong?”
“No, no.” An overwhelming wave of disappointment swept Noah. “He was so
A noise caught his attention. He looked at Rachel for confirmation she’d heard it too, then scanned the area. There was no one in sight, yet he distinctly heard the sound of someone crying.
“Do you think—” Rachel whispered. “At the back?”
The two of them walked slowly around the side of the school, Noah in front with Rachel close behind. The sun made everything too bright, and even through squinted eyes Noah wasn’t sure the shadow beside the empty playground was truly a person until it stood and looked back at them. Noah froze, motioned for Rachel to do the same, and he simply waited to see what would happen.
The shadow bolted.
“Hey!” Noah shouted, and gave chase. “Hey, come here a minute! I want to talk to you.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” His sentences were clipped, his attention distracted by the fleeing shadow. But when he looked up, he was startled to find the shadow too had stopped and was watching them from a distance.
Rachel breathed heavily in tight, controlled breaths.
“I’ll be okay,” she panted. “I think I’ll be okay. Go on. Go find Eli.”
He looked at her and she nodded, then winced again.
“No, I’ll stay,” he said, hoping to any god that would listen that she couldn’t see his disappointment. “I’ll stay.”
“Noah—”
“It’s fine. I want to make sure you’re all right.”
“No. I mean, look.”
Noah turned and saw that the person he had been chasing was no longer standing still, observing, but instead was walking back toward them. Noah stood and squinted for a better look.
“Are you okay if I leave for a minute?”
“What does he want?”
“I’m going to find out.”
Noah walked toward the figure as it advanced forward. The stranger was speaking loudly in order to be heard, his arms flailing animatedly, but Noah did not understand the jumbled hybrid of Spanish and English. The man was about a foot shorter than Noah, thin with a head that seemed slightly larger than the body it was on. He had a wide uneven moustache, though Noah wasn’t sure if it was only because that was the only facial hair that would grow. The stranger sounded terrified, screaming “
“Calm down, I’m not going to hurt you.” Noah held his hands up to show he wasn’t a threat.
“The woman, she’s hurt?” The man breathed heavily, his face red and swollen from crying. Noah shook his head.
“She’s fine. We’re looking for the children. For a boy.” He reached into his pocket and the man flinched.
“It’s okay. I’m just going to take a picture out of my pocket, okay? I’m not going to hurt you.”
The man hesitated, then nodded.
Noah took the creased article from his pocket and held it out unfolded. The man cautiously leaned forward, watching Noah more than the photo, and when Noah didn’t move the man glanced quickly at it. Then, for longer.
“
Noah’s heart stopped beating.
“What do you mean? Where’s Eli? Where’s my son?”
“The
“What? No. Not at all. She’s my girlfriend.”
“Good. We must get her inside before the sun gets stronger.”
They lifted Rachel and brought her inside the classroom. It was small, covered in paints. It took a few minutes for Noah’s eyes to adjust to the lower light, and the first thing that came into view was a purple papier-mâché elephant that stared at them from its perch on a desk. The man kept casting nervous sidelong glances at it while he poured Rachel a glass of water. She drank it quickly and without question, then thanked him.
Noah couldn’t handle waiting any longer.
“Where is Eli? Where is my son?”
The man shook, crossed himself again, and kissed his fingers before taking the folded article from Noah’s hand.
“This is your
“Yes. My boy, Eli.”
The small man removed one of the children’s paintings from the wall of the classroom and gave it to Noah. The colours were wrong, sky yellow and ground black, but it was a self-portrait of a boy, standing with a pink, green-faced animal at his side.
“This painting? This is your boy.”
Noah took a second look, mesmerised by the thick-painted features. Could he tell, just by looking at the poorly constructed face, that it was his son? Was there any resemblance between that twisted figure and the boy he’d spent so long searching for? He couldn’t take his eyes off of it, the first artefact of his son’s existence he’d held in years. He lifted it to his face and inhaled deeply, trying to recover some sense of the boy. When he pulled the cheap paper away, he could barely speak.
“Where can I find him?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes the Tletliztlii—” He swallowed, then looked out the window of the classroom. Noah glanced, but there was nothing there. Only the sun burning in the sky. “The children, they were here. Your son, too. Then today, no children. But I find that.” He pointed toward the piñata on his desk, then crossed himself. “
“What do you mean?”
“They are gone.”
Noah slumped down into one of the tiny desks, unable to keep his balance any longer. Knees up to his chest, he couldn’t help but laugh, the rasps swirling in his chest before erupting volcanically from between his teeth.
“My name is
Noah looked around the room, needing to occupy himself to keep his heart from breaking. The walls of the classroom were covered in drawings scribbled by tiny hands, pasted upon a larger mural that swept everything else up in it—chalkboard, windows, the door. It was a row of children, their heads wider than tall, features pinched but gleeful. Each was a different colour, and they danced as though floating, all in line following behind a tall musician in some sort of parade. The musician’s face beamed like the sun as he blew notes out into the air, the string of them carrying across two walls. The line of happy children behind, all no more than four years old. Suddenly, Eli seemed so far away. Impossibly distant and irretrievable.
“Where would the Tletliztlii take them?” Rachel asked.
“Nobody will say. People, they are afraid of the gods, even if they don’t believe in them. They are afraid of what will happen.”
Noah banged his hand on the small desk.
“You have to have some idea. My son—he was stolen! I haven’t seen him in years. I don’t even know if he’s still alive.”
Rachel looked at him after his outburst in that way he hated. With well-meaning pity.
“We’ll find him, Noah. Don’t worry. If they’d left the village I bet Father Manillo would have known it. They’re still here, somewhere. We’ll find Eli somehow.”
“How can you be so sure? Even I can’t be sure. His own teacher can’t be sure.”
“I just know, Noah.”
“You
“Excuse,” said Muñoz, careful in his interruption. “You say Father
“Yes, Father Manillo.”
Muñoz did not get a chance to speak. A horrible moan, like the creaking of a massive door on rusted hinges, interrupted him as it echoed thorough the empty schoolhouse. The sound rattled Noah, who fell silent and cold and could not understand why—not until he saw Muñoz’s terror-filled eyes bulging wide. They were locked on Rachel, and as Noah turned he could feel the passage of time slowly stretch itself out. The room expanded outward until it fell away from the edges of world altogether, and all the while the distance between him and Rachel shrank to near nothing. He saw the web of veins standing from the pallid skin of her sweating face; saw the wrinkles around her eyes, her mouth, as she grimaced in agony. Tears fell onto her rigid arms and as she clutched at her belly trying to claw her way in to stop whatever was happening. Noah swallowed, his brain dully wanting to reconcile the sight, and it wasn’t until Muñoz finally stood and screamed that time’s normal pace resumed.
“
Noah rushed over and put his hand on Rachel’s face. She was burning, and crying uncontrollably.
“My God, Rachel. What’s wrong?”
She shook her head without speaking, and Muñoz covered his own again, muttering under his breath. Noah grabbed hold of the small man so tightly he thought his fingers would puncture skin.
“Call a doctor! Do something!” he said.
Muñoz’s eyes were stuck as wide as they could go, but he still managed to whisper a question.
“The name. What is the name?”
Noah didn’t understand.
“Her what? Her name—her name is Rachel. What—”
“No, no. What is the
“We haven’t—we—what does that have to do with anything?”
“Noah,” Rachel managed, her voice strained. “Help me.”
Muñoz shook his head, pulling away. “
“Why do you want to know the name?”
“Noah, I need a hospital.”
“
“I don’t understand!”
“Help me,” Rachel cried. Noah looked down at her, his daze clearing. Panic setting in.
“
He slapped Muñoz hard across the face. Muñoz stumbled.
“We need to see a doctor
“Yes, your wife. We need to help your wife.”
“We aren’t married,” Noah muttered. It was all he could think to say.
IV. The Truth Will Out
The only doctor in the village lived ten minutes away, but it could have been ten hours and the journey would have been no easier. The men carried Rachel as quickly as they could, and Noah did his best to calm her despite her delirium, while Muñoz guided them through deserted streets toward a tiny nested house.
“We’re almost there,” Noah said, but Rachel did not seem interested in being comforted. Instead, she continued to emit a high-pitched whine that steadily increased in volume. Part of Noah expected locked doors to swing open and shut windows to fly up, but as they passed rows of houses in the warm night nothing moved. They were more alone than they’d ever been.
The men burst through the door of the doctor’s house with Rachel in their arms and called out for help. A short, dark nurse with deep-set eyes and a harelip from an ancient scar appeared and looked directly into Rachel’s eyes, then at her swollen belly, then directed the two men to place her into a worn wheelchair. Noah asked if he needed to sign anything, but the nurse did not respond. Instead, she wrapped her stubby fingers around the handles of the wheelchair and pushed it forward, not waiting as Rachel weakly reached out. Before she could speak, Rachel was pushed clear of the front room.
“What are we supposed to do now?” Noah asked, eyes plastered to the door swinging unceremoniously shut.
“Now, we sit,” Muñoz said. “And we wait.”
Until then Noah hadn’t noticed his surroundings. The stress and adrenaline had narrowed his attention until he was blind to anything not directly in front of him. With Rachel taken, that adrenaline wore away, leaving behind a cold shiver in his limbs he couldn’t shake.
The front waiting room was the filthiest place he had seen since arriving in Mexico. The floor was made of press-on linoleum tiles loose from the sweat of summer heat, some missing, some cracked beyond repair. In the corner sat a small box of toys—a duck, some plastic cars—that Noah got the impression were not often played with. There seemed to be no sign of children ever having been there, which seemed appropriate, considering how oppressive the room was. But despite the small size of the room, Noah hadn’t immediately noticed that he and Muñoz were not alone. There was a lonesome couple seated in the corner, their faces long and sagging, their eyes dead. They did not glance at Noah or Muñoz. They did nothing much at all except cradle a pair of twin papier-mâché dogs in their arms. At least, Noah supposed they were dogs. Bright, multicoloured dogs; fat and malformed and without eyes.
“Why do they have those here?” Noah whispered.
“Here it is customary for the birth of a child. It’s a
Noah nodded. They sat quietly, listening to the erratic tick of the old clock on the laminate wall, and to the sound of the couple’s heavy breathing as they stared at nothing and waited. Noah was in no condition to handle the silence.
“Thank you,” he whispered again. “You don’t need to stay here.”
“It’s not trouble. I have no children. No one who needs me more. Without the Tletliztlii to teach, I—”
He caught himself, and lowered his head.
“I am sorry. Your
Noah swallowed. “It’s okay. I’ll find him.”
Muñoz nodded.
Noah waited on word about Rachel in silence for almost two hours, but the nurse never returned. No one else entered the office either, and the long-faced couple across the room were barely more than statues, staring up at a buzzing clock, holding their plaster gifts. Noah looked to Muñoz, who sat still, eyelids closed, and Noah wondered where the teacher had taken them. A nervous itch crept across his jittering legs. Where had the nurse taken Rachel so quickly? Noah stood, started pacing, desperate to dispel his growing unease. First Eli, now Rachel—was he doomed to have parts of who he was forever disappear, plucked from his life one at a time, until he was nothing more than a set of bleached bones? Even the article in his pocket, unfolded and folded so many times, was beginning to wear.
Muñoz opened his eyes.
“You must stop moving. It is not good for you.”
“I have to do something. I’ll go crazy if I don’t.”
“You will be crazier if you do. They will come and tell us about Rachel soon. Dr Nunio is very old, but very good.”
“If he’s so good, where is everybody?”
Muñoz shrugged.
“Maybe they are working. Even the poor must work, especially in Astilla de la Cruz. There is always much to do before the season ends.”
“But there’s no one else sick at all?”
“Maybe the people pray,” he shrugged. “Maybe that is enough.”
Noah didn’t believe it.
“The church wasn’t any busier yesterday. If it was, you’d think they’d be able to fix up the place. The steeple at least needs work.”
Noah stopped twitching at the sight of Muñoz. The teacher did not look well.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“That is no church.
“But we met Father Manillo yesterday and—”
Muñoz spat again.
“The man makes lies. Lies and half-truths. Do not listen!
“Wait. ‘The Tletliztlii’? Does he know them? He told us—he told me and Rachel that…He knew where they were
Noah paced the room faster, hands running through hair.
“I have to do something. I can’t just—I mean, I have to go. I—I have to find Eli.”
“But your girlfriend,” Muñoz said, eyes darting back and forth, jaw trembling to speak.
Noah had no idea if Rachel was okay. But his son needed him. His kidnapped son. How could he know what to do? No matter what his choice, he might never forgive himself. But he had to choose.
“I can’t leave him there. I can’t let him slip through my fingers.”
Muñoz nodded solemnly and stood.
“Then I will take you. You cannot go there alone.”
As he spoke, the wooden door of the waiting room opened. The small nurse entered, her stony, harelipped face long and craggy.
“
“What?”
“
“She says it’s okay to see your wife now. She is calling for you.”
“I told you she’s not—I can go see her?”
The nurse nodded, her tired eyes already bored.
“But—”
“Go,
“
“Okay. Let’s go.”
It took too long for Rachel’s room to appear at the end of the unfinished hallway, but when it did Noah was startled. There was little equipment, and what was there appeared far too old. Light slipped past the blind slats and bisected the room, creating a staggered line across the unfinished floor. On the opposite side of the divide was a pair of single beds, but only one was occupied. Rachel sat up, her hands fidgeting absently with a small, colourful toy. It was clear from her flushed wet face she had been crying before he entered.
“They finally let you in,” she said. “I was worried they wouldn’t.”
“I don’t think they could have stopped me.”
“The doctor’s had a look, but he isn’t worried.” She sniffled, then tried to hide it behind the sleeve of her gown. “It’s a bit of hysterical labour, probably caused by the stress of the trip, and maybe from some dehydration. I felt a lot better once I got some water in me.”
“The baby?”
“The baby is fine, too.”
“Good, good,” he said, and checked the time on his watch. Rachel went quiet.
“Can’t you stop looking at that thing for a second to see how I am?”
“I’m sorry. It’s just that I have a lead on Eli. I think he—”
“You have a
“You’re safe. There’s nothing wrong, is there?”
“It has nothing to do with if something’s wrong or not. I’m in the hospital. Me. The woman you supposedly love. And the child I’m carrying.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Are you? I know you, Noah. I’ve been living with that look in your eyes for years. The last thing you want is to be here with me. Sometimes I wonder if you care about me and the baby at all.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.”
She scoffed.
“Where are you going? To meet that bitch, Sonia? Do you think she’s going to tell you anything?”
“She’d better.”
“I love you, but you’re fucking naive if you think it’s going to be that easy. After everything she’s done to keep you from Eli, you think she’s just going to
“Eli is my child, Rachel. He needs me too.”
“I hate to tell you this, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t need you at all. He’s got Sonia.”
“You just told me you don’t trust her. But you trust her enough to care for my child?”
Rachel was starting to cry again. Noah wanted to back off, but suddenly understood she had never wanted anything to do with Eli, didn’t even want him in her life, and she was using any weapon she could to turn Noah against his own son. The realisation made him angrier than he thought possible.
“Eli is a part of me, Rachel, and nothing you say can make that different. He’s my son, and he means more than the world to me. He means more to me than my own life.”
“Does he mean more to you than me? Does he mean more to you than your
“What are you talking about?”
“Answer me!”
“You want me to
“Yes, exactly. I want you to choose between your fucking crazy ex-wife and a child who has no idea who the fuck you are; and me, the woman who loves you, the woman who came down here on this crazy mission with you even though she is carrying your future child, one who you’ll know and grow close to and will love you forever. Choose, Noah. If you’re half the man you believe you are, it should be easy. Choose.”
Noah took a breath, but had no idea what words were going to come out of his mouth. The anger and resentment had built up to such intolerable levels they confounded him. The pressure in his head was building, struggling for release.
Who was she? Who was she to tell Noah that Eli was nothing? That he should be forgotten? Who was this woman? Not the demure girl he’d met what seemed like only months before, the girl who once didn’t know the meaning of the word “relationship”. He had only been with her because her commitment to being noncommittal was so different from his that she seemed exciting, good for him. When had she become the yoke around his neck, telling him that he should no longer care about the only thing he’d ever cared about? Who was she? And who was the unborn child she said was his? Did it smile like Eli? Did it laugh like him? Was it as smart, as friendly, and perfect as his little son? It was nothing to him, nothing but a lump of flesh buried deep in a woman he didn’t know, didn’t recognise. She wanted him to choose between that and his perfect little boy? There was no choice. There had never been a choice.
Rachel’s eyes narrowed as she glared at Noah. His skull filled with opaque fuses and felt as though it was burning. He touched his forehead; it was strangely cold.
“I have to go, Rachel. We’ll talk about this later.”
“Get the fuck out of here,” she said, and threw the brightly-coloured toy at him. It bounced off his temple, catalysing his anger before it smashed to the ground.
“With pleasure,” he bellowed, then stormed out.
Muñoz was sitting in the waiting room, speaking quietly with the strange staring couple. It was clear by the look of guilt on his face that he’d heard part of the argument. Noah didn’t stop. Full of burning embers, he stormed outside. Muñoz followed close behind.
“Is she okay?” Muñoz dared.
“You don’t need to worry about it. Just get me to the church and to Sonia. Nothing else is going to come between me and Eli.”
The sharp shadow of the steeple lay across the front of the church, cutting the path to its door like a giant razor. Noah had been anxious on the journey there from the doctor’s office, still carrying his burning anger over what Rachel had said, and his nervous anticipation at seeing Eli again. He and Muñoz passed the rundown houses and saw few people outside. Most moved as if they were still asleep, staring off into space. On the stoop of a house, a woman sat surrounded by broken toys and the half-formed piñata she was building. Her hands were caked in pink plaster, and they covered her face as she wept uncontrollably.
Muñoz led Noah on without comment, along the dirt road to the towering church. Heat warped its height until the spire climbed forever into the sky. Out front, a shirtless man was working the arid ground, planting grass and flowers where it was clear nothing could grow. His back was tanned and broad, his muscles tight along his barrel chest, and it wasn’t until the two men were almost upon him that Noah realised it was Father Manillo.
“You came back!” he said, his grin wide, lenses reflecting the sun into Noah’s eyes. “Did you find everything you needed?”
Noah hesitated. “Almost.”
“Good, good!” he said. Not once did he look at Muñoz.
“And your wife? How is she?”
“My girlfriend is fine,” Noah said curtly. “But you know why I’m here, don’t you?”
“
“My wife. My
Noah watched the priest’s eyes, hoping the revelation would shake the man, but instead the older man dug his shovel into the ground and leaned on the handle. Then he laughed.
“What do you think is going on here? This is a place of God.”
“I don’t know about that, but I know you’ve been sheltering the Tletliztlii here. It’s probably why we didn’t find them up on the heath. Were they ever there?”
The priest laughed again, the sound as paternal as it was cold.
“Oh, they come and go. They come and go.” Then his face grew still, the laugh lines fading back into tanned leather skin, and he grabbed Noah’s arm and pulled. Noah tried to resist, but the sudden snatch had unbalanced him.
“You want to go inside, yes? I will not stop you—everyone is free to worship at Ometéotlitztl’s altar—but no matter what you find you must respect the sanctity of the church. There is no anger among the Tletliztlii, only shared purpose. Do you accept?”
He held out his hand for Noah to take. Noah shook it, but his own hand felt inadequate inside Manillo’s giant paw. When the priest let go, Noah wiped his fingers across his chest, trying to erase the feel of Manillo’s sweat and calluses. Noah turned to Muñoz, but the teacher remained cautiously and infuriatingly mute.
Though its windows were pointed away from the sun and let only indirect light inside, the interior of the church was an oven. There were more people in the pews, more people praying than ever before, many with plaster-covered hands, working on
Her auburn hair was pinned back, but wisps of it fell over her apple face. Lines had been carved where he had never seen them, and dressed in meagre clothes she bore little resemblance to the woman he’d known. But the way she hung her head, the awkward turn of her nose, made it all too clear who she was. He would never forget her. Not the woman who had stolen his son from him.
“Sonia!”
Everyone stopped to look at him. A hundred eyes all staring. All eyes but two. Those remained transfixed on the altar.
“Sonia! Where is he? Where is Eli?”
The kneeling woman did not answer, did not turn. A shadow from the door spread across the room, and Noah saw Manillo standing there, filling the frame. The priest slowly wiped his hands on the cloth hanging from his belt. The church shrank to half its size. Muñoz stepped back, but Noah did not. He would not back down until he found Eli. He had come too far, travelled too long.
“Sonia! Where?”
The crowd became agitated as Noah’s anger intensified. Manillo took a few steps forward, and Noah glared at him in warning. Manillo paused, but the smirk on his face was disconcerting. The shirtless old man looked more than capable of snapping Noah in two. Nevertheless, Noah carried on undeterred, his voice increasing in volume with every step he took toward his ex-wife.
“Sonia!”
She stood slowly as he stalked toward her, and her expression looked both irritated and bored.
“Hello, Noah.”
He was momentarily startled. Her eyes—her eyes were bloodshot and circled with red, as though she’d been crying, but it was clear she hadn’t. It had only been a few years, but the changes were immense. She’d been beaten by the sun until her face creased, and by something else that had bruised her across the side of her body.
“What are they doing to you here? Are they keeping you here? Are they keeping
“Of course not. Nobody’s being ‘kept’ anywhere. I need you to calm down. I have to talk to you.”
“Calm down?
Noah sighed.
“I just want to know where Eli is, Sonia. I just want to take him home. He has no place here.”
Sonia sat in an empty pew, pushing aside a crude elephant-shaped
“If you cannot control your emotions, Noah,” he said, “I will have to control them. You are a guest under this roof. Act that way.”
Noah did not care.
“I want Eli. I want to know where he is right now.”
“He’s fine. He’s safe. Ask his teacher.”
Noah looked at Muñoz, but the man would not lift his head to meet the gaze. He seemed smaller than before.
“You see, Noah,” Manillo said, resting a burning hand on the back of Noah’s neck that couldn’t be shaken, “Eli’s fine. You can calm down.”
“Yes, calm down, Noah,” Sonia said, a hint of mockery so slight Noah suspected only he could notice. “There’s nothing wrong with Eli. He likes it down here.”
“I don’t care if he likes it or not. He shouldn’t be here. You shouldn’t have taken him. He doesn’t belong to you.”
“He’s a boy, Noah; not a car. He doesn’t belong to anyone.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do I?” She glanced at Muñoz. “Haven’t you even wondered why, Noah?”
“Why what? You took my son? No, I just want him back.”
“You don’t understand.”
“Make me understand.”
She looked at Manillo, who only nodded in response. Then the priest put his sweating hand on Noah’s shoulder and glared at him. The message was clear.
“Muñoz,” he barked at the shrinking teacher. “
The two men retreated, leaving Noah and his ex-wife alone. The rest of the spectators resumed their crafts.
Sonia’s head was in her hands, the greasy wisps of hair falling over her unwashed arms. She did not seem capable of being awake, let alone taking care of their son.
“After we—after the divorce, I can’t explain to you how lost I felt. I was doing what I could to keep up appearances, but inside I was broken. I think if I’m being fair, I was always broken; you just had the bad luck to come across me when I was hiding it better. There’s always been something missing, some piece of me left empty, unfilled. I’ve always felt hollow, but I’d been that way for so long I thought that was how everybody felt. Do you feel that way, Noah? Do you feel hollow?”
“I can’t say I do.”
She looked up at him, her sunken eyes bloodshot and pleading. He’d never seen her like that before; it unnerved him. “Seriously. Think about it. Don’t you feel like something is missing?”
“I do, Sonia. I’ve felt it ever since you took Eli from me.”
She looked down again with what he hoped was a grimace, but might have been something worse.
“I had to take him. You won’t understand.”
“Probably not.”
She stood and paced, rubbing her hands along the legs of her jeans. She moved back and forth between pews, fidgeting with one of the large papier-mâché creatures that were perched on them. She tenderly ran her fingers across the coloured tissue paper.
“I needed something to fill the hole, Noah, and I found it, of all places, in the Coniston Public Library. Or at least in the newspapers there. It was a tiny article, no bigger than a column, and it laid out the plight of the Tletliztlii and their worship of Ometéotlitztl. Something about it spoke to me. Maybe because of the way they described the country, vast but lonesome, or maybe I just felt the need to fill the hole with experience. Anything to recharge my battery. By that point, there was nothing left for me anywhere.”
“And some cult saying God was born from the other Mexican gods was the best place for you?”
“It’s not a cult, Noah. And who told you about the child?”
“Your friend Father Manillo did. If he’s even a priest.”
“Oh, he is. But he didn’t tell you the whole story.
“Even if I understood why you’d want to join a cult—”
“I told you: it’s not a cult.”
“
She put her hand on his, and though his skin instinctively curled away from her touch, he did not move.
“Noah,” she said. “I didn’t want to hurt you. Honestly, you didn’t cross my mind at all.”
Noah felt the baking heat multiplied tenfold across his skin, igniting the fire in his brain. He thought he might burst into flame. Manillo’s warnings echoed in his clouded mind, the only thing keeping him from unleashing his fury. That, and the number of Tletliztlii around him and Sonia.
“There was something about the Tletliztlii that spoke to me as soon as I read about it. People from all walks of life came on a pilgrimage, all needing to fill the hole in their lives. Ometéotlitztl offered something nothing else did. Ometéot-litztl offered fire. But when I got here I realised it was much more than that. So much more. I don’t know if I can explain it. I don’t know how to make you understand what my sisters and brothers and I understand. I came down to Mexico an empty shell and found myself transformed by what filled me. I’m so much more than I once was. I like this feeling, Noah. I want to keep hold of it.”
“What about Eli?”
“What about him? I’ve always felt a strange connection to him. Not like mother and child but something else. I can’t explain, and he’s too young to do it for me, but Eli and I have a relationship that is built on different foundations. This is one of the things I realised while I waited for my life to begin again, and I wondered what that made me. Was I some sort of a monster?”
“You don’t want me to answer that.”
Sonia let go of his hand and paced again, lightly stroking the animal effigy. Noah watched closely for signs of the woman he’d once known, once been married to and shared a child with. But it wasn’t her. It wasn’t who he remembered. This woman, this person in the shape of Sonia, was a stranger, and he did not understand her. He could not predict her. She had his son hidden somewhere, and Noah knew then that Rachel was right: she would never tell him where.
“You can keep your crazy cult for all I care. I just want our son back.”
“Noah, you don’t understand anything. You’ve never understood anything. That’s always been your problem. You move without thinking about what you’re doing, about who you’re hurting. You’re like a blind bull, and I hate to tell you this but you can’t always get what you want.”
“Where is he?” He was becoming more agitated, his head spinning on his shoulders. “Where’s that fucking Manillo gone?”
“Noah, stop it. Look at me.”
“I want Eli. I need him and I’m not leaving without him. Nobody is kidnapping my son!”
“I told you: he’s not kidnapped. Everything is fine. Eli needs to stay here with me. I need him more than you ever could.”
But Noah was not listening. His fists clenched in rage, he screamed for Manillo to show his face. All the Tletliztlii were watching, and they started to laugh, and their laughter only further fuelled his anger. He grabbed Sonia by the wrist hard so she could not struggle away and jerked her close. Her breath was foetid but barely registered through his bloody haze.
“You could
“Or what? What are you going to do? Besides turn around and leave? Save yourself: Get the fuck out of here and take care of the
Noah stood and punched one of the misshapen
“I don’t want another Eli. I want mine!”
“You can’t have him,” she said. Laughing.
Noah’s brain shut down, unable to comprehend what Sonia was saying, what she was doing, how far he had travelled only to be blocked by a wall of insanity. He heard the crying of children filling his mind, even though he knew their voices couldn’t be real. But the cries only grew, intensified, bursting his skull amid Sonia’s mocking laughter. He squeezed her wrist tighter, squeezed his eyes shut tighter still, trying to surface in the tidal wave of anger flooding over him. He was drowning in it, deaf and blind and dumb and full of hatred. He opened his eyes long enough to see Manillo had returned, and his enormous fist was travelling straight at Noah’s face.
Noah remembered little after that. Just an endless series of fists and feet raining down on his crumpled body.
“Where’s Eli?” he tried to spit out, but the blood in his mouth choked him, and he could barely emit a gurgling cough. “Oh, God,” he cried, and Sonia laughed even harder.
“You stupid man. Don’t you get it? There is no child of a hundred gods. He was aborted; never born. There is no God.”
She then spat on him and kicked him hard in the face. He felt the clammy lithe arms of unconsciousness grab hold of him from the cold darkness below, and they pulled him close into her waiting bosom.
V. This Blasted Heath
Noah and Eli lay on the soft green grass, staring up at the clouds slowly moving across a picture-perfect sky.
“See that one? That’s a horse, Eli. What sound do horsies make?”
Eli brayed, then laughed uproariously. Noah laughed too, the feeling of his son’s body wriggling against him filling him with never-ending bliss. Noah couldn’t remember how long they’d been lying there—it seemed like forever—but he never wanted it to end. Couldn’t imagine the world any better.
“Are you two going to goof off in the grass all day?”
Noah rolled over and looked up at Rachel sitting on her wooden chair. She wore a deep, knowing smile and had one hand over the edge of the crib beside her, the other wrapped around her full belly. She sat in the afternoon light, the nursery around her so bright he wondered if he should draw the blinds.
“We’re seeing animals playing in the air!” Eli shouted, then cackled at his own antics. Rachel smiled too, then gently shushed him.
“You’re going to wake the baby, Eli.”
He laughed again.
“You don’t want to do that, do you?”
Only laughter. Noah grabbed the boy around the waist and threw him into the air.
“Of course you don’t. That’s my favourite boy. That’s my favourite Eli.”
Then they both laughed, both rolled on the green grass, and Noah could smell it on them like the smell of summer, and knew that if he kept rolling nothing would ever change.
But there was a noise, the sound of a tree branch breaking. Noah put Eli down and looked at the beach but saw nothing out of the ordinary. Just Sonia walking along the shore, holding the hand of a small child he knew looked familiar, but could not place.
The park around them was crowded with people, all standing on the grass barefooted, all staring up at the sky. Some wore old clothes, worn away to almost nothing, while others were dressed in suits and evening dresses. All stared up at the clouds expectantly.
“They must be looking for the horsies too,” Noah said, but when he turned he found Eli had vanished. Noah’s smile faded. “Eli?” he called, looking for someone who might have his son. But no one would look at him. They each held a small child by the hands, all staring upward. Noah cast a glance too, long enough to see that the white clouds were moving past so swiftly he barely recognised their shapes.
“Eli, where are you?” he called out.
More people crowded the beach, packed to its edges, some up to their knees in water, and when he called out Eli’s name they gathered around him, all holding a small faceless child by the hands, cutting him off.
“Eli!” he screamed, squeezing his way through the throng of immovable bodies. Through gaps he saw Sonia in the distance, wispy auburn air fluttering as she led a small boy by the hand, a small curly-haired boy dressed in his favourite green cap and blue Oshkoshbigosh overalls. Somewhere behind Noah was the sound of Rachel crying, the crackling sound of paper being crumpled, and a heat that blanketed everything, charring bodies and the ground to deep black ash. Noah was thrown forward by the wave, landing in the darkened nursery. Rachel had gone, the crib was empty, the shelves with nothing left. There was just a window, a large rectangle framing the blasted heath beyond. The sky was a deep blue, the air so clear he could make out every detail of the world beyond in excruciating detail. Insects creeping, rodents scurrying, grains of sand blowing though mounds of ash, and in the distance speeding toward him at an impossible rate was a column of black flame, stretching from the ground upward into oblivion. The dervish spun and spun, consuming everything in its path. And it was aiming straight toward the house Noah was hiding within. But where was Eli? A mewling sound behind him, coming from the crib, and Noah felt the joy of relief. He turned around and put his hands into the crib, so full of shadows it was like putting his hands into a well of tar. He felt something squirm in his grip, resist him, but he struggled to get Eli free. A small body broke the surface, covered in paper and shaped like some amorphous, brightly coloured animal. It mewed again, staring upward with painted-on eyes before catching fire and burning to cinders in Noah’s quivering hands.
Noah’s swollen eyelids did not part easily, and when they finally did he wished they hadn’t. The fluorescent lights were harsh and they stung, and he turned his head from them to see where he was. Somehow he had made it back to the doctor’s house, though he had no clear recollection of how or why. His half-memories were of manic and leering faces, all laughing at him. He tried to lift a hand, but it felt weighted down, and it wasn’t until he gathered enough strength to move his head that he realised why. His arm, from elbow down, was wrapped with thick plaster and bandages.
The air was sour with sweat and ash, and his entire body felt overrun by a dull aching pain. He called for help, but his shrivelled tongue prevented anything more than a choked grunt and cough. His chest exploded in pain.
Noah slowly pulled himself up to sit, resting every few inches to rediscover his equilibrium and slow the shards of pain that sank deeper with each jarring movement. He began to remember what happened and everything that had come before. He only felt sicker.
It took work, but he managed to get his legs over the side of the bed, and after a few minutes more to get to his feet. Every inch ached from his ordeal, but beyond the broken arm and his taped-up chest he seemed to be intact. His bloodied clothes were draped over an empty chair, and as slowly as he could he slipped into them. In the far corner of the room, hidden from sight until he was able to stand, was a crudely made
His shuffling echoed in the short corridor. The nurse was nowhere to be found, but he dimly remembered which was Rachel’s room and stumbled down the empty hall toward it, tears blurring his vision, heavy breathing making his ribs ache. He had nothing left without her, and as he found her room he starting apologising before he even entered.
There was no trace of her, nor of their unborn child, just as she promised. The bed was made and room straightened, and the odour of disinfectant still hung strong. Noah sat on the visitor’s chair, exhausted, dumbfounded, staring at the empty bed. Beneath it he saw something the cleaners had missed, something small and colourful that had rolled under the bed after Rachel had ricocheted it off Noah’s temple. He raised his good hand to his brow and could still feel the bruise. The pain felt good because it felt different, because it wasn’t the pain that was going to tear him in two.
Astilla de la Cruz met Noah with creeping daylight and an unbearable heat that glued his clothes to his flesh. He felt vile and dizzy, and wondered if he had suffered a concussion in the assault. The broken church loomed like a vengeful spirit, and those few houses he saw along the street he hoped would lead him back to the hotel. Each window was dim, haloed by the wavering burning air, and as he slowly passed curtains were quickly drawn closed. Yet the rest of the houses seemed vacant, large paper creatures hanging from windows or sitting in the dirt outside the doors, dead eyes watching as no one walked by. The odour of something burning wafted through the air, a greasy smell not unlike grilled pork; it could have been coming from anywhere.
The bleeding had stopped, at least. He coughed, choking on the mucus that had flowed back from his nose before spitting it onto the dirt road. He felt so alone without Rachel beside him. Perhaps she was right: maybe he should never have gone after Eli. It had only made things worse. He’d waited so long to be with his son, sacrificed so much of himself, of his life, dreaming of the day they’d be reunited, that the realisation he might never see the boy again was devastating. His body revolted at the thought, releasing in a flood all the unbearable emotion he’d pent-up or plastered over. He dropped to his knees in the middle of the street and wept for the years of loss and hopelessness he could see laid out before him. Each hitch of his body brought a new throb of pain from his taped ribcage, but it barely registered through his grief. He’d lost everything he’d built of his new life, sacrificed on the altar of his old, and those arms he’d held wide for so long would never be filled, but neither would they ever close.
When he reached the hotel, he was a mess. Covered head to toe in dirty bandages, his clothes ripped and bloodied—had
With some awkwardness, he was able to retrieve his key and open the door to his hotel room. When he saw the empty hangers and missing suitcase he understood the futility of the hope he’d been harbouring—Rachel had gone to Sarnia without him. What little remained of his strength dwindled, and he dropped onto the bed where springs stuck him as penance. From his pocket he removed the article he had been carrying with him so long and unfolded it. He stared at the blurry photograph of Sonia, of the heath, of everything he had tried and failed to rescue. Noah had come so far to find the piece of himself that was missing, and instead the rest of him fell apart, scattering those pieces far and wide with no hope of gluing them back together. He stared at the worn article and wondered why it should be any different, why it should be spared the same fate. He had done everything he could, and there was only one thing left unfinished. Noah took the article in both hands and tore it to shreds. He let the fragments rain down around him.
He hadn’t noticed the sound at first, his head still ringing from despair, but as it cleared the scraping of burning wind against brick faded, uncovering the hush of a mumbling crowd moving through the blistering heat. Noah squinted out the window into the distance and saw flickering light dotting the gentle slope toward the blasted heath. That was where the entire town had gone, or at least those not cowering in their ramshackle homes. They went to celebrate with Sonia and her cult of kidnappers. As if on cue, a streamer of yellow tissue paper drifted across the street, and he heard a woman’s distant careless laughter.
The ground was not easy to cover by foot, even in the growing daylight, but Noah had no car, nor was Manillo’s truck at the church when he passed. Dirt was hardened to rock, cracked with fissures that gaped like a series of ever-widening mouths, each hungry for him to step inside. Thirst came upon him slyly, and it wasn’t until he had travelled far beyond the village’s outskirts that he realised how dangerous a trek he had embarked upon. The sound of rattlesnakes thundered in Noah’s ears so close he tensed for a strike. But his eyes did not deviate from where the ruins should be. He trailed the lights ahead of him as best he could, but they moved quicker than his injured legs could manage, and the ground radiated heat like burning coal. It did not take long before he was left behind, alone under a baking sun that bore down on his unprotected body.
Had he not known where they were headed, Noah might have lost them forever, but he never questioned that the heath was their destination. Manillo had spoken so lovingly of the site that it could only have come from someone who knew it well. As well as any of the Tletliztlii, if not better. Noah wondered how long Manillo had been leading the movement, if he had always been one of them or had been turned from God once he arrived. The church had been desecrated by their cult worship, yet no one from the archdiocese had intervened. Or, at least, Noah hoped. The alternative—that the agents had been murdered to keep the Tletliztlii’s secret—was one revelation too many for him. He knew he would have to tread carefully, far more so than he had previously.
He crept closer to the ruins, and as he did so he slowed, moving as quietly as his injuries allowed. He didn’t know what he was going to encounter further up the increasing slope—there was virtually no noise on the heath except the crackle of flames and the howl of wind around the stone ruins. Noah crawled the last few feet to the brush that surrounded the site, wanting to keep from being spotted. He wiped the sweat from his eyes and lay still on his back, dehydrated, trying to preserve his energy and formulate a plan. From his hidden vantage-point, he hoped to spot Eli once the Tletliztlii appeared and determine how best to liberate the boy from his captors. Rachel was wrong: There was no way Eli would be better off with Sonia, not while she was under the spell of that unholy cult. Noah had sworn a vow to protect his son at all costs, and would not fail again. No matter how much everything else in his life was falling apart, he would not fail again.
Noah lay still, listening for any sound that might give him an idea of what was happening. He knew he eventually had to look over the brush, if only to determine what might be waiting on the rocky heath, but he was terrified. If one of the Tletliztlii were to see him, the game would be up, and he doubted he could survive another beating. But he also knew he had no choice. Slowly he rolled onto his side, wincing as his weight rested on his broken ribs, and, getting his good hand underneath him to push upwards, he raised his head to peek over the brush. He meant to look only for an instant, but was unprepared for the bizarre spectacle that awaited him. Instead of ducking down, he simply stared, trying desperately to will the landscape to make sense.
Nothing of the heath’s structure had changed, and yet when it finally came into view it was unmistakably altered. The ground was still baked, the brick surfaces cracked and brittle, and the petrified tree in the rent stone tableau at its centre seemed no more or less insubstantial than ever, but instead of the bare rock that once surrounded the tree, Noah saw a series of small figurines left on the ridges of the altar openings, each staring back at the centre of the heath. But what startled Noah most was what encircled the petrified tree and spiralled in a hazy pattern outward—a sight he would not have imagined was real had he not witnessed it. Around the tree, their sizes ranging up to a few feet wide, was an ever-tightening arc of
Eli had to be hidden somewhere close, but Noah saw no sign of him, no proof the boy was there at all. His heart sank, but he forced himself to ignore it. It was his own fear of failure trying to control him. Eli was there. He
Tiny squares of tissue paper wrapped the
At first, he mistook the distant thumping in his ears for the beating of his own heart, blood rushing faster as Noah stared at the scene wavering before him. Then that single muted sound intensified, came closer, and what once was background slid to the forefront of his consciousness. It was the sound of a hidden drum being beaten, old leather
Noah stared, mesmerised by the radiating vision. It shimmered in the boiling sun, slowly losing cohesion, and the world slipped from one reality into another. The rocky heath took on a foreign aspect he did not recognise, some alien world of ancient creatures, clumsily moving through endless and boundless time. There was no heath, no rocky ground, but a vast barren plane that occupied numerous worlds simultaneously, one stepping-stone to many, a portal both spatial and temporal. It induced dizziness and nausea, compounded by the motion he detected in the distortion, shades of the past and future cohabiting a space that was and always would be dead deep below its surface. A place of endless nothing. He tried to wipe away the sweat that drenched his face, but his broken limb was leaden, anchored by its immovable weight.
The visions that played out before him seemed no more real than a dream. He watched hazily from between branches of the scrub, entranced by the vibration of the heath before him, the pulse of the earth, giant and consuming, fighting to maintain some hold on what he knew. He gritted his teeth, struggling to ground himself in the present, and when that failed he used his own wounds against the vision, struck his arm against the ground until the razor-sharp pain focused him icily, righted the world, and threw closed doors that should never have been opened.
And in that clarity he saw what the visions had attempted to hide from him, what he was never meant to see. From between the branches of the scrub he witnessed the spectre of his nightmares made flesh, loping across the baked rock. Father Manillo’s bald pate was unmistakable, his thick barrel body obscured by the dried and cracked grey mud that coated his naked form. Bare feet moved in time with the ever-present drum, and Noah could not help but wonder if it was they that were the source of the excruciating noise.
Manillo, though, was only the first of the desecrated men and women to appear. Close behind, an overweight and stocky man followed, his face obscured by a painted mask that revealed yellowed eyes sharp and narrow. The man’s stomach protruded, blissfully hiding his member beneath rolls of stretched skin, but he used his girth to dance in a series of graceless jerks that never once drew Manillo’s attention. And from behind the overweight man more figures emerged, figures of all shapes and sizes, all naked and all chanting the hypnotic rhythm that throbbed from the ground, from that empty space beneath the petrified tree. Mud-smeared grey figures, cracked and dry, continued to dance forward, navigating through the crowd of vibrating plaster animals with reverent care, silently drawing life from what occurred before the rows of dead painted eyes.
The endless beating of the tired calloused feet continued, pounding out an appeasement to their half-dreamed Ometéotlitztl, and accompanying the sound were those faint notes of a pipe, reverberating off the stone walls, calling out with arms held wide. Their singing was like no song Noah had ever heard. The language was impenetrable—grunts and clicks as if Nature herself were in revolt, throwing off her suffocating yoke. Still more figures spilled forth from the ruins, multiplying in the burning height of day, each one solidifying into a grey, mud-covered mockery of humanity. But none were shaped like children. None were his Eli.
The discordant music elicited an orgiastic fury from the Tletliztlii, their cracked flesh drumming the world into submission. Every note, every image served to further dwindle Noah’s rationality until he doubted the truth of what he witnessed. All his anchors were gone, abandoning him when he needed them most, leaving him to stare at events his sun-stroked mind could not fathom. Nothing on the heath could be trusted. Nothing on the heath could be real. There were familiar screams, but in the chaos of impossible events they retreated into moorless oblivion. A scattering of ashes, motes of dark dust, filled the air. Lifeless, shapeless
Rachel was as naked as the mob that dragged her struggling from the ruins, her body covered in streaks of coloured paint radiating from her swollen pregnancy, and they held her high above their heads. Noah opened his mouth wide, but nothing emerged, all sound lost somewhere inside his dried throat. He was trapped in an ever-worsening nightmare, far beyond his breaking point, and yet could do nothing but watch the woman he loved, the mother of his unborn child, as she was carried across the baked earth and placed onto that cloven altar the petrified tree loomed over. Noah stared impotently as Muñoz appeared, covered in the same cracked grey mud, and bound Rachel’s hands over and over with thick loops of rope. The chanting of the others grew louder as Muñoz wrapped the rope between Rachel’s arms and pulled so tight her hands slammed together. He then threw the other over the worn branch of the petrified tree where other muddy hands waited to receive it, clamouring for a grip. Noah tried to will himself to stand, to scream for help, to do anything to disrupt the nightmare that was unfolding, but his paralysis held firm, the drone of the plaster creatures overpowering him. With a sudden jerk of the rope by the dancing Tletliztlii, Rachel was hoisted violently from the ground to hang from the branch of the tree, her mouth contorted in a drawn-out scream that Noah could not hear. Rachel’s legs kicked and thrashed, her round belly thrust forward by the angle, and Noah wanted to call out to her, but his bruised and broken body would not comply. Even his tears dried before they emerged. He was held fast to the spot, rooted by ineffectuality and torment.
The village danced in chaotic ecstasy to the tribal rhythms and Rachel’s feeble kicking, while around them the rows of plaster
Noah found his voice then, but it was too late. And had been before he and Rachel and their unborn child arrived in Astilla de la Cruz. Before Eli had been taken, before Sonia saw any articles. The series stretched back further, each piece, each cog, tumbling in time, lined up one before the other. So far back, there was no beginning, simply causality stretching back into something else, something so distant that were Noah to scream forever the sound of the last dregs of his sanity would never reach it. Instead, they would spew into the æther until his body was burned clean through. But even the sound of his shattered sanity was eclipsed by what followed.
The rock of the blasted heath raised a foot beneath Rachel’s lifeless swinging legs, a jump that shifted the earth beneath so many. The villagers stopped, the drumming ceased, and all were mesmerised by the stained altar. Even Noah, to whom words and noise had recently returned, stared dumbly at the wet mass covering the stone, at what remained of his unborn child and at the petrified tree growing impossibly from rock. The sense in the air dragged down on the world, blanketed everything in oppressive dread, and the group of villagers and their offering of
The rows of
Noah’s head continued to swim, faster and faster. Had what he witnessed been real, or had the horror and the heat finally broken him, filling his sight with the impossible? The rocky ground could not be yawning wide, swallowing chunks of the barren heath into its endless void. The ruins could not be crumbling, not after so many years of standing, crushing anything that still remained—everything but those
Noah’s entire body was racked with pain, but as rocks rained down around him he knew he had to escape. He slid his legs to the side, then under him, enough to push himself back up. Exploding lights filled his eyes as he felt the knives of his bones slicing into his insides, but he managed to stand on a pair of unsteady legs. Stand and survey the end of everything before him.
The plaster effigies were vibrating so quickly on the quaking earth that they appeared as blurs, so insubstantial as to no longer be part of the world. Like ghosts, they hovered over the broken ground, and the sound they made was a strange-pitched and deafening howl. Deep black cracks formed across the
The flames grew higher, enveloping the entire heath, and in the centre of it the deep chasm that had swallowed so many spewed something back to the above world, the world of living. It was small, the size of an orange, burnt black and still afire. The flames, those black burning flames, had destroyed everything to bring it life, and as the cold fire grew so did it. First it doubled its size, then doubled again, growing exponentially before Noah’s fracturing psyche. It grew and metamorphosed as the black fire that enveloped it burned—arms that became a pair of writhing serpents, an encephalitic head perched precariously on sloped shoulders. Along its newly formed ebony back, curved spines jutted in odd patterns, each alight with burning phosphorescence. But its eyes were the most horrifying of all. Deep pits of nothing, they scoured the blasted heath that was its nursery, blind to all the horrors that had transgressed, and as that giant misshapen skull panned toward Noah those two deep wastes stayed. Though the fire burned unfettered, uncontrolled, Noah’s being became ice and he averted his gaze in pain.
There was a wrenching sound then, and the thing bellowed an indescribable noise that echoed across the empty wasteland. It lifted one of its many bent legs out from deep within the earth—a pillar of black fire that filled the sky with the dark storm of night, a storm that lasted forever—and stepped over its father below and into the blistering day. Each footfall struck the ground with the force of the heavens, the first laying waste to the circle of
But Noah would know none of it, trapped as he was in the prison of his broken mind. Eli was there, smiling, laughing, dancing in circles around the edges of the world while Noah desperately tried to catch him before the boy was lost forever.
NECROLOGY: 2014
(Stephen Jones & Kim Newman)
ONCE MORE WE note the passing of writers, artists, performers and technicians who, during their lifetimes, made significant contributions to the horror, science fiction and fantasy genres (or left their mark on popular culture in other, often fascinating, ways)…
American author Alexander Malec, whose SF fiction was collected in
British author Elizabeth Jane Howard CBE died on January 2, aged 90. In 1946 she joined the newly created Inland Waterways Association as a part-time secretary to co-founder Robert Aickman. After three years of marriage to naturalist (Sir) Peter Scott (the son of the famous Antarctic explorer), she walked out on her husband and baby daughter and began an affair with the already married Aickman. Together they wrote the collection
American playwright and SF and fantasy author and critic Michael Hemmingson died of apparent cardiac arrest in Tijuana, Mexico, on January 9. He was 47. Hemmingson was an expert on the works of Robert Silverberg and published critical works on
American science fiction and mystery author Neal Barrett, Jr. died after a long illness on January 12, aged 84. He began his writing career in 1960, and his novels include the “Aldair” and “Through Darkest America” series, along with the short story collections
59-year-old Janrae Frank, who co-edited the 1994 feminist anthology
Prolific Danish-born artist Erik Blegvad, best known for his pen-and-ink illustrations for Mary Norton’s 1957 novel
Norwegian law professor, academic, and SF author and editor Jon Bing died the same day, aged 69. With his close friend Tor-Åge Bringsværd, he was instrumental in creating Norwegian fandom in the mid-1960s. Bing and Bringsværd went on to edit around twenty anthologies and create and edit a genre line for publisher Gyldendal from 1967-80. His short story collections and novels (again in collaboration with Bringsværd) include
American comedy writer and producer Ben (Benjamin) Starr died of congestive heart failure on January 19, aged 92. He scripted episodes of TV’s
Italian film composer Riziero “Riz” Ortolani died of bronchitis on January 24, aged 87. His many credits include
American author Stepan Chapman, who made his debut in 1969 in
American soundtrack composer, songwriter and arranger John Cacavas died on January 28, aged 83. His movie credits include
American editor, artist, film-maker and fan Larry Ivie died of lung cancer in January, aged 77. He co-edited (with Ken Beale) the first three issues of Calvin T. Beck’s
The death was announced in January of British experimental author and former libel lawyer Alan Burns, who was 83. He began his career writing for such SF magazines as
61-year-old American writer and artist Mark E. (Earl) Rogers, best known for several illustrated “Adventures of Samurai Cat” volumes beginning in 1980, died of an apparent heart attack on February 2 while hiking with his family in Death Valley. Rogers’ novella ‘The Runestone’ was filmed in 1990, and his novels include
Emmy Award-winning American scriptwriter, producer and crime novelist Eric Bercovici, who adapted
Oscar-winning documentary film-maker and screenwriter Robert M. Fresco died of cancer on February 14, aged 83. Back in the 1950s he co-scripted such movies as Universal’s
American fantasy, SF and horror witer Michael Shea died on February 16, aged 67. He won World Fantasy Awards for the novel
American publisher and comics historian Bill Baker died on February 20, aged 55. Along with conducting interviews with Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore, George Perez and others, Baker also wrote
Spanish author Juan José Plans [Martínez], whose novel
American writer, editor, cartoonist, underground film-maker and fan Bhob Stewart, who is credited with originating the term “underground comics” during a convention panel in 1966, died in a nursing home of emphysema the same day, aged 76. In 1953 he published the early comics fanzine
American
French-born Belgium SF writer Philippe Ebly (Jacques Gouzou) died on March 1, aged 93. His many novels include the “Fantastic Conquerors” series (more than nineteen titles) and the “Time Runaways” series (ten titles). Since 1971, his books sold more than two million copies and were translated into a several languages.
Austrian-born American author, editor and publisher Peter A. Ruber died on March 6, aged 73. He had been suffering from diabetes and congestive heart failure. Ruber knew and published Arkham House founder August Derleth from 1962 until Derleth’s death in 1971, often under his Candlelight Press imprint. After James Turner left to found Golden Gryphon Press, Ruber became the editor for Arkham House in 1997 until he suffered a stroke seven years later. He wrote the biographies
American screenwriter S. Lee Pogostin died on March 7, the day before his 88th birthday. He scripted the movies
American author and editor Alan [Paul] Rodgers died on March 8, aged 54. He had spent more than two years in hospital following a series of strokes and other illnesses. Rodgers won a Bram Stoker Award in 1987 for his first story, ‘The Boy Who Came Back from the Dead’, while
American television writer Don Ingalls (Donald G. Ingalls) died on March 10, aged 95. He scripted episodes of
British commercial artist Sam Peffer (Samuel John Peffer), who signed his artwork “Peff”, died on March 14, aged 92. Through the 1950s and ‘60s he painted hundreds of paperback books covers (including the James Bond titles and the film tie-in to
British comics writer Steve Moore, who created the UK’s first comics fanzine,
Acclaimed American fantasy, SF and magical realism author Lucius [Taylor] Shepard died after a short illness on March 18, aged 70. Recent health complications had included a stroke and a spinal infection. He made his genre debut in 1983 and his first novel,
American author, journalist, English professor and playwright Stewart H. Benedict, who edited the 1963 anthology
British children’s author John Rowe Townsend died on March 24, aged 91. He won an Edgar Award for Best Juvenile Mystery in 1971 for
Best-selling American non-fiction writer Jonathan Schell, whose 1982 book
American screenwriter Lorenzo Semple, Jr. (Lorenzo Elliott Semple, III), who created the 1960s
British film and music journalist Phil Hardy (Philippe George Hardy) died of a heart attack on April 8, aged 69. He co-founded
Acclaimed Colombian-born author Gabriel [José de la Concordia] García Márquez, who won the Nobel Literature Prize for his works of magic realism, died at his home in Mexico City on April 17. He was 87 and had been hospitalised earlier in the month for an infection and dehydration. Márquez’s best-known novel is
58-year-old British editor and writer Andy [W.] Robertson, who was the assistant editor of
William H. Patterson, Jr., one of the founders of the Heinlein Society and its first president, died on April 22, aged 62. His massive study
American SF writer and fan George C. (Clifford) Willick died on April 26, aged 76. He had been suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. In the 1950s Willick edited the fanzine
Legendary EC comics artist, writer and editor Al (Albert Bernard) Feldstein died on April 29, aged 88. Best known for his work on such horror and SF titles as
American comic book artist Dick Ayers (Richard Bache Ayers) died on May 4, aged 90. After studying art under Burne Hogarth in the late 1940s, he co-created (with Ray Krank) the horror-themed Western character Ghost Rider and began drawing strips for such Atlas Comics titles as
American scriptwriter Stanford Whitmore died on May 8, aged 88. His credits include
British romantic historical author Mary Stewart (Mary Florence Elinor Rainbow, aka Lady Stewart), best known for her Arthurian “Merlin Chronicles” (
British fantasy and surreal artist Patrick [James] Woodroffe died after a short illness on May 10, aged 73. During the 1970s he produced nearly 100 book covers for such authors as Michael Moorcock, Peter Valentine Timlett and Roger Zelazny. He also illustrated a number of record cover sleeves, including those for the Judas Priest album
Acclaimed Swiss artist H. (Hansreudi) R. (Rudolf) Giger died on May 12 from injuries suffered during a fall. He was 74. Giger is best known for his iconic Oscar-winning designs for Ridley Scott’s
Innovative American graphic designer and illustrator Tony Palladino (Anthony Americo Paladino), who created the fractured logo type for Robert Bloch’s 1959 novel
British comics editor Vanessa “Vee” Morgan died of cancer on May 17, aged 63. During the late 1970s and early ‘80s she edited a number of DC Comics reprint magazines for London Editions Magazines, including
Romanian academic and historian Professor Radu [Nicolae] Florescu died of complications from pneumonia in France on May 18, aged 88. With his colleague Raymond T. McNally (who died in 2002), he wrote the 1972 bestseller
British SF fan Ken Brown, who regularly reviewed books for
American publisher Oscar Dystel, who turned around failing US imprint Bantam Books in the early 1950s and remained as Chairman until 1980, died on May 28, aged 101. Among his best-selling acquisitions were William Peter Blatty’s
American movie and television historian and critic Steven H. (Henry) Scheuer died of congestive heart failure on May 31, aged 88. He edited seventeen editions of the innovative reference guide
American SF and fantasy author Jay Lake (Joseph Edward Lake, Jr.) died on June 1, aged 49. He had been suffering from cancer since 2008. His novels include
Herb (Herbert) Yellin, who founded the Californian literary imprint Lord John Press in 1978 to publish signed limited editions of modern authors, died on June 13, aged 79. Amongst the many writers he published were Ray Bradbury, Stephen King, Ursual K. Le Guin, Dan Simmons, Joyce Carol Oates and John Updike. Dennis Etchison edited the original anthology
American author Daniel Keyes died on June 15, aged 86. He was best known for his Hugo Award-winning SF short story ‘Flowers for Algernon’ (in the April 1959 issue of
74-year-old American film historian John Cocchi (John Robert Cocchi, Jr.), author of the ground-breaking reference work
Ditmar Award-winning Australian SF author Philippa [Catherine “Pip”] Maddern died of cancer the same day. She was also an expert on, and teacher of, medieval history.
American graphic designer Anthony Goldschmidt died of liver cancer on June 17, aged 71. Through his firm Intralink Film Graphic Design he created many iconic movie posters, including Steven Spielberg’s
British publisher Felix Dennis, whose roster of magazines included
American YA, children’s and LGBT author Nancy Garden (Antoinette Elisabeth Garden) died on June 24, aged 76. Her controversial 1982 novel,
American musical composer and children’s author Mary Rodgers, the daughter of composer Richard Rodgers, died on June 26, aged 83. She is best known for her body-swap fantasies
Jan Shepherd (Janet E. Evenden), who was the first art editor of British comic
American author Jory [Tecumseh] Sherman (aka “Cort Martin”), best known for his series of “Gunn” adult Westerns, died on June 28, aged 81. He published more than 300 books, including seven psychic investigator “Chill” Chillders titles between 1978-80, beginning with
Author, editor and pulp magazine collector Frank M. (Malcolm) Robinson died on June 30, aged 87. He had suffered from health problems, including heart trouble, in recent years. In the early 1940s Robinson had worked as an office boy at
British fan writer and editor Di Reynolds (aka Di Wathen) also died in June. She had been suffering from bowel cancer for a couple of years. With her former husband, Mike Wathen, she was involved in running the British Fantasy Society and various Fantasycons during the 1980s and early ‘90s, and they were in charge of registration and hotel bookings for the 1988 World Fantasy Convention in London.
American YA and children’s author Walter Dean Myers (Walter Milton Myers), died on July 1, aged 76. He wrote more than 100 books, including the fantasies
American space expert Frederick I. (Ira) Ordway, III died the same day, aged 87. Inspired by the SF pulp magazines as a child, in his early twenties he met and befriended Arthur C. Clarke. Fifteen years later Ordway was a top official at NASA, working closely with the rocket scientist Wernher von Braun, when on Clarke’s reccomendation he became the chief technical consultant and scientific advisor on Stanley Kubrick’s
41-year-old Hachette Australia CEO and Hachette New Zealand chairman Matthew Richell was was killed in a surfing accident in New South Wales on July 2, when he was swept onto rocks and suffered a fatal head injury. Richell worked in the UK for such imprints as Bloomsbury, Pan Macmillan and John Murray before taking over as marketing director of Headline and Hodder in Australia in 2006. He was promoted to CEO in 2013.
American horror, hard-boiled crime and comics writer C. (Christopher) J. (John) Henderson (Christopher Henderson) died of cancer on July 4, aged 62. Best known for his “Teddy London” supernatural detective series (written as “Robert Morgan”), under his own name he also wrote the “Jack Hagee” and “Piers Knight” series, along with
Hungarian-born British children’s author and illustrator Val Biro (Balint Stephen Biro) died the same day, aged 92. Best known for his adventures about the vintage car “Gumdrop”, which appeared in thirty-seven picture books between 1966-2001, he also published such titles as
American author James H. (Harvey) Cobb, best known for his quartet of “Amanda Garrrett” futuristic naval techno-thrillers starting with
American author Curt Gentry, whose 1968 disaster novel
Reclusive American author Thomas [Louis] Berger, best known for his satirical Western
British book collector and film fan Jeffrey Myers died in an East Sussex nursing home on July 15, aged around 67. A stalwart of the British Fantasy Society and H.G. Wells Society for many years, he had been suffering from multiple sclerosis for some time. From 1987-88 Myers was the publisher of the groundbreaking genre movie magazine
Best-selling, but often controversial, British Western author J. (John) T. (Thomas) Edson died after a long illness on July 17, aged 86. He had 137 books published, selling more than 27 million copies around the world. Between 1975-90 he published four novels in the Tarzan-related “Bunduki” series (a fifth title remains unpublished), along with four short stories. The first three books were issued with permission of both the Edgar Rice Burroughs Estate and Philip José Farmer due to connections with those authors’ work.
Nancy Carrigan who, with her husband Richard, collaborated on the 1971 SF novel
American horror author, actor, director and podcast host Lawrence P. Santoro died of cancer of the duodenum on July 25, aged 71. His 2000 novella
American author, radio journalist and Wiccan high priestess Margot Adler, whose books include the non-fiction study
Italian film composer Giorgio Gaslini died on July 29, aged 84. His credits include
Indian-born British journalist and espionage author [Harry] Chapman Pincher died on August 5, aged 100. He had suffered a small stroke seven weeks earlier. He joined the
American literary agent and anthologist Kirby McCauley died of renal failure on August 30, aged 72. He had been suffering from diabetes. In the 1980s he famously represented such soon-to-be-Big Names as Stephen King, Peter Straub, George R.R. Martin, Roger Zelazny and others, including many of the older pulp authors. He edited the horror anthologies
American comics artist Stan Goldberg who, in the 1960s, created the original colour designs for Spider-Man, the Hulk and the Fantastic Four, died on August 31, aged 82.
Frederic Mullally, British author, journalist and publicist (clients included Frank Sinatra and Audrey Hepburn), died on September 7, aged 96. Amongst his books is the 1975 alternate-history novel
British scriptwriter Jane Baker died on September 8. With her husband Pip she scripted the movie
British author Graham [William] Joyce died of aggressive lymphoma on September 9, aged 59. He made his debut in 1991 with the novel
American screenwriter [Allison] Sam(uel) Hall died on September 26, aged 93. He was a head writer on the daily Gothic soap opera
Nebula Award-winning American short story writer Eugie Foster died of respiratory failure on September 27, aged 42. She had been diagnosed with a cancer in her sinuses a year earlier. A director of Dragon*Con and editor of their newsletter,
Claire Walsh (Claire Churchill), the long-time companion of author J.G. Ballard, died on October 6, aged 73. A well-known figure in the London literary and artistic world during the 1960s and ‘70s, she was introduced to Ballard in 1967 by Michael Moorcock and acted as a sounding-board for the writer’s ideas long before he started writing them down. Walsh worked as a publicity manager for Studio Vista, Michael Joseph, Gollancz, Allen Lane and other publishers.
American children’s writer Zilpha Keatley Snyder died of complications from a stroke on October 8, aged 87. Best known for her Newbery Honor titles
Brazilian comic book artist André Coelho died in mid-October, aged 35. He worked for both Marvel and DC Comics on a number of titles, including
American screenwriter, producer and actor L.M. Kit Carson (Lewis Minor Carson) died after a long illness on October 20, aged 73. He scripted
American SF author [John] Hayden Howard died on October 23, aged 88. He made his debut in a 1952 issue of
Romanian author, editor, translator and radio host Stefan Ghidoveanu died on October 27, aged 59. For Romanian Public Radio he hosted the SF and fantasy show
Belgium-born author and editor Michel [Patrick] Parry died of cancer at his home in Banbury, England, on November 1. He was 67. He began his career in the 1960s as the British correspondent for the monster movie magazine
American academic, critic and author George [Edgar] Slusser died on November 4, aged 75. Co-founder and Curator Emeritus of The J. Lloyd Eaton Collection of Science Fiction & Fantasy Literature, amongst the books he wrote or edited are
American actress turned scriptwriter Leigh Chapman (Rosa Lee Chapman), who portrayed Napoleon Solo’s secretary “Sarah Johnson” in six 1965 episodes of TV’s
Brazillian SF writer André Carneiro died of respiratory failure on November 4, aged 92. His stories were translated in such anthologies as
German publisher and publicist Eckhard Schwettmann, who was head of publishing for the “Perry Rhodan” franchise, died the same day, aged 57.
45-year-old Karen Jones, who was the art director for the online magazines
American writer and publisher R. (Raymond) A. (Almira) Montgomery died on November 9, aged 78. As co-publisher of Crossroads Press with his former wife Constance Cappel, he was the first publisher of the series that eventually became Bantam Books’ best-selling “Choose Your Own Adventure” line. Montgomery also wrote more than thirty volumes in the series.
American horror writer and editor J. (Jesus) F. Gonzalez died of cancer on November 10, aged 50. With Buddy Martinez he founded and edited the early 1990s horror fanzines
American writer, artist and comic bookstore-owner Edward [Toby] Summer died of cancer on November 13, aged 68. Founder of the Buffalo International Film Festival, he wrote for Marvel Comics during the 1970s and ‘80s, and DC Comics in the 1980s and ‘90s. He was an associate producer on the 1982 movie
Charles Champlin, influential film and book critic for the
American TV writer Ernest Kinoy died of pneumonia on November 19, aged 89. He began his career as a staff writer for the NBC science fiction radio series
American SF writer and pagan priestess Kris Jensen (Kristine Marie Jensen) died of breast cancer on November 21, aged 61. Her 1990s “Ardel” trilogy comprised
American aerospace physicist and film historian Walt Lee (Walter W. Lee, Jr.) died of complications from Alzheimer’s disease on November 23, aged 83. In the early 1970s he wrote (assisted by Bill Warren) and self-published three volumes of the influential
American writer John Tomerlin died of a heart attack on November 25, aged 84. A close friend of the late Charles Beaumont and a core member of “The Group” in the 1950s (which also included Richard Matheson, William F. Nolan and George Clayton Johnson), he wrote several novels, including
British author and parapsychologist Peter Underwood died on November 26, aged 91. A leading authority on Borley Rectory (“the most haunted house in England”), he published more than fifty books about ghost-hunting and the paranormal, along with
Hugo Award-winning fan artist Stu (Stuart) Shiffman died the same day, aged 60. Following various medical problems over the years, he had suffered a fall the previous month, from which he never regained consciousness after an operation. Shiffman was nominated for a Hugo in the Best Fan Artist category fourteen times, appearing on the ballot every year from 1979-86 and 1989-94. In the late 1970s he published the fanzine
British crime and mystery writer P. (Phyllis) D. (Dorothy) James OBE (aka Baroness James of Holland Park) died on November 27, aged 94. Best known for her character of Scotland Yard Inspector “Adam Dalgliesh” in fifteen novels (1966-2008), she introduced murder to the sedate world of Jane Austen with
New Zealand-born Horror Writers Association president (2010-14) and Stephen King expert Rocky Wood died of complications from amyotophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) in Melbourne, Australia, on December 1. He was 55. His non-fiction books include
Commercial space artist Roy G. Scarfo, who was creative art director at the General Electric Space Technology Center and illustrator/consultant for NASA, Voice of America, the U.S. Senate and others, died of pancreatic cancer on December 8, aged 88. He collaborated with such scientists and authors as Wernher von Braun, Isaac Asimov and Willy Ley, and his illustrations appeared in more than forty books, most notably Dandridge M. Cole’s
American author Donald Moffitt died on December 10, aged 83. He made his SF debut in 1960 in
American attorney and literary agent Sidney Kramer died the same day, aged 99. The co-founder of Bantam Books and, later, New American Library, he famously refused to publish Richard Nixon’s biography “because we thought he was a rascal”.
American animation inker and painter Martha [Goldman] Sigall died on December 13, aged 97. During her fifty-three year career, she worked on many classic “Looney Tunes” and “Merrie Melodies” cartoons before moving over to MGM studios. Her autobiography,
French journalist Michel Caen, co-founder and editor-in-chief (with Alain Le Bris) of the influential magazine
Spanish publisher, editor and translator Francisco Porrú a died on December 18, aged 92. His genre imprint Ediciones Minotauro published his own translations (under various pseudonyms) of
68-year-old American children’s author Robert [Daniel] San Souci died on December 19 after suffering a head injury due to a fall in San Francisco earlier in the week. His retellings of supernatural folktales included
American writer, film historian and teacher Mark A. (Andrew) Miller died of cancer on December 24, aged 58. His special interest in post-war British cinema led to articles in
American alternate history author [Joseph] Robert Conroy died of cancer on December 30, aged 76. His novels include the Sidewise Award-winning
Veteran American character actress Juanita Moore died on January 1, aged 99. She began her film career in 1939 and was cast in uncredited roles in
American character actress Carmen [Margarita] Zapata died of heart failure on January 5, aged 86. She appeared on TV in episodes of
91-year-old Canadian-born character actor and voice artist Larry D. Mann died on January 6 in Los Angeles. In a prolific career, he appeared in Disney’s
Former “Marlbro man” Eric [Layton] Lawson, who appeared in print and billboard ads for the cigarette brand during the late 1970s and early ‘80s, died of smoking-related respiratory failure due to chronic obstructive pulmonary disease on January 10. He was 72, and gave up the habit when diagnosed with COPD. Lawson was also a character actor, often playing sheriffs or cowboys, in
Dependable British character actor Jerome [Barry] Willis died on January 11, aged 85. His film credits include
Striking British actress Alexandra Bastedo, who starred as “Sharon Macready” in the TV sci-spy series
British character actor Roger Lloyd-Pack, the son of Hammer actor Charles Lloyd-Pack, died of pancreatic cancer on January 15, aged 69. His numerous TV credits include episodes of
American character actor Russell [David] Johnson, who played “The Professor” in TV’s
Another American TV legend, Canadian-born comedy actor Dave Madden (David Joseph Madden) who co-starred in
Ruth Robinson Duccini, the last female member of the diminutive troupe of actors to portray Munchkins in
British-born actress Sarah [Lynne] Marshall died in Los Angeles of stomach cancer on January 18, aged 80. She appeared in episodes of
Cuban-born character actor Luis Ávalos died in California on January 22, aged 67. He had recently suffered a heart attack. Between 1972-77 Ávalos played “Igor” on PBS’
British character actress Lisa Daniely (Mary Elizabeth Bodington), who co-starred in the TV series
Former child actress Ann Carter, who appeared in Val Lewton’s production
American cult star Christopher Jones (William Franklin Jones), who starred as the rebel rock star in
Oscar-winning Austrian actor and director Maximilian Schell died of pneumonia on February 1, aged 83. His film credits include
46-year-old American actor Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead with a hypodermic needle in his arm in the bathroom of his New York apartment on February 2. He died from acute mixed drug intoxication, with heroin, cocaine, benzodiazepines and amphetamines all found in his system. The Oscar-winning Hoffman appeared in
American actor Richard Bull, who was often cast as doctors, died of pneumonia on February 3, aged 89. Best known for his recurring roles on TV’s
Chinese actor and director Wu Ma (Hung-Yuan Feng) died on February 4, aged 71. His many films include
Former Hollywood child star Shirley [Jane] Temple, who received a special Academy Award when she was six, died of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease on February 10, aged 85. She made her movie debut in 1932 and appeared in
Pioneering American comedian and actor Sid Caesar (Isaac Sidney Caesar) died on February 12, aged 91. In a long show business career he appeared in William Castle’s
American actor and director Ralph [Harold] Waite, who starred as the patriarch on
British character actor Ken Jones died of bowel cancer the same day, aged 83. He had small roles in the films
48-year-old John [Paul] Henson, the son of Muppets creator Jim Henson, died of a heart attack while building a snow igloo with one of his daughters on February 14. As a Muppet performer and the voice of “Sweetums” he contributed to
American character actress Mary Grace Canfield died of lung cancer on February 15, aged 89. Best known for her recurring role on TV’s
Scottish-born character actor Christopher Malcolm, who portrayed one of the rebel pilots in
British actor Malcolm Tierney died of pulmonary fibrosis on February 18, aged 75. He appeared in
American actor, writer and director Harold [Allen] Ramis died of complications of autoimmune inflammatory vasculitis on February 24, aged 69. Best remembered as the writer of
Canadian-born ballet dancer turned actress Gail Gilmore (Gail Gerber, aka “Gale Gerber”/”Gail Gibson”) died of lung cancer on March 2, aged 76. She arrived in Hollywood in 1963 and made just ten films, including
British-born character actress Sheila MacRae (Sheila Margaret Stephens, aka “Sheila Stephenson”) died in New Jersey on March 6, aged 92. She had been suffering from dementia and had recently undergone surgery. Best known for her role as “Alice Kramden”in the revived 1960s series of
American voice-over Hal Douglas (Harold Cone) died of pancreatic cancer on March 7, aged 89. His distinctive baritone voice can be heard on thousands trailers intoning “In a world…” and he also provided the narration for
82-year-old Belfast-born character actor James Ellis, best known for his role as “Sgt. Bert Lynch” in BBC-TV’s
Irish character actress Eileen Colgan died after a brief illness on March 10, aged 80. She was in
American actor Richard Coogan died on March 12, aged 99. A former radio announcer and stage actor, he became the first “Captain Video” in 1949-50 for the daily TV series
Japanese actor Ken Utsui died of respiratory failure on March 14, aged 82. He portrayed his country’s first superhero, “Super Giant” (aka “Starman”), in a series of short films in the late 1950s, which were edited into the 1965 US movies
65-year-old American actor James [Robert] Rebhorn, who had a recurring role in TV’s
American actress and cattle rancher Patrice Wymore, the widow of actor Errol Flynn, died of pulmonary disease in Jamaica on March 22, aged 87. Her credits include small roles in
British leading lady Kate O’Mara (Frances Meredith Carroll) died of ovarian cancer on March 30, aged 74. Her credits include
South African-born actor, scriptwriter and author Glyn Jones died in Greece on April 2, aged 82. He not only wrote a four-part
50-year-old American comedian and actor John Pinette was found dead from a pulmonary embolism in a hotel room in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, on April 5. He had been suffering from heart and liver disease. Pinette appeared in
Hollywood legend Mickey Rooney (Ninian Joseph Yule, Jr.) died on April 6, aged 93. A former child star, he made his movie debut in 1926 and his credits include the 1934 serial
American character actor Darrell Zwerling died on April 11, aged 85. He was in
Exotic-looking British actress and ballet dancer April Olrich (Edith April Oelrichs) was born in Zanzibar, Tanzania, and died after a long illness in London on April 15. She was 80, and had small roles in
American actor Craig Hill [Fowler] died in Spain on April 21, aged 88. After co-starring with Kenneth Tobey in TV’s
73-year-old American TV character actor Doug (Douglas) Hale died on April 25. He appeared in episodes of
British actor Bob Hoskins (Robert William Hoskins) died of pneumonia on April 29, aged 71. His films include
American leading lady Judi Meredith (Judith Clare Boutin) died on April 30, aged 77. Discovered by comedian George Burns, she appeared in
American leading man Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., who starred in the TV series
American character actress Pauline [Cynthia] Wagner died the same day, aged 103. A contract player for RKO Radio Pictures and a founding member of the Screen Actors Guild, she was Fay Wray’s stunt double on
American-born actor Les Carlson (Leslie M. Carlson) died of cancer in Toronto, Canada, on May 3, aged 81. As well as appearing in the David Cronenberg films
Former American child actress Jacqueline [Devon] Taylor died of Alzheimer’s disease on May 5, aged 88. She was in a number of “Our Gang” comedy shorts in 1934, along with an uncredited role in Laurel and Hardy’s
American actor, producer and bookseller Magoo Gelehrter, who portrayed “Garou”, the werewolf henchman of New England horror host “Penny Dreadful” the witch (his wife Danielle S. Gelehrter) on cable TV show
British leading lady Barbara [Ann] Murray died of a heart attack in Spain on May 20, aged 84. Her credits include
Hollywood actress Jane Adams (Betty Jean Bierce), who played hunchbacked nurse “Nina” in
American character actor Matthew [Chandler] Cowles died of congestive heart failure on May 22, aged 69. He appeared in the movies
American actor and singer Herb Jeffries (Umberto Alejandro Ballentino) died of heart failure on May 25, aged 100. During the late 1930s and early ‘40s he starred as Herbert Jeffrey, “The Sepia Singing Cowboy”, in a handful of low-budget black Westerns with titles like
German-Austrian actor Karlheinz Böhm (aka “Karl Boehm”), who starred in Michael Powell’s
Hong Kong-born American actress Joan Lorring (Madeline Ellis) died in Sleepy Hollow, New York, on May 30, aged 88. Nominated for an Oscar for her supporting role in
American actress Martha Hyer died on May 31, aged 89. She made her movie debut in 1946, and amongst her credits are
American stuntman Tap Canutt (Edward Clay Canutt), the son of legendary stuntman Yakima Canutt, died on June 2, aged 81. His credits include
American supporting actress Marjorie Stapp, who worked as a receptionist for mobster Bugsy Siegel before his murder in 1947, died the same day, aged 92. She had small roles in
Romanian-born actress Veronica Lazar died in Rome on June 8, aged 75. She was in Dario Argento’s
British actor and comedian Rick Mayall (Richard Michael Mayall), best remembered for his anarchic TV series
American actress and activist Ruby Dee (Ruby Ann Wallace) died on June 11, aged 91. She was in the remake of
Former ballet dancer Ken Tyllssen died the same day, aged 75. During the 1960s he appeared as various aliens, including a Sensorite, a Mechanoid and a Dalek, in episodes of
Carla Laemmle (Rebekah Isabelle Laemmle), the niece of Universal Studios founder Carl Laemmle, died on June 12, aged 104. She appeared in small roles in
Likeable British leading man Francis [Joseph] Matthews died on June 14, aged 86. Best known for playing the title character in
French-born Underground celebrity and artist Ultra Violet (Isabelle Collin Dufresne) died of cancer in New York City the same day, aged 78. Having spent the 1960s hanging out with the likes of Andy Warhol and Salvador Dali, she appeared in a few movies, including
British character actor Sam Kelly (Roger Michael Kelly) died of cancer on June 14, aged 70. He appeared in episodes of TV’s
British stuntman and actor Terry Richards (David Terrence Richards), best known for playing the Arab swordsman shot by Indiana Jones in
82-year-old American actor, presenter and radio disc jockey Casey Kasem (Kemal Amen Kasem), the voice of Scooby-Doo’s sidekick “Norville ‘Shaggy’ Rogers” for forty years and Batman’s partner “Robin” for seventeen years, died of complications from Lewy body dementia on June 15. He had been suffering from Parkinson’s disease. Kasem was in the movies
French actor Jacques Bergerac died the same day, aged 87. He starred in the 1960 movie
82-year-old American comedian Steve Rossi (Joseph Charles Michael Tafarella), one half of a comedy team with Marty Allen, died of cancer of the aesophogus in Las Vegas on June 22. The duo appeared in the sci-spy spoof
American character actor Eli [Herschel] Wallach died on June 24, aged 98. Best remembered for his role as “Tuco” the bandit in
Norma McCarty, who was briefly married to film-maker Edward D. Wood, Jr. from 1955-56, died on June 27, aged 93. She appeared as “Edith” the stewardess in Wood’s infamous
American actor Meshach Taylor, a regular on the CBS-TV sitcom
American actor Don Matheson, who starred as “Mark Wilson” in Irwin Allen’s TV series
American character actor Bob Hastings (Robert Francis Hastings), a regular on TV’s
The body of 50-year-old British actor, wrestler and cage fighter Dave Legeno was discovered at Zabriskie Point, in California’s remote Death Valley, on July 6. He had apparently died of heat exhaustion while hiking. Best known for playing werewolf “Fenrir Greyback” in the films and video games
Former child actor Dickie Jones (Richard Percy Jones), who was the uncredited voice of the wooden puppet in Walt Disney’s
Italian-born actress, writer, poet and inventor Vanna [Marie] Bonta died in Los Angeles on July 8, aged 56. She had a small role as Zed’s mother in
American actor James Mathers died of cancer on July 11, aged 77. He starred as “Dr. Henry Jekyll” in
British TV actor Ray Lonnen (Raymond Stanley Lonnen) died of cancer the same day, aged 74. He was in episodes of TV’s
American stage and screen actress Elaine Stritch died of stomach cancer on July 17, aged 89. She began her acting career in the late 1940s, and her credits include the movies
American leading man James Garner (James Scott Bumgarner), who starred in the TV series
21-year-old American actress Skye McCole Bartusiak died the same day of an accidental drug overdose. She had recently been suffering from epileptic seizures. Bartusiak made her acting debut in the 1999 mini-series of Stephen King’s
Spanish comedian Álex Angulo (Alejandro Angulo León) was killed in a car accident on July 20, aged 61. He had roles in
British character actress Dora Bryan OBE (Dora May Broadbent) died on July 23, aged 91. She made her film debut in 1947, and her credits include
American character actor Jack Walsh (Raymond J. Walsh) died of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease on July 25, aged 80. He was in John Walters’
American character actor Lew Brown died on July 27, aged 89. His movie credits include
Hawaiian-born American actor and singer James [Saburo] Shigeta died on July 28, aged 85. His movies include the musical remake of
Maverick American character actor Dennis Lipscomb died on July 30, aged 72. He appeared in
59-year-old British TV and radio presenter Mike Smith (Michael George Smith) died on August 1 of complications following major heart surgery. Smith was one of the co-presenters of Stephen Volk’s infamous Hallowe’en spoof
Canadian character actor Walter [Edward Hart] Massey, the cousin of veteran actor Raymond Massey, died on August 4, aged 85. A prolific voice actor, his films include
American actress Marilyn Burns, who survived Tobe Hooper’s
Northern Irish character actor J.J. Murphy died on August 8, aged 86. Days earlier he had started work on HBO’s
American actor Ed Nelson (Edwin Stafford Nelson), who starred in the TV soap opera
Veteran British-born soap opera actor Charles [Patrick] Keating died of lung cancer in Connecticut the same day, aged 72. He appeared in episodes of
63-year-old comedic film and TV star Robin [McLaurin] Williams committed suicide by hanging on August 11. He had been suffering from severe depression. Williams was an immediate hit as the offbeat alien “Mork” in the TV sitcom
Hollywood actress Lauren Bacall (Betty Joan Perske) died of a stroke on August 12, aged 89. Best known for her co-starring roles with future husband Humphrey Bogart in such classic 1940s movies as
American actress Arlene Martel (Arlene Greta Sax, aka “Tasha Martel”), who played Spock’s Vulcan bride “T’Pring” in the classic
Actress Columba Domínguez [Alarid], who starred in the influential Mexican horror film
Maltese-born Madeleine Collinson, who co-starred with her identical twin sister Mary and Peter Cushing in Hammer’s
American character actor Stephen Lee died of a heart attack the same day, aged 58. He appeared in
American radio and TV announcer Don Pardo (Dominick George Pardo), best known for his work on such shows as
British character actor, producer and Oscar-winning director Sir Richard [Samuel] Attenborough died on August 24, aged 90. He appeared in
American character actor John [Edward] Brandon died on August 25, aged 85. In 1966, he played the first victim of the Cybermen in the initial episode of the
South African-born character actor and comedian Bill Kerr (William Henry Kerr) died in Australia on August 28, aged 92. For many years he worked in Britain, where he became one of Tony Hancock’s regular radio sidekicks. He also appeared in episodes of TV’s
German actor Gottfried John, who played Russian general Arkady Grigorovich Ourumov in the James Bond film
Acerbic American comedian Joan Rivers (Joan Alexandra Molinsky) died of anoxic encephalopathy on September 4, following throat surgery a week earlier. She was 81. Rivers’ movie credits include
Lithuanian actor Donatas [Juozas] Banionis, who co-starred in Andrei Tarkovsky’s
Memorable American character actor Stefan Gierasch died on September 6, aged 88. He appeared in
American character acator Don(ald) [Hood] Keefer died on September 7, aged 98. He appeared in Woody Allen’s
American actor Denny Miller (Dennis Linn Miller), who portrayed the first blond Tarzan in the 1959
Big Richard [Dawson] Kiel, who portrayed steel-toothed James Bond villain “Jaws” in
German leading man Joachim Fuchsberger died on September 11, aged 87. He starred (often as various Scotland Yard inspectors) in such Edgar Wallace
Plummy-voiced British actor Sir Donald [Alfred] Sinden died of prostate cancer on September 12, aged 90. He was in
American Broadway actor and singer Steve Curry (Steven Michael Curry), whose curly-haired head was immortalised on the original poster and album cover art for the hit musical
Scottish character actor Angus [Wilson] Lennie died in London on September 14, aged 84. He appeared on TV in episodes of
American actress Audrey Long, who co-starred in
Austrian-born actress and dancer Peggy Drake (Liesl Lotte Mayer), who appeared in a few films and the 1942 Republic serial
American actress and singer Polly Bergen (Nellie Paulina Bergin) died after a long battle with emphysema on September 20, aged 84. She co-starred in the original
Canadian actress and playwright Linda [Pauline] Griffiths died of breast cancer on September 21, aged 57. She appeared in episodes of TV’s
American actress Sarah Danielle Madison (Sarah Goldberg), who had recurring roles in the TV series
74-year-old British-born actor David [William] Watson, who replaced Roddy McDowall for one movie as “Cornelius” in
Trinidad-born dancer, choreographer and actor Geoffrey (Lamont) Holder died in New York City of complications from pneumonia the same day, aged 84. Best remembered for his colourful role as James Bond villain “Baron Samedi” in
32-year-old Native American actress Misty [Anne] Upham was found dead in a ravine in the woods in Auburn, Washington, on October 16 after being reported missing earlier in the month. The King County medical examiner ruled that she died on October 5 of accidental blunt-force trauma to her head and torso, despite reports that she feared harassment by local police. Upham appeared in the movies
Tony Award-winning stage and screen actress Marian [Hall] Seldes died on October 6, aged 86. In a busy career, she appeared in episodes of TV’s
Italian character actor Fedrico Boido (aka “Rico Boido”) died on October 7, aged 74. His credits include the
American actor Paul Lukather died on October 9, aged 88. In the early 1960s he starred in
American actress and comedian Jan Hooks (Janet Vivian Hooks), who appeared on TV’s
Veteran American stuntman Gary McLarty, who was stunt co-ordinator and Vic Morrow’s stunt double on the ill-fated
55-year-old Cuban-American actress Elizabeth [Maria] Peñ a died of liver cirrhosis due to alcohol abuse on October 14. Her movie credits include
Irish-born Canadian actor Gerard Parkes (aka “Gerry Parks”), who played inventor “Doc” on Jim Henson’s
Canadian-born British actress Lynda Bellingham OBE (Meredith Lee Hughes) died in London the same day, after a very public battle with colon cancer. She was 66. Best known for appearing on a series of gravy commercials during the 1980s and ‘90s, Bellingham also appeared in episodes of TV’s
American tough-guy character actor William Bonner (Pierre Maurice Prenatt) died on October 23. His many movies, often for director Al Adamson, include the Edward D. Wood-scripted
American actress Marcia Strassman died of breast cancer on October 24, aged 66. Her movie credits include
British actress Renée Asherson (Dorothy Renée Ascherson) died on October 30, aged 99. She was in the films
American comedy actor Richard Schaal died on November 4, aged 86. A member of Chicago’s Second City troupe, he appeared in the movies
American character actress Carol Ann Susi, best known as the voice of the unseen “Mrs. Wolowitz” in TV’s
British leading man Richard [Edward] Pasco CBE, who was in Hammer’s
British actor Warren Clarke (Alan James Clarke) died in his sleep the same day, aged 67. He began acting in his late teens, and his credits include Stanley Kubrick’s
British actress and painter Joanna [Elizabeth] Dunham, the wife of actor, playwright and author Reggie Oliver, died after a long illness on November 25, aged 78. Marilyn Monroe recommended her to director George Stevens for the role of “Mary Magdalene” in
Japanese actor Bunta Sugawara died on November 28, aged 81. He appeared in the movies
American actor Loren Ewing (William Russell Ewing) died on December 2, aged 77. He had roles in
Former American child actor Ken Weatherwax (Kenneth Patrick Weatherwax), who played “Pugsley” in the original ABC-TV series
30-year-old Canadian-born actress and dancer Stephanie [Elyse] Moseley was shot to death in a murder-suicide in Los Angeles on December 8. Her rapper husband Earl Hayes believed she had cheated on him before turning the gun on himself. Moseley appeared in Catwoman, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, Mirror Mirror and Girl vs. Monster.
American actress and former Miss America Mary Ann Mobley died after a long battle with breast cancer on December 9, aged 77. She played “April Dancer”, the original “Girl from U.N.C.L.E.”, in a 1966 episode of The Man from U.N.C.L.E. (‘The Moonglow Affair’) but was later replaced by Stefanie Powers, and she was originally cast as “Batgirl” in Batman, but the role eventually went to Yvonne Craig. Mobley also appeared in episodes of TV’s The Smothers Brothers Show (‘The Ghost is Clear’), Search, The Sixth Sense, The Fantastic Journey and Fantasy Island, and she co-starred with Elvis Presley in the movies Girl Happy and Harum Scarum. She was married to actor Gary Collins from 1967 until his death in 2012.
British leading man Tom Adams (Anthony Frederick Charles Adams) died of prostate cancer on December 11, aged 76. He starred as “Charles Vine” in the 1960s James Bond spoofs Licensed to Kill (aka The 2nd Best Secret Agent in the Whole Wide World), Where the Bullets Fly and Somebody’s Stolen Our Russian Spy, and his other movie credits include The House That Dripped Blood (alongside Joanna Dunham, who died sixteen days earlier). On TV, Adams appeared in episodes of The Avengers, Hammer’s Journey to the Unknown (Robert Bloch’s ‘The Indian Spirit Guide’), Strange Report, UFO, Doctor Who (‘Warriors of the Deep’) and Hammer House of Mystery and Suspense (‘Mark of the Devil’).
British character actor Gerald [Grant] Sim, the brother-in-law of Richard Attenborough, died the same day, aged 89. Best known for his role in Hammer’s Dr Jekyll & Sister Hyde (1971), he also appeared in Seance on a Wet Afternoon, The Man Who Haunted Himself, Alfred Hitchcock’s Frenzy, Dr. Phibes Rises Again (with Vincent Price), The Slipper and the Rose: The Story of Cinderella, Jack the Ripper (1988) and Shadowlands, along with episodes of TV’s The Avengers, It’s Dark Outside (‘Wake the Dead’), Adam Adamant Lives!, Out of the Unknown, Hammer’s Journey to the Unknown, Doomwatch, Thriller (1974), The Wide World of Mystery, The New Avengers and Hammer House of Mystery and Suspense.
82-year-old Italian leading man Giorgio Ardisson (aka “George Ardisson”) also died on December 11. He appeared in Mario Bava’s Hercules in the Haunted World (with Christopher Lee) and Erik the Conqueror, along with the obscure Katarsis (with Lee again), Antonio Margheriti’s The Long Hair of Death (with Barbara Steele), Agent 3S3: Passport to Hell, Hercules and the Princess of Troy, Federico Fellini’s Juliet of the Spirits, Operation Counterspy, Agent 3S3: Massacre in the Sun, Eyes Behind the Stars, Don’t Look in the Attic and Cross of the Seven Jewels.
American character actress Mary [Dawne] Arden died on December 13, aged 81. While a fashion model living in Italy during the 1960s, she appeared in Mario Bava’s seminal giallo Blood and Black Lace, Fellini’s Juliet of the Spirits and Umberto Lenzi’s Kriminal. She also turned up in the 2012 movie Bloody Christmas.
American character actor Booth Colman, who played “Dr. Zaius” on the short-lived TV series Planet of the Apes (1974), died on December 15, aged 91. He was in Them!, The Silver Chalice, Fritz Lang’s Moonfleet, World Without End, Time Travelers, The Return of the World’s Greatest Detective and Return to the Secret Garden, along with episodes of The Veil and Thriller (both hosted by Boris Karloff), The Outer Limits, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, The Wild Wild West, The Monkees, I Dream of Jeannie, The Invaders, Tarzan (1968), The Flying Nun, Project U.F.O., Galactica 1980 and Star Trek: Voyager.
Italian actress Virna Lisi (Virnia Lisa Pieralisi) died of lung cancer on December 18, aged 78. Her films include Dual of the Titans, The Possessed and Bluebeard (1972). The actress was reportedly offered the title role of Barbarella (1968), but turned it down.
British character actress Billie [Honor] Whitelaw CBE died on December 21, aged 82. She made her acting debut in the 1952 BBC-TV series The Secret Garden, and her many other credits include the films The Flesh and the Fiends (aka Mania, with Peter Cushing), The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1968, with Jack Palance), Twisted Nerve, Alfred Hitchcock’s Frenzy, Night Watch, The Omen (1976), The Water Babies, The Dark Crystal, The Secret Garden (1987), The Cloning of Joanna May, Jane Eyre (1996), Merlin (1998), Quills and Hot Fuzz, along with episodes of BBC Sunday-Night Theatre (‘Gaslight’), Wessex Tales, Space: 1999, Supernatural (‘The Werewolf Reunion’/ ‘Countess Ilona’) and Imaginary Friends. She was married (1952-66) to actor Peter Vaughn and later to playwright Robert Muller.
British stuntman and stunt arranger Richard Graydon died on December 22, aged 92. Staring with
American voice actor Christine Cavanaugh (Christine Josephine Sandberg) died the same day, aged 51. Her credits include
British actor and comedy scriptwriter [John] Jeremy Lloyd OBE died of pneumonia on December 23, aged 84. A regular on
British character actor Bernard [Frederic Bemrose] Kay died on Christmas Day. He was 86. Kay’s film credits include
Fellow British character actor David [John] Ryall died the same day, aged 79. His films include
84-year-old American actor Rhodes Reason, the younger brother of actor Rex Reason, died of lymphoma cancer on December 26. His movie credits include
British actress Bridget [Joanna] Turner died on December 27, aged 75. She appeared in two Terry Pratchett TV adaptations—
American character actor Terry Becker (Solomon Becker), who played “Chief Sharkey” on TV’s
American-born actress Yolande Donlan (aka “Yolande Mollot”), who appeared with Bela Lugosi in Monogram’s
German-born Luise Rainer, the first actress to win back-to-back Oscars in 1937 and 1938, also died in London on December 30, aged 104. In 1954 she appeared in an episode of TV’s
American actor Edward [Kirk] Herrmann, who played “Herman Munster” in the 1995 TV movie
American movie producer Bernard Glasser died on January 2, aged 89. A former high school teacher, during the 1950s and ‘60s he produced
Mike Vraney, a former comic bookstore-owner, convention organiser and founder of video distributor Something Weird Video (SWV), died of lung cancer the same day, aged 56. He was also an associate producer on Herschell Gordon Lewis’ belated sequel
Chinese movie producer and philanthropist Sir Run Run Shaw (Ren-leng Shao) died on January 7, aged 106. During a prolific career that began in the mid-1950s, he produced or executive produced numerous films with his elder brother Runme Shaw (who died in 1985), including Hammer’s
American animation director Hal Sutherland died on January 16, aged 85. After working at Walt Disney on such films as
German-born film director Gordon Hessler, best known for his inventive horror films for AIP in the late 1960s and early ‘70s, died on January 19 in London, aged 88. His movies include three collaborations with actor Vincent Price:
American animator, director and producer Michael Sporn died the same day, aged 67. His many cartoons for children include
Adult film-maker Tony Lovett (aka “Johnny Jump-Up” and “Antonio Passolini”) died on January 26, aged 55. Beginning his career as a publicist and production manager at VCA, he scripted
American animation producer and director Arthur [Gardner] Rankin, Jr. died in Bermuda on January 30, aged 89. His numerous credits include such perennial holiday specials as
British TV director Christopher [Chisholm] Barry, who began his career at Ealing Studios as a producer’s assistant on
American animator and movie director Jimmy T. Murakami died in Dublin, Ireland, on February 16, aged 80. His films include
American producer and scriptwriter Don Safran (Donald Bernard Safran) died of congestive heart failure on February 17, aged 84. In 1984 he produced the short-lived TV series of
27-year-old camera assistand Sarah [Elizabeth] Jones was killed on February 20 in an on-set accident involving a train, while working on a low-budget movie in Georgia. The February 26 episode of the CW’s
American music and movie producer Saul Zaentz, who won three Academy Awards for his films, died of Alzheimer’s disease on February 28, aged 92. In 1978 he produced the animated version of J.R.R. Tolkien’s
Acclaimed French film director and editor Alain [Pierre Marie Jean Georges] Resnais died on March 1, aged 91. His many acclaimed films include the avant-garde masterpiece
Swedish producer, director and composer Calvin [James] Floyd died in early March, aged 82. He is best remembered for the 1975 documentary
Acclaimed Oscar-winning British cinematographer Oswald “Ossie” Morris OBE died on March 17, aged 98. He began his career at Wembley Studios as a clapper boy in the early 1930s, before moving up to camera operator on such filems as
Legendary American exploitation and sexploitation producer Harry H. Novak (aka “H. Hershey”), founder of Boxoffice International Pictures (1964-78), died on March 26, aged 86. His many credits include
British TV and theatre director Derek Martinus (Derek Buitenhuis) died of Alzheimer’s disease on March 27, aged 82. His credits include episodes of
70-year-old Richard Broke, who executive produced Stephen Volk’s memorable 1992 Hallowe’en spoof
American assistant director Paul Wurtzel died on April 18, aged 92. He began his career in 1942 with the Laurel and Hardy film
American TV director Gordon [Wyatt] Wiles died on April 27, aged 84. Along with a number of episodes of
American cinematographer Gordon Willis died of cancer on May 18, aged 82. Known as “The Prince of Darkness” for his use of shadowy lighting, he worked on the movie version of
69-year-old American screenwriter, director and video game producer Michael [Bernard] Gottlieb was killed in a motorcycle accident on May 23. His movie credits include
Former Hasbro executive Donald Levine, credited with creating the “G.I. Joe” action figure, died of cancer the same day, aged 86.
American pin-up model turned glamour photographer Bunny Yeager (Linnea Eleanor Yeager), best known for her iconic photographs of model Bettie Page in the early 1950s, died of congestive heart failure on May 25. She was 85. Yeager was also a still photographer on several movies, including
American sound editor James M. Falkinburg (aka “James Nelson”) died on June 18, aged 81. He worked—often uncredited—on such movies and TV series as
Martin Varno, the son of veteran actor Roland Varno, died of cancer on June 24, aged 77. In 1958 he scripted
American writer, producer, director and actor Paul Mazursky (Irwin Lawrence Mazursky), co-creator of
American-Irish producer and director Noel Black died of bacterial pneumonia on July 5, aged 77. He directed
American writer, producer and director John [Michael] Fasano died of heart failure in his sleep on July 19, aged 52. After acting in
American film director Phillip Marshak died of complications from diabetes, heart disease and leukemia on July 24, aged 80. His credits include the 1978 adult films
Legendary Oscar-winning Hollywood make-up artist Dick Smith (Richard Emerson Smith) died of complications from a broken hip on July 30, aged 92. Although he began his career in movies in the early 1940s, Smith began to develop his own revolutionary make-up techniques for television a decade later. His many credits include
Hungarian-born producer Robert Halmi, Sr. died in New York of a brain aneurysm the same day, aged 90. With his son, Robert Halmi, Jr., he produced or executive produced such movies and mini-series as
Polish-born production designer and director Voytek (Wojciech Roman Pawel Szendzikowski) died in London on August 7, aged 89. During the 1960s he designed episodes of TV’s
Palestine-born movie producer Menahem Golan (Menahem Globus, aka “Joseph Goldman”) died in Israel on August 8, aged 85. After working as a production assistant to Roger Corman, he teamed up with his younger cousin, Yoram Globus, making and distributing films as The Cannon Group, Inc. during the 1980s. Amongst the numerous titles they produced were
61-year-old Oscar-winning American special effects and pyrotechnics designer Joe (Joseph) Viskocil died of complications from liver and kidney failure on August 11. He worked on
British-born screenwriter, producer, editor and director Michael A. Hoey, the son of veteran character actor Dennis Hoey (“Inspector Lestrade” in the Basil Rathbone
British sculptor and puppet designer John Blundall, who created several distinctive characters for Gerry Anderson’s “Supermarionation” TV series
79-year-old American actor turned director Brian G. (Geoffrey) Hutton died on August 19, following a heart attack some days earlier. He directed
British-born director Andrew V. (Victor) McLaglen, the son of veteran Hollywood actor Victor McLaglen, died in Washington State on August 30, aged 94. Along with numerous TV and movie Westerns (including several with John Wayne and James Stewart), he also directed
British TV director Graham Theakston died of cancer on September 2, aged 62. His credits include the 1984-85 BBC series
American director, writer and actor Theodore “Ted” J. (Jonas) Flicker died on September 12, aged 84. His credits include episodes of TV’s
British film production designer and art director Assheton [St. George] Gorton died of heart failure on September 14, aged 84. He worked on such movies as
85-year-old British TV producer and director [Terence] Michael Hayes died on September 16. A former Shakespearean actor, he directed the 1961 BBC series
84-year-old French-born director George Sluizer died in Amsterdam, Holland, after a long illness on September 20. He is best known for his 1988 Dutch thriller
American stage and screen producer Stanley Chase died on October 7, aged 87. His movie credits include
American-born movie producer Alain Siritzky died in Paris, France, on October 11. He was 72. As producer of the popular “Emmanuelle” erotic film sequels, his films include
American animator Larry Latham died on November 2. He worked on numerous TV shows, including
Canadian visual effects supervisor and documentary film-maker Michael Lennick died of a brain tumour on November 7, aged 61. He worked on the effects for such films as
Hugely influential and successful American writer and producer Glen A. (Albert) Larson died of aesophageal cancer on November 14, aged 77. Amongst the many shows he created were
German-born Oscar-winning director Mike Nichols (Michael Igor Peschkowsky) died of a heart attack in New York on November 19, aged 83. His movie credits include
American film producer and former President of Paramount Pictures (1971-75) Frank Yablans died on November 27, aged 79. His credits include
Oscar-winning special effects designer Danny Lee (Daniel West Lee) died on November 28, aged 95. Starting in 1960, he worked on numerous Walt Disney movies, eventually becoming head of the studio’s special effects department from 1969-81. Lee’s other films included
British cinematographer Gerry (Gerald) Hill died on December 2, aged 88. He began his career as a camera assistant and then operator on such films as
Italian screenwriter and director Giulio Questi died on December 3, aged 90. His films include
Japanese cinematographer Takao Saitô died of chronic lymphocytic leukemia on December 6, aged 85. His credits include
Hollywood art director Robert Kinoshita died of congestive heart failure on December 9, aged 100. Credited with designing the iconic “Robby the Robot” for
American producer Arthur Gardner (Arthur Harold Goldberg) died on December 19, aged 104. A former bit-player in such movies as
87-year-old Roberta Leigh (Rita Shulman), best-selling British romance and children’s writer (under a variety of psuedonyms), died the same day. She sold more than 25 million books in twenty-three languages, but is best known for being the first British female producer with her own production company, creating such children’s TV puppet series as
Dependable American director Joseph Sargent (Giuseppe Daniele Sorgente) died of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease on December 22, aged 89. A former actor, he directed
Spanish cinematographer Raúl Artigot [Fernández] died on Christmas Day, aged 78. His many credits include Jesús Franco’s
The death was announced in 2014 of veteran Spanish film editor Antonio Ramírez [de Loaysa]. His many credits include
USEFUL ADDRESSES
THE FOLLOWING LISTING of organisations, publications, dealers and individuals is designed to present readers and authors with further avenues to explore. Although I can personally recommend many of those listed on the following pages, neither the publisher nor myself can take any responsibility for the services they offer. Please also note that the information below is only a guide and is subject to change without notice.
The Australian Horror Writers Association (
The British Fantasy Society (
The Friends of Arthur Machen (
The Friends of the Merril Collection (
The Horror Writers Association (
World Fantasy Convention (
World Horror Convention (
The Alchemy Press (
American Fantasy Press (
Bad Moon Books/Eclipse (
BearManor Media (
Bibliofear, 13 Macclesfield Road, London SE25 4RY, UK.
BigTime Books (
Black Dog Books (
Borderlands Press (
The Borgo Press (
Cemetery Dance Publications (
Chaosium, Inc (
ChiZine Publications (
Chômu Press (
Crowded Quarantine Publications (
Cycatrix Press (
Dark Horse Books (
Dark Moon Books (
Dark Regions Press LCC (
Dark Renaissance Books (
Donald M. Grant, Publisher, Inc. (
DreamHaven Books (
Earthling Publications (
Edge Science Fiction and Fantasy Publishing/Hades Publications, Inc. (
Edgeworks Abbey (
Egaeus Press (
Ex Hubris Imprints (
Exile Editions Ltd. (
Fedogan & Bremer Publishing LLC (
Gray Friar Press (
Hippocampus Press (
IDW Publishing (
Immanion Press (
Innsmouth Free Press (
JournalStone (
Kymera Press, Inc. (
The Limbury Press (
McFarland & Company, Inc., Publishers (
Medallion Press, Inc. (
Mortbury Press (
Mythos Books, LLC (
NewCon Press (
Noose and Gibbet Publishing/Karoshi Books (
Nightjar Press (
Night Shade Books (
Overlook Connection Press (
Pleasant Storm Entertainment, Inc. (
Plexus Publishing, The Studio, Hillgate Place, 18-20 Balham Hill, London SW12 9ER, UK.
Prime Books (
PS Publishing Ltd/Stanza Press/Drugstore Indian Press/PS ArtBooks Ltd (
Salt Publishing (
Sarob Press (
Shadow Publishing (
Small Beer Press (
Spectral Press (
Spectre Press, 56 Mickle Hill, Sandhurst, Berkshire GU47 8QU, UK. Email:
Subterranean Press (
Tachyon Publications (
Tartarus Press (
Ticonderoga Publications (
Turtle Point Press (
Valencourt Books (
Wildside Press LLC (
Written Backwards (
Ansible is a highly entertaining monthly SF and fantasy newsletter/gossip column edited by David Langford. It is available free electronically by sending an Email to:
Black Static (
Dark Discoveries (
The Ghosts & Scholars M.R. James Newsletter (
The Horror Zine (
Illustrators (
Locus (
Locus Online (
The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction (
Morpheus Tales (
Nightmare Magazine (
Rabbit Hole is a semi-regular newsletter about Harlan Ellison® that also offers exclusive signed books by the author. A subscription is available from The Harlan Ellison® Recording Collection, PO Box 55548, Sherman Oaks, CA 91413-0548, USA.
Rue Morgue (
Shadows & Tall Trees (
Space and Time: The Magazine of Fantasy, Horror, and Science Fiction (
Supernatural Tales (
Tor.com (
Video WatcHDog (
Bookfellows/Mystery and Imagination Books (
Cold Tonnage Books (
Richard Dalby issues an annual Christmas catalogue of used Ghost Stories and other supernatural volumes at very reasonable prices. Write to: Richard Dalby, 4 Westbourne Park, Scarborough, North Yorkshire Y012 4AT. Tel: +44 (0)1723 377049.
Dark Delicacies (
DreamHaven Books & Comics (
Fantastic Literature (
Ferret Fantasy, 27 Beechcroft Road, Upper Tooting, London SW17 7BX, UK. Email:
Horrorbles (
Hyraxia Books (
Kayo Books (
The Iliad Bookshop (
Porcupine Books offers regular catalogues and extensive mail order lists of used fantasy/horror/SF titles via Email
Reel Art Collectibles (
The Talking Dead is run by Bob and Julie Wardzinski and offers reasonably priced paperbacks, rare pulps and hardcovers, with catalogues issued
Terence McVicker Rare Books (
Ygor’s Books specialises in out of print science fiction, fantasy and horror titles, including British, signed, speciality press and limited editions. They also buy books, letters and original art in these fields. Email:
Cast Macabre (
Fantastic Fiction (
FEARnet (
Hellnotes (
The Irish Journal of Gothic and Horror Studies (
The Monster Channel (
Pseudopod (
SF Site (
Vault of Evil (
About Editor
STEPHEN JONES lives in London, England. A Hugo Award nominee, he is the winner of three World Fantasy Awards, three International Horror Guild Awards, four Bram Stoker Awards, twenty-one British Fantasy Awards and a Lifetime Achievement Award from the Horror Writers Association. One of Britain’s most acclaimed horror and dark fantasy writers and editors, he has more than 135 books to his credit, including The Art of Horror: An Illustrated History; the film books of Neil Gaiman’s Coraline and Stardust, The Illustrated Monster Movie Guide and The Hellraiser Chronicles; the non-fiction studies Horror: 100 Best Books and Horror: Another 100 Best Books (both with Kim Newman); the single-author collections Necronomicon and Eldritch Tales by H.P. Lovecraft, The Complete Chronicles of Conan and Conan’s Brethren by Robert E. Howard, and Curious Warnings: The Great Ghost Stories of M.R. James; plus such anthologies as Horrorology: The Lexicon of Fear, Fearie Tales: Stories of the Grimm and Gruesome, A Book of Horrors, The Mammoth Book of Vampires, the Zombie Apocalypse! series and twenty-six volumes of Best New Horror. You can visit his web site at www.stephenjoneseditor.com or follow him on Facebook at Stephen Jones-Editor.
BEST NEW HORROR VOLUME #26
Collection and editorial material copyright © Stephen Jones 2015.
Front cover illustration by Lee Elias.
Originally published in Chamber of Chills, #15, January 1953..
First published by Robinson Publishing in 1992. This eBook edition published in February 2016 by PS Publishing Ltd. by arrangement with Stephen Jones.
All rights reserved by Stephen Jones. The right of Stephen Jones to be identified as the Author of this Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the authors’ imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
ISBN 978-1-84863-361-2
Cover design by Smith & Jones
PS Publishing Ltd
Grosvenor House, 1 New Road
Hornsea HU18 1PG, England
editor@pspublishing.co.uk
www.pspublishing.co.uk